Topic : 02/09 Family Secrets, Family Lies

Cutting is NOT a mental illness, it's a COPING MECHANISM. The cutter never learned positive coping skills from his/her parents going up. I was a cutter and I know exactly what Bridgette is feeling and going through!
 

Alcoholics drink to releave immedate stress... cutters do the same thing! Cutters cut instead of drink!!!!! 

I too am a cutter. Can't say I'm in recovery because though I don't do it as often, the temptation is too much at times. But I just think people should that it is NOT for attention. And it's not a way to kill yourself. It's a way to keep on living.

The Abuse in this family has been totally missed by you and many many others on this board. 

  

When someone chooses to be abusive it is never about anything that the others around him does or doesn't do.  The abuse rises up from within the person who is the Abuser.....their issues, their baggage, their choice.  

  

You might like to enlighten yourself regarding abuse and its dynamics. 

  

Some helpful web sites--- 

  

www.verbalabuse.com 

  

  

www.compassionpower.com 

  

  

www.ndvh.org 

  

I think there is more going on here than what we know, Bridgette stated she started cutting herself when she was about 16 yrs. old. If I remember right, she didn't marry until she was 19,  so there is probably something a lot further back in her past that is at the root of her problems. Michael just checked out of life, by working all the time and ignoring what was happening at home. The entire family has suffered for years, hopefully, they will be open and receptive to the help that has been so graciously offered.

Dear Doctor Phil. Dark lies is no fun at all never less I like to have all friend in the world included you and Robin not to metion Jay and Jordan aswell. See you tomorrow Afternoon from 03:00----- 

P.M. To 04:00 P.M. On Friday Feburary 10th, 2006. Well I had better close now. Well I had better- 

close now. Sincerley Your. Russell

 

I can't believe that there are people out there that are saying poor Michael. Michael is not the only person in that family, it is a unit. Obviously his wife's role is just as important as his because their children are responding to her unhappiness. It would be very egocentric to think that that poor family should revolve around Michael and his career. Anyone who thinks that way shouldn't be married. If Michael felt that way he wouldn't be seeking help along with his family. Shame on those people who believe Michael should get out.

I would like to say that there is so much of Bridgette's pain that I can relate to. I too, live with a rageholic husband, who is not only verbally and emotionally abusive, but extremely physically abusive. I can understand the behavior that Bridgette has displayed over the many years in her marriage. When a woman lives with demeaning abuse from a man, no one has any idea how much living with that type of person destroys every bit of  self esteem you have. I have been through all types of abuse since a young child, and the pattern I have followed has been condoning more abuse from both husbands I have been married to. It's all I have ever known and I live in that very same lonely place that Bridgette lives. I praise Bridgette and her family for the courage of sharing their story on Dr. Phil. I can't imagine the embarrassment and pain they are all going through, not to mention the criticisms from so many people for what they have shared. Life does not come with a "how-to" manual. We all do the best we can with what we are taught and the examples we are shown by our role models growing up. I realize we all have choices and how we choose to handle things as an adult is up to us. But there's something to the power of that "inner child" in all of us that seems to surface in our adult lives. All the pain that we held inside and the emotions that we didn't know what to do with, just seem to become exposed in the way we handle things as adults whether we want it to or not. I cried watching Bridgette when Dr. Phil turned her away and talked to her one on one. By cutting herself like she has and being a shopoholic, that is the only way she she has found to deal with the turmoil inside of her. I have yet to find anything that releases the pain inside of me, other than total depression and being unhappy. I truly hope that Bridgette and Michael's marriage can still be salvaged and that somehow they can move forward to a bright new future. They deserve a second chance.  

  

Bridgette, if you ever need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to write to me. You can address your email to Mary Anne at wolf63_2000@yahoo.com Good luck to you and your family.  

I started reading the posts regarding this family and I was appalled at all of the judgement people have about something they have no idea about or qualafied to place blame in unproductive ways toward this family.I am not qualified either. I believe if one instills hope and understanding and compassion in a situation, the outcome will be better.I think every one of them are to be applauded for their coming on national t.v. and discussing very personal issues, reaching out for help regardless of what people will think. I hoped to see more empathetic postings, and there were some, but how can any of us judge someone else unless we have walked in their shoes. 

I wish this family the very best, and they very blessed to have Dr. Phil help them. I have a rageaholic 

husband along with other challenges with my kids. I go to a womans support group that has helped 

me discover "me" the self that I forgot taking care of everyone - being co-dependent and acknowledging that.  I also am getting professional help. Recently I started going to college because I have been a stay at home mom, and I want to #1 make a difference in my community with a career that will help hurting people and #2 be able to support myself if my marriage doesn't work out.  I wrote to Dr. Phil for help and I guess that is not meant to be.  I know this family will be o.k. 

with alot of work and Dr. Phil's help.  I also think the husband is very brave to come on the show and 

be so honest also, my husband at this time won't own up to any of his rages(he says he doesn't mean it) and thinks there is something wrong with everyone but him. This story and family has touched my heart and I pray that it works out well for all of them. 

  

I really feel for this family. It sounds like that this marriage started with a lie and it has gotten worse throughout the years. No one has been honest with eachother or themselves. It is sad that the kids suffered and had to learn everything they did. They really need help and hopefully Dr. Phil can help all of them. The kids need counseling too. It's amazing that the kids have made it this far without hurting themselves. I wish this family the best and hope they get the help that they need. 

May the Lord bring light into darkness. No weapon formed against us will prosper. 

All evil is removed by the goodness of God.  I hope you discover Truth and discover real life.