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Topic : Borderline Personality Disorder

Number of Replies: 946
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Created on : Saturday, February 04, 2006, 07:59:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
If you or a loved one suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, find encouragement and support, share advice, and connect with others dealing with this illness.

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June 21, 2008, 9:20 am CDT

Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote From: cityborn

Hello all,  

  

Can you tell me what IS borderline personality disorder ?   I've read a few posts here, and see a variety of symptoms and am confused.  

  

I have been having some issues lately, and haven't yet spoken with my doc about them. 

  

They are primarily with worry. I've always been a worrier, but now it seems to be out of control. 

My mind runs wild when I lay down at night to sleep. It takes me hours sometimes. It's almost like a crazy movie in my mind that doesn't make  any sense. Flashing scenes of this or that, it jumps all over the place. If I wake up in the middle of the night, again I start this vicious cycle. It affects my day as I'm mostly sleep-deprived.  

  

Someone told me I could be premenopausal as insomnia is a sign and also periodic sad feelings throughout the day.  Does anyone know if anti-anxiety or anti-d's is something that could correct this ?  

http://www.bpdfamily.com/images/shattered2.jpg

This video may be helpful. bpdfamily.com.jpg
 
July 7, 2008, 7:54 pm CDT

Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote From: bpdfamily_com

http://www.bpdfamily.com/images/shattered2.jpg

This video may be helpful. bpdfamily.com.jpg
 
July 9, 2008, 10:06 pm CDT

New...

I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder... I have thought that I had it for a while now but I had a huge blowout a few months ago and I just knew there was something wrong with me.  I was over reacting to my fears and making them to be more than they should have been.  My boyfriend who I have been with for two years decided he wanted his ex.  I got over it quickly because we have had problems for a while and I didn't feel the same... plus I found someone else soon thereafter.  Well, the new one was a player, a cheater, a liar... you know - he told me what I wanted to hear, sweet talking me... but he had atleast 2 other girlfriends that I caught him with.  So, that was that.  I was sitting here... on my computer... and suddenly I realized how quiet it was...  I was ALONE.  My daughter is the most important thing to me, but I need people my own age to have conversations with.  A three year old just doesn't do that for a 21 year old, ya know?  Anyway, I had a meltdown... I panicked... I was obcessed with getting the player back...  it never happened tho.  My ex of two years, he moved to Maine and I am in Tennessee.  I told him that he needs to come back to be with me... it didn't happen.  I cried a lot, I stayed on the phone a lot.  I haven't been in this town for too long and I don't have many friends here other than family and they are usually busy.  For the first time in my life I was completely independant... and not by choice.

 

Now, after actually being diagnosed, after having the time to myself to realize I'M OKAY... I feel like I CAN do this and I CAN be independant.  What I am not so confident about is how I can change the way my past effects me now.  I have been thru hell... you can write a book and make a movie from my life.  I actually wouldn't be opposed to it... I could use the money!  But anyway, I have these issues that go deep.   Issues about men, friends, sex... that I base my choices around... and I want to learn how to look at things in a different light...

 
July 21, 2008, 11:55 pm CDT

Need Advice from those with BPD

I suspect my mother has BPD.  She has trouble sustaining relationships and controlling her emotions.  I have been "walking on eggshells" around my mother for as long as I can remember.  If she is slighted or she feels that you "don't like her" it can cause her to be enraged.  I have been in no contact for 6 months after our last "misunderstanding."  She usually initiates the no contact probably in the hopes that I come crawling back to her on my hands and knees begging for her forgiveness.  I gave that up many years ago for my own sanity.  I would like to tell my mom that she has BPD but I'm scared of her reaction.  Of course, nothing is wrong with her or ever her fault the views that I perceive of her.  I have a feeling that deep down she knows something is not right but she is extremely difficult and would never admit something was wrong with her due to her strong pride.  In fact, my husband always says "that women won't bend."  Can anyone give me some advice on if I should tell my mom my suspicions and the best way to approach it.  I have gone through a lot of pain dealing with my mom and her over sensitive feelings.  Not to mention that she has been EXTREMELY emotionally (and physically--when I was a child up until I first got married) abusive.
 
August 16, 2008, 8:20 pm CDT

Mindfullness

Quote From: deserve2bhappy

I suspect my mother has BPD. She has trouble sustaining relationships and controlling her emotions. I have been 'walking on eggshells' around my mother for as long as I can remember. If she is slighted or she feels that you 'don't like her' it can cause her to be enraged. I have been in no contact for 6 months after our last 'misunderstanding.' She usually initiates the no contact probably in the hopes that I come crawling back to her on my hands and knees begging for her forgiveness. I gave that up many years ago for my own sanity. I would like to tell my mom that she has BPD but I'm scared of her reaction. Of course, nothing is wrong with her or ever her fault the views that I perceive of her. I have a feeling that deep down she knows something is not right but she is extremely difficult and would never admit something was wrong with her due to her strong pride. In fact, my husband always says 'that women won't bend.' Can anyone give me some advice on if I should tell my mom my suspicions and the best way to approach it. I have gone through a lot of pain dealing with my mom and her over sensitive feelings. Not to mention that she has been EXTREMELY emotionally (and physically--when I was a child up until I first got married) abusive.
Basically, if she has borderline personality disorder, you may ultimately be the happiest if you just accept that she is mentally ill and that you can't change her.  I know this is hard when it is a parent - but it may be all you have.  Mindfulness is the acceptance of what is - that is not to condone it - but just to accept that you are powerless to have things be 'normal'.

I have used this method (see video) to help with communications - to minimize the fallout.  And I have learned to just not let the antics bother me.

This public service video may help a little.
http://www.bpdfamily.com/tools/articles2c.htm
 
August 16, 2008, 8:24 pm CDT

link to the video...

Not sure what happened to the link to the video... here it is again

http://www.bpdfamily.com/tools/articles2c.htm
 
August 22, 2008, 1:34 pm CDT

I need help!

Hi!

I am new to this board.

I have a question and need help.

 

What is the best way to handle a significant other with Borderline Personality Disorder and who is in denial and/or refuse treatment?

 

My wife has the classical signs of BPD, including alcohol abuse and chronic clinical depression. However, she has not been properly diagnosed and has received no treatment.

 

For a long time I noticed something was really off. I thought she was bipolar. When I started mentioning to her that i thought she was abusing alcohol and that she should seek counseling/help, she started accusing me of being abusive to her and being overcontrolling.

 

We went to a psychotherapist for marital counseling and she reccommended my wife to get a psychiatric evaluation. My wife not only refused to go to a psychiatrist but refused to go back to the psychotherapist as well . So, she found another psychotherapist for marital counseling. He eventually reached the same conclusion and reccommended my wife to get a psychiatric evaluation. Again, she refused to go to the psychiatrist and refused to go back to the second psychotherapist.

 

I went back to the first psychotherapist by myself and she is the one that mentioned to me about my wife having BPD. I have to confess that even though I am a physician, I didn't know much about BPD. I had to google it. But when I read about it, it described my wife's clinical presentation perfectly. I am convinced now she is really BPD and not bipolar.

 

At this point I don't know where else to turn. I am fearful that if I press her to get evaluated and treated she will continue to accuse me of being overcontrolling and abusive, and given her impulsivity and anger outbursts, that could potentially be a dangerous situation for me.

 

Any suggestions will be appreciated, thanks.

 
September 6, 2008, 2:22 pm CDT

My story

Quote From: bpdfamily_com

Basically, if she has borderline personality disorder, you may ultimately be the happiest if you just accept that she is mentally ill and that you can't change her.  I know this is hard when it is a parent - but it may be all you have.  Mindfulness is the acceptance of what is - that is not to condone it - but just to accept that you are powerless to have things be 'normal'.

I have used this method (see video) to help with communications - to minimize the fallout.  And I have learned to just not let the antics bother me.

This public service video may help a little.
http://www.bpdfamily.com/tools/articles2c.htm
I'm so glad I found this message board as I have struggled in silence since I was a small child living in a home with two abusive parents. My mother exhibited all of the symptoms of BPD and my father was verbally and physically abusive towards only my brother and I. Both had been abused as children themselves and the marriage of the two was the "Perfect Storm" so to speak. It was actually a huge relief when my father passed away. He suffered a major heart attack and lasted three days in the hospital before he died. Those three days were still filled with verbal abuse directed at his family from his hospital bed. Within two hours of his last breath, my mother wanted to go shopping for an outfit for the funeral. She seemed almost giddy to be without him. I assumed at the time that she was in shock but as the weeks followed something was just not right about her. She did not show any signs of grieving .At the time I had no idea what BPD was. Within five months she decided to quit her job, sell their house and move back to her hometown. Within nine months she was talking marriage to her old boyfriend and moved in with him. He had been abused as a child too and suffered from OCD. This lasted two years and they ended the relationship bitterly. It was not long after she moved in with another man that she would constantly complain about. She was not happy with the length of his hair, the car he drove or the fact that he liked to help his elderly landlady and friends. She then bought a motorcycle on a whim and started to ride. This woman never liked bikers before and her becoming one was a complete about face for her.I pleaded with her not to make any more major changes for at least a year after my father died but she seemed like a run away train hell bent on doing whatever she wanted. She was offended that I'd had the audacity to question her decisions. I tried like hell to be supportive for her but she only got mad at me for trying to help her. I became pregnant with my first child, her first grandson and she never asked questions about my pregnancy or showed any enthusiastic grandmother tendencies. When we spoke on the phone it was always a one sided conversation about her problems and miseries. One such misery involved a fatal car collision with a middle aged couple hitting a tree on her property. The wife was killed instantly and the husband seriously injured. All my mother could comment on was what a crappy brand of car Volvo was for not protecting them in the collision and who was going to pay for her damage to her tree. That was my first "lightbulb moment" that something was really wrong with her. When I told her that she should show a little more compassion for the people than the tree she blew up at me and started insulting me and telling me of my shortcomings. I tried in vain to get her into counseling but she refused and told me I always did think I was better than her. Finally I got to the point in my life where I realized no matter what I did to please her that she was just a bottomless pit and I needed to save myself. She wouldn't help herself and I certainly couldn't help her so I cut ties with my mother for good nine years ago. Her mother showed the same symptoms too. I looked at my extended family as a line of dominoes. Each generation revolved around abuse, sexual, verbal and physical. If I wanted to start a new chapter for my family I had to step out of line or risk being knocked down, so for my children's sake that is what I did. My mother was and is furious with me and I've received several "poison pen" letters from family members who say I am a bad person for doing so. She tells everyone that I abandoned her because my "shrink" put ideas in my head, that I must be taking drugs or am brainwashed by my husband and his family. She refuses to be accountable for her actions and spreads lies about me to cover up her behavior. When I look at how my children have grown up in a calm, loving home and they tell me ten times a day "I love you mama", I know I did the right thing for them. I know their children will have a chance and the generation after because I put a stop to the abuse. It doesn't make losing a parent to BPD easier but I did everything I could. I hope this helps you in your decision. There is only so much you can do before it eats you up too. It is not selfish to help yourself.
 
September 10, 2008, 2:19 pm CDT

Need Help!

I am a Supervisor in a Fire Management program and I have an employee in which fits the BPD disorder to the tee. I am concerned with her behavior and am looking for some advice on how to handle her angry moods and retaliatory actions. Can anyone give me some advise?
 
September 19, 2008, 6:46 pm CDT

Recently Diagnosed

Hello, my name is Rem and I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder along with a myriad of other side disorders.

Since the diagnosis I've been doing heavy research on the subject and am completely shocked. I've been in the mental health system since 2004 and been mentally unhealthy for as long as I can remember. In that time, I took psychology classes and ate up all the books I could find on the subject. I was diagnosed with Depression, and thus treated. I found some of my symptoms in a handful of random disorders, but never one that fit me completely. After the depression medications started having adverse effects, my diagnosis was changed to Bipolar, and was thus treated. Things never changed. I made choices to better my life, tighten my mind up and resisted the things I knew were wrong, but they never went away. Five years of therapy taught me how to disconnect myself from myself so I can view my actions and feelings as nothing more than an observer. But my quality of life hasn't improved. Me and my family finally had enough, and I went to a clinical psychologist to have a full evaluation. This is what came back: Borderline Personality, severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and a type of epilepsy that doesn't involve actual seizures.

I have no read four books on the subject of Borderline and can't help but think "Where was this diagnosis all my life?". I fit all nine of nine criterion that are specified, as well as many of the somatoform disorders and disruptions in circadian rhythm.

My therapist says I'm lucky that she's going to continue treating me, as she normally doesn't take on Borderline patients. I just got the actual report, meaning that only now can I go to my shrink to change my medication. My therapist warns me that it's likely that the shrink will refuse treatment because of this diagnosis.

There are no real life support groups for this kind of disorder here, as I live in pretty much the middle of nowhere. The only online groups I can find are for the families of Borderlines, but not for Borderlines themselves. Two of them actually frown upon those diagnosed with Borderline joining. I want to become an active part in the borderline community. And for those who are interested in doing that as well, including participating in Awareness Walks and purchasing Awareness merchandise, or if you live in the Northern Virginia area and are willing to become part of a support group for BPD or other similar disorders, please email me. My email address is in my profile.
 
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