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Topic : 02/10 Last Chance

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Created on : Friday, February 03, 2006, 04:22:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

If your marriage is on the rocks, how do you know whether to call it quits or give it one more try? April says that after only a few months of marriage, she received a voicemail on her cell phone from her husband, Jon, saying that he wanted a divorce. This was while she was in the hospital connected to a feeding tube! She says she has no idea what changed all of a sudden and wants some answers. Jon just wants her to sign the divorce papers. Should they try to work things out and give their marriage another try? Then, Kristen is torn between keeping her family and marriage together, or keeping the sparks alive with her current lover. Her husband, Brian, recently moved back into their house because he wants to try and save their eight-year marriage. Does a marriage that was started by infidelity and hurt by infidelity have a chance of surviving? Dr. Phil has strong advice for these parents who are fighting, lying and cheating -- all in front of their young children. Join the discussion.

 

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February 10, 2006, 7:45 am CST

02/10 Last Chance

Quote From: pfisher1

I'm sorry, but I can absolutely see John's side of things.  I at first got the impression that he was a weak jerk who ran at the first sign of trouble, but after hearing his side, I understand his leaving.  Think about it.  He was a bartender, working until, what at least 1:00 AM?  Then to have rules regarding his showering etc before bed, and to have to leave before dawn because his wife or gf whatever needed her mornings??  That's called sleep deprivation, baby, a form of abuse!  I would have left then.  This chick plays the victim, but she has responsibility is this breakdown, to put it all on him isn't fair, and I think Dr. Phil was unfair to this guy.  Btw, I have known many women who have separated, and not one of them has waited for the divorce to be final before embarking on a  relationship with someone new, and they are not  foolish women, just women who have made the decision to move on and have done so.  When you have put your all into a relationship, simply to find you' the only one working on it, you don't want to waste more precious time"earning " his way out.
I'm with you on this.  When I heard John's side, I felt for him.  She has more issues than weight.  I felt she was so controlling - he had tried and tried.  My husband was in that kind of relationship before we met.  He loved his wife and would do anything for her, but she kept taking and taking.  No matter how much he showed love (and he felt she would get better if he showed her how much she was loved) she would play the victim and would keep abusing him.  
 
February 10, 2006, 7:55 am CST

Read This Urgently Girl!!!

Quote From: mom12yrof3

 am new to this site and not sure where I belong!  My husband and I have been married for 12 years and have three great kids.  More than one person could ever hope for.  Our marriage has had it's share of ups and downs mostly downs.  Within a few days a big down has come to face.  I am that girl that sits at the table with her friends and listens while they say they think their spouse or love is cheating and stats how they drive by their places of work to check.  I speak up in a strong and powerful voice "My husband whould never do that and would never hide anything for me".  Look who should open mouth insert foot.  I came home from a weekend spent trying to make my sister smile and to stop worrying about her love to find that mine has opened a private email account.  That's not all!!  Inside the new email account was a confirmation of a three month subscription to a online amature site of girls in their panties and in most cases nothing.  I know to men this isn't a big deal but to me it hurts more than I ever thought possible.  I don't know what to do, it has been three days and I can't eat nor can I look at him.   When I think about that site I want to be sick.  When I confronted him he told me "It was no big deal".  I was then told "To get over it".  What is happening here?  The question of divorce has come up in my mind a few times not just after this and I wonder if that is where we are heading.  He doesn't at all seem to be upset that I am hurt or that I am questioning divorce.  Is it possible that it just might not matter?  I think I am a good wife and mom.  I have been going to night school for a year and have one more year left.  As a wife is it expected that I just forget it and move on?  I can't, I can't even breath.  He won't talk about it and when he does he looks for things to throw back in my face.  This isn't a surprise to me whenever there was a problem he would always throw something in there to turn the tables.  In his mind he does no wrong and that everthing is on me. I am sick of fighting, I am sick of being sad.  I ask myself if I would miss him if he was gone?  I can't answer that fully.  I say yes I would be sad only because of the years but years not amounting of much happiness isn't missed I don't think.  He is great at his career and has come along way, I just don't think he wants marriage and kids anymore.  If he did he would fight and I know I have for 12 years and can't anymore.  Please help!! He was my superman!!

 I think you need to slow down...your acting like he went out and had an affair and you caught him.  The replies I have read seem to think this man is some kind of terrible person, he's not at all and you, of all people, should know that. One thing I read in the replies that I found true was that men don't talk...but they're actions do. 

You said you have been pretty much happily married for twelve years I think, as you said your the one who always felt safe that your husband was loyal. Your gonna toss that all away because he wanted to look at girlie pictures. My take on the whole thing......he's a bit bored with things..think about your sex life is.....is it exciting anymore...happens to all of us so don't fret.  Seems to me...he didn't talk...your probably busy alot with 3 kids and night school etc....so he decided to find some "safe" excitement of his own.  Doesn't sound like he went to a hard core porn site..he's just looking at naked girls..........FACTS OF LIFE...Men like to see the female body naked............absorb the news....its totally okay ...your husband chose to do it in a way that was private - no humiliation for you thru friends and family....he didn't go have an affair...he just tried to spice things up by himself. He should have talked to you about this BUT MEN DON"T TALK rememeber.......... 

Try being a good friend to him and recognizing that somethings missing in his life instead of making this all about poor you. Then go and make some special time for the two of you...buy some lingerie or something that you think he might like and you might like that fits into your moral code..go as far as you can...its your husband and theres nothing dirty about a healthy sex life.....after all it was God who gave you the parts for it anyway......I think it would immature to walk away based on the facts you've presented. I also think you might have alot of fun yourself and he probably won't be interested in the girlie site anymore because the real thing is now alot more interesting.   Go girl!!! 

  

 
February 10, 2006, 8:00 am CST

nfilling you just sound wounded to me

Quote From: nfilling

I am in the same situation right now.  I am 33 years old and have been married for 10 years and with my husband for 14 years.  We have three children.  Back in September, my husband informed me by cell phone, that when he got off of work that day he was packing his clothes and leaving.  He said he "needed space and time".  I was rather upset about this because I truly love my husband and thought he was my soul mate and best friend.  We had the best times together.  Anyhow, about a month later I found out he was talking to a neighbor four houses up (she doesn't have a good track record).  Come to find out, I caught her sleeping at his apartment and things have been down hill from  there.  My older two children haven't talked to their dad for quite some time and I have filled for divorce.  My husband is lying to his lawyer and trying to make me be the bad parent here.  I am just emotionally upset about all of this.  The question is, if my husband regretted what happened and  he wanted to come home, should I?  Part of me says yes, because I honor my wedding vows but another part of me doesn't think I can accept what he has done not just to me but to our children as this neighbor was a good friend of mine and the children looked up to her.  Any help, I would appreciate it because it has been one big mess and I am tired of hurting, crying and fighting.

Being a married woman to someone I consider my soul mate & best friend I can see how this would be a very painful wound.  I don't see you as just sad or wishy washy just that you've been blind sided not just by your husband but someone else you considered a friend too.  I think it takes us time to heal from things & to come to terms with them as well.  Clearly you take your wedding vows seriously & again I agree.  To me these were not just some words I spoke when I was in love.  They were a "vow" I made to my husband in front of God & all our loved ones that I'd love him till death do us part.  This is the reason this is so painful for you because it's clear you'd meant those vows as well and so it's difficult to understand how this person who we loved, admired and respected could do something like that.  And it ins't the person we know any longer and of course if this person becomes someone you don't recognize then he's no longer the person you'd made this vow to.     

  

With that said I think the real issue here is what's happening right now & for you to sort out the feelings you're having.  I think you're going through the normal feelings of someone who's grieving a loss & we don't always see a divorce the same as a death but it's really just as painful and I believe we need tolet ourselves mourn a bit.  No one could love someone for 10 or 14 yrs. & expect to just let go of a loved one & get over it & pick yourself up & dust yourself off.  Allow yourself to grieve for the person he WAS that he no longer IS.   

  

Because you've been with him for so long & now you're finding yourself without him & him acting so out of character of course it's natural to wonder if he's going to suddenly snap out of it & think what you'll do then.  This all could very well be a life stage for him thinking the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence & he could turn around and find in 6 months that he's screwed up his life & wants to turn back the hands of time.  What you do at that time if it comes is really up to you & depends on where you are at the time.  Mid life or not there are consequences to our actions & whatever comes from his actions are his responsibility.  I believe once he's broken his vows to you then you should no longer be held to yours.  A reconsiliation is something for you to consider later if it comes up & yes again I think it's natural for you to entertain this fantasy when you're heart is broken with the idea that the person you loved and trusted has betrayed you.  But right now that's all this is is a fantasy.   

  

I do agree wholeheartedly that you should start to busy yourself with friends and look to try to start to heal your heart.  There's nothing wrong with mouring a loss but you don't want to allow this to turn you bitter.  Many people do become bitter and then I feel that the spouse that created all this has not only broken your heart but ruined it for you to experience any happiness in your life.  Or I feel they've "won".  I say completely let go of him.  This is especially true if this is a mid life crisis type problem because the more you hold on the more he'll struggle for freedom.  People always want what they cannot have!  This is why they seek out a woman that is considered off limits because it's something that's not suppose to be available to him.  It's someone they cannot have.   Some don't even realize untill later that this was the only part of the appeal of the other person to start with.  And wouldn't that be the case with a woman down the street who's a friend?  I mean this is the epitomy of a person who would be a taboo or off limits. 

  

Anyway let him do what he will & just start to construct a new life for yourself.  Consider this a new chaper in your life with many new things to discover & don't allow yourself to sit around being gloomy & doomy & such.  I'm sure your children have been hurt by his behavior and it must be very painful for them to see you in this pain.  They should see that you are going to recover from this and that while you disapprove of his behavior he is still their father.  I think it's important to start right from the start in instilling that this is not something *they did* and that they do not have to pick sides etc.  You don't want them to feel that any of this is about them, it's only about the 2 of you as a couple & you'll both always love them.  

  

I believe you owe it to yourself to start to put yourself back together and to then allow yourself a life that includes happiness and you owe this to your children too.  I also feel that the best revenge in these matters is to be happy in your new life & yes he'll be envious that he's no longer a part of it.   

 
February 10, 2006, 8:03 am CST

live up to your vows

IT SEEMS THAT IN THIS DAY AND AGE THAT IT IS JUST TOO EASY TO RUN AND FILE FOR A DIVORCE OVER THE LITTLEST THINGS. I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT IF YOU ARE BEING ABUSED OR YOUR KIDS ARE BEING PUT IN DANGER THAT YOU NEED TO LEAVE THAT SITUATION FOR SANITY AND SAFETY SAKE, BUT IF YOU ARE ONLY LEAVING BECAUSE OF A WEIGHT ISSUE OR A MEDICAL CONDITION THAT YOU KNEW GOOD AND WELL WAS THERE FROM THE GET GO THEN THAT IS JUST PRETTY CHICKENSHIT IN MY OPINION. YOU TAKE VOWS THAT SAY FOR RICHER OR POORER, IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH. IF YOU ARENT WILLING TO LIVE UP TO THOSE TO START WITH THEN DONT GET MARRIED. DIVORCE IS A DISTRUCTIVE THING ON ALL THE PEOPLE INVOLVED IN IT AND THERE IS NO NEED IN BRINGING THAT PAIN IF YOU DONT NEED TO. NO ONE EVER SAID THAT MARRIAGE OR LIFE FOR THAT MATTER WAS EVER EASY, BUT IF YOU FIND THE FLOW TO MAKE IT WORK IT IS WONDERFUL.YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO SHARE AND THAT IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS MISSING IN THE WORLD TODAY, EVERYONE IS TOO WORRIED ABOUT ME,ME,ME. IF THAT IS ALL YOU ARE CONCERNED ABOUT THEN YOU ARE BETTER OFF IN THE LONG RUN STAYING SINGLE.IT TAKES 2 PEOPLE TO HAVE A MARRIAGE NOT JUST 1. ANYTHING GOOD IN LIFE REQUIRES SOME WORK AND SACRIFICE IN ORDER TO GET IT AND KEEP IT. 
 
February 10, 2006, 8:19 am CST

There are those who can help you

Quote From: jezabelly

I have been in a relationship for 12 years now, we met when we were 16 and have 5 beautiful children. And where do i begin, we both brought to this relationship many problems from our childhood in hope that we could both fix each other but as life goes on we just continue to hurt one another. 3 weeks into our relationship i slept with an ex-boyfriend and then told him about it i thought it was right to be honnest but i think i told him to test him to see how much he cared and although he said he loved me he has never gotten over it  still to this day when we fight and argue he calls me a slut and for years i let him put me down and treat me bad because i thought i deserved it. He feels he should be able to go out every weekend cause he works hard during the week, in the past he would go out straight after work on friday and sometimes we wouldnt see or hear from him until sunday or even monday, he would spend ALL his pay. feel bad and sorry for a day or 2 and before we know it it's friday again. And this has been going on now for more than 10 years. i have recently started to realize that this is no good and have been preparing myself to live my life without him because he says going to the pub with the boys is what he likes to do this is what makes him happy. I have treated him so bad because of this taken all his clothes to the pub and clubs when hes there and just chucked them everywhere saying' you dont wanna come home then dont come back at all' but he always does.i have emmbarrased myself and my children,ive physically hurt myself ive threatened to kill myself said and done so many shameful horrible things. I really dont know if what we have is LOVE being young was our excuse for a long time and i know love and relationships are not all fairy tales and butterflies but i really do wonder what is it that keeps us doing this time after time and i do feel if we didnt have the kids we probably wouldnt be together because we don't have anything else that binds us together no friendship, no time together no marrige vowels, NOTHING but our kids. So I really have to wonder what is the right thing to do. Sad and Confused.

I am not a professional, nor do I pretend to be one. All I can do is offer you comfort and my story. 

  

I feel that you and I have enough similarities that a part of my life story might help you, if only to let you know that there are those of us out there who have had the same type of pain that you are feeling now, and that there are many wonderful people in this world who will gladly be there for you, myself included. I will say a prayer for you today and hope that you will find a reason to smile today. This is part of my story and I hope that it helps you. 

  

I have done many of the same things that you have done. I chased my ex around town and put his stuff out on the doorstep. I called the bars to see if he was there and how much he was drinking and who he was with. I called friends to go out and locate him because I was stuck at home with our infant twin boys. I have made a public fool of myself. I cheated on him in the first few months to get back at him, and I was 17 when we first began our relationship. I never physicallly hurt myself, but I did a humdinger of a job on my emotions and mental state. 

  

IN FACT, BECAUSE OF HOW I WAS ACTING, I LOST MYSELF. 

  

It is a very lonely place to be when you are unsure of how to move on in your life, whether your husband is with you or not. It is also very scary to admit that you have played a role in how insane your life has become. This is how I found the help I needed to get my life back on track: 

  

01. I phoned someone whom I knew would be honest with me and tell me what I needed to hear, rather than what I wanted to hear. 

02. I found myself a twelve step program that deals with the people around the drinker, and how their lives had become unmanageable. 

03. I read books that offered me points to ponder and guides for me to make my own choices with. 

04. I never gave up that I could change my life, better the life of my children, and become the happy, serene, and beautiful person I dreamed to be. 

05. I continued with this twelve step program (and am still a member), even through a second pregnancy, a split from my childrens' father, a resurgance of who I was, dating again, and actually getting married to someone that deserves me just as much as I deserve him. 

06. I keep myself in check by continuing to go to my meetings, and being grateful for just how far I have come......... 

  

When I hear where you are at, I feel for you because I can now say, "There but for the grace of God go I".   I hope that if I haven't helped you, that someone else can. Don't give up, seek the help and support that youdeserve to make your life the very  best that it can be. 

  

Sad and Confused, I am thinking of you right now, and even though we cannot see eachother or hear eachother, please know that a hug has been sent your way. 

  

Lisels 

  

 
February 10, 2006, 8:27 am CST

of course her feelings are dictating her decisions & she can read this

Quote From: coachsers

I wish my wife could read this.  I feel feelings are dictating her decisions.  She is full of anger and resentment.  Those feelings fade away.  She wants to divorce because she feels terrible about herself.  I feel she is running away.  People do not take their wedding vows seriously.  We are at the part of "For Better or Worse".  I wish my wife could see that instead of running away from the problem. 

and Ive read your prior posts.  I understand you're feeling desperate to undo the damage that you've done and you've got regrets etc.  I think first that you must understand that as sorry as we are sometimes we just cannot undo things.  Sometimes when we hurt someone it's just so painful that "I'm sorry" and rational speaking or thought with the person who created that pain is too much for us to bear and seems like rubbing salt into the already deep wounds.  I understand what you're saying about your wife being full of resentment and anger, but pointing out what she's doing wrong right now is not what you want to do. IMO  

  

What you want to do is print out every single post you've written here & then take them to her.  You do sound sincere in your regret & you do sound remorseful.   You want to tell her that you are so very sorry for the pain you've caused her & just plain own what you have done & the pain you've created in her life.  Do  not excuse it or tell her how she's got to give you another chance or that she owes you anything!  etc. etc.  Just humble yourelf to her that you're sorry & that you want to make it right with her.  You want her toknow that you understand her anger & pain and that you don't expect anything of her except to hear what you're saying and then you need to allow her to have what ever time she needs to receive that message from you.  If you're feeling she's feeling horrible about herself and you're partly to blame then tell her you want to do everything you can to help her feel better about herself even if that doesn't mean you'll end up back together.  If you feel that you want to put things back together tell her that.  In the words of Billy Joel "Tell her about it".  The feelings of anger & resentment will fade but that takes time & sometimes it takes a long time to recover.  If you don't want her to file for a divorce then tell her that & that you don't expect anything from her but that you're hoping to put it back together.  Tell her you've been here to the Dr. Phil web site & what others have said.  Let her read it.  Then you need to give her time & accept what ever decision she makes.  Again we cannot always undo the damage that we have done.   

  

You cannot make her want to try to make this work.  Maybe she feels she needs to put herself together on her own & maybe she just cannot do that while you're in her life because you are a symbol of pain to her.  It is very easy for these things to be created when we hurt someone & very difficult to undo or over come.  You just want to tell her what you desire and really communicate what you're feeling and how much remorese you've got for whatever it was you did.  Do not try using guilt or any pressure to make her come back etc.  Just start tocommunicate with her & continue until she is in a place where it isn't just her resentment speaking.  Even when resentment has passed she may decide that she cannot allow you the opportunity to do this again.  That would be her decision and again it has to be respected.  You cannot control or dictate what she does only what YOU do, so be careful in your actions because you don't want to lend credibilit y to her anger & resentment toward you.  Know what I mean?      

 
February 10, 2006, 8:31 am CST

excuse me but anything that i wouldn't do in front of my spouse is cheating!!!!!

Quote From: lisaann88

 I think you need to slow down...your acting like he went out and had an affair and you caught him.  The replies I have read seem to think this man is some kind of terrible person, he's not at all and you, of all people, should know that. One thing I read in the replies that I found true was that men don't talk...but they're actions do. 

You said you have been pretty much happily married for twelve years I think, as you said your the one who always felt safe that your husband was loyal. Your gonna toss that all away because he wanted to look at girlie pictures. My take on the whole thing......he's a bit bored with things..think about your sex life is.....is it exciting anymore...happens to all of us so don't fret.  Seems to me...he didn't talk...your probably busy alot with 3 kids and night school etc....so he decided to find some "safe" excitement of his own.  Doesn't sound like he went to a hard core porn site..he's just looking at naked girls..........FACTS OF LIFE...Men like to see the female body naked............absorb the news....its totally okay ...your husband chose to do it in a way that was private - no humiliation for you thru friends and family....he didn't go have an affair...he just tried to spice things up by himself. He should have talked to you about this BUT MEN DON"T TALK rememeber.......... 

Try being a good friend to him and recognizing that somethings missing in his life instead of making this all about poor you. Then go and make some special time for the two of you...buy some lingerie or something that you think he might like and you might like that fits into your moral code..go as far as you can...its your husband and theres nothing dirty about a healthy sex life.....after all it was God who gave you the parts for it anyway......I think it would immature to walk away based on the facts you've presented. I also think you might have alot of fun yourself and he probably won't be interested in the girlie site anymore because the real thing is now alot more interesting.   Go girl!!! 

  

When I hear you say that it isn't cheating, I beg to differ. 

  

Something is seriously wrong in my relationship if my husband needs to look at other females in order to get his jollies. Part of a relationship means being understanding that the other half may not always have time to meet your sexual desires, but they will have time later. In the mean time, remember why you find your spouse attractive, and build up the hormonal urges, so that when your spouse is available sexually for you, you can paint the town red with passion white with the purity of the relationship,and the rest of us can be green with envy at how passionately your relationship is then. 

  

On the other hand, if my life is getting so overbooked that I can't find time to be intimate with my husband at all...then I need to make a few priority changes. 

  

I truly believe what Dr. Phil has said that if it is not something that I would do in front of my spouse, than it shouldn't be done at all. Have respect for yourself, your relationship, and for others. Looking at other people simply for pleasure completely takes away from the fact that they are human beings with personalities, familes, goals and dreams.   I am rambling now, so I will let whomever it is that wants to read this absorve whatever they like from it.  It's just my opinion. 

 
February 10, 2006, 8:32 am CST

02/10 Last Chance

Quote From: coachsers

My marriage of ten years is on the brink of divorce.  I am a husband that was not supportive and accepting of my wifes feelings.  She has taken care of our kids and me with all of her being and she feels she has nothing for herself.  We have been separated for 2 months and she wants a divorce but I dont.  She says she does not love me anymore.  I have taken responsibility for my actions.  My wife just wants to feel like an equal partner.  I have to change my life and myself in the way I treat people.  I want to change and save my marriage.  I want to be a good Fathetr and a good Husband to my wife and all I need is a chance..  THere is so much anger and resentment on her part that it seems thse feeling are covering her heart.  She had been so dedicated to me, I want to stand by her now.  Can Anyone relate to this?

I'm a wife of a man who has similar problems. Only my husband was recently diagnosed with PTSD - our family lived with the undiagnosed problem for more then 10 yrs. My husband is just surfacing from the fog of depression, outbursts of uncontrolled anger, controlling behavior and so much more all because he was sent home from a war zone withough being properly treated and everytime help was asked for it was misdiagnosed. We have been receiving counseling for almost 1 yr now but still my resentment, anger and emotional distress is so great I don't think it will ever go away. I tried to protect my kids from the worst of his behavior, i tried to fix the problem - I felt like I created the reasons for his depression adn outbursts by not being a good wife. I lost all self respect, motivation, confidence in myself - I felt belittled and unloved. But my husband had a disease so I kept thinking we could fix the problem i just had to try harder. 

He makes small improvements but because of the mental state he is still so self absorbed that I get no support, or soft place to land when my life hits a bump. I've become a person that relies on myself but not my husband. I've begged for a seperation anything to relieve the stress on my life so i can concentrate on myself for once and not him. We have 3 children who have been emotionally and mentally damaged from this relationship as well.  

I can tell you what it would take for me to feel like we could move back into a committed relationship. I would need to see personal imporvements on his part - not perfection but to see he can take a good look at things he is doing wrong and take the steps needed to fix or improve those. I would need to see  unselfish acts toward me and the children and others in his life. I would need to see a dedication to me and my happiness not just himself. It is the small things that tell someone you care - what did your wife do that made you feel loved and cared for - do similar things for her. Send a note to her every week, put a heart sticker in her car, finish a project or special thing tha tshe has always wanted for the house. There are so many simple ways to say I love you - with no strings attached! but most important be there for the long haul - she will have to see and feel your love over time to block out how she was treated before. There is no quick fix - if you truly love her and she is truly interested in working things out with you then it is a slow process that you will have to give into 100% to get anything back.  My husband thinks that by changing a few things and being at his best behavior for a few weeks should prove to me he is a changed person ...after 12 yrs of abuse it will take more then a few weeks but I will continue to work on this relationship for as long as i feel he is invested and working on it too.  Otherwise both of you are better off moving on and learn to be happy with who you are. You can't share yourself with a partner if you don't know who you are and are not happy with yourself! 

Good luck! 

 
February 10, 2006, 8:34 am CST

I'm with you

Quote From: matthewsvl

This is to comment on the 02/10 Dr. Phil Show and how April affected me during the show. 

I totally think this guy is a putz for doing what he did, sorry, just being honest.  

She is a beautiful girl and he should be so lucky as to be with her and see her through her tough time and what she is going through.  He did marry her for better and for worse.  I wonder whether he received counseling as well for the disorder by a licensed professional during the time she was in the hospital.  He doesn't sound like he has gotten any, because he so resentful to her for what he says, she put him through.  She was definitely sick and needed help desperately and her actions were because of that.  In other words it was the sickness that was treating him bad, I don't believe it was her. 

  

I think it's true.  She and him have to begin their lives now at this point.  They can't go back and fix or dwell on it.  I think they have to start perhaps with different people in their lives from this point forward.  I'm sure she sees her self and him in a total different light now that she is totally in a different place in her life. 

  

I just would like to offer my words of encouragement to April that she is a really strong lady and has come sooo far with treating her illness.  I say, move on girl, you have so much to offer to yourself and to the world.  You definitely don't need this negative person in your life.  You will find that man that loves you and appreciates you!  You are doing the right thing and I applaude you!!! 

  

A listener from Sunrise, FL  

Virginia.  

I totally agree with John being a putz.  He knew she was sick when he married her.  He had even already lived with her and her disease.  I think that he is too selfish to see her through this.  He has lost 150 lbs, and wants to party and play the field.  He is having too much fun to honor his vows.   

April - I just want to offer you encouragement.  Please find the strength in yourself to get through this without him or his support.   

 
February 10, 2006, 8:36 am CST

kristen

Kristen -  

Please think of your children and how your infidelity has affected them.  They didn't ask to be included in your marriage of lies. 

 
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