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Topic : Borderline Personality Disorder

Number of Replies: 946
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Saturday, February 04, 2006, 07:59:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
If you or a loved one suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, find encouragement and support, share advice, and connect with others dealing with this illness.

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February 17, 2006, 8:25 am CST

Disclaimer for my messages

I guess I should have prefaced all of my messages by first saying that I don't believe a "positive outlook" will ever cure any of the disorders that we all may suffer from. I know that writing what we're grateful for will never take away the pain of struggling mentally. That being said, I truly do believe that changing our outlook will alleviate some discomfort, if only just a little. My hopeful, upbeat and positive advice is not meant to minimize anyone's suffering. I feel the daily pain too, believe me. I only want to provide hope because that's one of the most important things my dear friend continues to teach me, and if I didn't have hope and faith NONE of the rest would matter! Take my advice or don't, it's just some things that have helped me, even just slightly, and it's always worth a try. Just know that I empathize with your suffering, it's a huge part of my existence as well, but the negative thinking has always made things worse for me.  Thank you for allowing me the time to explain.  There's hope for all of us, but as soon as we forget that we'll sink!
 
February 17, 2006, 10:39 am CST

Sorry I have been gone. I'm sick --having a bad reaction to new meds. I'll be back. Blue

 
February 17, 2006, 5:02 pm CST

Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote From: outoffear

You're smack dab in the middle and on your way to a black belt!  That's incredible!  I strongly believe we all need something, rather than someONE, in our lives that will give us confidence and hope for our future. Obviously we have problems holding on to actual people but your knowledge and skills and black belt will NEVER abandon you!  If we feel good about ourselves FIRST then we can someday learn to feel good about others. Way to go!! You must feel so proud of your accomplishment, and if not....you definitely should. 

  

Kathleen must have nothing but the very best wishes for you. She doesn't have to allow you to keep contact, and a lot of therapists wouldn't, so you should feel pretty good about things. It tells me that she truly cares about your outcome and wants you to heal. Isn't that what we all hope for in a therapist?? 

  

Ur spllngs not a prblm as lng as I can put enf lettrs tgthr to figr it out. You're doing just fine! 

  

Great quote. I guess my new goal is to be a hydrant a little less each week. 

  

Everything I do is driven by some sort of underlying fear, so my user name is appropriate for now.  Hopefully one day I'll be able to change it to something like "nomorefear." Your new positive name should be something like "Hi-YAH!!!" for your soon to be black belt! 

  

Get some sleep tonight and especially tomorrow night so you can be prepared for your interview! And again, good luck! 

Hi, just got home from my interview. It was very difficult. I have been an x-ray tech for 20 yrs. My first job was at a small hospital. I worked there for 7 yrs. My 2nd job was at a clinic(the organization has 17 locations, I worked at 5-6 diff. locations from 1992-2000). My 3rd job was at another local small hospital(2000 until terminated Aug. 30 2005) My interview today was with the organization that I worked at from 1992-2000.(my old stomp'n grounds) At least half of the interview was spent explaining the events that lead up to my termination. She kept hounding me about it. Since I was previously employed by this organization she had access to my employment records. She kept asking me questions  about my employment there. Negative questions... Was I ever written up?, were there any conflicts? How did you deal with these conflicts? I knew that lying was not an option. I did my best under pressure to remember any conflicts. I came up with 2 and told her about them, but on the way home I remembered 2 other conflict's that I'm sure that she was waiting for me to reveal.(Please know that any/all problems/conflict's that I had never involved patient's, only other co-workers that I simply ran out of patients with. ) I have always been rather immuture for my age. I tell My therapist that "I am my inner child looking for my outer adult".  Being fired from my last job has really opened my eyes to this. Looking back I can see that in some way's I have been a crappy employee, but I also know that for the most part I am a caring person with alot of good qualities. Well, I did my best. That's all any of us can do. I try not to blame my down falls on the borderline personality disorder.I need to take responsibilty for the thing's I do. All I can do now is pray that they can see the good in me, and give me another chance. My appt. with Kathleen went well yesterday. I have one more before she leaves. Enough about me already. How are you doing today?. Well I hope. You are a very wise woman, the advice you have given me since I came to the messageboard has been wonderful and greatly appreciated. I know that you too struggle everyday with the stress of being borderline. I may not have alot of advice, but I am a good listener. Well, I need to go turn up the furnace, it's 2 below zero here and the wind is whipping the snow around. Take care and know that I care about how YOU are doing.
 
February 17, 2006, 7:35 pm CST

I'm a fool

Quote From: odd1out

Hi, just got home from my interview. It was very difficult. I have been an x-ray tech for 20 yrs. My first job was at a small hospital. I worked there for 7 yrs. My 2nd job was at a clinic(the organization has 17 locations, I worked at 5-6 diff. locations from 1992-2000). My 3rd job was at another local small hospital(2000 until terminated Aug. 30 2005) My interview today was with the organization that I worked at from 1992-2000.(my old stomp'n grounds) At least half of the interview was spent explaining the events that lead up to my termination. She kept hounding me about it. Since I was previously employed by this organization she had access to my employment records. She kept asking me questions  about my employment there. Negative questions... Was I ever written up?, were there any conflicts? How did you deal with these conflicts? I knew that lying was not an option. I did my best under pressure to remember any conflicts. I came up with 2 and told her about them, but on the way home I remembered 2 other conflict's that I'm sure that she was waiting for me to reveal.(Please know that any/all problems/conflict's that I had never involved patient's, only other co-workers that I simply ran out of patients with. ) I have always been rather immuture for my age. I tell My therapist that "I am my inner child looking for my outer adult".  Being fired from my last job has really opened my eyes to this. Looking back I can see that in some way's I have been a crappy employee, but I also know that for the most part I am a caring person with alot of good qualities. Well, I did my best. That's all any of us can do. I try not to blame my down falls on the borderline personality disorder.I need to take responsibilty for the thing's I do. All I can do now is pray that they can see the good in me, and give me another chance. My appt. with Kathleen went well yesterday. I have one more before she leaves. Enough about me already. How are you doing today?. Well I hope. You are a very wise woman, the advice you have given me since I came to the messageboard has been wonderful and greatly appreciated. I know that you too struggle everyday with the stress of being borderline. I may not have alot of advice, but I am a good listener. Well, I need to go turn up the furnace, it's 2 below zero here and the wind is whipping the snow around. Take care and know that I care about how YOU are doing.

I feel the need to reply to my own message."for the most part I am a caring person with alot of good qualities". That was my attempt at "positive self talk". What a bunch of crap. I am a fool to think they will hire me back. I and I alone have ruined my career. 

 
February 17, 2006, 10:25 pm CST

Back on the "hope boat"

Quote From: odd1out

I feel the need to reply to my own message."for the most part I am a caring person with alot of good qualities". That was my attempt at "positive self talk". What a bunch of crap. I am a fool to think they will hire me back. I and I alone have ruined my career. 

O.K. another message to my self. Be encouraged "For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Wow! Thought's, feeling's,coping skill's change so quickly with this disorder. Therefore, try not to act on impulses, there's a good chance you will see thing's differently in a hour or two.
 
February 18, 2006, 5:34 am CST

Dr Phil your the ony one that can help

My case worker is going to get me started on the DBT classes in 30 days,  for BPD I need it for sure but there is on problem I have I contacted Dr Phil by phone. I need his help and pretty desperate was crying.  My terrors are getting worse and other more serious things are going on while I'm sleeping.  I'm been traumatized so much through out my life and there must still be anger inside of me and there are times my rage comes out.  I'm scared of having another relationship woth another person because of what this person has done to me while I'm  sleeping.  He keeps on telling me in the past that I had my eyes open and and was talking in my sleep like I would be if I was awake.  My case worker told me I need to go to a sleeping clinic, I don't have the money for it and somebody else told me I might have multiple personlity disorder.  I need help so bad the only way I can get Dr Phils help is to see him in person. This is a severe case that I feel that Dr Phil is the only that can help me.
 
February 18, 2006, 5:53 am CST

It's probably better than you think

Quote From: odd1out

Hi, just got home from my interview. It was very difficult. I have been an x-ray tech for 20 yrs. My first job was at a small hospital. I worked there for 7 yrs. My 2nd job was at a clinic(the organization has 17 locations, I worked at 5-6 diff. locations from 1992-2000). My 3rd job was at another local small hospital(2000 until terminated Aug. 30 2005) My interview today was with the organization that I worked at from 1992-2000.(my old stomp'n grounds) At least half of the interview was spent explaining the events that lead up to my termination. She kept hounding me about it. Since I was previously employed by this organization she had access to my employment records. She kept asking me questions  about my employment there. Negative questions... Was I ever written up?, were there any conflicts? How did you deal with these conflicts? I knew that lying was not an option. I did my best under pressure to remember any conflicts. I came up with 2 and told her about them, but on the way home I remembered 2 other conflict's that I'm sure that she was waiting for me to reveal.(Please know that any/all problems/conflict's that I had never involved patient's, only other co-workers that I simply ran out of patients with. ) I have always been rather immuture for my age. I tell My therapist that "I am my inner child looking for my outer adult".  Being fired from my last job has really opened my eyes to this. Looking back I can see that in some way's I have been a crappy employee, but I also know that for the most part I am a caring person with alot of good qualities. Well, I did my best. That's all any of us can do. I try not to blame my down falls on the borderline personality disorder.I need to take responsibilty for the thing's I do. All I can do now is pray that they can see the good in me, and give me another chance. My appt. with Kathleen went well yesterday. I have one more before she leaves. Enough about me already. How are you doing today?. Well I hope. You are a very wise woman, the advice you have given me since I came to the messageboard has been wonderful and greatly appreciated. I know that you too struggle everyday with the stress of being borderline. I may not have alot of advice, but I am a good listener. Well, I need to go turn up the furnace, it's 2 below zero here and the wind is whipping the snow around. Take care and know that I care about how YOU are doing.

I guess my initial response would be that in this situation maybe you can feel fortunate that our minds play out a fantasy scene that is almost ALWAYS worse than reality. You probably felt attacked as you sat there being interrogated during your interview. The person interviewing you probably just wanted to see how you would respond under pressure and it sounds as though you did okay. You were honest.  Thinking of myself and some past and even more recent situations in my life.... honesty isn't always the easiest thing! One thing stuck out like it had been written in bold, all capped letters... "I knew that lying was not an option."  WOW!!!!  If only that was something I knew for myself at critical times.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not a pathological liar, but I've been guilty of manipulating (subconsciously most of the time, completely aware others) to avoid rejection. I know that people with BPD have similar behavioral problems, but each of us is still individual, so to me the honesty thing (especially when there was an incredible fear of rejection with not getting the job, etc) is HUGE!!!! It is a possibility that the interviewee didn't know about the four instances of conflict. It's a possibility that she was impressed with your candor. It's a possibility that she was pleasantly surprised that you voluntarily spoke of two embarrassing cases of unpleasantry with your co-workers. We forget sometimes that positive things are a possibility. 

  

I wish you the best outcome from this interview.  If things don't work out, there's always another job. It may be harder to find but there has to be comfort in the fact that it is "meant to be." Keep your head up, even if it doesn't work out the way you think you want it to, and try not to take it personal and beat yourself up over it. (Yet another trick I have to learn myself). No matter what, just keep plugging along. 

  

I'm doing okay. I am currently high up on the anxiety scale because of some pretty stupid choices. I believe that's why I can give the advice I'm giving, because if I had heeded it myself I wouldn't be in the situation that I'm currently in. Oh well.  I guess we live and learn. Unfortunately that living isn't always easy or comfortable or pain-free or pleasant, but the key is to keep living, right? Indeed. 

  

I must be off. Thanks for the update and make sure to let us all know when you've heard whether or not you're newly employed. 

 
February 18, 2006, 7:05 am CST

Borderline Personality Disorder

Good morning everyone  

its been a bit since i wrote anything. been under the weather real bad. And was not up to anything. Still not but will atleast tell everyone hi. I feel so empty inside right not and so much pain and hate. its unbelieveable i feel like i want to die. Does anyone ever feel that way?  It doesnt matter what i do i dont get any joy out of it and i have closed the blinds and dont care if i talk to anyone right now. anyway just has to vent some. I feel alone even though my boys and husband are here in the same house as me. What a loser i am. Thats how i feel right now.  I am writing everything back wards.better go.  

 
February 18, 2006, 5:09 pm CST

AMEN

Quote From: odd1out

O.K. another message to my self. Be encouraged "For I know the plans I have for you", says the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Wow! Thought's, feeling's,coping skill's change so quickly with this disorder. Therefore, try not to act on impulses, there's a good chance you will see thing's differently in a hour or two.
I couldn't have said it better myself!  Great positive outlook, keep up the good work!
 
February 18, 2006, 5:21 pm CST

Welcome back!

Quote From: blazes06

Good morning everyone  

its been a bit since i wrote anything. been under the weather real bad. And was not up to anything. Still not but will atleast tell everyone hi. I feel so empty inside right not and so much pain and hate. its unbelieveable i feel like i want to die. Does anyone ever feel that way?  It doesnt matter what i do i dont get any joy out of it and i have closed the blinds and dont care if i talk to anyone right now. anyway just has to vent some. I feel alone even though my boys and husband are here in the same house as me. What a loser i am. Thats how i feel right now.  I am writing everything back wards.better go.  

I was wondering where everyone had gone.  I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, I truly hope things start looking up for you, physically and mentally. 

  

"Does anyone ever feel that way?"  YES!!!!!!!  Absolutely.  I'm sure that's why we're on all this board.  One thing you can count on is that the majority of us can probably relate to you in most ways. Unfortunately the wanting to die has been a part of my past, more than two decades in fact, and occasionally a part of my present.  My blinds have been shut for a good year now, and they were only open off and on for the two years prior to that. I've shut everyone out as well. I feel that I could have signed my name to your email, it pretty much explained my every day. 

  

HOWEVER, I know you're not a loser. I know absolutely nothing about you but the fact that you're a fellow sufferer and have children and a husband... and you're NOT a loser! The fact that you're on this board, reaching out and trying to help soothe some of your own pain, and sharing insight with others when you can, screams "NON-loser." So, know that there are other people out here, feeling your very feelings and relating in a way that no one else in your life can. You're worth a lot. I can't give you specifics because I don't know you, but all of God's children are worth an immense amount. On your good days, share with others your knowledge of what helps and what doesn't... on your bad days, ask others to share with you.  We will all help each other and hopefully get past some of our really bad times. 

  

Things will get better. They have before, right? That means they can again. You're doing a great job in getting back on the board and seeking support... just keep your chin up! 

 
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