Topic : 06/08 Deadly Eating

There are no such meetings in my area, I already checked into the program.  Thanks though...

That's great.  I have reached my fattest ever and keep trying to go back on a diet and I know diets don't work, every time I lose 70 + pounds I gain 100lbs.  I want to do it right this time and i know I am addicted to sugar and carbs as you are, you're doing great, I'm a lot older than you and I can tell you, don't over do don't obsess and don't drive yourself crazy, don't let the food dictate your life when you're dieting any more than when you were not.  This is a lifelong addiction we have, good luck to you and when you get it off, please find a way to maintain, that's something I could never do, get any kind of help you need, don't become like me. 

  

Good luck to you. 

Paul, 

 How are you doing????  Please give us a update, we are here for you! 

You go girl, you can do it..... 

There is some wonderful support from the boards on this site, come visit us at the Circle of Support board, I have learned the more support the better!!! 

  

Janet 

I just want to really wish Paul the best of luck. I know I probably couldn't even imagine being in your situation, but you did come across as a motivated person on the show - I wish you the best of luck with all of my hear, Paul!

You know nothing about my life.  If you did you wouldn't be saying those things.  Our family considers funerals as family reunions because that's how many family members have passed on in my 26 years of being on this planet.  I know what it's like to suddenly lose a loved one from things like Cancer, heart attacks to suicide.  They were very difficult to accept and sometimes I wondered if I would ever be able to accept their deaths but I did.  Not only did I accept them but I did it without stuffing my face with food.  I know that doing that will accomplish nothing.  So think about that the next time you plan on saying that to someone you don't know. 

This show absolutely terrified me, yet I saw myself..my future, my worst fears, in these people. I amdesperately seeking people who understand..I do not know how to find a way out of this nighmare.   I am 33, single from Virginia, female, & am desperate. I am small bones, 5'5" & right now 334lbs. I have fouhgt obesity since I was a child, except for a brief period in college where I was hospitalized after starving myself down to under 100lbs. I was also bulimic then, but underneath it all, I have been a severe food addict all alomg. It has gotten worse..I am eating from the time I wake up until  I go to bed, & having 4-5 sandwiches in the middle of the night is not uncommon. I am eating probably in one day what most people eat in 3-4 days. Ive tried every program, plan, pill, even switching to "healthy" food, but the comopulsion always wins in the end. Its like I truly live to eat, & feel like I am suffocating in my own fat. I carry a LOT of weight in my belly, & the top part is so distended & round I look pregnant with twins. My belly "apron," has gotten so heavy that it is hanging halfway down my thighs & slaps against them when I walk. I am huge, & just getting fattter all the time. But yet, even seeing myself continue to expand, I keep shoveling the food in. Mobility is decreasing rapidly..I am always out of breath, cabnnot bend over unless I spread my legs far apart to allow my belly to hang between them, & have terrible back, knee, & foot pain, as well as arthritis already. I feel so very alone- everywhere I go I am the fattest. I work full time - my boss even had to get me a wide armless chair becaue chairs with arms are out, as are booths, etc. I need a seatbelty extender even in my car. I have a history oif anxiety & depression, & have spent years in counseling dealing with my "issues," ranging from abandonment, to rejection, to sexual abuse, an alcoholic parent, & the death of my father when I ws little. I felt as if I had worked thorugh it all. I take meds for depression & anxiety, but lately all I want to do is lay in bed ( mainly to get the pressure of this belly off my back) propped up on pillows, watching tv & shoveling in the food. I cry all the time too it seems. Walking is getting so hard that I try to avoid even moving. Clothes dont fit unless I order them. And even though I know all of this, & see it getting worse, again, I keep right on eating. I am so totally out of control  that it scares me. I dont want to die. I have high blood pressure, high cholesterol, & am now borderline diabetic. My breathing is horrible. I am terrified I am going to die from being so obese, & this is not how I had imagined my life at 33. Im scared, very alone, & very scared. The depression itself is overwhelming, so I eat more, get fatter, & it starts all over again. An average breakfast is something like 4-5 egg mcmuffins, 4-5 hashbrowns, then 6 jelly donuts from 7-11, a few cheese danishes & cnady bars. Then morning snacks at my desk can be anythig from a box of twinkies & a big bag of doritos to more donuts, candy, etc. I eat the same way all day long, & stopping at several drive thru's, eating meals at each then going home to order pizza or something is not uncommon for me. My own mother doesnt even want to be ariound me - she says I disgust her, & is she had known her kid would be an elephant she wouldnt have even had me. That hurts so bad. I dont want to be seen as a circus freak. I want to be treated like a human, not stared at & pointed at.  My waist, or where it should be, is somewhere around 72" now. My insurance wont cover gastric bypass, & my doctor says I am at huge risk for a heart attack. Walking 20 feet about kills me, because with this belly swinging & out so far I feel like I simply follow behind it. I lose my beath, start to hurt terribly, & sometimes even have a difficult time with balance.  Life like this - revolving around food - is a nightmare, but I dont see any way out or any "light at the edn of the tunnel." I am so scared. My doctor says I need to lose about 215lbs, but right now I'd be happy to even get 50lbs of this fat off of my body. But instead, I just keep letting more & more pile on. Is there any way out of this hell? Please please, if anyone is, or has been where I am, please let me hear from you. I would love some friends who understand how this feels, because I feel so alone that lately I even wonder if I want to live if I have to live for food & in a body so enormous. Anyone out there?????
Thanks so much,  

Angel   

You are hurting so badly now, I feel your pain. But you can get through this. You need to look in the mirror every day and tell yourself you are worth it and you are a beautiful person. What are things you like about yourself? Write them down and focus on that. What are things you like to do? Writing, reading, gardening, doing a puzzle, learning a language? There are many things out there Im sure you are wonderful and awesome at that make you feel good and that you enjoy. Please focus on those things. You also need to deal w/ ur past. Remember food is for nourishment and for energy not to heal emotional issues. Bc food will never do that.  

I know sometimes it feels like food is a drug and it just consumes your mind. But you can do this an dyou can change this. There are some groups on MSN that are helpful. Forums for people to talk to. They are great. groups.msn.com 

Things that your mom has said, I had a mom like that too, but her saying that is her issues. She says it bc she doenst like herself. My mom would call me disgusting and nasty. SHe looked at me w/ disgust. Its hard to get those images out. But I know deep down she thought of herself that way. She looked at herself as disgusting. And i know deep down that Im beautiful and not disgusting. Its just simply NOT true. Its a lie that we hold ourselves to and we let those people win. 

But we're better than that. We know we can do better, we're smart, awesome people. Who deserve the best and can achieve great things in life!! 

Since alot of this discussion is about addiction to food my post may seem a bit out of place, but i think its important that all facets of obesity are shown because the predjudice of "just stop eatting if you're fat" affects everyone obese regardless of what caused obesity. 

I was never an obese child, and have been an active athlete all of my life. At age 11 i was diagnosed with asthma, at 17 the doctor started calling me a severe asthmatic because of how often i was in and out of the hospital. My wieght was shooting up due to meds and forced inactivity despite my having healthy eating habits. After a bout of prolonged illness i would work my way back towards physical fitness, to lose some of the wieght, but i would never get all of it off before getting sick again.  

This past year  it became known that i am allergic to grass(among other things in my immediate enviroment) and thats majorly contributing to my illness. Also, i have been diagnosed with osteo necrosis (the bones in some of my joints die is the short explanation) and have been unable to even walk short distances without great difficulty and mechanical assistance (canes, walkers). I dont overeat, and i do keep an eye on what  i eat, so in the last 6 months of almost total immobility i have only gained 10 lbs. However i am 5'5 and weigh 230lbs (yeah not morbidly obese but any obesity sucks). 

My point in this is that people assume obese means lazy, and thats not the case at all. Yeah, some obese people are just lazy. Alot of my skinny friends dont exercise half as much as i did before becoming immobile. I used to go to the gym for 2-3 hours at a time, biking there and back, because  i LOVE to exercise and use my body.  As for stopping eating, thanks to more meds im barely eating at all, just graham crackers and diet coke/grapefruit choice since nothing else stays down.  

Being obese is hard, and theres nothing lazy about obese people who are trying to lose weight, or even maintain wieght and not gain more. Telling an obese person to just "stop eating" shows an enourmous amount of ignorance and complete lack of empathy. 

Sorry if this seemed out of place on these boards, it just really gets to me sometimes because being obese is hard, and people are always judging you because you must be a pig, or incredibly lazy to be obese, and thats not truee at all.