Messages By: poetmom

I have found an effective way of discplining my children, they are ages 6, 2 and 6 months. I reallize a child likes to have an impact on the world, whether it be throwing a rock into the creek, or throwing cheerios on the floor, or even getting on your last nerve with endless questions and demands!!! I have started applying aprogram called 1-2-3 magic and it has been a lifesaver. When a child is getting into things like my 2 year old loves to do, I just simply say, "That's 1", and if they continue I say, "That's 2" and if they make it to 3 then I say "take five", and then I send them to their room for 5 minutes. I don't say anything at all just start counting. The key is consistency, and showing no emotion. The program states that parents talk to children too much and to emotionally, they can't comprehend on an adult level, so why talk to them the way you would an adult? It has worked for me, and my 6 yr old now looks at me and rolls her eyes by the time I say "That's 1", You have to make sure you explain to your child that things are changing around your household, and be honest and tell them how you are going to handle things now (by counting). Another thing, when they come out of their room after 5 minutes, don't bring up what happened, it's over, they have a clean slate!!! It works for me, and my stress level has decreased tremendously!!! If you want a copy of the program, I can send it to you via e-mail: heathergatlin@hotmail.com

stop treating your six year old like that...if i were six, i would see that as really patronizing...at least pretend to treat him like an adult...dont talk down to him...even kids as young as two can tell when you are talking down to them...and it definitely sound like you are.

hey poetmom, I guess I should have placed my message under yours instead of above it, good grief, this is gonna take some time for my brain to get this under control. :)

Okay..here is my two-cents worth. I am a believer of spanking....not beating...just a good old fashioned "pop on the rear"....just the rear! And I say, never, never spank when you are angry!

My dear Mother raised 9 children...and she spanked, with a keen little switch, (which she made us "youngins" go get from the yard"..LOL), but you know what...I am 52 years old, and I do not remember getting too many "switchings"...I told my Mom this one day, and she said that she did not have to spank us that much, because she did it right the first time...and I don't ever recall her raising her voice at us either...THAT drives me crazy when I hear a Mom or a Dad screaming at the top of their lungs at their children...that is abuse to me....and those that tell their children.."Wait till I get you home"...or another one I hear all the time.." Wait until your Dad gets home"!!!!!

Ok...that's all I have to say about that.

Quote From: susan876

I put two many messages because I couldn't find them for a while. Are you parents on here

or Dr Phil's staff? Any on here who are opposed to spankings but polite to those who are for?

I am being bullied by abusers(who like screaming from kids)and try to stuff hitting to those

who have seen too much sadism and creaps made by it. I consider it responsible to be against

it and say why in detail. (Depressing I know)But people need support those who know it is bad and

others, are just told it improves children's behavior and not about the real control problems

and destruction from it. Agreeing with everyone is wishy washy. There is a place for anti-spank also.

I personally realize ,that is hard for anyone to survive at all, with the violence legal and illegal

out there. Children aren't for displacing rage and absorbing all that violence. Well

if you don't respond, I Think I won't I've said too much for a  get along type forum.

Quote From: katesmom05

Sad to say that I got myself into this. But I did.

 

I met Keith on Valentine's Day, 2004. We became friends gradually, although it was hard because he wanted more than just friendship, and I was having major problems in my life. I was 17, he was 25. I was just out of a 3 year relationship with a guy who screwed me over because he was married, and go figure, Keith was married to. He spent months convincing me that his marriage was a mistake, he was very unhappy, and that he was looking for the girl he should have married. I was VERY reluctant, but 11 months after we met, I began to date him in January of 2005. We were VERY irrisponsible about sex, because that was Keith's main problem with his wife, she wouldn't have sex with him. So literally in the first month of being together, and sleeping together, I got pregnant with his baby. That is basically when our problems started, because he started feeling guilty about what he did to his wife. At this point, after walking all over him for a few years, she decided that she wanted him afterall, and he was reluctant to leave her. He went back and forth for a few months before he finally moved out of their house for good. He and I stayed together, bought a house, began preparing for our daughter. We are soooo happy together I swear. He really is a GREAT guy underneath all those walls he has put up around his heart. He says that he loves me and his daughter, and I believe him.

 

Now my main problem with our relationship is I am like 10 weeks away from delivering our daughter. He has been promising the whole time I have been pregnant to have his divorce finalized before our baby was born. However, he has screwed around and stalled, and now there is no way he will be divorced before I have her. I am very upset about this, but am even more upset that he is still on good terms with his wife. Good terms I mean they call each other and have casual conversations, he takes her places and lies to me about where he is going, and he REFUSES to talk to her on the phone in front of me. I am VERY defensive when it comes to her being in his life because he has lied to me so much about her.....so I really don't trust him anymore when it comes to her. He says this is my fault that I don't trust him, I say it's his for lying to me in the first place. I guess he doesn't understand that if he hadn't lied to me in the first place, I wouldn't have a problem trusting him. He says that if I had never found out about any of the lies, then our relationship would be no different, and once again, it is my fault for finding out. I say that he has no reason to have a friendship with her, they have no kids, and I think that he should just let the divorce papers do the talking. He insists that cannot happen, and a friendship with her is a must. I am to the point where I feel so threatened by her and his lies that I want to leave and take the baby unless he can completely cut her off. And he says that what I am asking for is soooo ridiculous that I should just go.....telling me that our relationship is not important enough to him to give up a relationship with his ex-wife....well soon to be ex-wife. I don't want her calling him anymore, but more importantly I don't want him to answer the phone. He keeps telling me that he just cannot bring himself to be an asshole to her, but yet he doesn't think he is being an asshole to me when he ignores my wishes when it comes to her. Honestly I would have no problem leaving if he wasn't such a good guy outside of all this drama. But I just don't want to walk away from him, I really do love him, and I want to be a family with him and our daughter.

 

So am I completely irrational to ask for him to COMPLETELY cut her off? He says I am just being naive, immature, and hormonal due to my pregnancy. Who is right, and what do I do? Stay and be miserable just so my daughter has us both, or do I go?