Messages By: momisme2

have an STD and not know it.  Have you ever been to a gynocologist, Oreo?  I would highly suggest a trip down to Planned Parenthood to discuss your options regarding birth control, to get some tests done, and to set yourself up with regular gynocological(did I spell that right?) visits BEFORE you consider having sex with Ryan.  The odds are low that you have an STD and dont know it but there IS a chance.  People can be carriers of certain things without symptoms for quite a while. 

So... if you are ready to take the next step then you must also be ready to be responsible and act as a grown up with all this.  You cant just jump in the sack with some guy and not be prepared.  And its not only physical preperation that is important but emotional preperation too.  It really is best to be in love before you have sex.  The emotional roller coaster it causes is far less of a ride if you love each other.  Also, it doesent really matter whether he has been with someone in a long time or not.  The most responsible thing you could do would be for you both to go get tested and go from there.  I know it takes alot of the fun and glamour out of it but with all the things you are allowing yourself to be vulnerable to you must be very responsible even if it isnt so much fun. 

...if you have any questions about anything sexual you can post them and I will answer for you.  Finding out that you havent had any formal sex eduxation and didnt even know what a menstrual cycle was has me leaning far more towards others views on this whole possible sex with Ryan situation.  I highly agree with everyone about boys/men using sex as a weapon, about you coming from a spot where it has always been used against you and you def. need to be in a place not to just give in for whatever reason.   

At your age you must get yourself down to the gynocologists.  Planned Parenthood has nurse practioners(and I think some have actual dr.s) who can run tests.  You need to have yearly tests done for your own health that has nothing to do with sex.   

As far as the word... its just a nasty swear word so dont worry bout it.  Your mom was just trying to hurt you for whatever twisted reasons she has.  Blow it off honey and dont worry bout it.   

Ive been so bad about not responding to others posts besides Oreos.  Ive just been busy and cant help wanting to respond to the youngest member on the board.   

Labelfree, I have been reading some (but not all im sorry to say) of your posts about your husband.  I do hope things work out for you!  I have heard so many people say to me "why cant you just get over it" regarding the CSA that by now it just makes me laugh.  I find thats something people say who have no clue what it does to you or they just wanna bury their heads in the sand.  Usually its wanting to bury their heads in the sand.  Tell someone they are wrong and bad for not being able to 'get over it' and 'forgive' then you are off the hook to try and help anybody.  Very  typical response im sorry to say!   

Mj and Mussymel its always good to see you on the boards!  Was it Mj(or mussymel~I sometimes get the two M's confused  ;) who said they were wanting to blow off work?  Well im with you on that today!  I have so much stuff to be doing round here right now yet here I sit having coffee and posting.  :D  tehe   

Bzbluiii always happy to see posts from you too.  Im getting used to your new user name now.  :)  That only took a couple weeks.  tehe 

Ok... I am sorry I havent been able to respond to everyone and now have to run off again!  Im so bad!  :(  But doesent mean im not thinking of you all and hoping everyone is doing well.  Hope you all have a nice tuesday!  (it IS tuesday, yes?  HAHA) 

I cant help giggling over you saying that no one can tell you what the word means so now youre even more interested.  HAHA  That sounds alot like me.  Nothing piques my interests more then somethign people dont wanna explain.  ;) 

I did give you the meaning.  Its just a nasty word for a womans vagina.  Really, thats all it means.  The most probable reason your mom called you that is becuase for most women that is the one word that can get them riled up.  The majority of women like being called that least of anything.  Its a great way to work up a woman.  But of course, you need to know what it means to have any effect.  lol 

Ok now I really gotta run!  But if you do have any questions you would like to know about sex or anythign else regarding your body or mens bodies you can post em and I will do my best to answer for you.   

p.s.  im VERY PROUD OF YOU for mailing that letter!!  YOU are amazing Oreo!!!!   

Where do you look up swear words to find the meanings?   I didnt know you could do that online.  I also didnt know all the definitions for that word.  Here I am trying to give you the meaning and seems I gave you the wrong one.   

But you know what, Oreo?  Its only a word.  I know its so very hurtful to have your mother say such things.  My opinion on it all is that she is venting her anger at you because she can.  At this point, after everything that she has allowed to happened, for her to look at herself and put the blame where it belongs is just too much for her.   So instead she will blame you and say mean nasty things to you cus its easier then looking in the mirror.  Alot of my family did the same things to me.  Blamed me for everything name calling and such.  It hurt.  I know it does.  After a while of it and even to this day I look at it like this;  I know that no matter how much certain family members pretend they are not wrong, pretend anger at the victims instead of the abusers and themselves for refusing to protect children, they KNOW  the truth deep down.  You can lie and hide and pretend all you want but the truth is always there.  Even if its deep down inside.  I cant imagine how some of these people sleep at night.  Taking the road of blaming the victims as they do, refusing to DO anything to help innocent children, has just got to be one of the hardest things they could ever do.  You cant run and hide from yourself.  That never works.   

Any mean nasty bad thing she calls you is just a reflection of how she must think of herself, Oreo.  Youre not a mother so I know its almost impossible for you to understand but im telling you, there is NOTHING a mother can do that is worse then turning her back on her children.  The guilt and suffering she will be forced to live the rest of her life with is her justice.  In time, the best thing for you to feel towards her, would be pity.  She will never be able to run from all the horrors she has inflicted (by her lack of actions) towards her own children.  As a mother, I cant imagine a worse fate. 

Try not to allow her words to have any power over you by understanding what she will be living with for the rest of her life.  Make yourself a vow that in the future when you become a mother, you will NEVER treat your children as you were treated.  That instead you would go to your grave to protect them.  That they will ALWAYS know of your love from your actions and your words.  Many who have been through the same thigns have come out of it healthy and healed then onto becoming the very best mothers.  

You should try to understand why she is so hatefull to you.  It has NOTHING to do with YOU, Oreo.  It is ALL about what SHE lacks.  Thats the truth of it.  Youre just the easy target for everything she lacks.   

Im so sorry for everything you are going through and have been put through! 

Im wondering what youre afraid will burst out of you?   You said you never told her what happened cus you couldnt face the rejection.  But... isnt that what you have done and continue to do?  Seems to me that living with the memories of her beating you is the same as living with the rejection.  Maybe im wrong about that?   

 I am so very sorry for all the pain, Mussymel!  I cant help but to think that if anything were to burst out of you, it would be a good thing.  Sometimes there is nothing better then a good old fashioned burst out.  Between holding it all in over the years, and letting it all out, I would think letting it all out is the healthiest thing you could do.  What is it youre worried about happening if you bust out and said everything you would like to?  Or am I not understanding and youre afriad of all the emotions bursting out of you?  Even that is far healthier then holding them all in.  It is very scary.  Sometimes the emotions feel so strong that we dont seem capable of handling them.  Like they will consume us.  If you continue to stuff them down, thats probably what will end up happening.  So I say, have your burst out!  Im up for reading a good rant! 

{{{HUGS}}} 

I see were posting at the same time.  :)  Are we the early birds? tehe 

Are you still here?  Will hang out a bit to see if youre up for chatting.  I will have to run in about half an hour or so as im taking my oldest to the orthodontist to get his braces off today.  Betting he will be in a great mood after that!  LOL 

Hmmmm...  Im very curious over what the email said, Oreo.  Wondering if you could give me the short version?  After all, I did try (even if I didnt do such a good job  :P  ) of explaining the one word to you so now maybe you could return the favor?  ;) 

As far as what you can or can not say... if its not allowed then the mods will zap it.  I dont think you should worry over upsetting people here.  If they dont wish to read the board they dont have to log on.  I think its sweet you worry over others, though.  :)  I havent seen you combative with anybody so im not understanding what it is you think you shouldnt speak about.   

It annoys, frustrates, and upsets me to hear you say you feel you shouldnt speak.  Not with you, but with anybody who has made you feel that particular way.  Even if its the Dr. P people.  (And PLEASE let me know if I have said anything that has upset you!  Im so sorry if I have crossed the line with you and I honest to God want to know if I have so you must tell me, PLEASE!)   For pete sakes how frickin hard it is for CSA victims to speak in the first place?!  Then when they do something happens and they feel they shouldnt anymore?  Highly annoying, frustrating and upsetting for me to hear that about this board! 

 If you could fill me in on the letter I sure would appreciate it!  Thanks Oreo! 

And I so hate to be confused!  WAH!   

Can you direct me to the post which you took to mean your posts were bad?  This new format makes it difficult for me to try and figure it all out.  Was much easier when the posts went off to the right in response to others and then you knew which ones people were responding to/speaking about.   

Well... until we get that whole thing figured out, want to tell you im sorry about Ryan and him being an a**!  Stupid men!  Im glad you broke up with him if he was being mean to you, though.  Good girl on that!  :)   

Im sorry you had a bad day, Oreo.  Im sorry about the emails you got and then the board posts which upset you and the possibility of your mother reading the mails and on top of all that (though in reverse order) Ryan being a creep to you.  Would like to hear what happened but do understand if you dont wish to fill me in as you said you didnt really wanna get into it.  But it has me wondering if you dont wanna speak about it cus it "isnt pretty" or if its because you desire privacy on that?  If its because you feel its too much for people I have to tell you that makes me angry.  Again, NOT with you!  Just with you being made to feel that way from emails or posts.  (if thats the reason) 

Anyhows... just wanna say im sorry for your bad day yesterday.   

Please feel free to post your feelings and thoughts on things regardless of what others may or may not say.   I know alot of people are what I affectionatley refer to as "lurkers".  tehe  Meaning they prefer to read the posts instead of posting often.  I think thats cool and there are prolly more on board then we are aware of. 

You do bring up a good point that Oreo may be getting freaked out.  With all she is going through, having to deal with letters being sent, the truth coming out, emails from the board, her guy friend being an a**, her mom possibly catching wind of her private place to speak,  God knows how she must be feeling right now.  It is a good point.   

Thanks for bringing it up!   

And Oreo, if we are upsetting you, crossing boundries that make you feel uncomfortable, doing ANYthing at all which is bothering you, please let us  know.  Im so very outspoken that I often take for granted that others are as well.  Thats my fault.  So please please let us know if we have done anything which makes you feel uncomfortable.  Thats not out intention but ya know,  often intentions dont matter much.