Quote From: breezinArrogant, arrogant, self-serving, self-justifying, emotionally abusive spoiled insecure little boy who is so out of touch with his own feelings, nevermind anyone else's feelings (especially Tracy).
Charles is a clone of my ex .... the attitude .... the arrogance .... the non-remorse.
I also had become "uninteresting" to my ex when he felt "unfulfilled" after being together for 8 years. We were high-school sweethearts and had gotten married after going out for 3 years. Five years into the marriage and after renovating our house, he decided to have an affair for 1-1/2 years with a "friend". She was having problems in her marriage and they found comfort in each other's arms. She apparently "felt badly" doing this to me (as my ex would tell me) while he took her away on weekends to romantic spots (behind my back but he didn't hide it very well). When I would confront him, he would say I was "nuts" and didn't know what I was talking about and would accuse me of being a detective. He had told "her" that we were separated.
Of course he needed to have comfort from someone else because I had just had our beautiful baby boy and was going through a very tough time since my Dad (who I loved dearly) had a stroke two days after our beautiful son's birth. After four months of Dad being the hospital, he died of a heart attack at the hospital. All the joy of our beautiful son's birth was missed as I went into a depression (which I didn't realize I was in at the time). Everything was too much and I wasn't able to be as perky as I would like to have been. Hence he felt justified in finding comfort somewhere else. The affair ended a year and a half later when I confronted both of them in her apt. parking lot. He said he ended it but it was her who really ended it.
To make a long story short ..... I stayed with him for a year after the affair ended but we never talked about it. The anger and sense of betrayal was so overwhelming. As the year went by my anger grew. All the feelings of hate I had toward him were not dealt with. I NEEDED him when our son was born. I NEEDED him when my Dad had the stroke. I NEEDED him when my mother was a major pain throughout all this. I had so many mixed feelings stirring inside me and didn't know how to communicate them. I look back now and realize I was in shock for a good few months and didn't know how to express how I was feeling. It was only five months after our son was born and one month after my Dad died that my ex decided to find comfort with "our friend".
After staying with him for that year after the affair ended and trying to pretend everything was ok, my feelings of hate toward him grew until one day I just up and left ..... my son ..... the house my Dad built ..... everything. I still pay the price for all that even today ..... 28 years later.
Am I glad I left him? .... yes. If I had my self-esteem and self-worth back then, I would have kicked him out instead of me leaving but that's ok ..... his next wife was stronger than me and five years into their marriage, she kicked him out. They got back together after a year. Funny thing is ... when they were split he said to me "living with "new wife" is the same as living with you" ...... duh !! of course.
But, ya see ..... he hadn't changed, even in his second marriage. At least not until he really felt he had something to lose and that something was his pride. Pride that a second marriage didn't work. Pride that she was going to take him to the cleaners. She was stronger than I wish I had been.
It took him 25 years to apologize to me for (as he said) .... "I really screwed up our marriage and almost messed up the second one".
So Tracy, hold your head high and realize that you have self-worth. You have beauty, dignity, courage, values and morals. I cannot believe Charles would have the arrogance to publicly say on television how "beautiful, beautiful" this other woman is when he has a gorgeous woman sitting right beside him. The only reason he would say that kind of crap on TV is so it would make his fragile, childish ego look good to the TV world that some "beautiful" woman would even take the time to glance at him.
Grow up Charles. You have a long, long way to go to break through the walls of arrogance you have built up. My ex also used condescending and demeaning comments to break my spirit.
Will I ever get over what happened in my marriage 28 years ago? I don't know. I wish I could. It's hard to trust.
Tracy, work through all the feelings you are going to feel .... please ...... so you can become the true person you are inside ...... all good.
Take care.
Charles is the carbon copy of my ex who , to this day, still believes he should have been allowed to be married & date. It's all MY fault we got divorce & he s ticked off he had to pay a lawyer & chld support-POOR HIM!!!! He has never "OWNED" what he did. He is now cheatng on his current girlfriend with the SAME girls he did with me! Dr Phil says past behavior dictates future behavior. So true. I am happy, confdent, & back to my pre marital self. I have no regrets. Tracy can & will do so much better than Charles.
(Original Air Date: 02/02/06) Charles says he has exhausted his relationship with his wife of 19 years, and he's ready to try an alternative lifestyle. Instead of getting a divorce, Charles wants to explore polyfidelity -- a relationship where he is shared between his wife and his mistress. The mistress says she'll give it a try, but his wife, Tracy, says the thought makes her sick. Can Charles convince his wife to share him for the sake of their marriage? And what does Dr. Phil think? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
