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Topic : 06/15 Bad Brides

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Created on : Friday, February 03, 2006, 04:14:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/06/06) Dr. Phil talks to brides-to-be who are so out of control, their loved ones call them Bridezillas! They're a new breed of engaged women who terrorize their fiancés, bridal parties and family members with their outrageous demands. For Rachel and her mother, Jeanne, the planning of Rachel's wedding has turned into an utter nightmare. Rachel wants only the best for her special day, while Jeanne wants her to stick to the budget. Will mother and daughter be able to compromise? Then, Marsha and Archie just tied the knot, but are Marsha's controlling ways already ruining the marriage? Her sister-in-law, Lisa, thinks so, and says she watched Marsha go from sweet to satanic as she got closer to the big day!  Dr. Phil has advice on avoiding wedding disasters that every bride needs to know.  Join the discussion.


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February 6, 2006, 10:34 am CST

02/06 Bad Brides

 I was the maid of honor in my best friend's wedding in May 2001 and I still remember so much about it.  I remember going to the community room where she had her wedding and deocrating it for about 8 hours the night before the wedding.  I remember how hard her parents, my parents, and the two of us worked on that room to make it beautiful. I remember coming in hours and hours before the wedding to help her mom start the cooking for the reception in the kitchen downstairs.  I remember the boquets were made of silk flowers that one of her aunts had loving crafter for her, I still have mine.   I remember how beautiful she looked in a gown she purchased on e-bay for 20 dollars, and my own beautiful black bridesmaid dress for $10.00, which I could NEVER get rid of (and didn't even SEE until the rehersal).   I remember how much it meant to me when I was dancing with her husband and he said "You'll never know how much it means to her that you're here."  She was like a sister to me. We've been best friends since we were in Kindergarten together.

It was a day I know she'll never forget, and I won't either.  It wasn't because of what her wedding cost or what it looked like.  What made the day I think for a lot of us was knowing how much love and good wishes were put into everything.  That's what the wedding day is all about.  Everyone coming together and showing the bride and groom thier love and support for their new life together. The bride and groom showing their love for each other.  That's what a  great wedding is all about, the overflowing of love and good wishes, that's what makes the wedding special.

I don't have many pictures from the wedding or the reception, but I don't need them.  I remember what it felt like to see my best friend marry the love of her life, to see her so happy. 
 
February 6, 2006, 10:41 am CST

02/06 Bad Brides

Quote From: valmalu

Having been a floral designer for over 20 years, I have had to deal with several Bridezillas. Most, thank goodness, never attacked me, but I have seen Brides literally SCREEM at their mothers and sometimes even the Groom. I always thought to myself, "Your Mother is paying for your wedding and you talk to her like that??" And I feel sorry for the grooms!  I also have to say I ran into a couple Groomzillas as well and have felt sorry for the Bride. I guess I just don't understand the atitudes and how people can feel they are entittled to a big wedding at all costs. My brother said he should have thrown the cash on the table and said go elope to my niece. Only thing was, the huge wedding was my sis-in-law's idea there, not my niece's. Oh well! I guess God gave me the grace to handle these types and gave me the ability to keep my mouth shut and not say what I am thinking! 

You go Dr. Phil! 

Val 

 I'd be interested in hearing some of the ways that you cope with brides, grooms, mothers,  fathers, planners, or attendants who behave that way when coming to consult with you about floral arangements.  What's your strategy?   I think it'd really hard for me to just let them "fight it out" without opening my big mouth.
 
February 6, 2006, 10:56 am CST

02/06 Bad Brides

Quote From: czinger62

AMEN Sister!    I think that the FIRST thing an engaged couple should do, before putting any deposits down on anything...is to go to pre-marital counseling.    Too many times, the pre-marraige classes at church are held TOO LATE, and the bride and groom go through with things anyway because it's all planned and paid for.   

  

I attended several weddings in the 80's and 90's  that cost well over 100K.   500-800 people.  12 limousines.   Vera Wang gowns, 15 bridesmaids.   Lobster and Filet.   TWO bands.   You know the drill.  This started with  the royal wedding of Charles and Diana , which sparked off the lavish wedding craze.  We all know how Charles and Diana turned out.  EVERY ONE of the couples with the lavish weddings I attended are divorced,  separated, or just plain miserable.    

  

The couples who's small and simple wedddings were focused on God and their relationship as husband and wife....they are the ones going strong today.   My own wedding was small, under budget, and still talked about in the family 10 years later as one of the most meaningful and lovely weddings they ever attended.   My own father, before he walked me down the aisle, told me that he wouldn't be upset if I didn't want to get married that day.    He saw other fathers bankrupt themselves paying for their daughters weddings and subsequent divorces.    

  

I later became a wedding planner for a major hotel chain and dealt with my fair share of "Bridezillas".    I can tell you that no matter how expensive the dress is, if the bride has a nasty disposition...she is ugly, ugly, ugly.   Even the most understanding groom like Todd will come to the end of his rope.  Good Luck, Todd.  

 I asked this same question to the floral designer how do you deal with unreasonable and overbearing  people while you're trying to help plan a wedding?  Do you often find that most people trust and take your advice, or do they want to sit around and argue with you?  I mean you ARE the professional right?  So you obviously know what you're doing when it comes to weddings.

You are totally right in my opinion the thing that makes the wedding truly memorable is love.  The love of the bride and groom, and the love of the family and friends that are there to share it with them.  Even if it's only their parents, or a few friends, or just  the two of them that is what makes a wedding beautiful.

It isn't that a large or expensive wedding can't have these things, but I think in a lot of tiems it just isn't the case.  To me there is something special about having your wedding cake made by your sister, or your flowers arranged by your aunt, or your family and friends helping you decorate the room.   It's just that extra touch of love. It gives you the piece of mind in knowing that all the people that helped you are commited to seeing you through your wedding day and beyond.  That you can rely on these people no matter what.
 
February 6, 2006, 11:02 am CST

hello

My name is Tracy and this July 22 2006 will be my 6th anniversary.  Our wedding was very small I think including children we had like 45- 50 people.  we got married at city hall and my mom threw and backyard party for everyone.  instead of catering wee bought our own food and BBQ..  My mom bought the cake at a&p and it was very simple.  She bought all the decorations at the dollar store and I bought my dress at a discontinued wedding store that cost, including alterations was $250.  I think the whole wedding including everything I bought and what my mom bought was like $3000.00.    I have been to other weddings, big weddings,  I think I had the better wedding because it was about me and my husband not about impressing people.   There are bigger things to want for yourself then a fancy wedding.   Good luck to all those getting married. 

Tracy from Canada.  

 
February 6, 2006, 11:04 am CST

Brides

I watched the show today and found it really sad that the mother and daughter could not get along about the wedding.  I was surprised that the mother made fun of her daughter's dream wedding (when she "played" the violin), I can't imagine my mother (she's passed) doing anything like that to me, and I certainly can't see myself doing to my daughter! 

  

I was also sad that the two brides on the show today figured that they were the only attraction of the day.  I agree that it is a big day for the bride (I have been married twice with two very different type of wedding).  But the groom, poor thing, it is his day also.  He usually intends to get married only once too!  And like Dr. Phil said, it is about the union of 2 people not just the party.  One of the bride said it was all about her, isn't a marriage about 2 people not only the bride?  If she wants to be alone in this, why not get married to herself?? 

  

 
February 6, 2006, 11:05 am CST

Spend more $$ on Pre-marital Counseling!!!!!

I agree with you all out there who feel that the big bucks being spent on weddings is getting out of hand...really ridiculous IMO...it's really a shame that more money isn't being spent on pre-marital counseling.  

  

Parents, if you can spend 10K on a wedding, how about some pre-marital counseling for your daughters?  

  

I think counseling would help the Bridezillas not to focus so much on the wedding but on their relationship and the coming marriage.  

  

I had been married for 10 years and didn't know something about my husband's past that I was in total shock when I found out.  If we had had a "Dr. Phil"  to counsel with BEFORE we got married, I think it would've have saved us a lot of trouble along the way. So...to all you BRIDES out there...be sure you cover all your bases and asks lots of question...a counselor can help you find out things that you wouldn't think to ask. If your fiance' won't go to counseling...maybe he has something to hide??? I think counseling should be a "pre-requisite" before you can get a marriage license!!!  

  

  

 
February 6, 2006, 11:11 am CST

*Sigh*

 Say it with me Rachel....ONE....DAY. Thats all a wedding is, one day. Besides your mother is footing the bill so you basically foreited ANY rights to up the price how YOU see fit.

I am not exactly sure what gives this girl and many like her the idea that her wedding gives her a legit excuse to act like a spoilt brat. ME ME ME ME ME. What about her marriage, it is bride AND groom. Yes you have been dreaming about this day (why?) since you were little so do you think it makes it ok for you to be demanding? Dr. Phil had a very good point, sure things may look perfect on the outside but when you reflect on the pictures and what not all you are going to remember is the stress, and the awful feelings you had.  How are you going to handle a fight with your husband? You simply can't hang up on him.

This bridezilla mentality is just another example of entitlement run wild. You act like you are the only bride in the world. Any moron can have a wedding but it takes a COUPLE to make the marriage work.

P.S - if your wedding costs you your family, friends, sense of self worth, self esteem, ect THEN IT COST YOU TOO MUCH!!!!
 
February 6, 2006, 11:35 am CST

Affordable weddings

I guess I'm as baffled as everyone else at the ME ME ME attitude I saw today.  

  

I agree with the other posters who feel that the pre-marital counseling is ten times more important than the cake or the flowers. Cake and flowers are for one day. Pre-marital counseling helps prepare you for all the hundreds of days to come in your marriage.  

  

Or is a big flashy event more important than a marriage? Based on many of the celebrity weddings that get so much attention from the media and the divorces that occur a year or less later, it looks like it does. 

  

My wedding preparations were bittersweet. My father was dying and my mother was too busy caring for him to help me. I don't hold that against her one bit, I just know she so wanted to be a part of that special time. What little she could be in on like sampling the cake or choosing the caterer was a hilarious, wonderful experience.  

  

We paid for most of the wedding, which cost about $4,000. It was actually more fun to me to find ways to save money than splurge. I loved knowing that my beautiful veil was purchased on eBay for $30 and that my reception centerpiece lanterns cost $5 each from Linens n' Things. The fabric for the bridesmaid dresses came from a little hole in the wall store. I told them to buy whatever shoes they wanted as long as they were silver and strappy. They've since thanked me for enabling them to buy shoes they can wear again and not have to dye and wear only once. The DJs at our reception were my husband's high school pals who did it as a wedding gift to us. 

  

You really can have a nice, affordable wedding if you're willing to do the reserach and legwork to make it happen. The money we saved went into a house fund and we're now about to purchase our first home. 

 
February 6, 2006, 11:55 am CST

Confessions of a former Bridezilla

I'm a recovering Bridezilla, having been married twice.  So I can see this from both ends.  The first time around I was a 19-year old spoiled brat Bridezilla who was convinced the entire world revolved around me because I was The Bride!  Looking back now, seventeen years later, I am horrified at how I treated everyone.  Especially since the marriage itself lasted exactly seven months.  Relax, everyone, I've since apologized profusely to Moms & Daddy. 

  

Flash forward to June of 2004.  Married again and much, much, much more mature.  My husband and I are deleriously happy and we spent exactly $3000 on everything INCLUDING a two week honeymoon.  We made a deal at the beginning of the planning:  each one of us had the right to put his or her foot down on ONE thing, and one thing only (my thing was having fresh flowers; his was wearing his Chuck Taylor hightops)  Everything else was negotiated.  And I mean EVERYTHING.  Even now, our guests have told us that our wedding was the most memorable occasion they'd been to.  We've talked about it a few times and we wouldn't change a thing. 

  

I have to wonder about an adult couple getting married in this day and age still depending on the parents of the bride to put on the wedding.  I don't get it.  Seriously.  Lots of people asked me and my husband (during the planning) what our parents (mothers specifically) thought about this choice or that one.  You'd be amazed at the shocked looks when we replied that the moms were only guests and had no say in it whatsoever. 

  

In short, brides-to-be, don't focus on the day.  Focus on all the days that follow. 

 
February 6, 2006, 11:59 am CST

Put On The Brakes

Quote From: kat20dawn

 I am  dating some one who has a very bad history well  we are talking about  getting married but he wants nothing to do with the wedding plains so ask your selfs is it worth it
Whoever you are and whoever you are "talking with" about getting married, I suggest you slow down and find out more about his past bad history.  Sounds like another Dr Phil story in the making!
 
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