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Topic : 06/15 Bad Brides

Number of Replies: 417
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Created on : Friday, February 03, 2006, 04:14:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/06/06) Dr. Phil talks to brides-to-be who are so out of control, their loved ones call them Bridezillas! They're a new breed of engaged women who terrorize their fiancés, bridal parties and family members with their outrageous demands. For Rachel and her mother, Jeanne, the planning of Rachel's wedding has turned into an utter nightmare. Rachel wants only the best for her special day, while Jeanne wants her to stick to the budget. Will mother and daughter be able to compromise? Then, Marsha and Archie just tied the knot, but are Marsha's controlling ways already ruining the marriage? Her sister-in-law, Lisa, thinks so, and says she watched Marsha go from sweet to satanic as she got closer to the big day!  Dr. Phil has advice on avoiding wedding disasters that every bride needs to know.  Join the discussion.


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February 4, 2006, 6:14 am CST

Brides

 I am  dating some one who has a very bad history well  we are talking about  getting married but he wants nothing to do with the wedding plains so ask your selfs is it worth it
 
February 4, 2006, 6:24 am CST

what a lovely picture to remember?

I cannot imagine looking back at my wedding day and thinking everyone who knew me was relieved this day was done so they wouldn't have to listen to me or deal with me anymore.  The idea that the day my husband and I took vows or the time leading up to it was misery for me and others isn't something I'd want to remember.  I think for all those Bridezillas who over & over say that they "dreamed of this day for forever & want it to be perfect" need to look at it for what it has really turned into.  It doesn't matter if everything down to the matchbooks is just perfect if the bride is the image of Bridezillas then the portrait is of a monster and is that the perfect portait they were aiming for?  Is this the image they had in mind when dreaming of it all those years?  When most women or girls dream of their wedding day they have the image of being a beautiful blushing bride and I'm sorry, but for all those who've been around her this entire time they're imagining Godzilla dressed in white with your head mounted on top coming down the ilse.  Is this the portait you really want to present to all who love you & how perfect does that make your day?  To me this absolutely ruins your wedding and becomes something everyone wants to forget!   All the preperation and everything leading up to this day is suppose to be *FUN*.  It's suppose to be 2 people planning a day of celebration of their love for each other and uniting.  And this is including loved ones & friends in the planning process & having fun with them too not torchering them.  Good Lord I can't imagine having put my "friends" through me acting like a horses butt all in the name of it being "My day"?   

  

When I look back on my wedding day almost 24 yrs. ago & the odd things that happened or weren't quiet so perfect those are the things I laugh at.  Like when we got to the reception and each thought the other had the money to pay the band and we had to scramble to collect enough money to do so.  When I hear people speak of how lovely I looked coming down the isle they saw the girl/woman they always knew as loving, caring and sincerely in love with my fiancie.  I really was a blushing bride because the only thought was that we wanted to be joined more than anything else & that is what the day was all about & celebrating it with friends and family is all it was it was a celebration.  I can't imagine having tarnished the day by looking so ugly as a Bridezilla!?.  I mean come on! 

  

I think the reason so many make a mistake in marriage these days is because the reason for marrying is only to have that darn perfect day and be queenie for the day with a wite dress.  If it was to marry the person you couldn't be without it wouldn't matter what happened that day except you became husband and wife.  Wanting to share it with everyone is really because we're so happy we're needing to burst with the news & just want to share it.  This stuff of wanting a perfect day is a precursor to a person who's out of touch with reality because anyone who's mature enough to get married knows that life isn't perfect and if they can't handle that they really have no place getting married.  IMO  Oh & they want to set aside enough money for the lawer they'll need to undo that day when it comes around because all the thought has been around "this day" and not what really matters "the marriage".   

  

  

 
February 4, 2006, 9:51 am CST

02/06 Bad Brides

 It is very sad that many people place more importance upon the wedding rather than the marriage. The wedding is one day, the marriage is for life (hopefully).  The costs of weddings have gone through the roof (I believe the average is $20K?) but it really is no wonder if you look at what is being marketed to women; the wedding industry is HUGE. It's nearly like the media marketing products to children, they convince you YOU MUST HAVE IT or your wedding will be tacky, cheap ect.. Albiet, if this is how someone wants their wedding that is their choice but making others suffer (insisting BM's lose weight, stuffing your best friends into hideous expensive dresses) in inexcusable.

This is why eloping sounds like such a good idea!
 
February 4, 2006, 5:55 pm CST

freesia83 I agree

It is like the Sat. morning cartoons that are selling kids everything from cereal to the latest $400. video game system  and frankly these bridzillas look like spoiled rotten kids having those hissy fits.   I've been to sooooo many of thes big huge 3 ringed circuses after a while they all just look the same anyway.  We use to have more fun when we were renting out the local VFW's & pinning up the paper white bells & streamers & flowers on the tables.  The favors we all put together ourselves & heck my sisters wedding my mother literally used flowers from her garden for the center pieces.  What wonderful times we use to have at all the parties & such getting ready for the big day.  We would be laughing and chatting and just having a scream decorating.  When the day would come it was lovely with flowers, candles, & low lighting was very romantic and reception was a great party with our friends and of course back then we had a band instead of a DJ & we'd just party all night.  I think as time went on things started to change a bit because it was a little easier to let others take care of the favors & such & this way the bride could relax a bit more about the details, but maybe things should have just been kept that way.  LOL  It seems to me they're all so high strung it's turned into this horrible time for everyone involved including the brides mother?  You know I remember mymother & my mother-in-law back in my day while it was my day they too had thought of this day coming and it means so much to them too & to have a daughter or DIL that's one of these monsters I imagine it must be such a disappointment.  And you're right I could not have imagined asking my best friend who was my maid of honor to loose weight prior to the wedding.  We were such good friends she probably would have slapped me silly until I snapped out of what ever had taken control to make me such a wacko and I would have THANKED her.lol 
 
February 4, 2006, 9:21 pm CST

02/06 Bad Brides

My wedding was the most beautiful and rewarding day of my life. Why? because I married my true love and as we are coming close to celebrating our 13th anniversary, I am still in love with him and looking forward to that day of celebration plus many more. I didn't have an expensive wedding, simple and elegant and the ceremony was a tear jerker for not only me and my now hubby, but for every one who attended........These Brides better get a grip on what is imporant here, the wedding day or the marriage. There is nothing wrong with having a nice wedding as we all want that, but when it comes to over spending and getting others stressed over the day, it isn't worth it! Those who are control freaks,better calm down and get into the real world or they are gonna find themselves single again, and probabaly sad and lonely. Weddings are suppose to be fun and happy and a celebration of two coming together as one, starting new lives together.
 
February 5, 2006, 12:31 pm CST

wedding day

this is to be the most beautiful day of your lives. How do you want to remember it? When you look back, you don't want regrets do you? You want to remember the most wonderful event in your life to be your greatest accomplishment. It is a great accomplishment. To give yourself to another, to have and to hold, until death do you part, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health. And believe me all those things happen in life. I have been married 24 years Jan. 18th, 2006 to my second husband. The first one didn't last but 2years. I knew when I was walking down the isle then that I shouldn't be doing this but went anyway. I was afraid not to, with all the arrangements made I thought my parents would be mad. At first they didn't approve of him, but as always I bucked against them and decided to marry him.  As a child growing up and in school, I can remember I wanted to get married and have six children to someone who would love me and take care of me. Well there is more to marriage than those simple words. The best and only good thing that happened in the first marriage was my daughter, Michelle. After I divorced in 1980, I continued to date one fella after another. It wasn't until I dated a trucker, went on a trip with him from Iowa to New York State, Manhatten Island, and back to Iowa. After that I didn't hear or see him for two weeks. He finally called me up. I asked him where had he been, and he told me he had been in jail. whoa Mamma! What was I doing? Endangering my daughter (she wasn't with us on the trip), and myself with someone I didn't even know. Needless to say I said good-bye. I began a transformation. I put on paper what I wanted in a husband, lover, and friend. I set my values of what I could live with and what I couldn't. I did go out with my girlfriends cousin and it has been love every  since. We were married by the Justice of the Peace, as I was a divorced Methodist, and he came from a strict Catholic family. His parents sent us to a priest after I told them I was pregnant(we were planning on getting married anyhow, it just happened to be sooner than we thought). The Priest told him not to marry me, I was not the marrying kind of girl he should marry, but he should support the baby. I was ready to run away, but Steve decided to marry me anyhow so we did. Another Priest told us to get married by the Justice of the Peace and work on an annulment with my first husband. It is just a proceedure you go through to get your marriage blessed by the church. I had to write my life story to get it annuled. And I did it not only for my husband but it was good for myself. It is good to look back on one's life and accomplishments and wrong doings.  It hasn't always been rosey, but we have always been in love since, now going on 25years. We haven't always liked each other but always loved each other. Oh the bumps on the road along the way. We have endured financial dis-pare, losing close friends, and parents to death. Survived through inheritance problems with family members, moving, tornadoes, four children, graduations, 4H, girl scouts, weddings, suicidal ideation, hospitalizations, farming. Everything imaginable. But we have made it through all of it. I could never had done it without my spouse. He is not perfect by any means. And neither am I. But together we have overcome many obstacles. A good marriage has to be worked at everyday. It isn't happily everafter. It always has obstacles to overcome, work through, take care of, and some things just can't be solved, and you have to just let it go. My parents did the best they could do with what they knew. And I did the best I could with my knowledge. And hopefully my children will learn from my mistakes and do the best they know how. You can't place blame on anyone from the past. As adults we have to be responsible for our own mistakes, own them, and change them. I still am working on my husband getting him to be more romantic, but that's just him. I kidnapped him on our 5th wedding aniversary. Boy was he surprized. I told him he had to help my sister pick up a safe at a motel she got her husband. I couldn't go she needed someone strong. And I told him to be sure to change his clothes before going as he worked with hogs at that time. I had a card waiting for him at the motel, it was an aniversary card. It said go to room xxx and find your reward. He read it and asked the attendant where was the room at. I was waiting for him to open the door. I was dressed in a teddy outfitted from head to toe laying on the bed just waiting for him to open the door. He opened the door, and yelled, What in the Hell is going on! It echoed throughout the motel. I told him to come in and shut the door. I said you have just been kidnapped and we are spending the night in a motel and eatting out, go dancing and such. He wouldn't believe me, even when I told him everyone knew what was going on. He thought he couldn't be away from the farm or everything would go to hell. I informed him that I have everything taken care of. The chores were taken care of, the kids were taken care of, so relax. It was a good thing I brought along a change of clothes because he didn't change at home, so he had stinky clothes on. He had to call home to make sure I was telling the truth. It worked out ok, and we will never forget it. I am still waiting for him to kidnapp me, somehow I dought that will happen. He always asks me to plan everything. If he wants to he could plan a get a way. Maybe Dr. Phil could work on him for me.  

  

lifefirst 

 
February 5, 2006, 6:32 pm CST

It's not about the "wedding", it's about the MARRIAGE!!!

Attention all brides-to-be!! 

This is the second anniversary of my separation, 1 year since my divorce -- not a good start for a message for brides-to-be, but listen up anyway!  I wasn't a bridezilla, but I've done the big Italian wedding, and I think I have some worthwhile advice to give. 

I believe in marriage.  I think it's a wonderful thing.  I've seen it work for many people and I know that when two people treat each other with respect and love, that a marriage is a beautiful thing.  Please do not get caught up in all the pre-wedding frenzy.  My wedding was nice, it was a fun party with great food and good friends.  I had a blast.  It was low budget but classy, everyone had a super time.  If my marriage had reflected the success that the wedding day had, I would have been guaranteed 100 years of wedded bliss.  Right after the wedding, things unraveled between us. 

Here's the message: 

Take all of the negative energy you are wasting in planning the "perfect" wedding and find a reputable marriage counselor.  Make some appointments while you are still engaged and discuss the major issues -- future expectations regarding lifestyle, responsibilities, children, careers, etc.  Read all you can about creating a strong foundation for a lifetime of communication, cooperation and respect.  Talk to married couples you know who have remained in a successful, productive relationship and ask them what their secret is. 

Take all of the money that you will unnecessarily spend on those useless "extras" that nobody will notice and put it in a "rainy day" account.  Save it for when the euphoria of the white dress and the high of being the center of attention wear off.  Take a long weekend away with your new husband and remember why you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. 

And for the men engaged to these bridezillas -- Listen up. 

If it's all about her in the planning of the wedding, and it's all about her on your wedding day, it will be all about her for the rest of your life.  Are you willing to live like that?  Think about it.  A wedding postponement or cancellation is a lot cheaper and more respectable than a divorce. 

 
February 5, 2006, 7:21 pm CST

What is up with these Brides

Hello Everyone 

  

   Are these ladies putting themselves through a great deal of stress or what? Maybe there expectations for the wedding are so high to where it stresses them out. I hope its not responsibility being all put on them . There the ones doing all the work and getting no help from the husband. 

I Got to see the show on this one...... 

  

  

 
February 6, 2006, 3:47 am CST

RE: Attention all brides to be

Quote From: cris04

Attention all brides-to-be!! 

This is the second anniversary of my separation, 1 year since my divorce -- not a good start for a message for brides-to-be, but listen up anyway!  I wasn't a bridezilla, but I've done the big Italian wedding, and I think I have some worthwhile advice to give. 

I believe in marriage.  I think it's a wonderful thing.  I've seen it work for many people and I know that when two people treat each other with respect and love, that a marriage is a beautiful thing.  Please do not get caught up in all the pre-wedding frenzy.  My wedding was nice, it was a fun party with great food and good friends.  I had a blast.  It was low budget but classy, everyone had a super time.  If my marriage had reflected the success that the wedding day had, I would have been guaranteed 100 years of wedded bliss.  Right after the wedding, things unraveled between us. 

Here's the message: 

Take all of the negative energy you are wasting in planning the "perfect" wedding and find a reputable marriage counselor.  Make some appointments while you are still engaged and discuss the major issues -- future expectations regarding lifestyle, responsibilities, children, careers, etc.  Read all you can about creating a strong foundation for a lifetime of communication, cooperation and respect.  Talk to married couples you know who have remained in a successful, productive relationship and ask them what their secret is. 

Take all of the money that you will unnecessarily spend on those useless "extras" that nobody will notice and put it in a "rainy day" account.  Save it for when the euphoria of the white dress and the high of being the center of attention wear off.  Take a long weekend away with your new husband and remember why you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. 

And for the men engaged to these bridezillas -- Listen up. 

If it's all about her in the planning of the wedding, and it's all about her on your wedding day, it will be all about her for the rest of your life.  Are you willing to live like that?  Think about it.  A wedding postponement or cancellation is a lot cheaper and more respectable than a divorce. 

  I agree with you 100%. My wedding was simple but very beautiful. But one more thing to add for the bridzilla's out there. I know it's your wedding but it's also your husband to be's. Really when you look back on your day do you what beautiful memories or bad ones like treating people you supposly love like lower then dirt. Because these are people that you will be living with for the rest of your life or just maybe they'll get wise and won't want to live with you. They'll tell you see ya!  Do you really want that ?Think about it!!! 
 
February 6, 2006, 4:20 am CST

02/06 Bad Brides

Thank the lord I had enough sense to take a realistic approach to my wedding, but i was 35 when I married and didn't have visions of grandeur. My husband and I spent $7000 on our wedding, and that included three plane tickets from Europe for his immediate family. Instead of multitudes of flowers, we chose a breathtaking church...and several of those who attended said it was the most beautiful and loving wedding they had ever seen. 

  

Why? Because as Dr. Phil said...the acoutrements don't matter nearly as much as the SPIRIT of the occasion. My husband, parents, and the rest of the family worked together to make this just a big party to celebrate our marriage and to bring our loved ones together. Also, as many of our guests were from out of town, we wanted to give them a good dose of "Southern hospitality" while they were there. Funnily enough, the food everyone raved about was the chicken and ribs my uncle grilled for 100 people at the rehearsal dinner (we invited all the wedding attendees)! 

  

So brides...if you want your wedding to be an occasion that you and EVERYONE remembers as a wonderful occasion, treat everyone involved with respect. Sorry, just being stressed is NOT an excuse to treat others badly! You think you're stressed now...wait until the kids come along! Then you'll be alone and miserable because you've alienated everyone by then! 

  

Keep in mind that your dress, flowers, filet mignon, etc. can be perfect, but if the church is empty because no one can stand you...maybe you'll re-check your priorities. Life has a way of teaching us lessons the hard way if we don't get it the first time. 

 
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