Messages By: grub48

You have taken the first step in finding your authentic self by coming to the boards and asking the question.

For many stories have a look in the Archives - however the journey that I started to find my authentic self commenced 3 years ago and whilst I am now comfortable within myself and my world I keep finding new things about myself - the journey will continue for me for the rest of my life.

And I think that is what it is all about for life is a journey and happiness is not a destination it is a part of the journey.

Like most of those who come here I worked on Dr Phil's Self Matters and Life Strategies books - the work was long and exhausting but the result - which was me and my authentic self - was worth it.  Give it a try.

I think one of the main things to remember - is that you should not try to define yourself by what you do or where you live or what you have - the real and true definition of who you are lies deep within - not in superficial world.

Self Matters is but one way of beginning the journey to find your authentic self.  There are many writers who have given us books - but remember it is not the book that will change you - it is YOU and the commitment you make to your self for the change.

And the other thing that is important to remember is that you should model yourself upon the person that is most important to you and that person is YOU.  For if you look to emulate others you will be attempting to live their life not yours.

The work that Dr Phil sets us in Self Matters and Life Strategies reaches far within our being (providing we allow it to) and will provide you with the platform to model your life as YOU want it.  It tests us and bends us and stretches us to limits we never imagine.  But the goal once reached is well worth it - that goal is YOU.

When I first came to this place - almost 3 years ago now - I had a vision that I wanted my life to be like that of the eagle - to fly and soar and be able to ride the winds of life with ease. That was my motivation for chosing the eagle.

The work I have done through Self Matters, Life Strategies and other things has given me the tools and outlook to feel as if I am approaching the heights that the eagle can attain.

Life seems always busy these days and when I reflect on it I find that it is the work that I have done that has created these opportunities for me to excel.  It is when you open yourself to opportunities that they really present themselves to you.

The mountains you are physically climbing are inspiring - one day when I visit the States again I intend to visit The Rockies once more and ascend some of those very peaks - don't know about climbing them on foot or by hand though!!!!!!

Hi all, 

Just wanted to check-in and share some thoughts.  I have often said that we can chose how we react to the moment and the stuff that life throws at us - well right now I guess I made the choice to let stuff get to me - yep I have had atime over the last few days where things have gotten to me. 

The feelings I have been experiencing have left me wrung out and feeling inconsequential in the scheme of things that is this universe.  Intellectually I know I am still the person however I chose to let the emotional side of me rule for a while and some of the old tapes started to play.  I know however that I can control how long I let this episode last. 

I know I will either wake up tomorrow (or even "wake" later today) and give myself that physical (or mental) slap in the face and get over it and get on with it.   

I know nothing needs to stop me from achieiving great things but as I said to my wife last night "Right now the mountain of my life seems very steep and rocky.  Someone give me a helicopter to lift past this stage" - but even as I said those words I realised that it is a necessary part of the journey - the rocky parts of the road, the steep parts of the climb all serve to test our resolve in life - they test our stamina and even though they really suck when we encounter them - they all serve to make us better and stronger in the long run.  I - like everyone else - would often prefer to have it easier - but what the heck - if it makes me better and stronger then I guess I can live with that!!!! 

So even with the current down feelings I think I can see the next plateau stretching out past the next steep part of the journey that is my life. 

Remember when we were kids and our parents always reminded us that sticks and stones could break our bones but names could never harm us? 

Well this was so wrong - we always took those names and taunts into us and look what happened.  I think the thing we also need to remember is not the statements that people use against us but also their behaviours. 

Often those close to us exhibit behaviours based upon what is happening to them in their lives or minds - we see what is happening to and for them and in feeling bad for them we too often descend into accepting some level of responsibility for where they are.  Then the circle begins - we spiral down down down and get sucked further into the maelstrom that is their world.   

Before we know it our world has disappeared and we are living in someone else's reality.  That is where this search for our authentic self begins. 

The search for, and the maintenance of, our own reality is ongoing and forever 

That not all of the moments you are putting down are truly defining moments.   

You need to look at each of them and determine whether you came out of the particular moment a different person with a different view of the world from when you went in. 

I found that many of the 33 items I put down in my working on this same exercise were simply significant memories.  I managed to cull my list down to 13 truly defining moments. 

Test each one Brenda - did the moment change the way you thought about yourself?  Did it change the way you thought about the world and your place in it?  If the answer is yes then it is a defining moment. 

And don't forget that you need to be looking for positive defining moments - they are an integral part of you and you need to use them as building blocks in your authentic self. 

This weekend my wife asked me a question and it went something like this: 

"If you could have one thing in the whole world what would it be?" 

Well the answer took less than 20 seconds to come to me.  I replied  

"To have an enduring sense and feeling of peace" 

I believe that if we have truly found what Dr Phil calls our authentic self then we have that sense and feeling.  If we are true to and within our self then the world can be welcome but does not afflict us with its sham and drudgery because we can move on through and with it all. 

The morning brings a new day full of possibility and wonder - fill the day - each of its moments - with anything at all - the experience and beauty is yours to define 

In all relationships - regardless of the stage they are at - there must be honesty - and that honesty must be on both sides.  In fact it needs to be on all 4 sides.  Four sides you ask - yes there are four sides to each relationship.  There is the honesty of you to him, him to you, you to yourself and he to himself.  

Finding that honesty and truly implementing it in its purest form can be very difficult.  We either don't want to face up to the truth our own self or we don't want to communicate the truth because we don't want to hurt or intimidate the other person.  But if we aren't honest then is the relationship something that is pure and good?  Obviously the answer to that is no.  

You must decide just exactly what your relationship is based upon.  Sure there is an element of the authentic self in each and every relationship - if we aren't being authentic with our self then how can we expect our relationships to be authentic?  We can't.  

I think there is perhaps a deficit in your relationship - but that deficit has created itself because of a lack of honesty and transparency.   In each relationship you must both put in 100% - not 50-50 but 100-100 -else it doesn't work effectively and for the long term.  Sure there are going to be times when one of you puts in more - but the effort has to be there from both of you.  

Re-negotiate the relationship - find the common ground once more (if it is still there) - set the ground rules once more for both of you - and both of you must do it.  There has to be trust between you - complete trust.  And remember one of the things that Dr Phil said "you have to earn your way out of a relationship" by that he means that you have to work hard to make sure that you have covered every base, checked every corner and dotted every i and crossed every t before you get even close to calling it quits.  

There is always a way out of every situation - but only through honesty with yourself will you find the real and right way  

The one thing we can be certain of in this life we all lead is change and as time moves along the tides of fortune dictate many things to each of us. 

For those of us here we have been fortunate to have been blessed by your presence and thoughtfulness - your wisdom has touched and helped many. 

Good luck on the next stage of your life's journey and may the mountains that you climb all afford you a wonderful view of the world around and before you - thank you and come back from time to time to let us all know how the journey is faring