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Topic : 06/15 Bad Brides

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Created on : Friday, February 03, 2006, 04:14:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/06/06) Dr. Phil talks to brides-to-be who are so out of control, their loved ones call them Bridezillas! They're a new breed of engaged women who terrorize their fiancés, bridal parties and family members with their outrageous demands. For Rachel and her mother, Jeanne, the planning of Rachel's wedding has turned into an utter nightmare. Rachel wants only the best for her special day, while Jeanne wants her to stick to the budget. Will mother and daughter be able to compromise? Then, Marsha and Archie just tied the knot, but are Marsha's controlling ways already ruining the marriage? Her sister-in-law, Lisa, thinks so, and says she watched Marsha go from sweet to satanic as she got closer to the big day!  Dr. Phil has advice on avoiding wedding disasters that every bride needs to know.  Join the discussion.


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February 6, 2006, 4:37 am CST

02/06 Bad Brides

Quote From: kat20dawn

 I am  dating some one who has a very bad history well  we are talking about  getting married but he wants nothing to do with the wedding plains so ask your selfs is it worth it
Read Dr. Phil's "related links" pages...especially "Are you ready for marriage."  I don't know the details of your relationship, but if you are having doubts take them seriously. You'll theoretically be spending the rest of your life with this person with a bad history and wants no part of the wedding plans.
 
February 6, 2006, 5:13 am CST

Whats with the bridezillas?

 I have only been hearing this word, "bridezilla", for maybe 2 years.  It interested me and I have been thinking about why women act this way when they are about to get married. I am a 31 year old woman who has never been married and I think I know at least one of the reasons for this behavior. And I have something to say in defense of these bridezillas.  

  

It's a time when everything is changing for women except one important thing, men still control the marriage proposals. Unless you are a young woman in this day and age you may not understand what is like to ,for example, get straight A's, go to Harvard, become a doctor, do all these things that women haven't had a chance to do before, and have the future of your personal life in a man's hands. It can bring you to your knees. 

  

To this day many women are still caught up in putting up with all kinds of bad behavior from their guys because they feel they don't have any other options if they want someone to marry them. Where as men will leave or threaten to leave at the drop of a hat because they know they have that control over the relationship.  I've herad so many women say that they gave up who they were and their lives to fit what the man in their life wanted. 

  

I think bridezillas are just those same women getting their revenge. It is their way of saying "@#$% You!" to a society that doesn't value them until they get married and an outlet for all they had to put up with from their guy to get to the point of marrying in the first place. It's finally THEIR day. 

  

Personally, I am looking for the right kind of man in the first place. I think it would serve a lot of these women well if they did the same. 

 
February 6, 2006, 6:10 am CST

02/06 Bad Brides

This is something I just don't understand. I know that everyone's tastes and budgets are different, but  I feel like I am the only one ( generally speaking) who gets that it's not the wedding that's important, it's the marriage! 

  

We didn't have attendants, our parents sat at our head table, my dress cost a hundred dollars, and we bought my husband's suit at JC Penney. Not so much out of budget but because we refused to go into debt and we refused to buy into the idea that a wedding has to be this or that.  I refused to let it be a pain in the butt.  Our wedding was attended by 57 people because we weren't going to invite people who were our friends in high school, but those who are our friends now. 

  

On "The Biggest Loser", they have an edition for newly weds and give them 50 K for a wedding.There is no way I could spend all that.  I spent  3000 dollars on everything from decorations to invites to rings, ect.  It wasn't a cheap wedding, it was a  well thought out wedding. I made  the invitations and favors myself.  Our center pieces were donated... I am not saying that  my wedding is better than anyone else's, but if you don't have a huge wedding,  you're just as married as someone who does.  The wedding is about the bride and groom..both, together.  It shouldn't be an issue of having a wedding for the guests. It shouldn't be something to impress people.  

  

I knew what I wanted my wedding "Theme" to be, and I made it happen because I went with the feeling of it, rather than exactly what everything was, or what it costs.  

  

In the end, I am happily married, and we have no debt. Especially from our wedding. Who wants to start out thier marriage in debt? It's only going to add stress to what some consider the most difficult time in a married couples' life.  

  

Like someone else said, I agree that these women seem very spoiled. What are they going to do if something requires them to hold to thier vows, " In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer", they sound like they couldn't handle the "poorer" part. 

  

I could go on and on about this, and how it's totally against what a marriage/wedding should be.  If someone wants to have three million people at thier wedding, and to have thirty bridesmaids, go for it, but realize that it comes at a price, and not always monetary.  

 
February 6, 2006, 6:14 am CST

02/06 Bad Brides

Even though the show indicates it, not all fiances/ husbands do not help with the planning. My husband was very attentive and helpful in any way he could be. Yes, I have more opinions on the favors than he does, but he offered different ideas, ways to approach it, and he was there for me whenever I put too much pressure on myself to get it all done NOW.   If your mate cannot help you in planning the beginning of your life together, it's important to find out where his priorities lie before you get married, whether through premarital counseling or hashing it out yourselves.  

During the planning of a wedding, some forget that it's attached to a life time with this person, and getting married isn't going to be a magic button or switch to be pulled that changes your fiance ( men or women ) into the perfect person.  

 
February 6, 2006, 6:58 am CST

02/06 Bad Brides

Quote From: lovingone

 I have only been hearing this word, "bridezilla", for maybe 2 years.  It interested me and I have been thinking about why women act this way when they are about to get married. I am a 31 year old woman who has never been married and I think I know at least one of the reasons for this behavior. And I have something to say in defense of these bridezillas.  

  

It's a time when everything is changing for women except one important thing, men still control the marriage proposals. Unless you are a young woman in this day and age you may not understand what is like to ,for example, get straight A's, go to Harvard, become a doctor, do all these things that women haven't had a chance to do before, and have the future of your personal life in a man's hands. It can bring you to your knees. 

  

To this day many women are still caught up in putting up with all kinds of bad behavior from their guys because they feel they don't have any other options if they want someone to marry them. Where as men will leave or threaten to leave at the drop of a hat because they know they have that control over the relationship.  I've herad so many women say that they gave up who they were and their lives to fit what the man in their life wanted. 

  

I think bridezillas are just those same women getting their revenge. It is their way of saying "@#$% You!" to a society that doesn't value them until they get married and an outlet for all they had to put up with from their guy to get to the point of marrying in the first place. It's finally THEIR day. 

  

Personally, I am looking for the right kind of man in the first place. I think it would serve a lot of these women well if they did the same. 

"To this day many women are still caught up in putting up with all kinds of bad behavior from their guys because they feel they don't have any other options if they want someone to marry them.  

 Where as men will leave or threaten to leave at the drop of a hat because they know they have that control over the relationship.  I've herad so many women say that they gave up who they were and their lives to fit what the man in their life wanted.  

  

I think bridezillas are just those same women getting their revenge. It is their way of saying "@#$% You!" to a society that doesn't value them until they get married and an outlet for all they had to put up with from their guy to get to the point of marrying in the first place. It's finally THEIR day.  " 

  

Women in this day and age are so much more less like to "have to marry" where once there was a rush because a woman *needed* to be married and have a man there to support her finacially.  This is just not the case today & hasn't been for some time.  There is NO reason for a woman to feel desperate to marry and they shouldn't be looking to get married because they "want to be married" .  When I married my husband it wasn't because I found a guy who was willing to marry me and didn't give me too difficult of a time.  Getting married and being in a relationship is suppose to be a shared responsiblity to being committed to each other & there shouldn't be any one of them that is "controlling the relationship" .  If there is they don't understand what a relationship like this or marriage is & they shouldn't get married at all!  I believe that the women who feel they're not "valued by society because they're single" are just looking for excuses for childish behavior & are too immature emotionally for the responsibility of being 1/2 of a commited partnership.   

  

When you "find the right guy" it isn't just because he fits into a particular set of rules you've set up for yourself or for him but it's because you love who he is!  When you're with him you love it and you always want to be there.  When you've been spending a lot of time together &you always want it that way &/or more of that then that is the right guy.  It isn't because you've finally "landed you a man & you want to be a married woman. 

  

There is NO excuse for acting the way these ladies do.  Actually from the time of yesteryear to this day & age women whould be a LOT more gracious than ever because the womenof yesteryear had hardly any say about what waszs going to happen & that just isn't the case today.   

 
February 6, 2006, 7:00 am CST

A lack of Character

This has nothing to do with perfectionism. It has to do with being a spoiled brat and having a lack of good character. The wedding is about making a committment before God and pledging to spend one's entire life with another. It should have little to do with the frills. A person of good character knows what is important and knows that treating all people with dignity is a priority.  

 

These spoiled brats are sending up red flags and their husbands and husbands-to-be should RUN. With marriage comes many stresses that make the stress of planning a wedding look like nothing. How these brats handled their wedding plans is a view into their future on how they will deal with the every day stresses of marriage. When things get rough (late bills due to no money, pregnancies, loss of pregnancies, death of loved ones, selling a home, job loss, etc), this same egotistical, self-indulgent, bratty behavior will surface and their husbands and children will pay the price.  

 

Sadly, I don't give either marriage more than 4 years. And this is from a strong, independent woman who married at 26 with $2000 her parents gave her (it's all they could afford and I appreciated every penny) and who has been married to a wonderful man 16+ years....all because my parents instilled in me good character, a loving heart and the intelligence to know that there is a huge difference between perfectionism and acting the part of a spoiled child. The frills of a wedding ceremony and reception mean SQUAT in the big scheme of life; appreciating loved ones and appreciating how little or much one has (even if one wants more) means everything. It is the true test of character. 

 

GROW UP, LADIES (I should say GIRLS) and treat others as you would like to be treated. Work on yourselves now or you will be working on divorce documents in a few years! 

 
February 6, 2006, 7:03 am CST

02/06 Bad Brides

Quote From: cris04

Attention all brides-to-be!! 

This is the second anniversary of my separation, 1 year since my divorce -- not a good start for a message for brides-to-be, but listen up anyway!  I wasn't a bridezilla, but I've done the big Italian wedding, and I think I have some worthwhile advice to give. 

I believe in marriage.  I think it's a wonderful thing.  I've seen it work for many people and I know that when two people treat each other with respect and love, that a marriage is a beautiful thing.  Please do not get caught up in all the pre-wedding frenzy.  My wedding was nice, it was a fun party with great food and good friends.  I had a blast.  It was low budget but classy, everyone had a super time.  If my marriage had reflected the success that the wedding day had, I would have been guaranteed 100 years of wedded bliss.  Right after the wedding, things unraveled between us. 

Here's the message: 

Take all of the negative energy you are wasting in planning the "perfect" wedding and find a reputable marriage counselor.  Make some appointments while you are still engaged and discuss the major issues -- future expectations regarding lifestyle, responsibilities, children, careers, etc.  Read all you can about creating a strong foundation for a lifetime of communication, cooperation and respect.  Talk to married couples you know who have remained in a successful, productive relationship and ask them what their secret is. 

Take all of the money that you will unnecessarily spend on those useless "extras" that nobody will notice and put it in a "rainy day" account.  Save it for when the euphoria of the white dress and the high of being the center of attention wear off.  Take a long weekend away with your new husband and remember why you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. 

And for the men engaged to these bridezillas -- Listen up. 

If it's all about her in the planning of the wedding, and it's all about her on your wedding day, it will be all about her for the rest of your life.  Are you willing to live like that?  Think about it.  A wedding postponement or cancellation is a lot cheaper and more respectable than a divorce. 

AMEN Sister!    I think that the FIRST thing an engaged couple should do, before putting any deposits down on anything...is to go to pre-marital counseling.    Too many times, the pre-marraige classes at church are held TOO LATE, and the bride and groom go through with things anyway because it's all planned and paid for.   

  

I attended several weddings in the 80's and 90's  that cost well over 100K.   500-800 people.  12 limousines.   Vera Wang gowns, 15 bridesmaids.   Lobster and Filet.   TWO bands.   You know the drill.  This started with  the royal wedding of Charles and Diana , which sparked off the lavish wedding craze.  We all know how Charles and Diana turned out.  EVERY ONE of the couples with the lavish weddings I attended are divorced,  separated, or just plain miserable.    

  

The couples who's small and simple wedddings were focused on God and their relationship as husband and wife....they are the ones going strong today.   My own wedding was small, under budget, and still talked about in the family 10 years later as one of the most meaningful and lovely weddings they ever attended.   My own father, before he walked me down the aisle, told me that he wouldn't be upset if I didn't want to get married that day.    He saw other fathers bankrupt themselves paying for their daughters weddings and subsequent divorces.    

  

I later became a wedding planner for a major hotel chain and dealt with my fair share of "Bridezillas".    I can tell you that no matter how expensive the dress is, if the bride has a nasty disposition...she is ugly, ugly, ugly.   Even the most understanding groom like Todd will come to the end of his rope.  Good Luck, Todd.  

 
February 6, 2006, 7:04 am CST

what a bride

I am very surprised that Dr. Phil did not tear into Rachel.  On stage she was being a spiled brat.  Did you notice at the end of the show when her mother started to cry, she turned to her man and mouthed, now she's going to cry!!!!  I am appalled by her attitude.  She is not paying for the wedding and needs to be taken down a notch.  How is she going to feel once the   wedding day has come and gone and she has ruined her relationship with ther mother?  I think it is a shame!  One day she will grow up and realize what she acted like. 

 
February 6, 2006, 7:08 am CST

PLEASEEEEEE

Quote From: lovingone

 I have only been hearing this word, "bridezilla", for maybe 2 years.  It interested me and I have been thinking about why women act this way when they are about to get married. I am a 31 year old woman who has never been married and I think I know at least one of the reasons for this behavior. And I have something to say in defense of these bridezillas.  

  

It's a time when everything is changing for women except one important thing, men still control the marriage proposals. Unless you are a young woman in this day and age you may not understand what is like to ,for example, get straight A's, go to Harvard, become a doctor, do all these things that women haven't had a chance to do before, and have the future of your personal life in a man's hands. It can bring you to your knees. 

  

To this day many women are still caught up in putting up with all kinds of bad behavior from their guys because they feel they don't have any other options if they want someone to marry them. Where as men will leave or threaten to leave at the drop of a hat because they know they have that control over the relationship.  I've herad so many women say that they gave up who they were and their lives to fit what the man in their life wanted. 

  

I think bridezillas are just those same women getting their revenge. It is their way of saying "@#$% You!" to a society that doesn't value them until they get married and an outlet for all they had to put up with from their guy to get to the point of marrying in the first place. It's finally THEIR day. 

  

Personally, I am looking for the right kind of man in the first place. I think it would serve a lot of these women well if they did the same. 

No, you don't know any reasons for the women to act the way they do, other than that they are acting like spoiled children. And if women put up with bad behavior from guys (as you stated), than it's THEIR OWN DARN FAULT. Please!  

  

Women have just as many rights as men (more, when you consider all the special treatment we get when it comes to college enterance, business loans, etc). Life shouldn't be about "revenge." Women have choices and with those choices come consequences. It's time we take the "victim label" off our foreheads and accept responsiblity for our life choices.  

  

From your writing, it is obvious to me why you are unmarried; you blame men for the problems in life, even when its the individual who needs to look into the mirror to see where the blame lies. There is no "right kind of man." There are just individuals (stop grouping men; it's unfair) and with individuals come strengths, weaknesses and frailities. Men are no different from women that way.  

  

Once you learn to LOVE all people and rid yourself of stereotypes and sexism (yes, you're a sexist), you will stumble upon the guy who is right for you, providing you are ready and willing to receive him. And then there are women who should never marry because they blame others for their own problems and unhappiness. If you're in that boat, than please do not marry. I've seen divorce rip into the soul of many of my good friends. It's just too costly.  

 
February 6, 2006, 7:16 am CST

Exactly!

Quote From: alteaon

This is something I just don't understand. I know that everyone's tastes and budgets are different, but  I feel like I am the only one ( generally speaking) who gets that it's not the wedding that's important, it's the marriage! 

  

We didn't have attendants, our parents sat at our head table, my dress cost a hundred dollars, and we bought my husband's suit at JC Penney. Not so much out of budget but because we refused to go into debt and we refused to buy into the idea that a wedding has to be this or that.  I refused to let it be a pain in the butt.  Our wedding was attended by 57 people because we weren't going to invite people who were our friends in high school, but those who are our friends now. 

  

On "The Biggest Loser", they have an edition for newly weds and give them 50 K for a wedding.There is no way I could spend all that.  I spent  3000 dollars on everything from decorations to invites to rings, ect.  It wasn't a cheap wedding, it was a  well thought out wedding. I made  the invitations and favors myself.  Our center pieces were donated... I am not saying that  my wedding is better than anyone else's, but if you don't have a huge wedding,  you're just as married as someone who does.  The wedding is about the bride and groom..both, together.  It shouldn't be an issue of having a wedding for the guests. It shouldn't be something to impress people.  

  

I knew what I wanted my wedding "Theme" to be, and I made it happen because I went with the feeling of it, rather than exactly what everything was, or what it costs.  

  

In the end, I am happily married, and we have no debt. Especially from our wedding. Who wants to start out thier marriage in debt? It's only going to add stress to what some consider the most difficult time in a married couples' life.  

  

Like someone else said, I agree that these women seem very spoiled. What are they going to do if something requires them to hold to thier vows, " In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer", they sound like they couldn't handle the "poorer" part. 

  

I could go on and on about this, and how it's totally against what a marriage/wedding should be.  If someone wants to have three million people at thier wedding, and to have thirty bridesmaids, go for it, but realize that it comes at a price, and not always monetary.  

And this my friend is why you're "happily married".  Those vows you mentioned are because life can be real hard sometimes & so we fall back on what we vowed to each other. A couple who start out as loving partners working on making a life for the 2 of them are "working together" and when time gets tough they'll be more likely to present a united front & wheather the storm.  This is how you hear some people say the hard times had "brought us so much closer."  It's sad that it's become a battle for control for so many and they'll never understand the real meaning of the kind of wedding you're talking about.   

  

  

When I say this was "my day" in reference to my wedding I mean it was the day I got to take my vows to a man I knew I wanted to be with the rest of my life.  It was "my day" for the huge celebration of finding this wonderful person.  And of course when I was "huge" it's more descriptive of the the emotion I had for him & he for me and how it felt like it was just bursting from us.  Our whole wedding of 100 people to us seemed huge but apparently in todays standards I think it's more like a back yard party.   And the back yard party would have been fine with us too.  :)  We all had celebrations like that when I was married way back when.  Some of the women around me had started to put on these huge weddings & going nuts & I could never understand it because all I wanted was to be a wife to my husband and vise versa.  We wanted to be that united couple.  I've never regreted it but sadly I think most of those women who were going nuts are mostly divorced today.  I think the reasoning behind getting married is blurred for them.  It's about walking down that isle in a white gown & showing howmany friends you have etc.  I think it's more of a social status showing of sorts.   

  

  

I've been married for 24 years & I can tell you your attitude toward marriage & start to your married life will carry youa lot farther than some huge wedding and being "in control" of your spouse.     

 
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