Quote From: mauilover2So basically you do not allow your kids to have friends of the opposite sex right? They cannot go out in groups at the age of 12? Or is that only when they've told you they "like each other and have admitted it? Sounds to me like once they tell you about it, they won't be allowed to see this person, except at school. Whether you realize it or not, you are creating an atmosphere where your kids have to lie or withhold the truth in order to maintain friendships. When you are so rigid in your rules, you send a strong message that your kids are not to be trusted. Don't fool yourself about church. I witnessed many teens making out under pews, behind doors, etc. as a lot of parents out there think everything's wonderfully safe at church. Guess where the kids with all the insane rules go to let loose - YOUTH GROUP!!!! And this is also where the troubled kids hang too (ditto for the child molesters but that's a whole other story) Rather than coming up with "the rules" (like no dating till your 16, what a joke), know your kids and talk to them and communicate about life.... as it happens- whether its your magic "16" number or 15 or 14 or 18 years old. Let your child live and be there to support them along the way.
Basically, you're wrong about how we do things here. They don't go on group DATES at the age of 12...they can go out with a group of friends, of both sexes, supervised, at any age. If the person they consider their "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" is in that group, fine and dandy...but because of the adult supervision, we can be assured they won't be doing anything they shouldn't be doing. They have never had to lie or withhold the truth about anything in our home. I know my children, I know what they are ready for and when they are ready for it. My son dated at 16, my oldest daughter, who is almost 16, will need to develop more emotional maturity before she is ready to take on a dating relationship. My youngest, who is 12, still has no interest in spending time with boys, and is very shy and quiet, much like I was at her age (I made a CONSCIOUS choice not to date until I was in college.)
Oh, and I don't know what sort of youth groups you have experience with, but around here they are very fully supervised, with one adult for every five teens....and no one is ever out of the sight of the adults, period. And, since the kids attending are members of the church, and are known to me personally, as are their parents, I don't worry about them being WILD children, or troubled, or child molestors, or whatever else you imagine.
