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Topic : Borderline Personality Disorder

Number of Replies: 946
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Saturday, February 04, 2006, 07:59:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
If you or a loved one suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, find encouragement and support, share advice, and connect with others dealing with this illness.

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February 11, 2006, 9:24 pm CST

I am confused

Quote From: outoffear

Unfortunately I don't have the author's name who wrote this. I found it by researching BPD at some point within the past couple of years. Each time I found something useful, I cut and pasted it into a Word document. Most of the time I also included the source but this time I neglected to.  I apologize. Hopefully this will help you in some way. 

  

INDICATORS OF BPD: 

  

Is someone you care about causing you a great deal of pain?

Do you find yourself concealing what you think or feel because you're afraid of the other person's reaction or because it just doesn't seem worth the horrible fight or hurt feelings that will follow?

Do you feel that anything you say or do will be twisted and used against you? Are you blamed and criticized for everything wrong in the relationship-even when it makes no logical sense?

Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages, alternating with periods when the other person acts perfectly normal and loving? Does no one believe you when you explain that this is going on?

Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or even lied to sometimes? Do you feel like you're the victim of emotional blackmail?

Do you feel like the person you care about sees you as either all good or all bad, with nothing in between? Is there sometimes no rational reason for the switch?

Are you afraid to ask for things in the relationship because you will be told that you're too demanding or that there is something wrong with you? Are you told that your needs are not important?

Is the person always denigrating or denying your point of view? Do you feel that their expectations of you are constantly changing, so you can never do anything right?
Are you accused of doing things you never did and saying things you never said? Do you feel misunderstood a great deal of the time, and when you try to explain do you find that the other person doesn't believe you?

Are you constantly being put down? When you try to leave the relationship does the other person try to prevent you from leaving in a variety of ways (anything from declarations of love and promises to change to implicit or explicit threats)?

Do you have a hard time planning anything (social engagements, etc.) because of the other person's moodiness, impulsiveness, or unpredictability? Do you make excuses for their behavior or try to convince yourself that everything is okay?

Right now, are you thinking, "I had no idea that anyone else was going through this?" 

Is this the way someone with BPD feels or is it someone living with someone who has BPD. 

I was diagnosed with BPD years ago and was never told what it really was and to be honest I was upset that I was even diagnosed and never researched it. All these questions are really confusing to me, I don't want to sound rude or dumb, so forgive me. 

 
February 12, 2006, 11:22 pm CST

Hello all! Just checking in ending a busy weekend. I think I'll have a Blue Monday! See you then

 
February 13, 2006, 2:50 am CST

Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote From: blue_white

Hello blue nice that you came in. Do you have Borderlne Personality disorder? I was just wonderinig because anything you say can be encouraging and very helpful. i keep wanting to cut but havent the thoghts are racing in my head. I just havent had the oppertunity to do it yet. I purged. I guess i dont know how to express my feelings and thats why i do those not so nice things. Any one out there feel the same way.
 
February 13, 2006, 9:36 am CST

Don't feel bad

Quote From: nbdyspcl

Is this the way someone with BPD feels or is it someone living with someone who has BPD. 

I was diagnosed with BPD years ago and was never told what it really was and to be honest I was upset that I was even diagnosed and never researched it. All these questions are really confusing to me, I don't want to sound rude or dumb, so forgive me. 

The one thing that keeps being drilled into my head, over and over, and unfortunately I still haven't completely grasped the concept of, is the fact that people with BPD aren't the best communicators. We make a lot of assumptions and they're mostly inaccurate. The key to that is to ask clarifying questions so we can understand better what message is being conveyed.  So, NO... you don't sound rude or dumb... you should feel proud of yourself for asking for clarification! 

  

The BPD Indicator questionnaire is meant to help family and friends see if they can relate in anyway to the things being asked. It's a simple way to find out if their loved one is suffering with BPD.  I have a lot of good information on symptoms of BPD, if you're interested in that also. 

  

Are you still confused and upset about your diagnoses? I felt the same way a couple of years ago when I was diagnosed, and I even became angry. That all dissipated when I began researching on the internet and with books from the library. Knowledge is power and unless and until (Dr. Phil) we begin understanding for ourselves the why's and how's of this disorder, we will most likely remain upset and confused. I've been fortunate enough to also see a therapist each week for 2 1/2 years, which helps incredibly. However, if that isn't an option for you, there is still a lot of peace to be found by researching it all on your own.  Good luck to you! 

 
February 13, 2006, 4:28 pm CST

Any ideas?

Hi, I was diagnosed with BPD 2 yrs. ago. Have been in and out of the hospital 7 times and in day treatment twice. You would think I would have all the answers by now, but knowing what to do and doing it are two different things. After my last hospitalization the judge in my county ordered me to go therapy twice a week. I lost my job Sept. 2005 because of my borderline behaviors. After seeing this new therapist for a few months I laid all my cards on the table. Started to talk to her about some really tough things. Last week she told me she was leaving the treatment facility. I only had 2 more sessions with her.  Four day's ago I was granted an interview for a new job. The feeling of  abandonment is very strong right now. Thoughts of other borderline behaviors keep creeping into my head. I don't want her to feel like she failed me as a therapist because she's the best one I ever had. I feel so consumed with this problem.  I'm afraid I will blow my interview. Getting the job will mean no more therapy. How do you get thru the day without BP behaviors getting in the way?
 
February 13, 2006, 5:45 pm CST

A few questions for you....

Quote From: odd1out

Hi, I was diagnosed with BPD 2 yrs. ago. Have been in and out of the hospital 7 times and in day treatment twice. You would think I would have all the answers by now, but knowing what to do and doing it are two different things. After my last hospitalization the judge in my county ordered me to go therapy twice a week. I lost my job Sept. 2005 because of my borderline behaviors. After seeing this new therapist for a few months I laid all my cards on the table. Started to talk to her about some really tough things. Last week she told me she was leaving the treatment facility. I only had 2 more sessions with her.  Four day's ago I was granted an interview for a new job. The feeling of  abandonment is very strong right now. Thoughts of other borderline behaviors keep creeping into my head. I don't want her to feel like she failed me as a therapist because she's the best one I ever had. I feel so consumed with this problem.  I'm afraid I will blow my interview. Getting the job will mean no more therapy. How do you get thru the day without BP behaviors getting in the way?

1). Why will getting this job mean no more therapy?  Most of the time we think in black and white, which means maybe even with the job there would be a possibility of therapy but you might have to work around things to find it. I see a therapist at 9:00 in the evening once per week.  I have three children and a husband who works all day so I found someone who could see me after hours.  A lot of time this is a possibility.  Finding a good therapist, one who we can eventually somewhat trust, as much as we are capable of trusting, is a hard thing to do.  Especially one who is trained in BPD. It's worth the search though.  It might be a hard road but you can't currently feel as bad as you're feeling and not be in therapy. 

  

2). Do you have two more sessions to go, or have you already had your last two sessions? If you still have a session or two to go, ask your counselor for a recommendation.  Don't hold back any fear you may currently have.... lay it all on the table again so she knows exactly what scares you. She is probably extremely aware of your abandonment issues and will be able to guide you in a healthy direction.  The time to communicate is NOW.  Don't keep it in because you need to get this figured out as soon as possible. 

  

3). What are the BPD behaviors that keep creeping into your head? If they are the usual "I am scared that people will leave me...I chase everyone away...What is wrong with me?...I must have done something wrong...She was the best therapist and I'll never find another as good...etc..." then it's hard to say just how long that may be a part of your daily thinking. If the thoughts are "I want to hurt myself...I need relief...I wish I didn't exist...Nothing will ever change...etc..." then I say you need to get more immediate help. 

  

Gray thinking isn't something we're accustomed to, but sometimes stepping outside of ourselves (which is also unfamiliar at times) will provide the answers.  As always, it's easier to give advice on what we should and shouldn't think, do or say than it is to live that advice.  I'm afraid I'm not getting through my every day without the BP behaviors getting in the way even still, but occasionally I like to sound smarter and more in control than I really am.  So, I hope some of this helped in some way. 

  

Thanks for sharing your feelings, it's better than keeping your fears inside.  Keep seeking the support you need!  Good luck to you! 

 
February 13, 2006, 6:36 pm CST

Hello Blaze! Hello BPD board folks

Quote From: blazes06

Hello blue nice that you came in. Do you have Borderlne Personality disorder? I was just wonderinig because anything you say can be encouraging and very helpful. i keep wanting to cut but havent the thoghts are racing in my head. I just havent had the oppertunity to do it yet. I purged. I guess i dont know how to express my feelings and thats why i do those not so nice things. Any one out there feel the same way.
Do I have BPD? Well that is ONE of the list of diagnoses on my records but I’m certainly not a “text book case.” I don’t struggle with a lot of the dangerous behaviors that you expect for that profile NOW. But I did when I was a whole lot younger. --I think before they really knew much about BPD. And it was also “the 60s” so the behaviors sort of got lost in the “culture” of the times. I’ve picked up quite an education about Mental Illness and Cognitive Coping skills along the way too and my age (maturity?) is also a factor.

But YES -- I do have Borderline Personality Disorder. That’s why I’m here. At first, about 4-5 years ago when I got a good evaluation and a whole bunch of “labels. “I just couldn’t see the BPD. Like many of you. But I saw it in GROUP! I really didn’t want to be in the GROUP setting for DBT! I had actually been eased-out of the only other mental health therapy group I’d ever been in for disrupting the group --not because I was BAD--but because I would crack everybody up with my “class clown” thing. I can’t help it! It’s that MANIC/Anxiety THING! Also, I tend to “take charge” You saw a bit of that several times already. I have little fear and sometimes “cross” the wrong people!

As you know from the other board, I’ve FINALLY faced my BIGGEST problem --Bipolar Disorder. I’m WAY MANIC and not so “way” depressive. (I just hide from life sometimes.) Mix NARCISSISM, some intelligence, too much education, and a tiny bit of real talent -- add 8 huge doses of Post Traumatic Stress, abuse, neglect and abandonment and boil for 60 years! I’m in quite a thick stew!

See me! I’m somewhere in the stew. I’m doing a slow backstroke with one-hand-behind-my-back... But my head is still above water! I’m waving --Hi Blaze! Hi everybody! I really want to learn to live without struggling so hard.

I have found my voice in BLUE! / So I write weird rhymes for you/ I don’t understand it! It’s just part of me/ But it is the person, I’m meant to be/ I get more JOY than I can ever give/ And because of Blue - a reason to live! / I’m way off on me again/ But hope you’re reading with a grin/ Blaze express those feelings! Write them down! /Let them fly all over town/ Find your voice --you have one here/ Listen to “your own song” and hold it near/

Blue

 
February 13, 2006, 7:20 pm CST

Thank you for your reply

Quote From: outoffear

1). Why will getting this job mean no more therapy?  Most of the time we think in black and white, which means maybe even with the job there would be a possibility of therapy but you might have to work around things to find it. I see a therapist at 9:00 in the evening once per week.  I have three children and a husband who works all day so I found someone who could see me after hours.  A lot of time this is a possibility.  Finding a good therapist, one who we can eventually somewhat trust, as much as we are capable of trusting, is a hard thing to do.  Especially one who is trained in BPD. It's worth the search though.  It might be a hard road but you can't currently feel as bad as you're feeling and not be in therapy. 

  

2). Do you have two more sessions to go, or have you already had your last two sessions? If you still have a session or two to go, ask your counselor for a recommendation.  Don't hold back any fear you may currently have.... lay it all on the table again so she knows exactly what scares you. She is probably extremely aware of your abandonment issues and will be able to guide you in a healthy direction.  The time to communicate is NOW.  Don't keep it in because you need to get this figured out as soon as possible. 

  

3). What are the BPD behaviors that keep creeping into your head? If they are the usual "I am scared that people will leave me...I chase everyone away...What is wrong with me?...I must have done something wrong...She was the best therapist and I'll never find another as good...etc..." then it's hard to say just how long that may be a part of your daily thinking. If the thoughts are "I want to hurt myself...I need relief...I wish I didn't exist...Nothing will ever change...etc..." then I say you need to get more immediate help. 

  

Gray thinking isn't something we're accustomed to, but sometimes stepping outside of ourselves (which is also unfamiliar at times) will provide the answers.  As always, it's easier to give advice on what we should and shouldn't think, do or say than it is to live that advice.  I'm afraid I'm not getting through my every day without the BP behaviors getting in the way even still, but occasionally I like to sound smarter and more in control than I really am.  So, I hope some of this helped in some way. 

  

Thanks for sharing your feelings, it's better than keeping your fears inside.  Keep seeking the support you need!  Good luck to you! 

Your right, I need to put some effort into finding a new therapist. If I get this job I will be moving to a larger city so I should have more options. Insurance is a hugh issue right now. I don't have any mental health benefits left until April. I have been seeing this therapist for free through the county. I should have two more meetings with her, she's done at the end of the month. Her focus now is to hook me up with someone else at that facility. I am going to ask her if she know's of anyone in the city that I will be moving to. The BPD behaviors that are creeping into my head are the later of the choices that you gave me. Not to worry, I have made great progress in not acting on those thoughts, I'm not going to blow it now. Thank you so much for listening to me. I feel much more hopeful than I did three hours ago!!
 
February 13, 2006, 8:06 pm CST

If you have HOPE, you'll be okay...

Quote From: odd1out

Your right, I need to put some effort into finding a new therapist. If I get this job I will be moving to a larger city so I should have more options. Insurance is a hugh issue right now. I don't have any mental health benefits left until April. I have been seeing this therapist for free through the county. I should have two more meetings with her, she's done at the end of the month. Her focus now is to hook me up with someone else at that facility. I am going to ask her if she know's of anyone in the city that I will be moving to. The BPD behaviors that are creeping into my head are the later of the choices that you gave me. Not to worry, I have made great progress in not acting on those thoughts, I'm not going to blow it now. Thank you so much for listening to me. I feel much more hopeful than I did three hours ago!!

I'm so glad you're more hopeful. That's what it's all about! 

  

Keeping in mind I don't know a whole lot about your situation, I'll offer a little more advice. Since you're struggling with thoughts of harming yourself, even if you don't intend on acting on those thoughts, I believe that "any" therapist will be better than "no" therapist (for now). So, take advantage of someone in that facility while it's still free, since feeling like you have someone will be more important than feeling completely abandoned, even if he/she isn't the ideal therapist. I assume the negative thoughts come from your fear of being abandoned, so if you can temporarily remedy that it would probably help. 

  

If you were able to utilize the free county facility, maybe it'll be a possibility to do the same in the new area you're moving to?? I don't know, but one can hope. 

  

I have to say I'm impressed with your comment of "not to worry, I have made great progress in not acting on those thoughts, I'm not going to blow it now."  Personally I think that's one of the hardest steps to take, so if you've figured that part out you're probably doing better than you're giving yourself credit for. That doesn't mean you don't get scared and quickly fall back into the BPD line of thinking.... but it sounds like you're going to make some good choices.  Keep up the hard work! 

 
February 14, 2006, 5:44 am CST

Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote From: blue_white

Do I have BPD? Well that is ONE of the list of diagnoses on my records but Im certainly not a text book case. I dont struggle with a lot of the dangerous behaviors that you expect for that profile NOW. But I did when I was a whole lot younger. --I think before they really knew much about BPD. And it was also the 60s so the behaviors sort of got lost in the culture of the times. Ive picked up quite an education about Mental Illness and Cognitive Coping skills along the way too and my age (maturity?) is also a factor.

But YES -- I do have Borderline Personality Disorder. Thats why Im here. At first, about 4-5 years ago when I got a good evaluation and a whole bunch of labels. I just couldnt see the BPD. Like many of you. But I saw it in GROUP! I really didnt want to be in the GROUP setting for DBT! I had actually been eased-out of the only other mental health therapy group Id ever been in for disrupting the group --not because I was BAD--but because I would crack everybody up with my class clown thing. I cant help it! Its that MANIC/Anxiety THING! Also, I tend to take charge You saw a bit of that several times already. I have little fear and sometimes cross the wrong people!

As you know from the other board, Ive FINALLY faced my BIGGEST problem --Bipolar Disorder. Im WAY MANIC and not so way depressive. (I just hide from life sometimes.) Mix NARCISSISM, some intelligence, too much education, and a tiny bit of real talent -- add 8 huge doses of Post Traumatic Stress, abuse, neglect and abandonment and boil for 60 years! Im in quite a thick stew!

See me! Im somewhere in the stew. Im doing a slow backstroke with one-hand-behind-my-back... But my head is still above water! Im waving --Hi Blaze! Hi everybody! I really want to learn to live without struggling so hard.

I have found my voice in BLUE! / So I write weird rhymes for you/ I dont understand it! Its just part of me/ But it is the person, Im meant to be/ I get more JOY than I can ever give/ And because of Blue - a reason to live! / Im way off on me again/ But hope youre reading with a grin/ Blaze express those feelings! Write them down! /Let them fly all over town/ Find your voice --you have one here/ Listen to your own song and hold it near/

Blue

Blue  

I appreciate your candor and experience. i hope to find  ways to express myself more effectively. Growing up i was not able to express how i felt about anything. So I kept it all in. And now i cut and purge. You are in a thick stew but good thing its keeping you afloat and its not soup where you would sink to the bottom.  

I cant think right now. But i apprecitate your poems and rhytms. they are upbuilding. better go for now and thanks for responding. I cant get my thoughts to come thru right now.  

 

Blaze  

 
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