Quote From: pegam38 I cant believe there are still arranged marriages! I used to work with a girl who was from Bangladesh. She & her family moved to the US years earlier. She was very Americanized. When she was around 16, her parents started hounding her about gettting married. She was really smart, and wanted to go to college to become a doctor. They backed off for a while, but it was only a matter of time before they forced her to get married to someone she hardly knew. She used to try & explain to me how her culture was. I was in disbelief that a parent would force their child to marry, just to make themselves look good to their people! Maybe in the old country, but this is America, where women have the option to get married or stay single the rest of their lives. She also told me that the parents stand outside the hotel room, or wherever the bride & grrom go after the wedding to make sure that she has sex with her new husband! Then if the groom finds out that shes not a virgin, he can divorice her! Is this really true? She used to laugh at my reaction, because she knew the whole thing was ridiculous, but couldnt go against her parents. Needless to say, she doesnt go to college anymore, lives in a bad part of the city, and is pregnant. Im horrified by this. It seems like the man has all the control in these marriages. I can respect someones culture, but this all seems very cruel & demeaning to women!
No where in my letter did I write about arrange marriages. You assumed that. Second about your friend. Arranged marriages are not forced marriages. Your friend should have gone to the authorities if she is under age and her parents are making her get married against her will. I have read of such cases in the newspaper. I can assure you that a educated family will not force there child to marriage someone that they dislike because divorce is possible.
Now about arrange marriage. About the virgin question you asked. . If her parents are in America then they are at least middle class and modern. If she had not meet her husband or had contact before the wedding then someone ( cousins, mother-in-law, sister-in-law) would stay close by the marriage night to make sure she is alright. Not to force her to have sex. Second, the way for a virgin male to find out you not a virgin is if you tell him or your pregnant.
One girlfriend from Guyana surprised us all by having an arrange marriage. She had lived with a guy for two yrs and broke up. She went to Guyana meet a guy (5 yrs her junior ) their parents arranged the marriage with their permission. She told the guy on there wedding night the truth about her colorful past. After she went back home to start immigration papers, the boy told his family he just found out the girl he married was slut and they asked for a divorce.
The new arrange marriage system is called assisted marriage. This is where the guy and girl are brought together and are given some time to get to know each other (alone). It is up to them if they wish to marry. Arrange/assisted wedding happen all over the world and are different depending on the people involved with them.
Before I end I like to point out that shows like Jerry Springer and Maurey Pouvich show husbands and wives cheating on each other , people who do not know who the father of there baby is, etc. Remember that other cultures watch these show on cable and think that "THIS" is American life and family.
(Original Air Date: 02/06/06) Dr. Phil talks to brides-to-be who are so out of control, their loved ones call them Bridezillas! They're a new breed of engaged women who terrorize their fiancés, bridal parties and family members with their outrageous demands. For Rachel and her mother, Jeanne, the planning of Rachel's wedding has turned into an utter nightmare. Rachel wants only the best for her special day, while Jeanne wants her to stick to the budget. Will mother and daughter be able to compromise? Then, Marsha and Archie just tied the knot, but are Marsha's controlling ways already ruining the marriage? Her sister-in-law, Lisa, thinks so, and says she watched Marsha go from sweet to satanic as she got closer to the big day! Dr. Phil has advice on avoiding wedding disasters that every bride needs to know. Join the discussion.
