Messages By: ebrown1

My life has moved pretty fast I had my first baby at 17 I left her father when I was 20 to see my husband now I had our son 5 days before my 21 bday then we got married then we had or  second son a day after my 23 birthday then we had our daughter a month after my 24 birthday. I was 24 years old with 4 children. My husand is 10 years older than I am. Finacially we do ok we have our own house and my mother lives in her own apartment in it. Well any way I had a tubel ligation out of fear of becoming pregnant to soon after my last child sense my youngest two are only 13 months apart. I am 27 now I would love to have another baby but I would have to get my tubes reversed I do not know If they are too damaged to fix I have deep regret for having this surgery. I ask my self why do I want the 5th child am I always going to want more and more and more or will I be satisfied with having 5. I am a stay at home mother I have enough bedrooms to have another child. I try to talk myself out of wanting another baby because I do not know if it is possible we really do not have the money to do IVF treatments ecspecially when I already have 4 children It will cost around 8000 dollars for the doctors to reverse my tubes we do not know if it will even work. My insurance I do not think will cover any of this because I did it volantaraly I do not think that is fare I had the proceedure donw a couple of months after I had my last baby that was too soon to make that kind of desion I was only 24 years old. I am really angry with myself for not having the faith I should have had I feel stuck.  I try to convience myself no but it is always burning inside of me to have the 5th baby.     

Reply to a message from another member.  I posted a message to vent my feelings on this topic. Everything that I have dicussed I have discussed it with my husband sometimes it is helpful to get a someone elses opinion from the outside. I know what a blessing my children are. I have 4 children one is in the PDD spectrum I also have one global mental delays global sensory delays and he also has a language disabilty and he is asymetrical on one side of his body I run in and out of the city to bring them to doctors appointments which is a hour away from my house. Then I have to juggle two other children and my husband is a chef and he is never home to help me I have Three IEPS to juggle for school to make sure my children are getting the services needed for them to suceed. I know more than anyone how much deciation it takes and what a blessing children are I have been very blessed with the four that I have and I love them to death.  I was just looking for someone else's opinion if it sounds crazy to go through proceedures when already have 4 to have the 5th.