Messages By: jettav

Quote From: ceders2

 really makes me mad!! I live in Australia and here it is AGAINST the Law to talk on your phone while driving, but of course we still have the idots who do talk on their phones while driving.

My hubby and I have already nearly been involed in afew car accidents because of these idots on the road. And we have had one or two people honk their horns at us because they weren't watching what was happening BECAUSE THEY WERE ON THE PHONE and were not doing the right thing on the road.

I know that there are times when yes that phone rings while you are driving, BUT that doesn't mean that you HAVE to answer it there and then. You can always turn your phone off all together while driving and have it set on voice mail. Or if you HAVE to have your phone on then put over to the side of the road to answer your phone when it rings. Just think about other people that have to drive on the road at the same time as you.

One last thing, what drives me more MAD is when Mum's and or Dad's have children in the car and they are merryly driving long talking away on the phone. What's to say that one minute you're driving along and next you and or your children are dead from an accident. Just something to think about yeah!!

TAKE CARE ON THE ROADS, LOVE KELLY.

Quote From: cygne88

I think the motive behind living together should be explored. One is either committed from the start or isn't. Some aren't even committed in marriage. For some people the psychological tieing the knot helps them to commit.

 

Personally, I lived with my husband for 5 years before we decided to get married. But I must say we were committed from day one. So the word marriage was already a verb. We wedded for the sake of having a child that was the main reason. Waiting 5 years to have a child was a good idea. It gave us enough time to sort out the parenting bit in the sense of what our values were.

 

If people believe in getting engaged then wedding, the engagement part should be spent sorting out each other's expectations of their lives together, don't you think?

 

I think living together is not a bad idea for testing out compatability. After all, when you move in with just a roommate, that is when you really discover who they are and decide whether you want to continue living with them. Add a marriage on top of that and it could be a recipe for disaster....or not. Why not up your chances?

 

JMO.

Quote From: jettav

theres a big difference between a roommate and spouse, at least for me there was, I didn't sleep with my roommate. I got to know my now spouse while we were dating and then we married and then we slept together, marriages can work out and last a life time if both partners would committ and work together, love and respect each other instead of going into a marriage thinking it is one big honey moon and it doesn't take work and effort. We have been happily married for over 12 years and still in love and raising our family together. love, respect, committment, communication and determination and working together are great keys for a great and lasting marriage and it is possible if the two really want it bad enough. One can always find a new roommate, but once you give your self away, it is gone, so not wait til you are in love and ready to make a committmetn and take vows that you know that the two of you are more then willing to do. We were married going on 8 years before we had our first child, didn't try for awhile, why? becasue we enjoyed just being together and now we have our little ones to enjoy.

Quote From: tray00

Hi Jetta, sorry to hear your husband lost his main job.  It is hard (we have been their) Just remember a door closing is another door opening.  You hubby can take the time to get it back together.  A person needs to be happy.  Anyhow, I was just reading some posts, and thought I would say hi,  it has been a while!

 

take care, and prayers be with you and your family.

 

Tray

 

Quote From: hayhez

My husband and I have been together for 6 years now, married for three. From the time I entered this family I noticed something very different from my own. I come from a history of alcoholism, and cheating and divorce. And my husband come from a family of mental and physical abuse, but yet his parents stayed together until his father passed away a couple of years ago. Neither of us is from the ideal family but I guess I realize this more then my husband does. I have tried to make a conscience effort to work toward a better life. And I believe that is what my husband wants as well. Right up until he gets mad and angry (usually when you say something he doesn't agree with) When his father was alive, he was always very loving and caring toward me and all four of his children. He welcomed me into the family and made me feel a part of it, I never saw the abuser that apparently he once was years ago. Where as my mother in law was the complete opposite. She told my husband when we were first going to live together that he was distroying his life, and that relationships of this sort never work out for the good, she didn't even know me because she would never come when she had the opportunity to meet me. She was so incredibly bitter about her past (forced to marry because she was pregnant, and then was verbally abusive to her husband, which resulted in physical abuse back, they slept in seperate rooms since she was pregnant with her last child 22 years ago) She would alway put down my FIL and call him names. They fought openly infront of everyone, and would never drive to the same place in the same vehicle. When my FIL was diagnosed with cancer she would not take him to his appointments, or even show up to the hospital when he had major surgery. My husband and I were married away from home and she came but my FIL was unable to because of his illness. She was hanging out with my mother one day and told my mother to stop telling people that her daughter was getting married because it was really quite annoying. My mother was crushed, she was so excited because she loves me and my husband both, that she did not understand why my MIL was not happy for us. My FIL not being there broke my husbands heart but we did a reception back  for him to come to. The first day that we returned my MIL told me that she did not consider us married because there was no mention made of God in our wedding vows. I told her that we never even heard the vows until we were standing there, and I thought they were beautiful and said what I wanted and needed them to say. That my god was present and would understand. She flew off the handle and cused me out infront of everyone, and because we were in our house my husband asked her to leave. For months we never spoke with her, and my FIL even tried to kick her out of the house for her attitude. When my FIL was in the hospital on his death bed she wouldn't even come to the hospital because she said the air there was making her throat dry. I was 7 months pregnant when he passed away. The only time she came to the hospital was with a lawyer to try to get my FIL to write a will because she said that there wasn't one. He was to drugged to do anything and she tried to get my husband to talk to him. We thought he was going to die right then he was so mad at her, so we never said another word. It then came out that she had a key to a safety deposit box with a will already made in it.  She was left nothing in his will and it all was given to his four children. The two boys received the most, but they said from the start that they would give it all to their mother because they did not want to see her in the poor house. She lashed out at all of them, we think because my FIL refered to her as mentally unstable in the will. One of the daughters stood by her side and the others had had enough. They had dealt with her verbal abuse for years and this was the last straw. She was not even phoned when our son was born but somehow she found out and showed up at the hospital like nothing happened. Trying to hug me and act like we were one big happy family. Our thoughts were, if she does not acknowledge our marriage because of her religious beliefs then how does she acknowledge our son. We tried several times after this to make peace with her but everytime it would end in her saying how her oldest daughter and her husband had ruined her life. And we would not stand for that. Her daughter did not ask to be born and she had the choice to leave her husband. She was just as abusive, just in a different way. 10 years after all the kids moved out she was still there. It was all she knew. We have not really talked to her in the last couple of years, but when she found out we were pregnant again she came and dropped off flowers. My husband has lost both of his parents and he is really searching for something like what I have with my mother. Now my husband is starting to talk to her again and I am trying to be supportive of this, for him and my son. But I do not want a relationship with her. Everytime my husband starts to talk to her again, he becomes moody and irritable. His anger issues come right back out. He name calls and is not happy until I name call back, which I don't. But I have asked him if that is what he is going for. To push me so far and knock me down mentally that I snap and fight back. And all I want to say is that it is whenever his mother is back in his life that this all comes full circle again. His sister agrees with me, because she says she acts the same way everytime her mother is around. I know my MIL does not like me, I think because I will say what is on my mind and stand up for myself. Something that she was never able to do. She tells me sometimes that she "really does love me" but then the next time I see her she says "heaven forbid I should ever have give birth to a daughter like you." So how do you trust what she says. I don't and I have no desire to even try, she is not my mother. She has also said to me that she worries for me, what my husband might potentially do to me because of what my FIL did to her. How horrible is that to say about your son when you have never witnessed anything but love and affection toward his wife and child. When we go up town I run into friends of hers all the time that say "you really should start treating her better" or "It is so horrible how all the kids are treating their mother, she just lost her husband" I worry for my husband and his anger issues and I worry that I will not be able to support him in the reuniting with his mother. I will go to family functions and I will talk to her, and be pleasant. But I do not respect her as a mother, nor do I like her as a person. What kind of a mother calls her daughters sluts and whores in front of their children. Now having a child of my own, I cannot relate to this. So how do I support my husband but not give in on my feelings toward her. I do not want to be two faced or hypicritical. She is now wanting to "hang out and go for tea" with me, and I am not in this place. She will never discuss the past and just expects it to go away, until the next time she is mad and angry and decides to throw it up in our faces. I don't like putting myself in this situation. I resolve things and if it takes days or weeks of talking, then that is what it takes. And then it is left in the past. Now that I have bored you, can someone give some advice? Or does anyone else have MIL issues such as myself

Quote From: jettav

Remember, you treat people how to treat you. I would suggest that you stay away from your MIL and if your husbnad wants to go visit or whatever, that would be his choice but it does not mean that you have to go with him, And when you are around her and she says or does something that you do not approve of, then hold your tongue and walk away, do not gve in to the pressures of these people, certainly not worth it. I understand where you are coming from with some of this and forget what other people say and think, people tend to stick up for the underdog in these situations cause they either don't know the real issues/problems or they just don't want to confront them, whatever the case, stand your ground. My children do not come in much contact with family members and when they do, I am right there with them, no way on this green earth would I leave my children alone with them. You can only do so much to help people and until they come to the point of seeing things as they truly are and seek help, nothing you say or do will please them, believe me, I have been there. My bio mother told a bunch of lies about me as a teenager and to this day she thinks they are all true, some people lie so much they actually believe themselves. I think the problem is that she was abused and in a couple of bad marriages and to actually see people happy and successful just doesn't seem possisble to these people so they do what they can to make it all appear that those doing well, really isn't. Just be yourself and support your husband in his choices, just because you support him does not mean thta you have to agree with him, be there for him, afterall it is his mother. pray for him and don't talk down to him, he has had enough people in his life to do this crap, let him know daily on how you feel about him and let him know that you are on your side and that you are going no where, but at the sane time, you need to protect yourself and your children for this is abuse and they will reap some consequences from it. As they grow older, you will be able to explain things a little better to them but they must be your first priority here. it isn't easy being in these situations but you don't have to be in the middle of it all, love and respect your husband as I think he is trying to make things better, but at the same time, do not participate in the bad mouthing and all the negatives things going on and when you see something positive, compliment it but basically stay out of the mess as much as possible.

Quote From: vanitysgun

hey guys...i was just wondering if any of you were raising children that are straightedge (sXe, XXX, etc) For those of you that don't know, that means no sex, no drugs, no drinking. Which i think is great morals to have but my parents and i were talking about it recently and they were upset that my sister is sXe... i am so confused. Can anyone shed some light on this?

Quote From: pwilt65

Dear Dr. Phil,

I am a 2yrs. divorced dad with 3 children, 15, 13, 11. I share custody with their mom 50/50. My fiancee is also divorced, approx 4yrs., but apart about 10yrs, and also shares custody with the dad 50/50. My fiancee's daughter is 18 yrs. old, and also hates me. My fiancee and I recently moved in together. The week before we moved in together, father's day weekend, the 18yr. old was kicked out of her dad's house for irreverant behavior. Well, after nearly 3yrs. of tension and the passed several weeks of living together all heck hit the fan one night. I was forcefully explaining to the young lady that my 11yr. old daughter was feeling intimidated by her. She blasted me with the following; " I don't like you because I have no respect for you, never have and never will. You're a f____ing a__hole and a f____ing d__k! " This was said to me in front of 2 of my children, the 13yr. old and the 11yr. old, as well as her 14yr. old brother and her mother, my fiancee. I blasted her back that she had a nerve not respecting me when she hasn't yet even accomplished anything in her young life, not even completing the 11th grade ( she had to repeat her junior year ). Moreover I hollered, how dare she use language like that towards me, and in front of my children. Even my fiancee was getting into it now, but directing her anger at me. My fiancee never said a disapproving word to her daughter. As the yelling continued I said to the daughter then just GO! Again, this was in front of everyone. It was not a pretty sight. Now my ex-wife doesn't want my kids around my fiancee and is threatening to file for full custody. Likewise, my fiancee's ex is threatening to do the same. My kids do still want to see the both of us, but my wife won't allow it, at least for now. Her daughter wants no part of me, while her son wants less contact with me and my family. Prior to the incident, he had a good relationship with my children and an excellent one with me. My fiancee and I owned up to our bad behavior and apologized to all, but the daughter said she wishes I was dead and she'd say the very same things all over again. How do we ever repair this? We love each other, built a new house for us and the kids, and we waited 2 yrs. for her daughter to graduate before moving in together. We don't want to split up, but don't want to lose our kids either.

Please respond. We desperately need your advice.