Messages By: grub48

I think when it comes to bullying there is way too much emphasis on it in the Australian media and the Australian school system.

Now don't get me wrong - bullying certainly does exist and it is quite insidious.  However much of what our kids call bullying is simply teasing and the inability to respond to that teasing results in hurt feelings.

Bullying is when someone physically strikes and keeps right on doing it - or when they continually deliver verbal insults about something over which we have no control - for instance calling someone Blue because they have red hair - knowing that it upsets them.  Or calling their mother fat - something the kid can't control - that is bullying.  Inappropriate behaviour in schoolyards is now not just tolerated but ignored because teachers won't and don't want to get involved in the social aspects of the children in their care.  I suppose they would stop if someone was actually being killed.

Whn it comes to being a victim - some of us simply decide to adopt that role in our life because without it we may not get the attention that we all seek - some more desperately than others.

I think we need to follow the covenants that Jesus placed before us 2000 years ago:

1. Love and respect God

2. Love each other as I have loved you.

Common courtesy, good manners and respect for the lives and feelings of others is what we should be teaching our kids in school and outside of it.

The we all must do though is

Continue forward

Hi All

I read one of Marcia's posts about being in a loop and I was compelled to throw some words and thoughts out about this.

One of the things I have learned is that words don't change people - our actions do.  To use Dr Phil's words - we can't change what we don't acknowledge - and - life is managed not cured.  He has also asked - what is worse than 50 years of xxxxx - 50 years and 1 day.

So I guess what I am saying is that we can spend a whole truck load of time looking at our behaviours and analysing them but unless and until we actually DO something different we will continue to experience what we have always experienced.   You know the old - if you always do what you've always done then you always get what you've always got.

I know this from personal experience.  Once I got through the 300 plus pages of the work spun from Life Strategies and Self Matters I made the conscious effort to do something different.  And you know what?  The results weren't immediate and nor were they dramatic when they started to happen.  But change did occur for and within me.

It was all a matter of making that choice to step forward and start to move out of my history and get back to the future that belonged to the real me.  Fear of the unknown and the uncharted can create great inertia in us all but unless we push the ball it will never roll forward.

The mountains seem far away when we look and the peaks always seem high but if we start climbing we will reach the top.  Or to use a Dr Phil saying - how do you eat an elephant? Grab an ear and start chewing.  That is what life and the pursuit of real meaningful change is all about.  We simply need to stop telling ourselves - oh this might hurt or it may be too hard or I doubt I'll ever get there.

Just keep striving to put that foot forward because crossing the road can always bring something different to experience.

All the best everyone

I have looked at a number of the posts here lately and noticed that there is a significant increase in the discussions surrounding relationships and the difficulties of "dealing with" significant others or family members.  Now don't get me wrong I have been through a 30 plus year marriage only to emerge from it with a very different perspective and entered into a new one that gives me great satisfaction and peace.

One of the things I have learned from my past marriage and this new one is very simple.

If you don't have true and abiding mutual respect and like for each other then you are chasing a rainbow that you will never ever find.

And as for kids - well when they are little - be the parent - never try to be their friend when they are minors - it simply does not work.  Kids need someone to fend for them - they need someone to show them the way - the confidences that they share with their friends should be allowed to stay there. 

In dealing with a spouse be honest - be brutally honest.  You owe it not only to them but to yourself to be honest.  Learn that the things they do that irritate you may just be a part of what they are or do.  I mentioned once before about the guy who thought he was irritated by the fact that his wife left her towel on the floor - it was not that she intended to irritate him it was just what she did.  He decided that he loved and respected enough to not let such a small thing get to him.  So he took to picking up her towel each morning and that act reminded him of how much he really loved her.

And the other thing - if we don't ask for respect then we won't get it.  And never let the fact that someone doesn't give you respect from letting you treat them the right way - by giving respect.  Too often we work on a "tit for tat" basis.  It doesn't solve anything. 

Remember the golden rule - do unto others as you would they should do unto you.

Live by that and you will never go wrong.  And learn to move forward - don't keep going back to the past - as Dr Phil says "you can't unring a bell" - move on deal with where you are NOW - not where you were.

Continue forward everyone and have a great time each day - no matter what

Hi All

Time for a check in message.

I have been a fairly infrequent visitor to this place for some time now.

I can never forget the first time I visited this site - it had a very different feel to it then back in October 2002 - yes that is right 6 years ago now.  It changed my life in many ways - the people I met here - some have become very good and firm friends despite the distance between Australia and the USA.  These people along with my own self changed me - the work I did from the books that Dr Phil provided helped me explore myself and discover that there is only one person to blame for our life and its patterns - in my case it is me - but seriously the only one to blame is our own self. 

To truly take responsibility for ourself is a truly liberating act.  To learn to accept we are who we are because of how we reacted and continue to react to the input from the world and people around us is a cathartic and healing move.

In reaching this point some of you will remember that I wrote some 300 pages of self-discovery notes and letters (that would never be mailed or read by those to whom they were addressed) and it was a long and arduous process - but in the long run it has paid off.

I am experiencing a life that is full of promise and happiness.  The promise is continually fulfilled by ME.  I used to close my eyes to picture my future and saw blackness.  Now I close my eyes and I see possibility and promise.  The happiness I experience is wonderful.  I wake up each morning and am happy - not only with where I am and with whom - but with ME.  The real me.

Each of us has this opportunity - we only have to reach out and take it.  Blaming the economy or the neighborhood hoodlum or an abusive stepfather for our inability to become the real self is simply not acceptable - well not if you want to make real and meaningful change to your self and your life.

Change is within our reach - go for it and stop looking for excuses.  You need find only one good reason to change your self and your life - it is so easy to take the alternative route and find dozens of reasons why not to change.  As a facilitator at a Landmark Forum group said to me (and the group) many years agö:

"there is only one thing in this life that you absolutely have to do - everything else is fee"

that one thing was to die.  I figured from that point that I would try out the free stuff (and chose good free stuff) as much as I could before I had to do the one thing I absolutely had to do in this life,

It works it really does I have and am still experiencing it.

Continue forward everyone and don't keep looking over your shoulders at the past for guidance.  I also remember a woman saying on television after completing the Get Real Challenge run by Dr Phil in 2002 - she said that she was walking out of her history and was going to make a future each and every day.

Let's remember that everyone.

Now if I don't get back before then I would like to wish everyone a very happy Christmas and a prosperous and changeful New Year

Hi everyone

I thought it was time to make an appearance.  Just got home from a 2 week vacation to Malaysia.  Spent a couple of days in Kuala Lumpur before driving off to the Cameron Highlands for a couple of days then drove over to Penang for a weeks R & R at a resort before driving back to Kuala Lumpur before heading home to Perth.

Life has been hectic and stressful but thanks to the lessons I learned about myself from doing the Dr Phil I know that the wrench that is about to happen with finishing with a company I started and grew to a large enterprise is just another small speed hump and is not a reflection on the real being that is me.

Couple that with difficulties on house purchases and almost rebuilding - well it would have floored the old me. 

Yes I feel crappy about some of the things but I can honestly say that I still feel good about ME.  The only one that really matters because without me feeling good about I can't be good for my loved ones.

Hope everyone is still moving forward with their lives - it looks that way - good luck everyone

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