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Topic : 06/15 Bad Brides

Number of Replies: 417
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Created on : Friday, February 03, 2006, 04:14:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/06/06) Dr. Phil talks to brides-to-be who are so out of control, their loved ones call them Bridezillas! They're a new breed of engaged women who terrorize their fiancés, bridal parties and family members with their outrageous demands. For Rachel and her mother, Jeanne, the planning of Rachel's wedding has turned into an utter nightmare. Rachel wants only the best for her special day, while Jeanne wants her to stick to the budget. Will mother and daughter be able to compromise? Then, Marsha and Archie just tied the knot, but are Marsha's controlling ways already ruining the marriage? Her sister-in-law, Lisa, thinks so, and says she watched Marsha go from sweet to satanic as she got closer to the big day!  Dr. Phil has advice on avoiding wedding disasters that every bride needs to know.  Join the discussion.


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July 6, 2006, 11:14 am CDT

Perfectionist...yeah right!!

Quote From: rmc1253

Dear Dr. Phil,  I really enjoy your show most of the time.  I especially enjoy the look on your face a second or two before you respond to some of your guests.  About today's show:  I feel so sorry for Archie and most people could only dream of having a sister-in-law as sweet as Lisa.  Archie's wife blamed the stress of planning the wedding for her behavior and wore her "perfectionist" excuse like a badge of honor.  She is rude, self-centered and self-absorbed.  I do not agree that the wedding day is all about the bride - without Archie, and it is HIS day as well, there would be no wedding.  He had sadness in his eyes at the end of your show.  I am sad for him.  He obviously sees something in his wife that was not apparent to the public today.  God Bless him for that. There was no spirituality from the bride, no reverence or respect for what the day represented.  No appreciation for all the help she had ($76,000 for this wedding was absurd) and no regrets for her behavior.  Life turns on a dime and when things get tough for this couple, the bride will never take responsibility for any of it.  Unless Archie thrives on misery, this marriage is doomed.  If the bride had God in her life, she could have never treated Lisa the way she did.  God Bless them and best of luck - they will need it.
This woman is really a piece of work and not a perfect piece either.  There is nothing perfect about her.  She does not know how to treat people and I'm surprised that anyone would consider her a friend.  She's rude and abnoxious and I really feel sorry for Archie and for Lisa and for anyone else who will have to deal with Marsha.  Archie obviously sees (or thinks he sees) something in Marsha that she's not shown the rest of the world.  I watched her on the actual show Bridezillas and on your show.  I purposely followed the her segment on the Bridezillas show until the end because I wanted to see what the wedding would finally be like after she'd been such a monster.  And believe me when I tell you it was NOT worth all of the misery that she put everyone and I do mean everyone through.  And for the money $76,000 (Bridezilla Show said $83,000) was completely and utterly ridiculous.  The church was a nice size but it was not even full, and she was still trying to act like a diva.  Poor, poor Archie he's going to need a lot of prayer to live with this woman. 
 
July 7, 2006, 4:20 am CDT

What did you read?

Quote From: pegam38

 I cant believe there are still arranged marriages!  I used to work with a girl who was  from Bangladesh.  She & her family moved to the US years earlier.  She was very Americanized.  When she was around 16, her parents started hounding her about gettting married. She was really smart, and wanted to go to college to become a doctor.  They backed off for a while, but it was only a matter of time before they forced her to get married to someone she hardly knew.  She used to try & explain to me how her culture was.  I  was in disbelief that a parent would force their child to marry, just to make themselves look good to their people!  Maybe in the old country, but this is America, where women have the option  to get married or stay single the rest of their lives.  She also told me that the parents stand outside the hotel room, or wherever the bride & grrom go after the wedding to make sure that she has sex with her new husband!  Then if the groom finds out that shes not a virgin, he can divorice her!  Is this really true?    She used to laugh at my reaction, because she knew the whole thing was ridiculous, but couldnt go against her parents.  Needless to say,  she doesnt go to college anymore, lives in a bad part of the city, and is pregnant.    Im horrified by this.  It seems like the man has all the control in these marriages.  I can respect someones culture, but this all seems very cruel & demeaning to women! 

  No where in my letter did I write about arrange marriages.  You assumed that.  Second about your friend.  Arranged marriages are not forced marriages.  Your friend should have gone to the authorities if she is under age and her parents are making her get married against her will.  I have read of such cases in the newspaper.  I can assure you that a educated family will not force there child to marriage someone that they dislike because divorce is possible.   

   

  Now about arrange marriage.  About the virgin question you asked. . If her parents are in America then they are at least middle class and modern.  If she had not meet her husband or had contact before the wedding then someone ( cousins, mother-in-law, sister-in-law)  would stay close by the marriage night to make sure she is alright.  Not to force her to have sex.  Second, the way for a virgin male to find out you not a virgin is if you tell him or your pregnant.    

   

One girlfriend from Guyana surprised us all by having an arrange marriage.  She had lived with a guy for two yrs and broke up.  She went to Guyana meet a guy (5 yrs her junior ) their parents arranged the marriage with their permission.  She told the guy on there wedding night the truth about her colorful past.  After she went back home to start immigration papers, the boy told his family  he just found out the girl he married was slut and they asked for a divorce.   

   

  The new arrange marriage system is called assisted marriage.  This is where the guy and girl are brought together and are given some time to get to know each other (alone).  It is up to them if they wish to marry. Arrange/assisted wedding happen all over the world and are different depending on the people involved with them.   

   

  Before I end I like to point out that shows like Jerry Springer and Maurey Pouvich show husbands and wives cheating on each other ,  people who do not know who the father of there baby is,  etc. Remember that other cultures watch these show on cable and think that "THIS"  is American life and family.   

   

     

   

   

   

   

 
July 7, 2006, 4:41 am CDT

What did you read?

Quote From: pegam38

 I cant believe there are still arranged marriages!  I used to work with a girl who was  from Bangladesh.  She & her family moved to the US years earlier.  She was very Americanized.  When she was around 16, her parents started hounding her about gettting married. She was really smart, and wanted to go to college to become a doctor.  They backed off for a while, but it was only a matter of time before they forced her to get married to someone she hardly knew.  She used to try & explain to me how her culture was.  I  was in disbelief that a parent would force their child to marry, just to make themselves look good to their people!  Maybe in the old country, but this is America, where women have the option  to get married or stay single the rest of their lives.  She also told me that the parents stand outside the hotel room, or wherever the bride & grrom go after the wedding to make sure that she has sex with her new husband!  Then if the groom finds out that shes not a virgin, he can divorice her!  Is this really true?    She used to laugh at my reaction, because she knew the whole thing was ridiculous, but couldnt go against her parents.  Needless to say,  she doesnt go to college anymore, lives in a bad part of the city, and is pregnant.    Im horrified by this.  It seems like the man has all the control in these marriages.  I can respect someones culture, but this all seems very cruel & demeaning to women! 

  No where in my letter did I write about arrange marriages.  You assumed that.  Second about your friend.  Arranged marriages are not forced marriages.  Your friend should have gone to the authorities if she is under age and her parents are making her get married against her will.  I have read of such cases in the newspaper.  I can assure you that a educated family will not force there child to marriage someone that they dislike because divorce is possible.   

   

  Now about arrange marriage.  About the virgin question you asked. . If her parents are in America then they are at least middle class and modern.  If she had not meet her husband or had contact before the wedding then someone ( cousins, mother-in-law, sister-in-law)  would stay close by the marriage night to make sure she is alright.  Not to force her to have sex.  Second, the way for a virgin male to find out you not a virgin is if you tell him or your pregnant.    

   

One girlfriend from Guyana surprised us all by having an arrange marriage.  She had lived with a guy for two yrs and broke up.  She went to Guyana meet a guy (5 yrs her junior ) their parents arranged the marriage with their permission.  She told the guy on there wedding night the truth about her colorful past.  After she went back home to start immigration papers, the boy told his family  he just found out the girl he married was slut and they asked for a divorce.   

   

  The new arrange marriage system is called assisted marriage.  This is where the guy and girl are brought together and are given some time to get to know each other (alone).  It is up to them if they wish to marry. Arrange/assisted wedding happen all over the world and are different depending on the people involved with them.   

   

  Before I end I like to point out that shows like Jerry Springer and Maurey Pouvich show husbands and wives cheating on each other ,  people who do not know who the father of there baby is,  etc. Remember that other cultures watch these show on cable and think that "THIS"  is American life and family.   

   

     

   

   

   

   

 
July 7, 2006, 4:55 am CDT

What did you read?

Quote From: pegam38

 I cant believe there are still arranged marriages!  I used to work with a girl who was  from Bangladesh.  She & her family moved to the US years earlier.  She was very Americanized.  When she was around 16, her parents started hounding her about gettting married. She was really smart, and wanted to go to college to become a doctor.  They backed off for a while, but it was only a matter of time before they forced her to get married to someone she hardly knew.  She used to try & explain to me how her culture was.  I  was in disbelief that a parent would force their child to marry, just to make themselves look good to their people!  Maybe in the old country, but this is America, where women have the option  to get married or stay single the rest of their lives.  She also told me that the parents stand outside the hotel room, or wherever the bride & grrom go after the wedding to make sure that she has sex with her new husband!  Then if the groom finds out that shes not a virgin, he can divorice her!  Is this really true?    She used to laugh at my reaction, because she knew the whole thing was ridiculous, but couldnt go against her parents.  Needless to say,  she doesnt go to college anymore, lives in a bad part of the city, and is pregnant.    Im horrified by this.  It seems like the man has all the control in these marriages.  I can respect someones culture, but this all seems very cruel & demeaning to women! 

  No where in my letter did I write about arrange marriages.  You assumed that.  Second about your friend.  Arranged marriages are not forced marriages.  Your friend should have gone to the authorities if she is under age and her parents are making her get married against her will.  I have read of such cases in the newspaper.  I can assure you that a educated family will not force there child to marriage someone that they dislike because divorce is possible.   

   

  Now about arrange marriage.  About the virgin question you asked. . If her parents are in America then they are at least middle class and modern.  If she had not meet her husband or had contact before the wedding then someone ( cousins, mother-in-law, sister-in-law)  would stay close by the marriage night to make sure she is alright.  Not to force her to have sex.  Second, the way for a virgin male to find out you not a virgin is if you tell him or your pregnant.    

   

One girlfriend from Guyana surprised us all by having an arrange marriage.  She had lived with a guy for two yrs and broke up.  She went to Guyana meet a guy (5 yrs her junior ) their parents arranged the marriage with their permission.  She told the guy on there wedding night the truth about her colorful past.  After she went back home to start immigration papers, the boy told his family  he just found out the girl he married was slut and they asked for a divorce.   

   

  The new arrange marriage system is called assisted marriage.  This is where the guy and girl are brought together and are given some time to get to know each other (alone).  It is up to them if they wish to marry. Arrange/assisted wedding happen all over the world and are different depending on the people involved with them.   

   

  Before I end I like to point out that shows like Jerry Springer and Maurey Pouvich show husbands and wives cheating on each other ,  people who do not know who the father of there baby is,  etc. Remember that other cultures watch these show on cable and think that "THIS"  is American life and family.   

   

     

   

   

   

   

 
July 8, 2006, 4:15 pm CDT

Bad Brides

Hi ladies, I had to post and haven't finished reading everything but I had thoughts that I wanted to relay before I forgot.  The mere fact that everyone is talking about Rachel here and not Marsha indicates to me that you all really didn't see her on WE.  Had you seen Marsha on Bridezillas and not just on Dr. Phil you would have realized that she is in fact the true Bridezilla.  She'd have Omarosa running away from her.  Help is needed for all parties here though, regardless of who is worse.  Also while I agree with one ladies comment that's its not about the wedding but the marriage.........I do not want to degrade those who have had big weddings.  Listen if that's what you desire, you have a good relationship and you have money for a big wedding, I say go for it!  But bankruptcy and taking out 2nd mortgage's for a wedding, I say NOT!!  I was one that had my dream wedding.  I have been married almost 11 years and no offense to those who went to the courthouse but I did not want my special day with the person that God ordained for me to be there.  It was too special a day for me to do otherwise.  Don't want to start debates on this issue but some of the concensus here is that if you don't have a big wedding you stay married longer or if you do have a big wedding the marriage won't last.  Thank God I am one of the few with my dream wedding who is still married past the normal two years I hear nowadays.  We got married at 23 and didn't go banckrupt planning our wedding-I believe we spent about $5k on our wedding and it looked like about $10k at least in my opinion and that of others.  I'm all about economizing but that can be done and still look elegant.  We did the whole big fat wedding thing and my family and I had an absolutely wonderful time.  While I don't think we should lose ourselves and get lost in the day but remember the love of one another and the beginning of a beautiful relationship.........I see nothing with having fun or in the fun of the day.  Marriage is a beautiful institution and those who can afford wonderful weddings and not be a bridezilla-enjoy!!  God Bless.  V
 
July 13, 2006, 2:26 pm CDT

Archie is on Match.com

http://www.match.com/profile/showprofile.aspx?lid=1000005&TP=U&UID=n%2b%2bSiUj7gRaT8T6NsCXFVQ%3d%3d&Handle=arwalker12 

  

  

Now this really isn't shocking is it..............and it was accessed in the last 24 hours. 

 
March 16, 2008, 11:06 am CDT

Spoiled 6 year old - help if you can...

Hi,

 Firstly, I am not sure if I am in the correct discussion room for such a post - if not, please correct me.

That said, my issue:

Even prior to  presenting this situation, I am aware that there is only so much within my power to deal with this particular situation, but your input is so greatly appreciated...

I am staying with a relative and his friend. They are doing me a big favor by allowing me tostay under their roof while I establish myself in their town with a job, life for myself, etc... this is why I mentioned above that I know I can only do so much regarding the matter. They watch over a 6 year old, who is the grandson to the friend. The 6 year old is here more than he is with his natural mother, since she herself is irresponsible to say the least, but that's beyond the scope of my situation.

The two adults have no clue in how to deal effectively with this 6 year old brat. He constantly makes noise, whistles, hollers, sings, has no regard for others around him, and has his way with manipulating them in his own way. They do yell at him, but I do feel that he anticipates that in itself s a form of attention that he wants. Regardless of what the issue at hand is, he knows no consequence in the form of mild punishment, etc. for his negative behavior. He simply gets threatened by his grandfather "you're going to your (other relative's) house" - he then cries until the grandfather says "well, then, behave" or something like that... but it's a constant cycle that never resolves. The only type of action that leads him to behave is if he knows "if he's good," he'll get a new toy (unbelieveable!).... and he gets it! ... which is the reason he likes to spend more time here than with his own mother and the other half of the family, since he doesn't get that treatment there - there, they don't put up with his stuff is my understanding...

My issue is that I have to live in the environment for now - until I get on my feet and out the door. Certainly, the roof over my head that they provide, along with other conveniences, is totally appeciated, and the last thing I want to do is create conflict by overly voicing my opinion(s) about the kid, which I am very quiet about.

I know the only true solution is for me to leave, but right now it's nearly impossible - at least for a while. It's like, the way I see it, "be grateful for your situation and shut up, because you have no say in the matter. "What I am looking for is advice in how to deal with the scenario on my end. There was a time when I was interactive with the kid...but one day, he said something to me that I took as disrespectful, and I said "you made me upset" to which he responded "I don't care".... that ended my receptiveness to him. Now, I ignore him, and he knows it (outside of a dirty look I can't help but give him once in a while). I don't look at him otherwise, but of course his behavior annoys me to no end while I'm here...

Knowing that I'm in a situation where it's not my jurisdiction to discipline the child, of course, and given that I am here for a while, I am seeking perspectives other than my own as to how others might deal with it. I'm a male who was brought up in a strict environment when this kid's age, so all I can think of when he acts up is the stuff I was faced with (sometimes harsh) and he doesn't have a clue what it means to experience anything close to that here.

Ways of dealing with this effectively are what I'm looking for if you care to provide your input, thiw brat is absolutely driving me bananas...

Thank you in advance.
 
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