Messages By: emma08

People tell me that I have to find happiness within myself and it won't come from a man, my children listening to me, money, so on so forth. I know that, I understand I have to be happy from the inside
out and I am happy with myself in some way, but in other ways I am not and I am trying to fix that. I don't need a man in my life, and I really can care less about having "friends" too, they don't define
me, I do. All I want is my life back, to be me again, to be happy and be the best mom I can to my 3 kids...That is all. Then people tell me, "you must have your hands full and I guess no father in the
picture", well no there isn't and they say you need to see a professinal and get help. They even tell me to talk to a pastor, but I've been hurt and turned away by all the above and deceived by some and I don't know
how to handle it and it also makes me untrustworthy towards them. The pastor I had in Georgia sided with my husbands mother and so did nearly all of the churches members. Still till this day not one word
from my pastor or any other member of the church my children and I had gone to for 6 years. There is NO excuse for that, they could easily get my number and/or address from Perry's mom, because I gave
it to her and she still has it. But they rather be judgmental towards me and do stuff behind my back, that is what I think is happening, who else would do that? It has been such a horrible experience, a man
I loved so deeply I would of gave my life for him, turned out to be a monster and so has his mother, the woman I called my 2nd mom, my mentor, people who I thought loved and cared about my childrn and me
have become bitter and spiteful and turn against me and WE DIDN"T DO ANYTHING WRONG!!!!!!! But apparently some people think we have or I have, but all I ever said was what was given and shown to me but the people in my life, like I've said before, why would I lie or make things up...WHY!! I may have spiculate things or over reacted to some things, but I NEVER MADE ANYTHING UP!! And it just burns me up to hear and feel people still think that and hold a grudge against me. No-one I know, by know, I mean people I know personally and talk to on a regular basis, has ever been in my shoes. They may have a had
something similar happen, but they have never went through what i've gone through, and still going through, so they can't possible understand my pain, my resentment, the anger inside of me. In the
course of 2 day's, from August 8th--August 10th, I found out the painful truth that my daughter was molested by the love of my life, I loss my husband, I have the people I trusted, loved and cared about
me, turn agaisnst me, all my dog's (10 to be excact: 5 dogs, 5 puppies)suddenly disappear without a trace. I loss my husbands family I had grown to love and care about deeply, I loss my job, and nearly
my mind. Then a few months after that I loss my home and still have people, mostly his mother, tell me I was wrong, tell me I won't have "piece of mind unless I quit making things up", have people spend their time, time they must have, to go search Dr. Phil's website message boards for messages I posted about how I feel and what I've gone through and still going through and they tell me I"M WRONG!!! What's wrong with that picture, huh??. My life for the past 6 years has been torn away from me and it is very hard to over come, but I WILL OVER COME IT. People may have someone to go to, but as of right now I have no-one and that's one of my problem's. I have no Pastor, no fathers, hardly any friends, besides a few here and in Georgia, but it's ahrd to keep in contact and some have their own life and issues to deal with. Anyway it's just my kids and me and my family I live with, which is my mom and my sister and her 2 kids and our nephew, it can be a mad house at times! I don't talk much with my other sisters or my brothers, we talk once in awhile. My friends, like I said they got their own thing they do.

 

So when I do get replys on here from other members it makes me feel good and I feel the same
about other message borads and groups I'm in. So with that said my response when people ask me, "Is there any fathers involved or where's the father of these children at" My response is: My 2 older
kids father left me when I was pregnant with our 2nd child, back in 1998, tried to find him, never could, haven't heard or seen him since. My youngest daughter, she is 5, her father, my husband, is in
prison for the next 40 years for molestng my daughter, my niece, 2 of his nieces and a family friends, daughter; however, he only plead guilty to 2 counts. So na, no fathers in the picture and looks like
there won't be any in the near or far future. I give up on the ideal of marriage, the ideal of me ever being in content with my life, not just my love life, my whole life in general. I'm happy to be where am
at, to have my children with me and they are safe and sound and away from harm and negitivity, they are happy (most of the time) and healthy, but me, that's another story, I can't put it into words how
I feel inside. I feel unhappy about certain things and very happy about others. I know what makes me happy and it's not happening, not yet and I feel I may never get there, no other way to explain it,
that's just how I feel. But that does not mean I am not grateful and happy were I'm at, it just means I give up on ONE of my many dreams and goals in life. I think I'm a pretty strong person, but I feel
others feel I'm not and that I'm looking for attention, maybe I am, but I feel I reaching out for help and no one sees it or realizes it. I see my unhappiness in my life is affecting my kids, but I strive to
do better for them, but I don't know how to do better for myself. Plus it don't help when having 3 kids, 3 very high strung, high sprited and sometimes unruly kids. They talk back to me and to the
other adults in the house, so do the others kids, my sisters kids, and that makes the tenison so thick with everyone you can cut it with a knife, but we have alot of good days too and there are more good
days then bad. I have always been "unhappy" with my life, because I never really accomplished anything I wanted to when I was in my teens/young adulthood, but when I moved to Georgia nearly 7 years
ago, my life changed. I felt good about myself for the first time in a really long, long time, especially when I met Perry, my husband, the child molester. What luck that is, huh? Things were so good the
first 2 years, but then things started to go a little south, but we loved each other and the so=called life we made together(or so I thought he did) and we always worked everything out. So after awhile,
I thought I had problems, I thought it was me, that my past was haunting me, that karma was biting me in the butt. I thought I was the reason our my sex life was in the gutter. I thought I was the
reason behind all our issues in our marriage, because I was very needy and attached to him for love and attention, which he always gave me, maybe not as much or how I wanted, but I always felt loved
by him. I thought my weight was an issue or my other flaws, but then I find out it was me in some weird, horrible way, because I wasn't his type, I wasn't 10 years old and that's what turned him off of me
sexually and at times, emotionally. It's just a VERY painful subject no-one, in my circle of family and friends, seems to understand. It wasn't about the sex, it was the emotion, the shame I felt, my self
esteem was all but gone and I still haven't gotten it back or my confidence, but I am working really, really hard at trying to be the old, but new me again. The pain can be so intense, so over whelming,
so unbearable and it can just eat away at you and it has with me.

 

Then on top of that having to deal with what his mother is doing to me...wow, just so unexplainable. I wish I could explain it better, explain how things are, what I feel, how I feel about her, me, everything, but I can't and when I do, people still don't understand. I would love for my kids to get help too, because I know they are good kids, I love them all very much and I want us to be happy, to be a family, but I don't see it happening by the ways things are going on now. My 11 year old the one who was molested, is very disobedient and she longs for attention from me, but seeks it in the wrong way. She gets herself in trouble at home, school, just about everywhere she goes. She talks back to me, she mumbles under her breath, she gets loud and makes a really big dramatic deal out of everything you say to her. I try to talk to her, but she gets so defenssive and I get all upset and tell her and she blows up even bigger. I just don't
know how to handle her, I really don't and I feel I'm the one to blame, because I was the same way, I see alot of me in her and that makes me ill, because I don't want her to be like me, how I was, it was a horrible childhood, and I helped make it what it was, because I had no-one in my life willing and able to listen or care. I hate for her to suffer the way I did, because I see her heading in that direction and I try to tell her that and it goes in one ear and out the other and THAT is what makes me so angry at her. No one tried to
help me, not even my own mother, but I'm trying and she don't get it or care and I get so mad, it's like she wants to be made fun of or not have no friends and push people away and look for attention in
the wrong ways, JUST LIKE ME!!!!! And God does it scare me to death, is that wrong of me???? Her behavior and attitude and her not getting what I try to tell her and use it for her own good, makes me distant myself from her and that breaks my heart and when I feel that way, I try and reconnect with her, which we do, but then she will do something irrogant and we again start at square one. I don't have to
much of an issue with my other two, my boy and 5 yr-old girl, it's really hard with my 11 year old and it has been for a long time. I thought well for the past 6 years she has been molested, by a man I brought into our life, the man I had discipline her, care for her (or so I thought) when I was away, either at work or visiting my family back home and she resents me for that. I don't know what it is, that is why I'm here for more reasons then one. So see, I have more problems then just one, my whole life needs an intervention or something, I don't know what I need, I'm just guessing or hey, maybe I am making things up...No, I'm wrong on that one, I'm making nothing up. My whole life has been nothing but let downs, low lows and high highs and a few wonderfuls in between. I have so much I want to let out, but something is holding me back and I can't figure out what it is and I guess no one can. All I have left is my faith in God, that's
the one thing I know I will always have. Thanks for listening, talk to all of you later, bye for now.

Patti

P.S. Please post anything you have to offer, but please if re-plying to my post, nothing negitive, I'm trying to illiminate all the negitive vibes out of my life...POSITIVE,POSITIVE, POSITIVE!!!!!

Well just wanted to update all of you on some things. I went back to Georgia to get my stuff. I had a family friend go get all my stuff Perry's mom and brothers "supposely" packed a while back ago, she's had it for a few weeks now. Well let me tell you, Perry's family, they did a horrible job. First all my stuff was just thrown into boxes or bags, some of my stuff was broken or ripped. There was even dirty dishes and trash in some bags!! Then on top of that, I didn't even get all my stuff. They stole ALOT of my stuff, like a DVD player, ALL my DVD's and CD's, a TV, new pots and pan's, a deep fryer and alot more...Yes, I know all of that is replaceable, but it's the point, she promised me, she said she promised to get ALL my stuff and "keep it safe". I know, i know, dummie, stupid me, but back then I still had hope we could make amends, to be atleast civil, so my daughter wouldn't lose all of her family on her father's side, but it just couldn't work, they are all in need of help. I wish I could do more, but what can I do? I went to the police and they said I would have to go in front of a judge before I can enter my own home, how wrong is that??? It is my house, it's in Perry's name still, I paid the taxes on it, but it sits on her property, so I'm up s**t's creek without a paddle, it's a loss cause and not worth it. What get's me is that, when I confronted the people Perry's mom allowed to move into my home, they denied having anything else and even told me that Perry's mom said some of the stuff in MY HOME, was hers!!! So unreal....They said everything that's is inside MY HOME, was theirs, do you believe that!!! What scum, what theives, so see **** Tibbits, you are excaltly what I've been saying, a lair, a back stabber, a hypocrite and now a theift. But that is okay, because I truly believe what goes around comes around times 10 fold, so she will get what she deserves. Plus she will die knowing she gave up and turned against her own blood, people she said she loved and did things for "out of love",meanwhile back stabbing them and harrassing them and snicking around behind their backs. I was so naive to believe she ever really loved or cared about me and about my thoughts and feelings about things, but I RESPECTED her and loved her enough when I first started dating Perry, to think, she was right, that she was looking out after me and my kids. I once even caught her listening to my converstations on the phone a couple of years ago, but I too "let it go". She was listening to me talking to my family back home about trying to get my mom to move in with us, a few days later she gave me a letter, telling me she feels we are doing things behind her back and that her property is not a motel. She said she likes her privacy and wants no one else living on her property, now look, she has a whole slew of people living in my home. She is so evil, I should of know better, what a fool I was to believe in her and her son. But that is okay, I have my children and a great support system, yes my family and I have our fights and struggles, but when a time a crisis arises, they are there right beside me NO MATTER WHAT...Now that is what I call  L.O.V.E. Well anyway, that is just some of all that's been going on, there's more, but i won't waste anymore of my time or your's blabbing on about a child molesters mother, they are what they are and no one but themselves can change that, NO-ONE! I feel I've gotten closure, in some way, now I have no reason to ever go back to Georgia, except to visit my friends. I will never have any contact with Perry's mother, ever again, that chapter is now offically closed. I just hope and pray to God that my youngest daughter will understand why and what her grandmother has done and the TRUE reason behind it all. Anyway, I just wanted to let all of you know that I never lied or made ANY of what she said and done to me up....NEVER!! You can see for yourself from what I've posted, I even have e-mail's from her to prove some of it...Hope all is good as it can be....God bless and take care....and please, keep praying for my family & me.

 

Patti a.k.a emma08

To: All members Hi everyone, I just want to invite all of you to join me fight for whats right. Most of you know what my kids and me have been through these last couple of months, it has been very hard, but I am a fighter and I will not let NO-ONE tell me different. I am on a mission to stop this epidemic of child abuse, I know it takes alot to fight, but I have the will power and motovation to start something, anything, no matter how big or small it may be, if I help just ONE person, my mission will be fulfilled. I myself still needs alot of advice and support and so does my children, but there are so many more out there that are still suffering from abuse in ALL forms and it must be addressed and stopped. I sent out invites before and a few of you acceppted, but some have not and I'm sure you have your reasons, but I am once again asking for your support. This is only at the beginning phase of what I want to do, I have so many ideals and asprirations and goals and I hope you will be willing to help. All I ask is that you just join my groups and get the word out of what I am trying to, that simple. I don't want to be critized or judged for believing and doing what I am doing. I want to help as many victims I can and yes, even the offenders, like Perry, because yes, that are sick, evil, mulipulators, but they are also human and there desires and sick behavior had to start somewhere, I truly don't believe a child molester and abuser is born this way, they are made or brought up the wrong way or been told things that make their minds believe it is ok to do what they do and most offenders get away with it for years and nothing is ever done and that is why they keep offending over and over again, because they are never caught and they become a master of their own demise. I am no doctor, but I know that some offenders enjoy what they do and that is why they do it, they know no other way because it starts at a very young age and it only maifest as they get older and they enjoy the thrill of never being caught and they became excellent mulipulators, not just toward their victims, but to all who they come across in life. Then what about the victims, how must they be feeling, especially the vicims who parent, uncle, brother, grandfather, close family member is their abuser, not saying it any different, but in same ways it is, but it still the same crime legally, isn't? My feelings about that is up in the air. Yes a child being molested or abused by anyone is a horrible, disgusting, terrifiying thing, but think if that abuser was your father, step-father, uncle or even your brother, how worse that would feel and how long it is kept a secert by the victims not only because she or he are scared by the offender, but they are also terrified that their family would be taken away, think of the emotional heartbreak that is?? I feel there should be much more done about this and more help for the vicims AND their families. And does the justice system really think the offender going to prison for 40 years will really stop this? Shoud there be more programs for child molesters and abusers, can they be really reformed, it is up to them to decide that, no molester can be cured, but maybe they can be taught how to control their impluses and desires to offend and with a whole lot of theraphy for the rest of their lives, then I would say, maybe they could reform themselves into being who God made them to be, but like I said, they have to truly want the help and fix what ever is wrong with them. I also do know that many of them will never be able to stop offending nor want too and them are the ones that need to stay behind bars, especially after they where unsucessful after threatment and re-offended. There needs to be more done and I don't know what else can be done, but I am ready to fight to get it done, no matter what. Anyway, if you want to help me on my mission, please go to www.myspace.com and sign up for *FREE, then after you verifiy your e-mail address with them, go to www.myspace.com/macm1996 and add me as a friend and also where it says Groups on the left side of my page it has a link for groups that says MothersAgainstChildMolesters click on that as well and join my group. I know some of you think myspace is not a good site and bad for some, especially children and I agree to a point, but I also agree that it is a great way to connect to a lot of people all over the world and that is why I am a member and the same thing goes for Yahoo.com. Which I also have a group on yahoo with the same name, here is the link to it  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mothersagainstchildmolesters/  All you have to do to join my group on yahoo is to open a *FREE account. Please if you are interested and want to help me, please join my groups and if you have done so already, THANK YOU!!!!! <3 <3 xxoo. Thank you all so much and with much love.

Best Regards, Patricia Tibbits patticake427@yahoo.com

 If You Can See Where I Have Gone

 

 

If you can see where I have gone, the beauty of this place, And how it feels to know you're home, to see the

 

the Saviour's face, To wake in peace and know no fear, just joy beyond compare. While still on earth you

 

miss me yet, you wouldn't want me there! If you can see where I have gone, and made the trip with me,

 

you'd know I didn't go alone, the Savior came with me. When I awoke, he was by my side and said, as He

 

touched my hand, " Hurry you're going home, to a grand and gloriuos land."

 

If you can see where I have gone, and see what I've been shown, you'd never know another fear, or never

 

feel alone. You'd marvel at the care of God, His hand on every life, and realize He really cares, and bears

 

with us each strike. And that He weeps when one is lost, His heart filled with pain, But oh!, the joy when

 

one comes home, a child at home again.

 

If you could see where I have gone, could stay a while with me, could share the things that God has made,

 

to grace eternity. But, no, you couldn't ever leave, once heaven's joy you'd know, you couldn't bear to walk

 

earth's paths, once heaven was your home.

 

If you could see where I have gone, you'd know we'll meet some day, and though I'm parted from you now,

 

that I am just away, I'm waiting here at heaven's door, to greet you some sweet day.

 

God bless you and your family, you are in all our thoughts and prayers...Patti a.k.a emma08

Hi, its been awhile since I last posted. Things haven't cahnged much, but I loss 15lbs!! I'm trying to get healthy and lose weight but it is VERY hard, especially when my depression kicks in, I crave sweets then, but I've been doing really good. My sister and have been excersizing and I cut soda out, drink it just once in a blue moon. I cut back on sweets too, we stopped buying them all together and we allow Sundays our day to "cheat" a bit. Life hasn't gotten any better, I got a letter from Perry the other day, he sent it through his mom, so that means she read it too. How pathetic, he can't even send it to me directly nor write his daughter, haven't heard from hime since Feb., not that I want to hear from him, but he told me in his fitrst letter he would keep in touch with Emma, his daughter...Well haven;t heard from him since, goes to show how sick he is. If I was in prison and away from my family, I would do all I can to write to them every, single day, but he is a sick child molester and could care less. It's been so hard trying to be both mom and dad to my kids, but we are doing it. It's a struggle every day, there are arguements, talking back, screaming, but at the end of the day, we all love each other and have one another to be each others support system. I asked for help and recieved none, was turned away, told I was too unstable, that I need to figure out everything on my own. I am working 2 jobs to just support myself and my kids and I am still struggling. All of our bills are in default, we have disconnection notices coming in, are rent is past due, I haven't gotten an oil change done in 5 months, gas is outrageous, my tank hasn't ben pass a half a tank since God knows when. It so sad that every single issue of mine involves money, money, money....I can't afford to live and my whole family is being affected by it and it makes trying to cope with what has happened to my children and me a hundred times worse and very hard for me to move on. I may have to move to a shelter, if things don't change, and change really quick. I just feel like giving up, but I won't...Because if I do, then they win and I will not allow that to happen. I'm happy that my children are safe, that we are here and my daughter is no longer in harms way, but I am only 1 person and can only do so much. Please all of you pray for me, please, I'm not sure how much longer I can do this on my own...Please help and pray for us all....Thank you, talk to you all later....

 

Patti

I need your help everyone..I am struggling, I just got done with a bad crying spell....things are just not working out for me...I thought it was getting better, but it's not. I am always depressed, stressed out, I can cry, get made, angry. But at the same time, I am strong, but it's beggining to wear me thin...I'm trying so hard to be there for my kids, to show them we will be okay, but it' so hard, because I have such servere money problems and dicipline problems with my kids and my own personal issues with my depression and anxiety, plus living with my sister and her kids and our mom, it is a mad house here and it has EVERYBODY"S nerves on edge. My kids constantly argue with each other and their cousins, and it ot just little fights, it's flew blown screaming matches. They don't hardly hit each other, but it does happen. They hurt it other by breaking ones toy or locking the door and make them ring the doorbell a million times to get in...THAT DRIVES ME INSANE!!!! My sister and I get into sometimes, mostly over money. But when it comes to the stress of the kids, we both pretty much just take it all on and just deal with it, because we know that right now, we are all we both have and that we need each other, but we are still stressed. My sister makes alot more money then me and here lately, she has been putting more money into the house bill's, then me. So, see, money, that is one of the biggest challenges for me....I work 2 jobs and I get food stamps, but we still have to put out money for food for the house. We have had our phone shut off, our gas bill shut off, but we are now on a bugdet plan, but still struggle to pay them and we are always late. I can't pay my bills, my kids want to go out and do things during the summer, they want new toys, games, clthes and I can't get them anything whatsoever. Our rent alone for a 4 bedroom house is $1550.00 a month, plus all utilities, including water and garbage. Plus gas prices is killing us....I know that I am not the only one going through this, but after going through the hell I've gone through ALL MY LIFE, it makes it seem 10 times worse. I feel like I am a failure, that I am not a good parent, because I get so angry that I scream and yell and even curse when I get angry. I mean look at my life, I was molested, I was abuse, I was teased, picked on, told I would never amount to nothing, I was nearly raped twice, I was lied to decieved, I used to pop pills and drink and party all the time, then I changed my life around and start over with a man I thought was my knight is shinning armour, just to find out he was a child molester and had my whole life, the life i worked so hard and prayed so hard to get, was taken away from me in an instance and now I am back at square one, worse off then I was before I changed my life around. I get so frustrated and overwhelmed that I swear all the time, then I feel ashamed and so guilty. I can't get into cousling, I work 6 days a week, I hardly get to do anything, I work, I take care of my kids and household chores, I never have any alone time, I am constantly surrounded by kids or adults. I share a bedroom with my 3 kids, I have no privacy. I can go on and on. I find out that Perry's grandmother died back in May and no one called to tell me. I haven't herad from him except back in March, he sent a letter through his mother. His mother has no contact, beside every other hoilday she will send a card to the kids or on their birthday. I want to do so much, i want so much done and so much awareness to be known about what child abuse and being molested could do to someones life. Because the one thing I do know is that all my emotional isues stems from being molested as a child and almost being raped and because the pain and anger i hold in me from being teased and bullied by my peers and my family and now with knowing i married a child molester and put my children in harms way. All the emotional and verbal abuse I suffered, all the judgement i have endured, being judged because of my looks and convictions and so on, so forth. I am scared that all this stress is gonna make me get sick or worse, die...I have an irregular heartbeat, my dad had a heart attack in his 30's and died of a massive heart attack at 66. I am overweight, but on a diet, but also tend to eat to comfort myself. I have some dental issues that can lead to heart diease or something worse and I can't afford to go to a dentist, I went once and they wanted a $I000.00 dollars in monthly payments of $150.00...Ok, I'm babbling and I probally sound pathetic, but I am just telling the truth and asking for some advice and encouragement and most importanly, your prayers. I feel like my life is once again, falling apart from my health, right down to me having a place to live. Thanks for reading and your prayers....