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Topic : Borderline Personality Disorder

Number of Replies: 946
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Created on : Saturday, February 04, 2006, 07:59:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
If you or a loved one suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, find encouragement and support, share advice, and connect with others dealing with this illness.

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February 15, 2006, 1:47 am CST

Flat tire on the highway

Quote From: outoffear

I'm so glad you're more hopeful. That's what it's all about! 

  

Keeping in mind I don't know a whole lot about your situation, I'll offer a little more advice. Since you're struggling with thoughts of harming yourself, even if you don't intend on acting on those thoughts, I believe that "any" therapist will be better than "no" therapist (for now). So, take advantage of someone in that facility while it's still free, since feeling like you have someone will be more important than feeling completely abandoned, even if he/she isn't the ideal therapist. I assume the negative thoughts come from your fear of being abandoned, so if you can temporarily remedy that it would probably help. 

  

If you were able to utilize the free county facility, maybe it'll be a possibility to do the same in the new area you're moving to?? I don't know, but one can hope. 

  

I have to say I'm impressed with your comment of "not to worry, I have made great progress in not acting on those thoughts, I'm not going to blow it now."  Personally I think that's one of the hardest steps to take, so if you've figured that part out you're probably doing better than you're giving yourself credit for. That doesn't mean you don't get scared and quickly fall back into the BPD line of thinking.... but it sounds like you're going to make some good choices.  Keep up the hard work! 

I read the quote you posted awhile back "Most people, when they get a flat tire on the highway call Triple A. I call the suicide hotline."  Great Quote! So true. You stated that you did'nt remember which site you found the quote on. I found it on "My Personal Borderline Personality Disorder" website. I'm going to share it with my therapist Thursday. I am taking your good advice and am planning to be totally honest with her about my feelings of abandonment. I've been up most the night writing her a letter and sending her a copy of our conversations(hope you don't mind). I only have a half hour with her on Thursday so I don't want to waste any time getting down to it. 

  

                                                      P.S.  

                                                      I would like to discuss" meds" with you sometime(if this is something you would'nt mind talking about) 

 
February 15, 2006, 11:16 am CST

THANKS!!!!

Quote From: odd1out

I read the quote you posted awhile back "Most people, when they get a flat tire on the highway call Triple A. I call the suicide hotline."  Great Quote! So true. You stated that you did'nt remember which site you found the quote on. I found it on "My Personal Borderline Personality Disorder" website. I'm going to share it with my therapist Thursday. I am taking your good advice and am planning to be totally honest with her about my feelings of abandonment. I've been up most the night writing her a letter and sending her a copy of our conversations(hope you don't mind). I only have a half hour with her on Thursday so I don't want to waste any time getting down to it. 

  

                                                      P.S.  

                                                      I would like to discuss" meds" with you sometime(if this is something you would'nt mind talking about) 

I appreciate you telling me where you located that quote.  I hate to use quotes when I'm not sure where they came from, but you did a nice job finding it for all of us, thanks! 

  

Feel free to share anything I say with your therapist.  I try to sound smarter and more in control of my life than I really am, but if any of it helps someone else then it's worth it.  Hopefully I haven't misled you in anyway but remember that whatever your therapist tells you is most likely better advice than I can give, since she's schooled and I am not.  I do have a lot of life experiences and a lot of personal one on one time with a therapist for almost 3 years now.... and sometimes the people who have been through it can relate better than the people who are schooled.... but remember that your therapist KNOWS you much better than anyone here and will be able to advise you specifically when we can only listen and sympathize. (That's a HUGE part though, isn't it??) 

  

You're ultimately making the best decision sharing your deepest feelings with your therapist, just be careful that you're not subconsciously trying to manipulate her into staying, since she cannot. (I'm not accusing you, I don't know you, I'm just thinking back to situations in my life and things I've heard and learned). She doesn't want to have to leave her clients but it sounds as though it's something she has to do. I'm sure she would rather stay and see you through but unfortunately things don't always work out the absolute best for everyone involved.  She'll probably be glad to assist in finding the next best person to continue with your healing. Try not to take it personal and think that's she's leaving you because she's not. 

  

I understand how hard this must be for you, to only have 30 minutes left with her tomorrow. You must be feeling like you don't want to leave anything unsaid. You want to get everything taken care of the best you can before termination. That makes sense. Just be honest and open and know that whatever happens in the future is meant to happen (that's my belief anyway) and you might just find someone that clicks with you even MORE than this therapist.  It's always a possibility, but we sometimes forget that when our negative thinking takes over. 

  

I wouldn't mind discussing "meds" with you when you're ready. Feel free asking anything you need to ask.  Until then, take care and let us know how your last session goes tomorrow.  Remember:  EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

  

(Sorry this is so long, I seem to get carried away and ramble a lot). 

 
February 15, 2006, 12:27 pm CST

Well

Quote From: outoffear

The one thing that keeps being drilled into my head, over and over, and unfortunately I still haven't completely grasped the concept of, is the fact that people with BPD aren't the best communicators. We make a lot of assumptions and they're mostly inaccurate. The key to that is to ask clarifying questions so we can understand better what message is being conveyed.  So, NO... you don't sound rude or dumb... you should feel proud of yourself for asking for clarification! 

  

The BPD Indicator questionnaire is meant to help family and friends see if they can relate in anyway to the things being asked. It's a simple way to find out if their loved one is suffering with BPD.  I have a lot of good information on symptoms of BPD, if you're interested in that also. 

  

Are you still confused and upset about your diagnoses? I felt the same way a couple of years ago when I was diagnosed, and I even became angry. That all dissipated when I began researching on the internet and with books from the library. Knowledge is power and unless and until (Dr. Phil) we begin understanding for ourselves the why's and how's of this disorder, we will most likely remain upset and confused. I've been fortunate enough to also see a therapist each week for 2 1/2 years, which helps incredibly. However, if that isn't an option for you, there is still a lot of peace to be found by researching it all on your own.  Good luck to you! 

I was diagnosed with this about 8 years ago. It made me angry and now I am not so angry about it. When I read about it, they said that it was unlikely you could ever get over it, incurable. Reading your questions, made me realize that my husband may have this too. Imagine that! Two of us under the same roof! I don't go into rages, but I have tremendous fears of abandonment, and I can't seem to keep friends. I think that I am a freak and so I just quit calling or any contact I have with them.  

I like so many here have many labels, PTSD, DID, BPD, major depressive and anxiety. So it is hard for me to know where one fits with one or the other. 

 
February 15, 2006, 1:18 pm CST

The good news is....

Quote From: outoffear

I appreciate you telling me where you located that quote.  I hate to use quotes when I'm not sure where they came from, but you did a nice job finding it for all of us, thanks! 

  

Feel free to share anything I say with your therapist.  I try to sound smarter and more in control of my life than I really am, but if any of it helps someone else then it's worth it.  Hopefully I haven't misled you in anyway but remember that whatever your therapist tells you is most likely better advice than I can give, since she's schooled and I am not.  I do have a lot of life experiences and a lot of personal one on one time with a therapist for almost 3 years now.... and sometimes the people who have been through it can relate better than the people who are schooled.... but remember that your therapist KNOWS you much better than anyone here and will be able to advise you specifically when we can only listen and sympathize. (That's a HUGE part though, isn't it??) 

  

You're ultimately making the best decision sharing your deepest feelings with your therapist, just be careful that you're not subconsciously trying to manipulate her into staying, since she cannot. (I'm not accusing you, I don't know you, I'm just thinking back to situations in my life and things I've heard and learned). She doesn't want to have to leave her clients but it sounds as though it's something she has to do. I'm sure she would rather stay and see you through but unfortunately things don't always work out the absolute best for everyone involved.  She'll probably be glad to assist in finding the next best person to continue with your healing. Try not to take it personal and think that's she's leaving you because she's not. 

  

I understand how hard this must be for you, to only have 30 minutes left with her tomorrow. You must be feeling like you don't want to leave anything unsaid. You want to get everything taken care of the best you can before termination. That makes sense. Just be honest and open and know that whatever happens in the future is meant to happen (that's my belief anyway) and you might just find someone that clicks with you even MORE than this therapist.  It's always a possibility, but we sometimes forget that when our negative thinking takes over. 

  

I wouldn't mind discussing "meds" with you when you're ready. Feel free asking anything you need to ask.  Until then, take care and let us know how your last session goes tomorrow.  Remember:  EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

  

(Sorry this is so long, I seem to get carried away and ramble a lot). 

After a close call suicide attempt(on a ventilator for awhile until the drugs wore off), I enrolled myself into a martial arts black belt academy. I paid the whole $$ amount the first day. Big incentive to stick with it. It takes about 3 years to become a black belt. Last week I tested out and received my blue belt, you start out with no belt then you get your white belt, gold, orange,green, purple, BLUE, blue/red,red,red/brown,brown, brown/black and then black. After that you can go for 1st degree, 2nd degree and so on......I missed 3 opportunities to go from purple to blue because of hospitalizations so finally doing the work and passing the test last week felt really good.( let me tell ya, tae kwon do is very difficult when your 42 and fat!!!!) Anyway when I saw Kathleen last week I was very upset,crying and all, because I so very much wanted to beable to come in to see her and show her my black belt, which will be in about a year and a half to two years from now. So the good news is she said I could write to her and share my progress with her, and even send pictures. All I have to do is take them to the county health center and they would forward them to her. VERY COOL. Well I need to get going. I'm going to make a "dry run" to make sure I know where I'm going for my interview on Friday.   Once again, thank you for listening to me. I had no sleep last night. My mom says I babble on and on when I'm over tired. She's right!!! 

  

P.S. please excuse my spelling. To/Too ? I don't know 

P.S.S. I found a good quote for describing good day's and bad day's. " Some day's your the dog and some day's your the hydrant" 

P.S.S.S. I was thinking that someday it would be nice to replace our user names to something more positive. 

P.S.S.S.S. I sorry babble babble babble 

 
February 15, 2006, 1:26 pm CST

Additional BPD Indicators (Warning: LENGHTY)

Quote From: nbdyspcl

I was diagnosed with this about 8 years ago. It made me angry and now I am not so angry about it. When I read about it, they said that it was unlikely you could ever get over it, incurable. Reading your questions, made me realize that my husband may have this too. Imagine that! Two of us under the same roof! I don't go into rages, but I have tremendous fears of abandonment, and I can't seem to keep friends. I think that I am a freak and so I just quit calling or any contact I have with them.  

I like so many here have many labels, PTSD, DID, BPD, major depressive and anxiety. So it is hard for me to know where one fits with one or the other. 

From what I've read, it pretty much is "incurable" although they don't generally use that term. With proper therapy we can rid ourselves of the daily, painful behaviors that accompany this disorder, but we may never completely rid ourselves of the daily, painful thoughts and feelings. I believe we can minimize them, which enables us to avoid the behaviors, but they may always be a part of our thinking to some degree. That shouldn't disappoint us, but rather give us hope that one day we'll feel better and be able to function more productively in our relationships. I'm sorry your husband seems to struggle too. With better knowledge, the both of you can understand and support each other even more. 

  

Forgive me for using the same unknown source to quote additional BPD traits. This might be easier to relate to, if you suffer from BPD.  I think certain disorders overlap others and it makes it hard to realize what you suffer from and what you don't.  That's why it's important to have a trained therapist who can help you in your journey to discovering your true self.  I hope this helps in some way. Just keep in mind that the majority of people think, feel or behave in these ways to a certain degree. It's the level of the way things are in your life that makes a difference.  Good luck! 

  

THOUGHTS that may indicate BPD 

Does this person: 

-Alternate between seeing people as either flawless or evil? Have difficulty remembering the good things about a person they're casting in the role of villain? 

-Find it impossible to recall anything negative about this person when they become the hero? 

-Alternate between seeing others as completely for them or against them? 

-Alternate between seeing situations as either disastrous or ideal? 

-Alternate between seeing themselves as either worthless or flawless? 

-Have a hard time recalling someone's love for them when they're not around? 

-Believe that others are either completely right or totally wrong? 

-Change their opinions depending upon who they're with? 

-Alternate between idealizing people and devaluing them? 

-Remember situations very differently than other people, or find themselves  unable to recall them at all? 

-Believe that others are responsible for their actions-or take too much responsibility for the actions of others? 

-Seem unwilling to admit to a mistake-or feel that everything that they do is  a mistake? 

-Base their beliefs on feelings rather than facts? 

-Not realize the effects of their behavior on others? 

  

FEELINGS that may indicate BPD 

Does this person: 

-Feel abandoned at the slightest provocation? 

-Have extreme moodiness that cycles very quickly (in minutes or hours)? 

-Have difficulty managing their emotions? 

-Feel emotions so intensely that it's difficult to put others' needs-even  those of their own children-ahead of their own? 

-Feel distrustful and suspicious a great deal of the time? 

-Feel anxious or irritable a great deal of the time? 

-Feel empty or like they have no self a great deal of the time? 

-Feel ignored when they are not the focus of attention? 

-Express anger inappropriately or have difficulty expressing anger at all? 

-Feel that they never can get enough love, affection, or attention? 

-Frequently feel spacey, unreal, or out of it? 

  

BEHAVIORS that may indicate BPD 

Does this person: 

-Have trouble observing others' personal limits? 

-Have trouble defining their own personal limits? 

-Act impulsively in ways that are potentially self-damaging, such as spending  too much, engaging in dangerous sex, fighting, gambling, abusing drugs or alcohol, reckless driving, shoplifting, or disordered eating? 

-Mutilate themselves-for example, purposely cutting or burning their skin? 

-Threaten to kill themselves-or make actual suicide attempts? 

-Rush into relationships based on idealized fantasies of what they would like the other person or the relationship to be? 

-Change their expectations in such a way that the other person feels they can never do anything right? 

-Have frightening, unpredictable rages that make no logical sense-or have trouble expressing anger at all? 

-Physically abuse others, such as slapping, kicking, and scratching them? 

-Needlessly create crises or live a chaotic lifestyle? 

-Act inconsistently or unpredictably? 

-Alternately want to be close to others, then distance themselves? (Examples include picking fights when things are going well or alternately ending relationships and then trying to get back together.) 

-Cut people out of their life over issues that seem trivial or overblown? 

-Act competent and controlled in some situations but extremely out of control in others? 

-Verbally abuse others, criticizing and blaming them to the point where it feels brutal? 

-Act verbally abusive toward people they know very well, while putting on a charming front for others? Can they switch from one mode to the other in seconds? 

-Act in what seems like extreme or controlling ways to get their own needs met? 

-Do or say something inappropriate to focus the attention on them when they feel ignored? 

-Accuse others of doing things they did not do, having feelings they do not feel, or believing things they do not believe? 

 
February 15, 2006, 1:46 pm CST

Woo-HOOOO!!

Quote From: odd1out

After a close call suicide attempt(on a ventilator for awhile until the drugs wore off), I enrolled myself into a martial arts black belt academy. I paid the whole $$ amount the first day. Big incentive to stick with it. It takes about 3 years to become a black belt. Last week I tested out and received my blue belt, you start out with no belt then you get your white belt, gold, orange,green, purple, BLUE, blue/red,red,red/brown,brown, brown/black and then black. After that you can go for 1st degree, 2nd degree and so on......I missed 3 opportunities to go from purple to blue because of hospitalizations so finally doing the work and passing the test last week felt really good.( let me tell ya, tae kwon do is very difficult when your 42 and fat!!!!) Anyway when I saw Kathleen last week I was very upset,crying and all, because I so very much wanted to beable to come in to see her and show her my black belt, which will be in about a year and a half to two years from now. So the good news is she said I could write to her and share my progress with her, and even send pictures. All I have to do is take them to the county health center and they would forward them to her. VERY COOL. Well I need to get going. I'm going to make a "dry run" to make sure I know where I'm going for my interview on Friday.   Once again, thank you for listening to me. I had no sleep last night. My mom says I babble on and on when I'm over tired. She's right!!! 

  

P.S. please excuse my spelling. To/Too ? I don't know 

P.S.S. I found a good quote for describing good day's and bad day's. " Some day's your the dog and some day's your the hydrant" 

P.S.S.S. I was thinking that someday it would be nice to replace our user names to something more positive. 

P.S.S.S.S. I sorry babble babble babble 

You're smack dab in the middle and on your way to a black belt!  That's incredible!  I strongly believe we all need something, rather than someONE, in our lives that will give us confidence and hope for our future. Obviously we have problems holding on to actual people but your knowledge and skills and black belt will NEVER abandon you!  If we feel good about ourselves FIRST then we can someday learn to feel good about others. Way to go!! You must feel so proud of your accomplishment, and if not....you definitely should. 

  

Kathleen must have nothing but the very best wishes for you. She doesn't have to allow you to keep contact, and a lot of therapists wouldn't, so you should feel pretty good about things. It tells me that she truly cares about your outcome and wants you to heal. Isn't that what we all hope for in a therapist?? 

  

Ur spllngs not a prblm as lng as I can put enf lettrs tgthr to figr it out. You're doing just fine! 

  

Great quote. I guess my new goal is to be a hydrant a little less each week. 

  

Everything I do is driven by some sort of underlying fear, so my user name is appropriate for now.  Hopefully one day I'll be able to change it to something like "nomorefear." Your new positive name should be something like "Hi-YAH!!!" for your soon to be black belt! 

  

Get some sleep tonight and especially tomorrow night so you can be prepared for your interview! And again, good luck! 

 
February 16, 2006, 3:44 pm CST

Help I am just starting to realize Iam sick

Hi Iam a newly separated mom and I have too many disorders to even count and iam really frusterated
 
February 17, 2006, 1:46 am CST

Me and my all my selves

    Hello, I am the mother of 3 girls 17,14,11. I am also married but  I wouldnt call it a good marriage.  But I really dont do anything good anymore!  I have been going to the same doctor for 15 years. He just has retired ... Witch lefted me lost. So know here I am I have narsitic/ borderline personility. destinct personility personility , my doctor and others i have seen recently call it different things . I also have panic attachs, I have magor depression, soical anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, psychotic behavior. I have 13 alturs or personility. I am on lots  of medications . I lose hours and sometimes days at a time not remembering nothing . I sometimes hate myself because I am nottakeing care of my children , they are takeing care of me most of the time... I really dont know where to turn now the doctor that I am useing now seems not to know alot about this so he just gives me meds and sends me on my way . He has now put me on a medicine that i know has caused me to have high blood sugar. So my whole body is swelled 2 times its normal size . does anyone know how to help me? 

  

  

  

 
February 17, 2006, 7:14 am CST

Hang in There

Quote From: mom_crazy4

Hi Iam a newly separated mom and I have too many disorders to even count and iam really frusterated

Welcome! I am sorry for your frustration, that must really be hard on you. Keep the hope, that's what matters most! 

 
February 17, 2006, 7:36 am CST

Welcome, ALL of you!

Quote From: sonyalee

    Hello, I am the mother of 3 girls 17,14,11. I am also married but  I wouldnt call it a good marriage.  But I really dont do anything good anymore!  I have been going to the same doctor for 15 years. He just has retired ... Witch lefted me lost. So know here I am I have narsitic/ borderline personility. destinct personility personility , my doctor and others i have seen recently call it different things . I also have panic attachs, I have magor depression, soical anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, psychotic behavior. I have 13 alturs or personility. I am on lots  of medications . I lose hours and sometimes days at a time not remembering nothing . I sometimes hate myself because I am nottakeing care of my children , they are takeing care of me most of the time... I really dont know where to turn now the doctor that I am useing now seems not to know alot about this so he just gives me meds and sends me on my way . He has now put me on a medicine that i know has caused me to have high blood sugar. So my whole body is swelled 2 times its normal size . does anyone know how to help me? 

  

  

  

I'll bet that somewhere deep down, if you'd give yourself a few  minutes to think, you could come up with something good that you are doing. I believe that taking a few minutes of each day to write at least a couple of things we're grateful for will show us the good in our life. Maybe the good in our lives isn't something we're directly responsible for... but it will show us the positive side that we often forget. It's a nice refresher, try it! 

  

I'm sorry for the struggles you're having. It must really be hard to have your doctor retire. It might be worth it to seek out a new doctor, one who will act concerned and put forth more effort than the one you're currently seeing. If you have this many disorders and have to be seen often, and your past seems to indicate that you'll have to see someone for a great deal in the future, then you're going to want someone you like and someone who will take care of most of your needs... not just medication.  You're paying him, so make sure it's worth your time, money and effort! 

  

Don't hate yourself because your girls have to take care of you. Be grateful that they are willing and be grateful that you have three wonderful girls who can take their turn in helping out. Just make sure that on those occasions that you're able to help yourself or help your children, that you are doing the best you can so your girls don't feel like you're taking advantage of them. 

  

I don't know how to help you, only your doctors who know the real and complete you can help. I can only offer support and unprofessional advice that comes from life experiences and nothing more. Take care of yourselves and remember to find at least two things per day that you are grateful for. They don't have to be huge things....  Here, I'll start you out: 

  

1). The warm sunshine on your face 

2). Or the beautiful white snowflakes 

3). Daughter 1 

4). Daughter 2 

5). Daughter 3 

6). Medication that helps, even though there's one that causes more problems 

7). Music that makes you want to dance 

8). Message boards that lend support 

9). Although your marriage isn't necessarily "good"... at least you didn't say it was "bad" (maybe start a gratitude list of things that are good in your marriage, or positive about your husband. I made a list of five things per day that I loved about my husband, for an entire month... sometimes they were cheesy things like "I love that he loves his truck so much" but at least it put things into perspective for me) 

10). Endless information on each disorder at your fingertips (internet) 

  

Good luck to you and don't lose hope! 

 
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