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Messages By: poetmom

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hopeful
July 23, 2005, 9:29 am CDT

Not for everyone

I have found an effective way of discplining my children, they are ages 6, 2 and 6 months. I reallize a child likes to have an impact on the world, whether it be throwing a rock into the creek, or throwing cheerios on the floor, or even getting on your last nerve with endless questions and demands!!! I have started applying aprogram called 1-2-3 magic and it has been a lifesaver. When a child is getting into things like my 2 year old loves to do, I just simply say, "That's 1", and if they continue I say, "That's 2" and if they make it to 3 then I say "take five", and then I send them to their room for 5 minutes. I don't say anything at all just start counting. The key is consistency, and showing no emotion. The program states that parents talk to children too much and to emotionally, they can't comprehend on an adult level, so why talk to them the way you would an adult? It has worked for me, and my 6 yr old now looks at me and rolls her eyes by the time I say "That's 1", You have to make sure you explain to your child that things are changing around your household, and be honest and tell them how you are going to handle things now (by counting). Another thing, when they come out of their room after 5 minutes, don't bring up what happened, it's over, they have a clean slate!!! It works for me, and my stress level has decreased tremendously!!! If you want a copy of the program, I can send it to you via e-mail: heathergatlin@hotmail.com
We tried this program when my son, now 19, was a toddler, and it never worked for us at all. He was a child who, even at age 3, preferred to know WHY things should be done a certain way, or WHY he shouldn't do this or that, so talking to him made a lot more sense to us.  You just have to find what works for you and your child, and go with that. What works for one parent may not work for another, and what works for one child doesn't always work for your next one!!
 
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July 23, 2005, 9:32 am CDT

Your Parenting Style

stop treating your six year old like that...if i were six, i would see that as really patronizing...at least pretend to treat him like an adult...dont talk down to him...even kids as young as two can tell when you are talking down to them...and it definitely sound like you are.
A six year old ISN'T an adult, and most six years old don't comprehend at an adult level. You have to find where your child is at the moment, and talk to them at THAT level. If her children are okay with what she's doing, then who are we to have a problem with it?
 
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July 23, 2005, 10:30 am CDT

Checking In

So where is everyone, now that we've got a shiny new board to play with?  Come out, come out where ever you are!!  LOL
 
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July 23, 2005, 4:49 pm CDT

Hi Jettav

hey poetmom, I guess I should have placed my message under yours instead of above it, good grief, this is gonna take some time for my brain to get this under control. :)
Apparently the messages run from the bottom of the page to the top...which I don't like, but guess I will have to get used to it. Change is good for us, right?  :)
 
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giddy
July 23, 2005, 4:52 pm CDT

Figured it out!

If you go to your profile, down to the bottom where it says Message Board settings or something like that, and change order from newest to oldest, then you get the oldest ones first, just like the old board!!!!!   Now I'm a happy poster again!!!!   LOL

 

 

Teresa

 
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July 24, 2005, 2:25 pm CDT

Not for everyone

Okay..here is my two-cents worth. I am a believer of spanking....not beating...just a good old fashioned "pop on the rear"....just the rear! And I say, never, never spank when you are angry!

My dear Mother raised 9 children...and she spanked, with a keen little switch, (which she made us "youngins" go get from the yard"..LOL), but you know what...I am 52 years old, and I do not remember getting too many "switchings"...I told my Mom this one day, and she said that she did not have to spank us that much, because she did it right the first time...and I don't ever recall her raising her voice at us either...THAT drives me crazy when I hear a Mom or a Dad screaming at the top of their lungs at their children...that is abuse to me....and those that tell their children.."Wait till I get you home"...or another one I hear all the time.." Wait until your Dad gets home"!!!!!

Ok...that's all I have to say about that.

Spanking isn't an option for everyone, and there are plenty of other ways to get the same results without ever having to put a hand on your child in that way. Mine are 19, 15 and 12, and I have never had to spank any of them....and yet they consistently have gotten compliments on their behavior, both with me and away from me. They learned self-control and self-policing at a very early age through having things explained to them, and that seemed to be what worked best with their personalities and temperaments. They didn't take well to just being told that something wasn't allowed...they wanted to know what could happen to them if they did it, or why I thought it wasn't a good idea, and things like that. Then, once they processed the reasoning behind the rule, they had no problem complying. They still, as teens, prefer to discuss and understand rules rather than just have them given to them, and that still results in few, if any, breakage of rules, so we stick with it.  :)

 

Teresa
Gentle Christian Mothers - Index

 
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July 29, 2005, 7:16 am CDT

Dating and Trust

My children (19, 15 and 12) have always known that the subject of dating will not even be on the table until they are 16, and that even then it depends on the level of responsibility and maturity they are showing us at that time. My oldest was able to single date at 16, but my middle child, who will be 16 in January, will have to show a LOT of improvements in her overall behavior and attitude before she is given that privilege.  And yes, dating is a privilege, it is not a right of every teenager at any given age!

 

Teresa

 
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July 29, 2005, 2:19 pm CDT

Spanking: Useful or Cruel?

Quote From: susan876

I put two many messages because I couldn't find them for a while. Are you parents on here

or Dr Phil's staff? Any on here who are opposed to spankings but polite to those who are for?

I am being bullied by abusers(who like screaming from kids)and try to stuff hitting to those

who have seen too much sadism and creaps made by it. I consider it responsible to be against

it and say why in detail. (Depressing I know)But people need support those who know it is bad and

others, are just told it improves children's behavior and not about the real control problems

and destruction from it. Agreeing with everyone is wishy washy. There is a place for anti-spank also.

I personally realize ,that is hard for anyone to survive at all, with the violence legal and illegal

out there. Children aren't for displacing rage and absorbing all that violence. Well

if you don't respond, I Think I won't I've said too much for a  get along type forum.

We are parents, and most of us attempt to be polite to everyone who posts here, whether thay be for or against spanking. That doesn't mean we don't get a little heated here and there when trying to make a point for our side, but in the end we usually can agree to disagree and move on.
 
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August 8, 2005, 7:55 am CDT

08/08 'Help Me Get My Kids Back!'

That's what I was wondering. Have there been any updates? Have the children been found? Is Dan still in jail and still refusing to talk about them?
 
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August 13, 2005, 8:06 am CDT

My Experience

Quote From: mwalker

 This is my first time on here.

im just writing cause my cousin's 3 year old some is showing signs of add or adhd and nothing she does helps to get him under control.He runs all over her and we dont know what to do. she has talked to someone and they just say that there's nothing that can be done because he is too young to medicate..they havent even really done the testing on him for it .He is just out of control so if you have any advice please lend it . she is at her wits end here . thanks

I have a 15 yr old daughter who has ADHD, and it's been my experience that if you hold the same expectations for them as for a "normal" child, you CAN get results...sometimes it takes a little longer, and sometimes you have to break things down into step by step instructions, just giving them one step at a time, but if you give them the same rules and consequences as any other child their age would have, and are consistent, you WILL see results.  A child who "runs all over" the parent is not receiving consistent discipline, and the parent is teaching the child that their behavior is acceptable.  

 

Teresa 

 

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