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Messages By: jettav

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July 28, 2005, 9:11 am PDT

General Advice

Quote From: toothfairy

I have a 5 week old son - I plan to take the full year available to me for maternity leave, and I love spending time with my son, but am worried about becoming lazy and possibly chubbier on my maternity leave.  Everyday is the same, we spend time in the morning cuddling, then when he drifts off I run around the house doing whatever housework I can before he wakes back up.  We take a walk for about half an hour, come back and spend more time cuddling (all in front of the tv) then he drifts off again in the late afternoon.  Please don't get me wrong, I love being with him, watching him develop and grow but am starting to wonder what I am to do for the rest of the year.  I need suggestions - maybe ideas of what everyone else does with their time off (and yes, I know its a time to spend with my newborn child - but there has got to be more!)
I am a stay at home mom and have been since the day my first was born. I have always been able to occupy my time and though there have been some lazy days basically just hangin out with my girls, I wouldn't change a thing. I have always been active in my church and participate in most things going on, even if it involves taking the girls. Getting my hubby to watch the girls for a bit while I go out with a friend or just to be alone is something I do not hesitate to do. While staying home, your first thing is to enjoy your child an do what is imporant in the house of course, Take time for family and friends, treat yourself to an outing of some kind, get involve in your community some how, even if it is a monthly thing. I like having friends over so I have had tupperware and pampered chef parties in my home, I have invited a few friends for pizza and we play board games or just hang out gabbing and playing with the kids. reading, writting and scrapbooking are things I like to do and taking advantage of the quiet times is wonderful, go take a long bubblebath and take a book along with you or just sit and relax and meditate/pray. For the most part, I have always taken one day at a time and on days when there isn't plans, I take advantage of those times and enjoy my kids and doing things that I like doing and of course all the "wonderful" things that need to be done around the house. And there is nothing wrong with having a lazy day here and there, I have learned that I don't have to be "busy" all the time to be a good mother and wife which was definetly a hard lesson for me but a wonderful lesson.
 
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July 28, 2005, 9:20 am PDT

Where Should Your Child Sleep?

Quote From: toothfairy

I am the mother of a 5 week old boy, and already I have noticed that bad habits start with me.  When I first brought him home, I put him in bed beside me, partly because I couldn't stop worrying about him, but also because I just loved being close to him.  Over the following weeks I noticed that whenever I put him down in his crib and left the room, he would immediately wake up and scream - that would lead to me picking him back up and taking him back into bed with me where he would fall right back asleep.  So - as tough as it was, (and still is) when its bedtime for Dawson, I rock him for a few minutes, but mostly put him in his crib - awake or not (I have a terrible time leaving him by himself when he is awake and alert - I feel guilty!) and just let him be.  Now at 5 weeks old he sleeps in his crib all by himself and I sleep much better in bed with just my husband :)  I think if I had kept on taking him to bed with me, I was setting the whole family up for a bad habit to break in the future.  What do you think?
I agree with you, kids learn from us, the adults/parents. We are basically the ones to teach them what is right and acceptable and we as parents must chooe our battles. I was one of the lucky ones when it comes to my children, as new borns/toddlers they have always been good sleepers, of course they have had some rough times as we all do, but have always been able to figure out solutions with out a big fuss with the kids. You are the parent of your child and you must follow your parenting instincts as you did in this case and getting a good night sleep is a very good thing and wanting to be with your husband alone is not a bad thing, it is actually a good thing as far as I am concerned. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.
 
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July 28, 2005, 8:51 pm PDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: susan876

I believe what those here consider abusers ,is perhaps the larger group out there and there is no legislation. And that you also consider children more indestructive than they are. I also saw

it regularly ruin the adult  lifes and the next groups, too often, to believe in overlooking it.

You just have too stand for survival and making good people,  without using you as a bad example.

Too many ruthless from violence. I also realize that people come from different places and

don't always see what goes on or the impact. I am being attacked by the abusers a lot now.

I realize that this site supports all groups and sometimes doesn't know who they really are.

I am too detailed  only wishing to provide examples, why It is important to be nonviolent. It

can be depressing and you would wish to discount it so I'll try not to come on too much.

 

 

 

I agree that every one has different views and for different reasons and to be perfectly honest I have seen abusers on both sides of the issue, I know parents who have/do abuse their children but have never spanked and vice versa. There are definetly many forms of abuse and because no one is perfect and we all do make mistakes, chances are all parents in one way shape or form may have had abused their child in some way. Not saying intentional becasue any loving and good parent would never purposely harm their child in any way. correct me if I am wrong, but you seem to believe that spankers are abusive parents. I am really just trying to understand your posts, call me a dummy or whatever, but really that is all I am trying to do for I personally respect all peoples views here and in no way trying to put any one down or to justifying abuse. I can only speak for myself and my home, that even though I have given my children a swat on the bottom does not mean I am an abusive parent, I love and respect my children and try very hard to communicate with them, My youngest is only 2 but I do have ways of communicating and getting through to her on issues, It is not unusual for me and my 4 year old to sit down and have a heart to heart talk and to discuss behaviors/choices and all. She has the freedom to express herself in how ever she can but is not aloud to harm another, including herself in the process which if she does, she loses a privelege. Though I do not have a problem with spanking, (a swat on the bottom), I honestly cannot tell you the last time my children has gotten one, becasue I only give a swat to the bottom after the third warning/redirection of certain incidents and I must count my blessings for I have two very well natured girls as I am one of the lucky ones who have easy children (at this point). Just becasue I might disagree with some one on a discipline does not neccessarily mean that I think they are abusing their children, I think the ones who end up with rebellious and kids in trouble (however one wants to word it)are usually those who do not discipline at all or those who are not willing to change techniques in their parenting becasue they are so wanting to be right in their choices. We as parents must put our children as high priority and make it our goal to love and respect them and to help/teach them right from wrong and to help them to grow into good, productive adults and my children are progressing very well. They know they are loved, and cared for and they know that we would never hurt them, they are young but they know when they have been hurt or done wrong, my oldest not too long ago told some one that her mommy never hurts her(don't know what the converstaion was about as I walked in during the conversatiion), she knows she is loved. Both of them are very vocal even at their young ages and believe me would voice it if I was hurting them. I for one will never look at my self as a perfect parent but at least I can look at my self in the mirror at night and be proud of the fact that I am the best parent for my children and they are progressing as they should becasue they are loved and I want the best for them. I do not tolerate violence and when it is against a child, believe me, I feel rage, I personally know what abuse is and how it can affect a person and I will do everything in my power to protect my children. A good parent will raise their children in a loving and caring atmoshere, communicate and discipline in a way that will help the child not harm them and at the same time admit when they have done wrong and even apologize to a child (which persoanlly have done), and be willing to change a technique(which I have) when they sense/know that it is wrong and/or it is useless in helping the child. I personally am not discounting any ones views here for that is what they are, just views/opinions. yes a spanking can turn into abuse but so can putting a child in time out constantly, and the way we speak to our children, even grounding a child from everything all the time can set them up for failure, There has to be balance and communication between child and parent, boundaries and consequences must be set as well and at the same time, all this can happen when there is love and respect in the home and children know when these things exist, My children go to bed happy everynight and as we discuss our day, we talk about the negatives and positives and talk about what we each can do to make things better/right. Children are definetly the smart ones for they are honest and real, and my ears are always opened when it comes to my children.
 
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July 28, 2005, 9:33 pm PDT

Balancing Marriage and Family

Quote From: jerickson

My name is Johnathan Erickson, I am 38 years old, and my wife and I have been married for 10 years. We have two kids together, one age 5, and the other 2. We have always had a very solid, loving, and secure marriage, but she always wanted attention. I remember from the old days how she always wanted me to pay 100% attention to her and to nobody else. I honestly don't blame her for that. Being her husband, I have to give her the attention she needs. However, I feel that her attention-starved attitude is driving me to the breaking point. I have put up with her for 10 years of marriage, and 2 years of dating. I am sick and tired of her constantly wanting me to pay attention to her and nothing else. I have been pretty cool about it for 12 years, but now I am becoming extremely frustrated. I consider myself to be a very lenient individual, but she is totally abusing my leniency. Let me explain how I reached my ending point. My brother and I are extremely close. We grew up together, we went to law school together, and we now own a law firm together. Our law firm is constantly growing and managing is difficult. We spend hours together during the day running our law firm, and we always go to lunch with each other during the day. A couple nights ago, my brother and I decided to go to dinner together. We made arrangements and we meet each other at a restaurant. My wife became very upset when I said I was leaving to go to dinner with him. I apologized and told her I will make it up to her some other time. When I came back from dinner my wife confronted me in a very upset, and frustrated manner. I lost my temper and yelled at her like I had never yelled before. She was a bit shook up by it, so she left to go to her fathers house. I don't understand it. My brother is married also, but he dosen't have to put up with this junk. So what if I went to dinner for 2 hours? He is my brother and if she thinks I am going to end my relationship with him, she is out of this world. Its not going to happen. At the same time I don't want to end my 10 year marriage. Ending my marriage can effect so many things, especially the kids. She came back to the house, but we rarely talk. We pretend neither of us are here. Its really starting to show and the kids are catching on. I don't want the kids to be effected mentally, or emotionally by this. Can someone give some pointers on where to START. Thank you.
I would suggest that you make the first move here, set up a time when it can be just you and your wife and start by letting her know how you feel about her, that you love and care for her and that you want your marriage to be for a life time( I think that is what you want and feel), you need to communicate with her on how it makes you feel when she does the things/act the way she does and you need to allow her to do the same with you, get all this out in the opened then discuss solutions, (did you let her know ahead of time that you were going out with your brother,or did you just tell her then leave?) Set up date nights that is specifically for her and unless there is an emergency, neither of you can plan something different for that night. You should also encourage her to go out with a friend once in a while and let her know that she is top priority as well as the children but you need time with your brother as well. Marriage is a committment between two people and takes 100% on both peoples side to make it work, communication and respect are very imporant and we must learn how to balance our marriage/family/work,friends. My husabnd and I always tell each other a head of time of individual plans and we always make sure that there isn't already something planned, I know how it feels to have had a quiet evening planned with my hubby or a special night out then he come home and tell me of some other plan that I had absolutely no knowledge of, it really does leave room for some resentment, but when I talked to him about how it made me feel and why it upset me, we learned to communicate more and to respect the other with the making of plans. Maybe even send her flowers or something once in a while to confirm your love to her, which I am sure you do things like this already. Hopefully sitting her down and talking with her and getting her suggestions/ideas will help, maybe then she will sense that you are trying to put her and her feelings ahead of other things and maybe she will see the imporance of having other relationships as well. Also, how many hours do you work? My husabnd works two jobs and til just this week, he has had to work every single day, the only time we had time to gether was wed and thurs evening and Saturday mornings and of course because we have two little ones, they need to spend time with him as well, this went on for about a year and I know the feelings that I had were of lonliness and even a littel resentment that I had no personal time with him, only when he was tuckered out basically, doesn't make for much of a marriage, and though we love and respect one another and never had the feeling of leaving one another, it was a very trying time, now, I don't know what the whole situation is within your home, but could your wife be feeling lonliness or even neglected? I know you said she has always wanted attention but what is your current life style like? How much time do you really have with her? I do understand where you are coming from and I sense that you love all your family and just don't know how to balance your time and make everyone happy, including yourself, my husband has been in that same situation and though it didn't change over night, we worked it out, still have our moments but things are much better and I think it is becasue of the communication and date nights and the little things he does for me and our girls.
 
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July 29, 2005, 10:00 am PDT

General Advice

Quote From: joymomma

Hi! I read what you said about your daughter not being herself, and I would be worried, too. Does she think Valerie is a bad thing to be? Does she do naughty things and blame it on her not being herself because she is someone else? Sometimes my daughters, 3yr old twins Allyssa and Brianna say that they are a horsie and when they physically hurt each other, it was the horsie not them. Brianna tends to bite, but she says horsies bite, which she knows is true because Allyssa got bit by a horse. I think she liked Allyssa getting bit and she sometimes wants to recreate it! I have a real conundrum with them because Allyssa likes 'princess' things, and Brianna really doesnt have a preference much, but when I see a cute shirt that says princess on it, I want to get it for Allyssa, but I dont want to not get anything for Brianna and make her feel like I'm making Allyssa the favorite. The problem is that Brianna probably wouldnt want a princess shirt, so I dont really want to get her something that her sister would want but she wouldnt. She says she is a superhero and only wants superhero clothes. The problem with that is that superhero stuff is usually boys stuff. I dont want to dress her like a boy! I think she just wants to be different from her sister and not be a twin. They dont look alike at all. Brianna is dark with brown hair and brown eyes, and Allyssa is super white with blonde hair and blue eyes. I wonder if Brianna feels bad because Allyssa and I both have blue eyes and she doesnt. I dont want to label them the good twin or bad twin or whatever twin. I'm not sure what to do. I know they're individuals, but I tend to be lazy and group them together. When I get them clothes, I have just gotten two of everything. I figured then one wouldnt feel left out if they always just both got the same thing. I also keep their clothes in the same dresser and they interchange all their clothes. Should I get each their own dresser and start getting them their own clothes? They'll be 4 this fall, and hopefully starting preschool. Where we live, we are very isolated and they rarely see other kids. Any ideas?
I would definetly treat them as individuals and even dress them differently. I would give them seperate drawls as well, they need to be aloud to be their own person anddo their own thing. It is ok to dress them alike on accasions and all but really, it shouldn't be an every day thing. I have two girls, they are not twins but they are now sharing a bed room, I am doing half the room in Dora and the other half in Sesame street with some veggie tales along with the theme to please each of the girls, gonna put, so maybe you can do this as well for your girls, and do one side in princess and the other in super heros, so what if it is usuallya boy theme, she likes it, I am not too fa,ilair witht he super heros but are there any girl figures in these shows. whatever the case, they definetly need to be treared as individuals and not considered "the twins". I think once you start treeating them like this and all, they will eventually enjoy having the similarities that they have and will want to dress alike on accasions. They need to know how much they are loved and appreciated for who they are and that it is ok to be who they are. Maybe since the one likes horses so much, maybe you can start the "little pony" collection for her and play with her with them, help her to develop her imagination and encourage her to play and interact with her sister and to be happy with herself and do the same with your other little one.
 
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July 29, 2005, 10:07 am PDT

True Love

Quote From: sweller4u

 What is true love? My answer to that is it is someone I can share my  life with who is loving and caring (which can be different), and accepts me as I am with all my flaws as I accept him. In August my husband and I will be married just 2 years. I am 62 and he is 72. He is the most loving person I have ever known. He also is the funniest person I have ever known. We have more fun than a lot of people who have been married a long time. He lost his wife of 46 years two years before we married. I had gotten a divorce in 1975 and had not found the right man to do it again until meeting him. When we married I felt like I was 20 and just starting again. I still do. I tell people that I am still on my honeymoon, and will be for the rest of my life. I am not saying that we do not have problems, as that would be a lie. But I pick and choose the ones that I want to bother me. I don't let the small stuff get in the way of the good stuff we have. Not everyone gets the chance to find the real thing, but I thank God for my husband every day. He saved the best for the last!
Good for you, you have a great attitude and I am happy for you. I have a great marriage as well, My husband i s great and a wonderful father, I have been married for 12 years and yes we certainly have had our issues, but I believe in choosing my battles and some things are just not worth bickering about. I believe in true love and believe that it can last a life time, and it sounds like you have found it, Good luck with everything.
 
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July 29, 2005, 12:05 pm PDT

susan

Quote From: susan876

I put two many messages because I couldn't find them for a while. Are you parents on here

or Dr Phil's staff? Any on here who are opposed to spankings but polite to those who are for?

I am being bullied by abusers(who like screaming from kids)and try to stuff hitting to those

who have seen too much sadism and creaps made by it. I consider it responsible to be against

it and say why in detail. (Depressing I know)But people need support those who know it is bad and

others, are just told it improves children's behavior and not about the real control problems

and destruction from it. Agreeing with everyone is wishy washy. There is a place for anti-spank also.

I personally realize ,that is hard for anyone to survive at all, with the violence legal and illegal

out there. Children aren't for displacing rage and absorbing all that violence. Well

if you don't respond, I Think I won't I've said too much for a  get along type forum.

first of all, no we are not Dr. Phil staff, we are good loving parents coming to the boards for various reasons, some may come for advice while others may come to give some advice, others may come for support as a parent as others may come to debate the issue spanking verses spanking. This board is fairly new right now as they redid the boards but I am sure there will be some one eventually to get on here and will want to debate the subject. I personally have made some friends on these boards regardless of our stand on this issue as well as other issues presented on the Dr. Phil boards. Think me wishy washy all you want for I personally do not care as I am a darn good parent to my children and it doesn't bother me what others think of me and my parenting. I have expressed my views here already,therefore I will not go into more details at this time, but I am the type of person who will be ones friend and try to support other parents the very best that I know how and that is possible without fighting and putting others down and it doesn't mean we have to agree on everything, for we all have our view points as we are all seperate individuals. I personally believe that every parent who comes to these boards are good and sincere parents as who would want to come and talk to a bunch of strangers about their situations and asking for help if they didn't want to get support,advice/develop a friendship with those in the same boat as themselves? and we are all in the same boat here, trying to raise our kids into good productive, successful adults. It isn't a bad thing to disagree and take a stand on what we believe and do not believe but it is also not a bad thing to befriend others even though they do not see things as we do. I have personal friends on both sides of this issue and in all honesty, I see no difference in our kids, they are all normal, good kids learning to live in this crazy world and those kids who come from abusive, non discipline homes are the kids who do not do well. So what, if we all get along, what is wrong with getting along with others even though we don't agree on a topic?! , Just give it a while and some one will eventually get on and want to argue with you, once people realize that the board is back up I am sure some of them will be back.
 
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July 29, 2005, 4:35 pm PDT

Difficulty Forming Friendships

Quote From: tahoe1109

My Husband and I moved into our home almost 2 years ago.  We left all of our friends and family.  Our closest friend or relative is over 2 hours away.  Both of us had an active social life both as a couple and individually prior to the move.  With the exception of each set of parents we have not had a single soul over our house for the length of our current residence. (2 years in OCT) This is not my choice!!

 

 

 

When opportunity arrases, which I am constantly searching for, I bring it up to him...he immediately has an excuse!  "We don't need to bother our neighbors" "we have a 2 yr old, we can't take him" "next week, next month..." 

 

 

 

I am going crazy!  I feel trapped and that he is trying to control me.  I have been very open to meet people at work, however it is a very small company and I do not work with anyone within 10 years of my age! It is a daily struggle getting my husband out of the house, with or without other people.  Even when his family is there he wants to leave!  Other times he wants us to stay in our bedroom and watch TV!! I like movies and all but, I can't do as much as he would like!

 

 

 

I have excused myself trying to find ways for us to meet people.  I have may wants a desires, for example becoming members of a church, inviting the neighbors over, joining a gym ECT... Without these needs I am unhappy.  I have expressed this to my husband on many many occasions.  But, he still wants me sheltered.  Will find any excuse to prevent me from making plans or following through with my needs.  What do I do?  I am really looking for physiological reasons for his behavior.  Please help!

 

 

Questions:

 

Obviously he wants control, how do I get him to compromise?  Give in, give up that control?

 

What reasons would he have to keep me so isolated?

 

How can I get my needs met and still have peace in the home?

 

When expressing my need to have hobbies outside the family, why is he so against it??

 

 

I have been in a similar situation to a certain point, my husband never has tried to control me but getting him to go do things has been a problem and that is hard to deal with, I agree with Dr. Phil that we teach people how to treat us and as long as you allow your husbnad this hold on you, he will continue to do this, I think you just need to step out and do something, take your son and go. if you want to go to church, then find a church that you are interested in, get up on Sunday morning, get your son and yourself ready and go. Get to know people and don't wait on him to give you permission. You can't change him but you can change your self. When you get to know some one and you want to invite some one over then do it, get the evening ready and tell your husband that company is coming over and go with it. If he wants to cop up an attitude then that is his problem, not yours, it may be a little embarrassing or upsetting but you need to stick up for your self. get your self to the local "Y" or even the library and take your son to story time and all, Never too early to introduce your children to the library, Go to the park and enjoy a day out with your son and go to the play ground with him, there may also be a MOM'S group around some where, where you can go and meet other moms, Check out the MOPS (mothers of preschoolers)program. www.mops.com, it is a christian based group that usually meets in churches once or twice a month, there is a slight fee but is usually free the first couple visists or so so you can get a feel for the program. kids have a teacher who play and work on a basic curriculum with them. These are a few ways that you can get out and start meeting people and get to know them, Make sure you do take time with your husband, make sure you have nights with him and doing what he wants and all, include him as much as possible and if he rejects your offers then don't worry about him, some times it is hard for people to get out there and meet others and you may be the one to have to get the ball rolling here.
 
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July 30, 2005, 7:03 pm PDT

Stress at Work

Too much stress can affect a erson mentally emotionally, spiritaully and physically. We must learn to choose our battles and do what is right for us as individuals, yes, we want our families to be happy and provided for but if we are so stress out and can't tell if we are coming or going then we will be of no help to those we love and care for. I have been a workaholic and have been stressed to the point where every aspect of my being was being affected. I had to learn to say no and to stick up for myself even to the point where I had walked out on a job leaving those Iw orked with in a great bind as there were children involved in my work, but it was something that had to be done for the sake of my own health and well being, yes, the guilt was there as well as the feeling of failing others but it was the best thing that I could have done for myself but now I am experiencing it again only this time it is my husband going through this and not only is the stress affecting him but it is affecting me and our children, We love each other dearly and are a great support team and as we have been dealing with this my husband just got laid of his main job which brings in about 6o % of our income but it is a blessing in a way as he is in much need of rest and reassurrance that he is a great asset to himself as well as to his family and friends. We must set our priorities but at the same time keep our selves in tune with our bodies and minds and to realize that we deserve to be happy and fullfilled. Sometimes we need to take time for us and for me, prayer and family/friend support has done wonders. If we are not as "together" as we need/should be then it will affect our families as well and no one will succeed. As in our situation at the moment, yes, it is gonna be a little rough at first but I want my husband to be himself again and to have that self worth that we all so much need in this society. We do not have to allow people,situations to take control of our lives, I know all this sounds easiersaid then done but to me it has been a reality, sometimes we just need to take a step back and give our selves some time to reevaluate our goals and to work to get ourselves where we need/want to be. stress and depression as far as I am concerned are definetly on the top of the list of ruining not only an individual but also a family, just not worth it. Though my hubby is a little concerned about not having this job, he and I both can already see a difference in his attitutde and physical health, blood pressure is not too high as it has been for months and he is eating better and it has only been a a few days since the lay off. I have encouraged him to take it easy and as he is sending out resumes, not to feel pressured and as we prepare for vacation in a few weeks, he will have the much needed rest and be ready for the new job that we know he will soon have. We have faith and each others strength and support and know that all will work out for the best. Life isn't always easy but we must take control of our own lives and do what we need to do to help ourselves to be achievers, if we don't then we will lose and may take otheres along with us. In my case as well as hubby's case, we found that work related stress just wasn't worth our time, some stress may be good but when it comes to taking over our lives then I believe that is wrong and to be who we are/want to be just isn't easy or even possible because we are so bogged down with work and the probelms there that we just don't have it in us to reach our full potential, and that is when some changes need to start taking place and it might mean stepping out of our comfort zones and seeking out new options.......
 
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July 30, 2005, 8:16 pm PDT

07/29 Prenup Problems

Quote From: bcoceans

My fiance (now husband) has a very controlling family. He is coming into some wealth, and I swear it was his family's idea. With two weeks prior to our wedding, I was handed a pre-nup. I was able to get immediate legal advice luckily from two family friends that are lawyers and advice from another outside lawyer as well.

This pre-nup was so unbelievably one sided, that if at anytime he decides to leave me, he takes everything he put into the marriage (meaning this wealth he's to come into). I will be left with nothing, even though I am bearing his children. I was advised NOT to sign it.

But what do you do when you are now a week and a half from your wedding and you love this guy?

We fought like cats and dogs for those two weeks. He told me, if you don't sign this the wedding won't happen. He got mad at me because my lawyers wanted to compromise and come up with a fair agreement.

The week of our wedding, my lawyers sent his lawyer our proposal. He told his Dad about it one night over the phone, and they got into a fight. (Which leads me to believe to this day- this wasn't just my fiance's idea).

His lawyers shot my proposal down and it wasn't even a major change. All I asked that he leaves me, then I will be covered financially. As it was written all on the pretense that "what if she leaves me" theory. I also asked to have the prenup reviewed in 7 years.

All of which he said NO to. So with 3 days to our wedding, I was forced under duress to sign. I was so heartbroken that this was written in such a manner towards me. I am terrified that if we get divorced, I will lose everything!

 

I feel sad for you that you fell for this, the guy couldn't even meet you half way? and you still married him. I pray that your marriage lasts and is a happy one. for me personally, I would have never married this guy even if I was already engaged to him. I believe in marriage 100% and I think you need to do everything in your power to keep your marriage strong and loving and pray that he does the same thing. I actually have mixed feelings about this subject but believe that if a couple agrees to it that it needs to be fair and worked on together which in your case this did not happen and I can understand your concern as well But it is possible to make a marriage last a life time and yes, it is 2005 but your marriage does not have to end in a divorce and that is what I would be concentrating on, not the fear of the "What Ifs", certainly a waste of time.
 

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