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Topic : Borderline Personality Disorder

Number of Replies: 946
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Created on : Saturday, February 04, 2006, 07:59:09 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
If you or a loved one suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, find encouragement and support, share advice, and connect with others dealing with this illness.

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May 6, 2009, 3:36 pm CDT

Borderline Personality Disorder

Quote From: mentalanemia

Hello, my name is Rem and I was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder along with a myriad of other side disorders.

Since the diagnosis I've been doing heavy research on the subject and am completely shocked. I've been in the mental health system since 2004 and been mentally unhealthy for as long as I can remember. In that time, I took psychology classes and ate up all the books I could find on the subject. I was diagnosed with Depression, and thus treated. I found some of my symptoms in a handful of random disorders, but never one that fit me completely. After the depression medications started having adverse effects, my diagnosis was changed to Bipolar, and was thus treated. Things never changed. I made choices to better my life, tighten my mind up and resisted the things I knew were wrong, but they never went away. Five years of therapy taught me how to disconnect myself from myself so I can view my actions and feelings as nothing more than an observer. But my quality of life hasn't improved. Me and my family finally had enough, and I went to a clinical psychologist to have a full evaluation. This is what came back: Borderline Personality, severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and a type of epilepsy that doesn't involve actual seizures.

I have no read four books on the subject of Borderline and can't help but think "Where was this diagnosis all my life?". I fit all nine of nine criterion that are specified, as well as many of the somatoform disorders and disruptions in circadian rhythm.

My therapist says I'm lucky that she's going to continue treating me, as she normally doesn't take on Borderline patients. I just got the actual report, meaning that only now can I go to my shrink to change my medication. My therapist warns me that it's likely that the shrink will refuse treatment because of this diagnosis.

There are no real life support groups for this kind of disorder here, as I live in pretty much the middle of nowhere. The only online groups I can find are for the families of Borderlines, but not for Borderlines themselves. Two of them actually frown upon those diagnosed with Borderline joining. I want to become an active part in the borderline community. And for those who are interested in doing that as well, including participating in Awareness Walks and purchasing Awareness merchandise, or if you live in the Northern Virginia area and are willing to become part of a support group for BPD or other similar disorders, please email me. My email address is in my profile.
I am not BPD, my wonderful, smart- talented daughter is. I just wanted to comment that I really think you are brilliant, I still and probably will never really comprehend the disease,but, I like how you spell it out hear and TOTALLY AGREE, More support groups for the people with BPD are needed as is therapist's WILLING to step up to the plate and suck it up and start helping people with this disease!! Keep talking Rem and reaching out, you are creating something and you sound like a leader to me!
 
May 8, 2009, 10:34 pm CDT

BPD or schizophrenia

My husband has been diagonsed with both and I am very confused.  He gets angry if I research the diseases, so I've not been able to look anywhere but on the internet while he is away.  At times his anger is almost out of control, at times he is as loving & gentle as a lamb.  1.5 yrs ago, after being declared disabled for cardiac reasons, he tried to go back to work.  He wasn't able to do the work nor keep up due to chest pain.  The day after his 50th birthday he was terminated. The next day he was so angry he took a gun & left the house. I called the police & with their careful questioning, I realized he was going after his former boss.  Thank God he was surrounded by county, state & city officers before time for the boss to take a break. I had told the officers he was suicidal so they promised to not shoot to kill. He has had a year of court ordered therapy, but never opened up about anything. I have been in therapy for years after our daughters suicide & my therapist spoke with husbands therapist & believe him to be schizophrenic. This mostly from what I've told my therapist. However, the psychiatrist that treated husand said BPD.  Can anyone give me symptoms of either or both problems from a personal viewpoint...having the problem yourself or dealing with a loved one.  He is on lexapro & wellbutrin while the psych. says he needs lithium, yet his cardiologist said it would interfere with his cardio meds & kill him.  The things I see in him do not fit nicely into any one diagnosis.  Any advice or experience you can relate would be greatly appreciated.
 
May 18, 2009, 8:56 am CDT

bpdFamily.com

Quote From: stayingtuned

I am not BPD, my wonderful, smart- talented daughter is. I just wanted to comment that I really think you are brilliant, I still and probably will never really comprehend the disease,but, I like how you spell it out hear and TOTALLY AGREE, More support groups for the people with BPD are needed as is therapist's WILLING to step up to the plate and suck it up and start helping people with this disease!! Keep talking Rem and reaching out, you are creating something and you sound like a leader to me!
We offer an on-line support group for families of individuals suffering from borderline personality disorder - we currently have 11,000 members and 30,000 alumni.

bpdfamily.com
 
June 21, 2009, 11:30 am CDT

Help, please?

This is hard to really introduce myself like this. I'm 17 years old. My father passed away when I was four and my mother was left to raise me on her own with a low income. We never got along throughout my entire life, and she seems to have problems with controlling her stress and anger. In May of 2008, she had her second kid. Being an only child for 17 years of my life, I wasn't happy with this at all and would try to hurt myself (in ways such as punching things, trying to break my hand and whatnot, no cutting) to try and get her to show that she cared. When he was around 3 months old, the father of her second child left so she's left to raise another child on her own. I grew fond of my little brother but more distant from my mother. She's got a lot of bills to pay and she's only a job with no college education at all. She basically turned my senior year, let alone the entire year of 2009 into the worst year of my life convincing me this is the year of my mid-life crisis. She kicked me out about three weeks ago and I haven't spoken to her or her side of the family since.

My brain is cluttered with massive thoughts of nothing. This is the best way I can describe it. It's like a tangled web of everything and nothing. I honestly can not think anything through. The only thing that's clear in my mind are the words "I don't know." I contradict my personality constantly. I feel as if I can't accomplish anything, but am so very full of myself it's ridiculous. I am good at nothing but sudoku, which will not get me a good job. I'm so very confused about everything and nothing. My future lies ahead of me and I'm stuck in this one spot mentally. I can't progress past it.

Not only am I mentally phased, but I've got a constant headache and lightheadedness. I don't know if this is due to my mental position, but I'm just incredibly confused and I don't know what to do.

I'm not sure if it's BPD, but I feel as if I can relate to that the most of anything I've read about.
I don't know what posting this will do to help, I just figured I'd ask some people with similar issues for advice.
Thanks.smiley
 
July 10, 2009, 10:48 am CDT

Contradiction

I am a contradiction. No matter what it is, every detail about me goes against another detail. Because of this, I'm unable to ever make heads or tails of anything, and yet at the same time it's easy for me to make sense of any situation I'm faced with. I'm cold, calculating, and distant, but at the same time I also know myself to be light hearted and strong in my own emotions. Every waking moment is filled with constant turmoil because of this confusion, both emotional and physical, that always haunts me. Even my very existence is a contradiction. I am someone who should've never been born, and yet I'm very much alive healthy. I am also someone who wishes to be dead, but despite that fact that I crave that state with every fiber of my being, I am unable to bring myself to that condition. Not because I am afraid of death, but because I am unable to consciously cause myself harm for fear of that pain. I have always been able to see the possible outcomes of every situation and most of the time, I am able to steer the situation in the direction that most appeals to me. However, whenever I look towards my own future the only possibility I am sure of, or can even see is that I will one day be responsible for my own death. It's so strange, I have always been someone likely to succeed, to have the challenges of life come easily to me. Despite that, I am the one unable to find my own accomplishments on the path I'm stuck following. I have always been anti-social, an introvert at heart, yet I find myself surrounded by many people I somehow made to be my friends. Strangest of all, I have thought this way since before I reached an age consisting of two digits. I used to tell myself I was crazy, under the knowledge that the truly insane are always unaware of their status, and I would acknowledge I was crazy as a way of protecting myself from that fate. Now, when I wonder if all of these contradictory thoughts occur because I am crazy, for a brief second I become fearful and tell myself it's not possible. When I catch myself thinking that, I force myself to be logical again and acknowledge that I must be crazy so that I won't be. Please, if nothing else, can someone confirm these thoughts for me. I feel as though my own mind is just a realm of chaos in which my inner self is hopelessly and helplessly searching for some sort of solid state.

 
July 12, 2009, 6:47 pm CDT

ambivalence

My name is Bryan and im 29 years old. I was abused really bad as a kid by a man that was supposed to be my father. I go through life in a prison that I dont deserve to be in. I ravage every relationship that I have with, fear of abandonment, Lots of anger and rage, Drug addiction, black and white thinking, and extreme paranoia. Im not even sure I know who I am. I can see I do all this stuff. But I can tell myself over and over again that its just this disease and it dont help at all. I go to counseling 2 days per week and ive gotten really good at seeing these things about myself but I still cant seem to squash them.. Just felt the need to say this..

Bry
 
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