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Topic : 06/15 Bad Brides

Number of Replies: 417
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Created on : Friday, February 03, 2006, 04:14:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/06/06) Dr. Phil talks to brides-to-be who are so out of control, their loved ones call them Bridezillas! They're a new breed of engaged women who terrorize their fiancés, bridal parties and family members with their outrageous demands. For Rachel and her mother, Jeanne, the planning of Rachel's wedding has turned into an utter nightmare. Rachel wants only the best for her special day, while Jeanne wants her to stick to the budget. Will mother and daughter be able to compromise? Then, Marsha and Archie just tied the knot, but are Marsha's controlling ways already ruining the marriage? Her sister-in-law, Lisa, thinks so, and says she watched Marsha go from sweet to satanic as she got closer to the big day!  Dr. Phil has advice on avoiding wedding disasters that every bride needs to know.  Join the discussion.


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February 6, 2006, 9:25 am CST

...because I am worth it?

I wonder, beyond the obvious need to have everything "perfect", why do these women (spoiled, awful girls), believe they deserve this wedding day? Are we raising a generation of women who are so self absorbed that they are willing to sever relationships, break the bank, and possibly put the future of their marriage in jeopardy? When did it become acceptable to behave so inappropriately? I hope all of the mothers of young women (myself included) can see how giving in to our children's every desire can manifest itself into complete narcissistic behavior in adulthood. It scared me! lol 

 
February 6, 2006, 9:33 am CST

Poor Archie

Marsha wears her "Perfectionist" personality trait like a badge of honor.  She should examine what that means in full - what her tendencies are and how to manage them, rather than allowing her LABEL to justify her horrible behavior.  Each of us has an obligation to maximize the gifts we have been given and to develop ourselves where we are lacking.  Her attention to detail can serve her well in her career if she doesn't mow everyone down in her zeal.   

  

Marsha expects of herself only that which is important to HER.  Will she work just as hard to deliver what is important to others?  I doubt it.  Her being so perfectly groomed and absolutely lacking in grace is a testimony to her inward focus and ever shrinking horizons in life. 

  

Anyone who: 

  • Has no consideration for people working and supporting her efforts
  • Ignores the grooms role and feelings
  • Abuses family
  • Separates attendees (not well wishers) into 2 classes
  • Is rude, abrasive and abusive
  • Through every action screams ME!, ME!, ME!
  • Is completely inwardly focused and
  • Is blind to the efforts and concerns of others... is far from perfect. 

When Marsha said that everyone (what happened to the word "friends"?) could be replaced in her production, I would have taken my leave at that moment.  No one in their right mind would consider her a friend, and who but a friend would care to be there?  A person could enjoy a lovely day in the company of people who matter and who possess a warm embracing soul. 

  

Marsha is completely missing out on life.  She will mow it down like something to be tamed and controlled.  When she is old and sitting in a perfectly ordered and spotless house (not home),  perfectly coiffed and dressed, she'll wonder why she is all alone and no one comes to visit her. 

  

 
February 6, 2006, 9:40 am CST

Clues that Bridezillas are giving

Bridezillas are giving BIG clues as to how they are going to act AFTER the wedding.  If they are spoiled brats now, then this will continue into the marriage.  If they ar disrespectful now, this too will continue.  If it is all about ME ME ME now, then guess what???? A selfish person isn't going to change just because there is a ring on her finger!    

I am NOT saying that a bride shouldn't have her wishes fulfilled for the biggest day of her life. But do it within reason.  Don't dictate to others that they need to lose weight.  Remember that other people have feelings.  When I got married 30 plus years ago,  I arranged the wedding that I wanted, but also took into consideration other people's feelings. We were able to come to an agreement for dresses for my 3 attendants with a little compromise and selected something that everyone was happy with, including myself.   

These girls are leaving big big clues about their characters in the way they go about planning their weddings.  Maybe their fiances ought to take good hard looks and realize just who they are getting!!! 

 
February 6, 2006, 9:49 am CST

Judyblue, good points

Quote From: judyblue22

I was dismayed when Rachel said she thought that her wedding day will be the last day when she will be important.  I am hoping that she was just making excuses for her bad behaviour.  A wedding is a nice celebration and I recall mine with fondness, but the details of the location, decorations and food certainly weren't important. The important stuff, the things that live in my memory, are the people who we love and who love us being there to wish us well. 

  

As far as the wedding day being the best day of your life....for your sake, I sincerely hope it isn't.  Now, after 22 years of marriage, my wedding day isn't even in the top 10 days ...and I hope that by the time I am on my deathbed that it won't score in the top 100. 

Hi Judyblue.  We meet again on a different board!  I think you make some very excellent points.  My wedding day was a wonderful day too, but the thirty years that have followed it contained the days that were really awesome.  A wedding is a celebratory day, but what comes after is what really counts.  Love, mutual respect, sharing your lives, problem-solving together,enjoying activities together, sharing the burdens together.....I could go on and on. 

If Rachel just looks at a wedding as a way to feel important then we may very well see a follow up on Dr. Phil a couple of years down the road such as "Why did my marriage fail?" She needs to grow up and get her priorities straight, and FAST!!   

 
February 6, 2006, 9:53 am CST

You've got it right...

Quote From: flthomcat

This has nothing to do with perfectionism. It has to do with being a spoiled brat and having a lack of good character. The wedding is about making a committment before God and pledging to spend one's entire life with another. It should have little to do with the frills. A person of good character knows what is important and knows that treating all people with dignity is a priority.  

 

These spoiled brats are sending up red flags and their husbands and husbands-to-be should RUN. With marriage comes many stresses that make the stress of planning a wedding look like nothing. How these brats handled their wedding plans is a view into their future on how they will deal with the every day stresses of marriage. When things get rough (late bills due to no money, pregnancies, loss of pregnancies, death of loved ones, selling a home, job loss, etc), this same egotistical, self-indulgent, bratty behavior will surface and their husbands and children will pay the price.  

 

Sadly, I don't give either marriage more than 4 years. And this is from a strong, independent woman who married at 26 with $2000 her parents gave her (it's all they could afford and I appreciated every penny) and who has been married to a wonderful man 16+ years....all because my parents instilled in me good character, a loving heart and the intelligence to know that there is a huge difference between perfectionism and acting the part of a spoiled child. The frills of a wedding ceremony and reception mean SQUAT in the big scheme of life; appreciating loved ones and appreciating how little or much one has (even if one wants more) means everything. It is the true test of character. 

 

GROW UP, LADIES (I should say GIRLS) and treat others as you would like to be treated. Work on yourselves now or you will be working on divorce documents in a few years! 

Like Dr. Phil says:  we should always treat people with dignity and respect.   The behavior of these 2 girls is a blatant demonstration of an absence of character.  

  

I attended the wedding of a bridezilla and I left with a little bag of trinkets her poor father paid for.  She was so proud of her gifts (ways for us to remember HER day).  What I remember is a spoiled child wedding a fearful and timid groom who looked at his bride wondering who he had just married.  A lot of guests wore that "I can't wait to get out of here" look and attendants wore their best plastic smiles.  The bride was oblivious to the actual mood of the day - most of us didn't need a crystal ball to see how this would eventually end. 

  

This behavior can become adictive.  Friends can more easily call it quits, not attend the event, walk away.  Grooms should pay attention - this could be a preview into their future. 

 
February 6, 2006, 9:58 am CST

AMEN

Quote From: dmb4136

I wonder, beyond the obvious need to have everything "perfect", why do these women (spoiled, awful girls), believe they deserve this wedding day? Are we raising a generation of women who are so self absorbed that they are willing to sever relationships, break the bank, and possibly put the future of their marriage in jeopardy? When did it become acceptable to behave so inappropriately? I hope all of the mothers of young women (myself included) can see how giving in to our children's every desire can manifest itself into complete narcissistic behavior in adulthood. It scared me! lol 

Apparently they will sacrifice whatever it takes to get what they want (not need) not realizing this perfect day has cost them everything of value.
 
February 6, 2006, 9:59 am CST

Bad Brides

Hello all Brides, 

   These Stories I heard today have just made me think about getting marry . I know its for bride and groom . It should be for both party not only for the female . The husband to be should most wonderful day too. We as people let thing rule our world . It would matter if I goten marry in small church  .With small amount of people and family . It about the love you have for both and life you will have together . Just think you should look deep in one self . But how ever it turns out I do wish you the best to come both of your lifes . 

  

                                                                                                            Julie  

                                                                                                                 Ga 

 
February 6, 2006, 9:59 am CST

Big buck weddings

I wish all these young brides (and even older ones) would realize that the wedding ceremony and receiption do not make the marriage.  If the price and perfection of the wedding day ment how well the marriage would turn out then Prince Charles and Princess Diana would have been the 2 happiest people on the face of the earth.  A simple wedding in front of a justice of the peace can bring as much happiness as the so call "perfect " wedding spending thousands of dollars for dresses, flowers, pictures, big dinners etc.  When my husband and I married there were 22 friends and family gathered at the church and a small sit down dinner at a local restaurant afterward.....my I say that we just celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary last month and love each other more now than the day we were married.  When our children married (2 girls and 2 boys) we gave them the choice of a designated amount of money toward their weddings or that same amount as a gift.  They all put it toward their weddings and are all happily married(  we are the proud grandparents of 5 grandchildren....so far).  Please brides remember that the price of the wedding doesn't decide how happy your marrige will be.
 
February 6, 2006, 10:21 am CST

Pomp and circumstance. . .

What is sad, is that sense of self must be gained by what others are doing for us? Outside approval becomes like a drug . . . and the more we get, the more we want. The more we require on the outside, the more we become empty on the inside. . .As a hypocrite (because all of us are "bad" in one way or another. . .), may I advise a change of perspective and reading of a book titled "It's Not About Me" by Max Lucado? There would be much less stress, for all events, if people tried to remember that in order to gain esteem, we must esteem others first. I have been married for almost 20 years. On my wedding day, my husband and I visited a judge and we did not have a ceremony. We knew that our future was destined and that God gave us to each other. Couples now look to us for relationship advice because we have endured poverty, affairs and more. . . "love endures all things." Having a fancy wedding does not predestine a successful relationship. I empathize with the need to promote myself above all else . . . but please know that happiness and peace will not be found in doing this.
 
February 6, 2006, 10:33 am CST

Somebody needs a reality check.

Weddings can be great fun. The key word is FUN!!!  They don't have to be expensive to be elegant. I had my wedding in 2003 and me and my fabulous husband had to pay for it ourselves. We had 150 guests and a beautiful church and reception for under 5000 dollars and that included my dress. We had more fun planning it than we did that day!  We did everything together and included our friends and family. We had "parties" where we all got together and made favors and stamped invitations with pretty flower stamps. (Inkpad type of thing). I picked a color and let my bridesmaids get whatever dress they wanted in that color. (2 were 8 months pregnant at the time so we all just held our breath and had a paramedic on the guest list! LOL!)  

  

I can't imagine being a demanding brat and expecting people to be happy for you. Those bridezillas need a swift kick in the pants. They are acting like spoiled 3 year olds! They are lucky they have anyone at all to love them when they act like that!  Your fancy party will be over in 4 hours but your marriage should last forever.   

 
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