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Messages By: gjcarr003

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August 8, 2005, 1:50 pm PDT

08/08 'Help Me Get My Kids Back!'

Quote From: silvo4

  

I'm not at all cold-hearted, but this mother seems very calm considering the circumstances. There is NO WAY I could sit next to someone who knew ANYTHING about my children and stay that composed. You would have to pull me off of her. Is she just in shock?   

  

WHY hasn't Lisa received more pressure from the police? WHY hasn't the MOTHER received more pressure from the police?  Why isn't this getting the same amount of national attention the girl from Aruba is getting?  Dr. PHil, will there be an update?? Thank you! 

From my understanding of the show, her and Lisa have been talking a lot about all of this.  She probably seems a lot calmer than most would be, because it's pretty much all been said before.  I do think she is still in shock.  Did you see her face after Dr. Phil gave his promise as to what all he would do to help find these children?  She was in complete shock.  She kept asking him if he was serious...if he was really going to do everything he just said.  She looked like she didn't believe him!  I pray that those children are safe and returned to their mother very soon.  And I do think Lisa knows something more than what she has said.  This is one of the situations where you almost wish something would happen to her daughter so she really knew what it was like.  I hope she realized that she isn't helping anyone by keeping secrets.  GL to all in helping find these two children. 

 
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August 9, 2005, 2:10 pm PDT

Why did he even have access to those kids!

I just read something very disturbing on a website about this case. 

  

"Porter had a history of violence. On Jan. 21, 2004, he held a gun on Tina and forced her to tie her ankles together, and he threatened to kill them both. He pleaded guilty to one count of domestic assault and unlawful use of a weapon and was sentenced to three years’ probation. He also has been convicted of federal firearms violations." 

  

How could he even still have access to those children just 5 months after doing this???  He is obviously crazed and was willing to do anything!  I feel very bad for Tina, but I'm sorry, he would not be allowed left alone with my children after that.  There is no way! 

 
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August 26, 2005, 1:11 pm PDT

Can you trust again?

This is my hardest problem.  Some of you may think I am just stupid for still being with my husband, but here it is....while we were living together, engaged and pregnant, he went out with some friends and while he was gone, I started looking at our computer and found some emails to one of his ex's, dirty emails.  And of course, porn on the computer.   Well, I went off on him...i was very mad about it.  He explained to me that the emails were just a joke to her (which no, I don't believe) and that he didn't know why he looked at porn.  I of course caught him looking at porn a few more times after that.  Anyhow, we were fighting almost daily, both vocally doubting if we should even be together.  Well, just about 8 or 9 months into our marriage, I was pregnant again, and all of a sudden, he left.  He went and stayed with a female co-worker.  Said he needed space, cause he wasn't sure if we should even be together, that he loved me, but wasn't sure he was still in love with me.  It took about 1 1/2 - 2 months till we decided to try and work things out...he didn't move back in with me, but with an approved friend, lol.  About a month later, we started marriage counseling and he moved back in with us.  He admits to kissing this other girl, but said that nothing else happened.   I have a hard time believing that nothing else happened, and I think that may be why I still have a very hard time trusting him.  It's been over a year now since we've been back together, and I know that he loves me very much.  We don't fight anymore, we communicate so much better now, but how do I get over my trust issues.  For the most part, I honestly don't think that he would cheat, but there's still that part of me that fears it.  As for if something happened with that other girl...I wasn't there, so I don't know.  And I don't think I want to know, cause it would really hurt and upset me if something did happen. 
 
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September 19, 2005, 12:47 pm PDT

Scary

This episode is so scary to me.  I know that there are times that I yell and scream at my kids, like after I ask them to do something about 10 times and they still don't, then I yell.  I try not to, and afterwards, when I calm down I go talk to the kids to make sure they are ok and to let them know that I am sorry for yelling and then we talk about what they did that caused me to be upset, then we hug and kiss.  I love my kids, and hate that I do lose it sometimes and it gets taken out on them.  It's not daily, like this woman said, nor is it even weekly...it's just when I get really frustrated with everything else and then they don't listen.  My girls are very spoiled and get away with more than they should...and they are only 10 months, 3 and 4.  Of course, the two oldest are the only ones that get disciplined.  We usually do time-outs.  They get hard sometimes, but being a stay at home mom, it's not always going to be roses, lol.  I know that I am nothing like this woman on the show, but it does scare me that at times, I am a little bit like her.  One thing I am very much against, no matter how upset I get with my children, I refuse to swear or call them stupid or anything like that.  I remember being told that I couldn't do anything right just one time when I was younger, and that still sticks with me.  It only took that one time to hear those words, and I still feel like I can't do anything right.  I don't want my kids to feel that way.   

  

OK, this turned into a book...part of staying at home 24/7 with little kids, never going anywhere without them, lol. 

 
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October 5, 2005, 12:52 pm PDT

Stay at home mom of 3 girls!

I am a 24 yr old stay at home mom of 3 little girls.  The oldest is 4, bron June of 2001.  Then second is 3, born Sept. 2002.  And the baby will be one in just a couple weeks.  My husband is a truck driver, gone all week long...so it is all me, all the time.  I work more and get more stressed now that I am staying home with the kids then when I was working full time.  Luckily, my oldest is now in preschool...but I have to make sure she is up and ready to go, and wait for the bus while still taking care of the other two, and then about 4 hours later I have to keep an eye out for the bus again, while still trying to keep the other two happy.  Some days I get so stressed....usually it is when my husband is home on the weekends....cause he doesn't do anything.  I take care of him, too.  If we decide to go to the store or something, he sits and watches tv while I get the 3 kids ready to go.  Sometimes we argue about it, and it changes for a few minutes, then it starts all over again.  Men just don't understand.  I know he works hard all week long so that I can stay home with our children, but that doesn't mean he can't help out a little bit!  I love him to death, and I love our kids to death, but some appreciation would be nice once in awhile!!   

  

Anyhow, having three kids so close in age is extremely hard sometimes, but it is also worth it sometimes, too.  They play together, and share toys....and they will all be out of the house about the same time when they are older, lol. 

 
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May 8, 2006, 6:44 pm PDT

05/08 A Mother’s Rage

Quote From: czabala

I want to start by saying, in NO way do I condone the behavior on today's show.  However, that  

  

being said, I'd like to point out, we all, NONE of us are perfect parents.  Children do  

  

not come with "owner's manuals".  I will admit if there were cameras filming in my home 24/7, I  

  

am certain there would  times I could look back upon and say, "whoa, I blew it there - I  

  

could  have handled that differently."  As I am sure all of us could.  The ability to consider our  

  

actions  as parents and either repeat, or modify is what sets us apart from animals.  

  

  

It  takes guts to stand up and say, "I've acted horribly, I need help."  Thankfully, this family will be  

  

getting the help they need, and hopefully things will get better before that little baby grows up with  

  

memories of the shouting and spanking.  I pray God wraps his arms around the whole family and 

  

renews their love for one another, while working to heal their hurts. 

  

  

Sure, I commend her for coming forward...but what took her so long?  She should have come forward a long long time ago.  I admit that when my kids are really bad, and I get so frustrated, and nothing else works...that yes, I do smack them on their butts.  I don't like doing it, and I always regret it afterwards...I just can't imagine a mother beating her kids like this woman and waiting this long to realize, "Oh gee, I have a problem".  That's just crazy.
 
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August 15, 2006, 1:01 pm PDT

Thankful

  I am so thankful to have a husband who loves me for me.  I weigh about 10lbs more than I did before having our 3 children, mostly all in my stomache, but my husband still thinks I am sexy just the way I am!  He doesn't mind my flabby tummy or my stretch marks, because they came from having our 3 beautiful daughters!  He actually likes the little extra, cause he thought I was too skinny before, lol.
 
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August 15, 2006, 1:06 pm PDT

08/15 "You're Not Hot Enough"

Quote From: shinnin

I feel I'm not hot enough because I don't have average size breasts. I'm a sad A cup. A34 and I'm scared when the time comes for me and my b/f to do things he's not going to want to and I won't blame him. Not that I'll blame myself, just not him because thats just how my body is. Women with a B or a C cup are lucky because they have beautiful bodies and they can be with a man. Breasts don't fully make a woman but they partly do, they are a part of women's bodies and men should like them. Shouldn't they? Women with an A like me or even less, well there bodies aren't beautiful. Thats how I feel and men think. I don't know what to do about this issue anymore because it's been bothering me since I was a teen growing up. A C wouldn't look so right on me, A B would be beautiful and would make my body image nice looking. When I look in the mirror I see a woman with a beautiful image, facial image and not a tiny body. So I don't get why my breasts are tiny. It sucks. I ask myself why do some women have beautiful bodies that are attractive and some don't? Is that how it's meant to be?? I really need someones help for this. What can I do about this? I really don't want implants.
Don't worry about the size of your breasts.  I am a barely there B cup...and since having 3 kids, my stomache now sticks out a little further than my chest, lol.  My husband still thinks I am beautiful and finds me very attractive.  Remember the good ole saying, more than a mouthful is a waste, lol.  Even though I was always small chested, I never had a problem with men finding me attractive.  Yeah, there are guys out there that are breast men, like em big...but there are also guys out there that don't really care....they will find you beautiful just the way you are, and those are the guys you should be spending your time with!
 
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August 15, 2006, 6:16 pm PDT

Agree

Quote From: vcountryman

I am 47 years old, 5' 6", and weigh 126 lbs.  I have been an athlete the majority of my life.  I have a beautiful 21 year old son in college, and I agree with the women in these chats.  I have never been completely satisified with my body image, which is in direct link to Dr. Phil's quote "self image."  At age 26 years and 121 lbs. I had liposuction, age 32 rhinoplasty, and age 37 breast implants. It always started with negative comments from my current male partner, (in retrospect, they were NO gems) the images on TV, movies (with cable it is impossible to escape), and now the internet!  Evening and morning news even talks about a woman's body shape.  After 2 failed marriages, I now have a long term male life partner.  I work in a very professional environment, yet he works at a firehouse where these men still view firefighter women (professional and physical equals) as sexual and weak objects, they nickname them as "fire bitches."I find it disturbing that they have not advanced beyond this! The men love to share stories about pornography, they allow provocative magazines for the men, and the men make comments to the women (or behind their backs) as they workout, and try to function under one roof.  Most goes ignored by H.R.  My boyfriend tries to tell me that he is the "exception" but we all know the truth.  He says men are "visual" so it should be accepted.  He also says that my sensitivity to his comments are exaggerated.  But heck look at what we a hit with daily as females - we are NEVER too young, big, little, tone, pretty, smart, cleaver, and/or sweet enough.  Until the media, government, and social structure allows women in role models, the Dr. Phil show alone will not change the opinions of men. It is a mans world, even in America.  At 47, I have now decided to surrender, the only thing that I will lose is my own sanity.  I feel powerless, and can not change the worlds view.  The only power I have is to (a.) do not buy the magazines! (b.) Do not tune in the TV channels that portray women in a negative (sexual) manner.(c.) Do not let a mans word hurt me, ever again!  Thanks for listening.
I agree, the media portrays a bad image of what woman "should" look like.  The problem is, even those women don't look that good....they are air brushed.  Plus, you figure that they can afford personal trainers and dieticians to make sure they are as skinny as they want to be.  I am in no means happy with the way I look, but I'm not trying to change, either.  I am 25 yrs old, 5'7 135lbs and I have 3 young daughters (the oldest starts kindergarten this year).  I would like to tone my stomache a bit, but I don't do anything about it....my husband thinks I look perfect the way I am!  He's also gained a good 15 lbs since we first met, and he hates that he is starting to get love handles....but I still love him just the way he is.  I still find him very attractive, as he does me.  We both fell in love with the whole person, not just what is on the outside.  He never makes me feel flabby, and he never would.  He always makes me feel like the sexiest woman in the world....even sexier that all those sexy models we see on TV....cause he knows they aren't real, and I am!
 
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August 17, 2006, 1:25 pm PDT

Marriage doesn't have to be hard

My husband and I just celebrated our 3rd anniversary, we've been together for over 5 years.  We have 3 children.  I know 3 years doesn't seem like a long time, but considering that most marriages don't even seem to last that long anymore, I think it's pretty good.  Also, we almost didn't last to a year!  We fought a lot, even before we got married.  We already had 2 children, and maybe we jumped into the marriage because of it.  But we did (and still do) love eachother, so it seemed like the next step.  We argued everyday, verbally asking why we even got married.  We loved eachother, but couldn't stand eachother.  Finally, about 6 months after we got married, we found out we were pregnant again.  All the stress of our fighting, and the added stress of another child got to be too much, and my husband just didn't come home from work one night.  I went crazy trying to find him, till he finally called late that night to let me know that he wasn't coming home.  We were seperated for about 3 months...with me trying to get him back, and him saying he needed time.  When I finally gave up, I went to talk to a divorce lawyer, which made it all to real for him.  We decided to start "dating" again, and to see a marriage councelor.  We realized that what we lacked was communication.  It's been a little more than 2 years since he moved back in, and things have never been better!  I don't even feel that we have to work on keeping our marriage strong...it just comes naturally, now.  Sure, we still have stupid little arguments here and there....that's normal.  But we apologize to eachother shortly after....and we never go to bed angry, and we always say I love you.  Even if he is just going to get milk, we still hug and kiss and say we love eachother.  We tell eachother all the time how much we appreciate eachother and how much we love eachother.  One thing we asked eachother when we started working things out was why we fell in love in the first place....what was it about him that I loved, and vice versa.  It's good to remind yourself why you fell in love, and for them to hear it.
 

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