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Topic : 06/26 Twisted Love

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Created on : Friday, January 27, 2006, 02:41:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/02/06) Charles says he has exhausted his relationship with his wife of 19 years, and he's ready to try an alternative lifestyle. Instead of getting a divorce, Charles wants to explore polyfidelity -- a relationship where he is shared between his wife and his mistress. The mistress says she'll give it a try, but his wife, Tracy, says the thought makes her sick. Can Charles convince his wife to share him for the sake of their marriage? And what does Dr. Phil think? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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trinket
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June 26, 2006, 4:19 pm PDT

Kindness to creeps

Quote From: jenn93

If this man was my husband, 

  

I would have kicked him out of the house , out of my life , but not before putting some lube on my shoe and kicking him right in the ass!  He should be ashamed of himself for even suggesting such a pile of crap to his wife.   If you didn't want to be tied down in one relationship, you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place, as far as I am concerned this man is what I like to call a "man whore". 

 Your Kinder than I am. 

  

  I would not have bothered to lube my shoe..... 
 
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sbrlimey
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June 26, 2006, 4:19 pm PDT

Friends

Quote From: malloy3

I want to tell you I believe if you are good friends it is your responsibility to make sure your friend doesn't do the WRONG thing.  If he is unhapy and wants out then help him to make sure he has tried everything to make the marriage work. If then and only then he wants out, help him do it in a way that it will be the less destructive for the wife and family. My husband had a friend that led him to other women, told him what he was doing (cheating) was okay, and never encouraged trying to work it out, or to do the right thing, be a man and end the marriage in the best way for all of us. If you feel the friendship is too "close:" and that he really may be interested in you in a different way, you must close the door, let him face his life and the choices and after he has done that and STOOD on his own two feet then you could enter his life again if you choose. GOOOD for you in seeing the problem and stepping up to the plate not to create a bad situation. The world needs more people to do that.
Yes, of course!  Why are you second guessing your decision.  I have a very good friend- wealthy and married.  His wife was cheating on him.  He turned to me and I turned him right around and told him to go work it out with his wife.  Mind you... my husband had just left me and I was lonely.  I could have taken advantage of the situation but I know, the deep hurt and wounds cheating can do to all involved.  Good friends and good people, do the right thing for the right reasons.
 
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lillian21
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June 26, 2006, 4:23 pm PDT

06/26 Twisted Love

Quote From: pt_granny

   We all need friends to use as a sounding board. He knows you are happily married and plan on staying that way. I'd be kind and tell him you understand his problems with his marriage but you are not his answer......you're his friend.
i would like to stay friends,but i am worried that i would be leading him on. so i have decided not to communicate with him. i do feel very bad about that decision our friendship was very nice, but he seemed very intense in his last conversation. thank you for your opinion.
 
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sieling28
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June 26, 2006, 4:28 pm PDT

06/26 Twisted Love

Quote From: jodi1963

I really hope that you and Tracy are doing well.  However, I don't feel that four plus months of counseling is really enough for all the damage done to your marriage and more than anything the loss of trust to the relationship.   

  

I think at this point the update I'll wait for is the one from Tracy.   

  

As a woman, I learned to cope, I learned to deal with, and I learned to forgive.  However, even with all the counseling I have yet to learn how to forget.  

im glad that you are doing well but i have been married for nine years and he thought he could have two women but he left me for her in the end...but we are together now. we can forgive in the future but we can never forget the things our loved ones do to us and how they hurt us....i am with him now and our family is together but i still have nightmares of what happened to us and have feelings that he will leave again but i know he wont leave his family again and if he does he wont see me or his two kids again and thats a BIG PROMISE..............
 
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slave_lgm
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frustrated
June 26, 2006, 4:29 pm PDT

poly

sorry to say this is not even close to what a poly family would be ,this is called cheating!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

yes poly means more then one but that would require both partners agreeing to the terms of polly  

I am currently in a poly relationship.one husband andtwo wives.we are happy oh yes we have our moments of disagreements but we always try to work it out when i married my husband we both told each other that we was polly &  together we seeked out another polly partner 

  

 
 
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skbruning
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June 26, 2006, 4:29 pm PDT

Facts straight, at least

Quote From: gmbsand

 Charles is a selfish , greedy pig that only thinks of his own selfish desires. Tracy had better not wait for him to cont ..... going behind her back having his cake and eating it too, the other woman is a whore that has no self worth and she will always be his booty call as the new terminology goes for (whore at your disposal ) He is not going to stop seeing  her , he's a liar its been going on for 13 years , they are additcted to one another and if you leave him the trill will be gone and they will be left with monogomy and boardom that he has turned his nose up to , in your relatonship. Tracy get your own means of survival, and dump him like a bowel movement that you where dying to have.

Ahem...........   

   

Charles, the fornicator, adultery that he is/was.............. he has KNOWN the "other woman" for 13 years (like so what, right?)....but not in the Biblical sense.  He has only been screwing her for (fill in months, years)     

   

I think any blaming Tracy is highly uncalled for....what is she to do that she hasn't already done?   

   

SHE is not the one to blame here.  Plus, no one died and made Dr. Phil God.  He errs in several arenas of thought.  I won't go into them here as it would be inappropriate but suffice it to say his oftentimes quoted, "There are no victims, only volunteers" is one of the most harmful statements to hit planet earth.  Hitler would have LOVED that one!   

   

So you think Chuckieboy is lying about still sleeping with the ex even as we speak?  Then you think less of him than even I do and all I can say is WOW.   
 
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tvlover
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June 26, 2006, 4:33 pm PDT

The fact that Charles keeps jumping

in here to defend himself suggests he's challenged by our observations. If he tries his games on really sophisticated, enlightened women (who respond creatively, don't feel the need to hang on to people who act like they don't want to hang on to us, etc.) they won't work. He's trying to create weaklings and victims.
 
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skbruning
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June 26, 2006, 4:36 pm PDT

My daughter, too....sad

Quote From: cape_carol

Now I really know why I choose to stay single

I know, sweetie.  Makes me sad.   

   

My daughter, too, is "going to solo it".  Makes me so sad.   

   

But she has seen too much sadness here.  I have had to overcome so much.  "I don't care how flat you make a pancake, there are always two sides."  "There are no victims, only volunteers."   

   

Make great quotes and there is a modicum of truth to the first one; second one is a DISASTER because people are not flapjacks and sometimes it must be looked at case by case.  Justice and truth -- ALL THAT MATTERS. ( As far as I am concerned "Truth is Jesus' middle name" [("I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life."]? )  

   

So try to keep GOD'S perspective, love............................and HE says................"It is not GOOD....NOT GOOD for man (so not good for a woman either!) to be alone".  He did not make us to be alone, love.  I know about guys like Charles.  But BECAUSE I'VE BEEN IN THE CHURCH FOR OVER 30 years, God put me ALWAYS with loving couples and believe me, it is SO SWEET is it almost unbearable sweet when it is good.   

   

So....the main thing is to marry the man that GOD HAS FOR YOU.  One thing.  How hard can that be?  Then you can't go wrong and wind up with a schmuck like Charles.  Better to be alone, then.  Even Tracy said that.   
 
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joan5230

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June 26, 2006, 4:39 pm PDT

Poly-Fidelity a load of Crap!

I feel bad for this wife - that her husband is a cheater and will always be a cheater! Things just dont happen, you make them happen! Unfortunately, women like this give other women a bad name! I am so ashamed for this woman that she would allow a man to degrade her the way he has and that she has no self respect for herself and she would allow that! GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP! If not for yourself but for your 4 sons - do you really want them to grow up thinking that it is OK for men to treat women like this and that women allow this to happen to them and not do anything about it!  

Its not who you are that defines you, it is what you do and if you continue to allow this to go on - then shame on you! 
 
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purplepain

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June 26, 2006, 4:45 pm PDT

06/26 Twisted Love

I gotta agree with Charles here...it seems to me that those of you who are making nasty comments to him since his update are just using him as your personal punching bag.
 
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