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Messages By: branrw21

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July 24, 2005, 4:58 pm CDT


My husband and I have been married four years and we have never had sex. we did have sex 2 times before we got married. He cannot get and erection, so I got some cialis and he wont even take them. I dont know what is going on???? I have talked to him and asked him to help me out you know orally (gosh how embaressing) and he wont do anything.. He has done oral before and acted like he enjoyed it, but NOTHING now. I am sleeping on the couch now by myself and he stays in the bedroom all day long. He only talks to me about the news, but if i need to talk to him he listens and helps me out. I dont know what to do.

tia

Somethings going on. I think you need to gradually open him up and ask him what's really going on. It's like he's completely shutting you out when the conversations are about him. That may be a self-esteem issue. Has he ever acted this way before?

 
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October 5, 2005, 6:21 am CDT

Oral Sex

Quote From: aumemais

Dr. Phil said that Larry's explanation of oral sex was not the "definition" of oral sex.  Is Dr. Phil saying that oral stimulation/foreplay without orgasm is still oral sex? 

Larry was explaining that he thought in order for it to be called oral sex, he has to ejaculate in her mouth, and if he doesn't, it's not oral sex. Ejaculating into the mouth is just an extention of oral sex. That's what Dr. Phil was saying. 

 
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October 5, 2005, 7:44 am CDT

10/04 Ask Dr. Phil

Quote From: siefert

I was surprised that the show dealt with a conversation regarding oral sex.  I also thought the husband was ignorant and selfish.  There has been multiple comments regarding swallowing.  It is not a good idea as it can cause digestive problems.   

  

To the comments of people being disgusted about older people having sex.  You will be old one day too.  My husband is in his 60's and I am younger.  Since my husband has had some major health problems our sex life has changed.  We have had to become more creative and patient with one another, but I tell you intimacy is just as important as it ever was.  Just knowing, sharing,  and feeling the love of your spouse makes you feel much better about yourself and your relationship.    

"There has been multiple comments regarding swallowing.  It is not a good idea as it can cause digestive problems." 

 

Not doggin on ya, but to just let you know swallowing is actually very healthy for you. It has just as much protein in it as a medium sized pork chop. And just like any other food or substance, until your stomach gets used to it, it may cause digestive problems. Saying it's not a good idea b/c it can cause digestive problems is like saying that eating a cheeseburger may not be good b/c it may cause digestive problems. 

 
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October 5, 2005, 7:52 pm CDT

10/04 Ask Dr. Phil

Quote From: mattheis1

 It's obvious without talking to you that you are an incredibly bitter person.  Some man must have done a number on you.  Oral sex really isn't the disgusting and immoral act you make it out to be.  And to quote the bible about spilling thy seed is inappropriate.  Adherence to this archeic philosophy is to say that you are against condoms, birth control and masturbation in addition to oral sex.  A few decades back.... you missed the sexual revolution.  Sex is no longer the sinful, shameful act that religious that your religious figureheads have preached.  Shame on you regarding your close-minded ignorance regarding this topic.

I 100% agree with you. I was so appauled to read what this person wrote. I can't believe there are people out there that are still this close-minded when it comes to sexuality. 

 
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October 5, 2005, 8:59 pm CDT

10/04 Ask Dr. Phil

Quote From: jennylynn

Excuse me sir but I have a right to express my opinion about the topic and so I did.  That does not warrant a personal attack on my character.  I am not a bitter person in the least and I have never been with a bad man in my life.  I have good judgement and I surround myself with good people.  And just because society has decided to THROW THE BIBLE OUT THE WINDOW with their  so called "SEXUAL REVOLUTION" his word has always remained the same word to me.  The morality of the topic I had a problem with wasn't the only thing I had a problem with.  I won't say exactly what I had a problem with because I'm not the type of person that enjoys personally attacking and harming other people.  However, I do feel that a lot of people agree with me on this particular point.  Now, good day to you, and GOD BLESS.

Who actually agrees with you? 

  

I don't think the person was attacking your character, or trying to. They were merely trying to get you to be open-minded on sexuality. I'm so appauled that you think this way. Yes, you are entitled to your opinion, but really, what has been taught to you isn't always true. Therefore your basing your opinion on what you thought was true, b/c you were taught it was, and what is ACTUALLY true. I truely believe there are so many people that don't REALLY understand the Bible. The Bible is in a completely different language then the language we speak today. Therefore you can't put them side by side and say they both equal. In order for you to really understand the Bible, you need to decipher it, word for word. There are people who have jobs in this. I'm assuming you are against masturbation as well. You need to do some research on what the Bible really means, especially when it comes to sexuality. You know the story of Onan, and how the old Christianity taught that masturbation and basically sexuality was wrong and a sin? Here's the real story: straightdope.com/mailbag/monanism.html  

  

You are still in this old Christian based mindset that your sexuality is a negative and sinful thing. That's like saying the old Mormon ways of life is just fine and dandy. See the problem didn't really start with you though, the problem started centuries ago and continued. I bet whoever taught you it was wrong, was taught themselves that it was wrong, and so forth. It's like comparing it with someone who abuses their children. They were taught that it was the way of life, so they teach their children, and so forth. Just b/c they were taught that way doesn't make it true. Just b/c men were taught to not show emotion b/c it would show weakness, doesn't make it true. So how is your sexuality any different? The Sexual Revolution needed to happen in order for people to finally "Get It" and not to be ashamed of their sexuality. You need to embrace your sexuality!! It's apart of who you are. You are wired this way. 

 
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October 5, 2005, 9:02 pm CDT

10/04 Ask Dr. Phil

Quote From: monizgm

You have a partner who has been willing to try to please you!   

  

Do you realize how many MEN only care about their own gratification (and you come across like one of those to me!) 

  

Just how sensitive have you been to HER needs?  If your partner doesn't like a particular way of making love, then love HER enough to be sensitive to that, please!  She HAS tried to please you in that particular way, but that's not good enough for you, it's all or nothing as far as you're concerned! 

  

I myself will never again have the freedom to express myself sexually in any way I like, because another selfish man (my ex-husband) gave me herpes.  That means that I will never be able to have ANY sex again without using a condom, and that includes oral sex! 

  

Appreciate your loving wife, and be thankful that she's willing to undergo therapy in order to be able to enhance her desire now that menopause has lowered her libido.   

  

MEN! 

I think you are taking this too seriously. The guy wasn't demanding to ejaculate in her mouth. That was his definition of oral sex, to ejaculate in her mouth, and if he didn't, then it wasn't oral sex, to him. Ejaculating in the mouth is just an extention of the sex act, not the basis of it.
 
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October 6, 2005, 7:14 am CDT

Oral Sex

Do some people not understand the first couple??? The debate had nothing to do with him trying to get her to accept ejaculating in her mouth. The debate was over his definition of oral sex. He thought if he didn't ejaculate in her mouth, to him it wasn't oral sex. But that wasn't even the real problem. The problem was that she wanted to be more intimate with him, but b/c of menopause she lacked desire. It wasn't that she wanted to not accept his ejaculate, it was the fact that she simply didn't have any sexual desire period. And if she didn't want him to ejaculate in her mouth, that's fine, he should respect that. I'm so boggled as to why there are so many people who are misunderstanding this.  

  

AND why are there people who are so scared to talk about sex? What are you so afraid of? No wonder why people are so confused! We need to be a lot more open about it. Kudos to Dr. Phil for bringing up this topic. It needs to be talked about more. BRING ON THE SEX!!!! 

  

  

 
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October 6, 2005, 12:26 pm CDT

10/04 Ask Dr. Phil

Quote From: jennylynn

I love how in one paragraph my  whole life has been summed up to a bunch of strangers.  From the way I was raised to the way I perceive the Bible.  You all need to take a closer look at things.  I made an extreme quote, yes, because the pure disgust I felt after that segment warranted it.  This woman is clearly being manipulated by her (excuse me for saying) morbidly obese husband to do something she obviously finds disgusting, and humiliating and simply doesn't want to do.  He brought her on NATIONAL TELEVISION to try and prove his point.  My sexuality is not at question here.  It IS my belief that the only place a man should EJACULATE is either in a condom, in a woman who is on birth control, or in the vagina in order to procreate.  I'm not asking you to share my beliefs, I'm asking you to respect them. 

  

No one should have to do that if they don't want to.  I find it disgusting that a man would pressure a woman into doing that when she clearly does not want to.  That's the real issue at hand here.  She doesn't want your "sexual revolution" to be pushed on her.  She has her sexuality.  A "sexual revolution" should mean that people are able to make their own choices regarding the topic, not be forced into doing something that is supposed to be socially acceptable now, since this "sexual revolution". 

  

You have no right to sum me up with your ridiculous presumptuous remarks regarding my up-bringing and sexuality.  My sexuality is perfectly fine.  I don't need you to tell me it's "a part of who I am".  When someone has beliefs that are maybe "old fashioned" to you or primitive to you it doesn't mean they're wrong or that they are unhappy.  I am perfectly happy with my life and when I say I believe in something, by golly, I sure do believe in it and if I didn't enjoy it and have strong feelings about it, guess what, I wouldn't believe in it.  So keep your assumptions to yourself regarding me and my life, let's stick to the topics.  You go ahead live your life the way you see fit.  Have promiscuous sex, give blow jobs, get married, have monogamous sex, do whatever your little heart desires, just keep your comments regarding my life to yourself, because I'm perfectly fine with my life.  I'm not trying to push my Bible on you, so don't try to push your immoral sexuality on me. 

  

My place in this subject is to defend ALL women and ALL men alike who are being forced into this new sex craze.  Pornography, blow jobs, sodomy, same sex partners, rubber penises that run on batteries, golden showers, bestiality, etc.  "I am a heterosexual, don't beg me to have sex with a woman because it pleases you, it's not who I am".  "I do not enjoy watching young women exploit themselves in pornography, it's not who I am".  "I DO NOT believe that my anus is a place for your penis".  "I am not comfortable with a battery operated object being placed on, around, or in my genitalia unless a gynecologist is behind the wheel".  No one should be questioning who they are regarding sex.  If you're not comfortable with something, DON'T DO IT!!!  PLAIN AND SIMPLE.  Your life is your own and sex is something sacred.  Your body is a temple for your spirit.  Never allow that to be violated if you are not comfortable with it.  That's all I'm trying to say here. 

You completely misunderstood the first couple. He didn't demand to ejaculate in her mouth. He was thinking that's what the definition of oral sex was. The real problem wasn't that, it was the fact that she didn't have much of a sex drive, period. She didn't want to have sex at all, even if she wasn't asked to have ejaculate in her mouth. 

  

You just simply don't get it 

 
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October 6, 2005, 7:31 pm CDT

10/04 Ask Dr. Phil

Quote From: jennylynn

Do you honestly believe that the sole purpose of this gentleman to bring his wife on a show and talk about oral sex was to get the correct definition of ORAL SEX???  COME ON!  ORAL SEX IS ORAL SEX.  I'm not the one who doesn't get it sweety, you are.  That man had a motive.  That man wanted to get off.  HE CAN'T HAVE SEX.  He told us all that.  He said "I can't have sex for medical reasons".  Do you really honestly believe that he doesn't want her to give him oral sex until he ejaculates?  He has a wife who doesn't enjoy giving him oral sex.  He has a medical condition that prevents him from having vaginal sex.  She may have a menopause induced dry patch right now, but that had nothing to do with the purpose of the conversation.  That man wanted his wife to have sex with him the only way he could have sex with her.  He wanted her to orally please him to climax.  She doesn't like doing it.  So it's not sex to him, hens he came on the show to try and get some back up.   

  

I may not be the most modern person when it comes to sex, but I know a man who wants to get off when I see one.  Why do you think that everyone else sees that but you don't?  Read the message board regarding this topic and get a clue.   

If he can't have sex, then why does his wife want to boost her desire, so she can have sex with him? She didn't just say she wasn't interested in oral sex, she also mentioned that she wasn't interested in sex at all, no matter what kind it was. Oh, I've read the message board regarding this topic. I got a clue. 

  

Why is it that when I try to explain a more open viewpoint on sex, you tend to get very defensive, and are asking why we are attacking your character? I'm not attacking your character, nor am I getting defensive about what you have written. I'm just explaining the situation with a more open view. 

 
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October 7, 2005, 11:36 am CDT

10/04 Ask Dr. Phil

Quote From: jennylynn

You my dear need to grow up a bit.  What you just responded with was completely irrevelant to what I said.  You just took the conversation back about 3 days to when it started.  You're talking about blow jobs and ejactulation and being open minded about it and I'm trying to discuss the topic which had nothing to do with your sexual revolution or being open minded about sex.  No one's attacking you here so play the victim all you want in order get that last word in.  And that man did attack my character by the way.  He called me bitter and ignorant.  I would call that an attack on my character.  Don't recall ever accusing you of that so why you even brought it up is beyond me.  So I wash my hands of you now.  I have no more time for your foolishness anymore. 

  

Good luck to you.  I will no longer dignify your childish and irrelevant comments with a response.  GOD BLESS. 

Didn't YOU just turn this around?? 

  

"No one's attacking you here so play the victim all you want in order get that last word in." 

 

I never said anything about anyone attacking me. How'd you come up with that? 

 

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