Messages By: soulangel

I'm Ready...I have taken time to reflect on why at age 45 I am still single - never married. 

I can't blame it on my looks, lifestyle or other's opinions of me. 

I honestly think that if you are still "single and sick of it" that the reason lies deep within yourself.  Whether you realize it - admit it or believe it! 

"A life unexamined - is not worth living"....... 

Here's what I've come up with: A cross a crowded room a person doesn't see another's intelligence, wit and sense of humour, morals, values or personality and character. 

1. First like all things in nature is Appearance: I know what you are thinking. Great - not all of us can look like Brad Pitt or Pamela Anderson. You are correct - What we can do is show that we take care of ourselves, keep fit, eat healthy and take pride in ourselves and our appearance.  If you want an attractive person who cares for themselves and is healthy - shouldn't you be offering that as well. Appearances will get you noticed - but......
2. Character and Personality: You get back what you give out  I believe.    If you are giving out the characteristics you are looking for in a partner and being true to who you really are- your authentic and true self- others will see that and respond.  That is oh so sexy and lasting. Looks aren't always lasting - character is!  If you are looking for someone who is caring, compassionate and loving - Are you offering these characteristics to your friends, family and community?  
3. TARGET RICH ENVIRONMENT: We all know that Dr. Phil says you have to put yourself out there....big risk - but some big payoffs. This is where I am right now!  "Mr. Right" or "Mrs. Right" won't knock on our door sand say "Ta-dah I'm here!"  I have to take my qualities that I have and use them to help others - try different things - new places - new skills and activities.  It's all in the numbers - sooner or later if I am living my life - being the "real me" and building my character and helping other - IT will happen.  This I believe!
4. Patience and "Living Life": The ache of being lonely -even tho' you aren't alone - you have family and friends - is still there. I have found that if I am concentrating on others - I have less time to fixate on my perceived "problems". In reality, being single is just a part of me - it's not my entire being - who I am.   Yes, I can be consumed with the fact that I haven't had a date in 10 years and still single at 45. I choose however to focus on the positive aspects of my life - my authentic self. I am not defined by a role of "girlfriend" or "wife" or "single".  I am a writer, promoter, public speaker, trainer, community volunteer, aunt, sister, friend, daughter, lover of the written and spoken word, appreciator or music and thearte and a person that loves my community and learning to live life to the fullest - single or not!
5. FEAR: The basis for me not being married or in a relationship after all this is fear...fear of being rejected and hurt - fear of failure - fear of taking initiative and risks - fear of putting the "real me " out there. I decided that the fear of being rejected was stopping me from the one one thing I wanted. I was never going to progress until I faced my fears and realized that it was affecting all areas of my life - not just being in a committed and lasting relationship. 

                      Fear of Intimacy: the "fat suit" - insulating myself from being noticed - the one thing I was starting to crave. My appearance I didn't look after - good excuse for not "putting myself out there- who'd want me" Good excuse - not!  Remember if I wanted someone who took care of themselves - I'd have to do the same.   

                     Fear of being rejected: - I was trying to be all things to all people and miserable. By showing the real  me - the stress went away of trying to be perfect. Who you see is who you'll get. No surprises. I started to make decisions based on what characteristics I wanted to strengthen and improve on  i.e. compassion and caring - community involvement.   

                     Fear - and yes - PANIC - of Being Alone for the rest of my life: - I realized that as Dr. Phil says, "If you are getting the same results - then change your reaction to the situation. You will see a different response."   I changed the focus from trying to find "HIM" - to trying to find "ME" and being happy with who I am and who I could be.   

I am on the right track thanks to Dr. Phil and Oprah...add in good friends and a supportive family-  and a great deal of time being honest with myself.... 

• "We go to all the deep, dark places our hearts keep hidden for fear of being hurt or rejected. And we explore our passions and discover each other."

So there you have it "Mini's Musings" on "Singledom and Living Life" for what it is worth.... 

Cheers! 

Mini 

I have been where you are. I was a virgin until I was 33! 

Believe it or not you do get a lot of respect from men when they find out you are a virgin..  I didn't bring it up on the first, second or even third date. many times I waited for the subject to come up regarding intimacy and qualities i was looking for in a relationship. I did not however roll out a grocery list of what i was looking for. 

i talked to several of my male friends and told them what my situation was. The majority of them said that they admired my decision and wanted to know why?  First thought was - sexual hang-ups. I explained my views - however old fashioned they were. - same as yours.  After a lengthy discussion I felt better and had a better idea of how to broach the subject with a man I was interested in. 

Desperation to get be in a relationship and add on the issue of virginity - to a man means one thing - she wants a commitment and she is desperate to get hitched! He's running out the door before you can explain why you are still a virgin. 

Believe it or not - for some men it is a "turn-on".....that they will be the first - a challenge. So be careful who you tell and how long into the relationship. I think friendships before dating work out the best.    

Don't feel desperate and don't make your virginity the focus of a relationship.  You are much more than a virgin.  relax and be a friend first and then a partner. take the stress off yourself and "HIM"!   Just my opinion. 

Cheers! 

Mini 

Hello - thanks for the "thanks" - but you already had it figured out!  As for talking about it - I didn't drop it on my male friends - I asked if I could ask them anything - and said be honest because this is important to me!  
 

They were great - because they were my friends first and I had always been authentic with them - the conversation was a learning experience for all of us.  They were great. 

Hope I helped.. 

Cheers! 

Mini 

Hiya Dr. Phil, Staff and Dr. Phil fans

I could think of at least two people who could really use this show and Dr. Phil’s help...a legally blind entrepreneur who just moved into her new dream apartment who has a vision of how she wants to see a her home -  

She knows the Dr. Phil Team has an "eye" for style and organization!  The second person - a sleep deprived shift working female nuclear power operator who plays good Samaritan to everyone and leaves no time to organize or de-clutter her own home and who is a little control oriented. What's she avoiding? She needs the "power and energy" of the Dr. Phil team!  

First the "blind" woman who has a vision of what her new apartment should look like – only problem I can’t see for the CLUTTER!  She’s a single 45 year-old creative type who sometime works on contract and sometimes works from home. Here's the challenge Dr. Phil and one that I'm sure would have the Dr. Phil Team thinking about solutions to my problems 24/7:

I am the “she” - I am legally blind! Okay what it means is that if you looked at me you'd never know I was blind - I have an invisible disability!   I can't drive - but I do sometimes sneak a ride on a bike - scares the hell out of people who have seen me use my white cane (which I only use at night or in low light). There are many levels of blindness, which most people aren't aware of. You should see the looks I get when I use my white cane shopping and then stop into a bookstore! "Tsk-Tsk! Must be a scam! The nerve" I told one lady when I heard this that "...my eyes may not work, but my hearing is just fine thank you very much!" She beat a hasty retreat!

So have limited vision (they call it high functioning low vision - that's not an oxy moron by the way).  I can read printed materials - best at 16pt font and yes I can use a computer (my monitor is big tho' 22").  I have to sit close to my 27" screen TV to watch Dr. Phil ! Where I am usually green with envy! Usually on the floor watching it or if I am alone with it pulled up close to me and sit on a chair! 

I have adapted to my disability over the years and have managed to hold very demanding jobs in Public Relations and Special event promotion. Including PR Director for the Harbour Castle in Toronto. So despite my disability - I have adapted quite well - except when it comes to organization and clutter. I can't see my way through it (pun intended).

Oddly enough, I love paper, books and magazines! Go figure..

But back to my plea:

I just moved into a second story three-bedroom apartment complete with utility/laundry room, inside porch area, deck, three-piece bath, three bedrooms and a living room overlooking main street with lots of light! Something I crave!  Once I was truly blind for 4.5 months (think of a window smeared with lots of Vaseline) after a second cataract surgery and now truly crave natural light and really strong task and reading lighting.  

Challenge: I am paralyzed with fear as to where to start! I had plans for a guest room, home office/creative studio, sanctuary/retreat/boudoir for guest room, laundry room/exercise room and myself. I'm not sure where to eat - kitchen or living room - so I usually eat in front of the TV. Dr. Phil says this is a "No-No" if you want to lose weight. Which I do - hence  

exercise room/laundry room. One of the reasons I moved January 8th, 2005 during a snowfall was more room for exercise equipment!

I finally have the apartment I always wanted but all the rooms are filled with boxes, paper, books, and clothes and yes those dreaded nick-knacks! None of my furniture is multi functional - hell it hardly functions at all!!! My furniture looks like I am living as a struggling college student - when I moved I just threw out the milk crates! Ta-dah! I did purge - but not enough obviously!

Reasons I need de-cluttering: I can't invite people over socially, overnight or even for dinner! At this rate I'm never getting a date, let alone get married! As for asking clients into my home and home office forget about it!  Not the image I want to promote. So there goes the chance of at least being able to be financial independent to support my still single self!

Second Reason for wishing a visit to Port Elgin by the  Dr. Phil team - and probably the best reason:  Joanne, my best friend of 11 years and former room mate (you can guess my clutter didn't bother her).

Background on Joanne:

Would do anything for anybody and has! How about helping someone move to their new home during a blackout - to make sure their kids had their beds set up for the night! Driving a single Mom to get groceries every week or making sure senior has a ride home after every one of her son's hockey games!

Challenge:

She takes time out her schedule to help others, but can't help herself organize. Bit of a control freak - friends have tried to help - partner has tried to help - so has her Mom!   Clutter is piling up and she's never got enough time to do the job "right". 

Add to this she is a shift worker at a nuclear plant- a rare breed - a female nuclear operator -  and is often sleep deprived and not a scheduler. She always running around at the last minute and always looking for something she can't find!  It's somewhere - often buys multiples, because she can't find the original purchase.  Under piles of paper and "things" to precious to throw out!

Challenge: Here's the Reader's Digest version of her home clutter situation - She has a spare room, garage and basement crammed to the rafters - really!  A kitchen that sorely needs an organizational makeover! Her kitchen table should seat eight - but barely seat three - due to the cereal boxes, bags of paper, piles of unopened mail, over-ripe fruit bowl etc. Her cleaning lady bags up the clutter each week and set it aside and then the search is on for that one elusive item. The stress rises yet again!

Reasons de-cluttering needed: The stress that the clutter is bringing into her life is beginning to wear down her relationship with her partner Fred (he was and tries to be a "neat freak" - I mean that in the nicest way!).

Having a "clutter overload" is really giving her a guilt complex!  She's a great Mom, friend, wife and employee. She deserves a reward and separately needs help with getting her home in shape and in order! So why not kill two birds with one stone!

I know she dreads people coming over - close friends are allowed in - but she avoids having gathering at her place. If she does they are outside and in the summer! Her 7 year old son's friends who do come over can't play in Troy's room, the upstairs living room and just the kids just barely squeeze into the basement - they really don't have any room to play! 

So here I am begging - So come on - hit the road and after a day of "clutter busting" I can promise a dip in the Lake (starting in at least June), a stroll along the harbour. I will help you make all the accommodation arrangements and if you need local suppliers - I'm your girl - I used to be the Tourism Coordinator for the Chamber of Commerce! I know every accommodator and every business in town....

I can help you and your staff makes the contacts - and hey I live right by a Lumber Yard and Store and almost above a sewing shop and home decor store - what could be better! I can see Tim Horton's( equal to your Dunkin' Doughnuts) from my apartment! 

Need more convincing - If that doesn't convince you - I can readily send pictures as soon as you tell me you are interested. I'd use my camera - but I can't find it - so I will have to borrow Joanne's -- ahhh  better yet I'll run downstairs and buy a disposable digital camera at klik-it Photo Shop - it's only two doors away from me! I live above a clothing shop - Robin the clothes are great!!! Just your style!!!! I could get Elaine to give you a private showing after hours!

So what do you say??????????????????????

Take a chance on us and you would be giving me a more than a "room with a view", but the start to a new life and give a power worker the true "power and energy" to de-stress her life and home!  She really deserves it!

Het Dr. Phil if you can't do us both - please pick Joanne - she's been my rock and I want her to have some peace in her life when she comes home and it would really help her quality of life and allow her quality time with her family! Like I said no one is more deserving! 

If you call me - let it ring a couple of times - I will have to high hurtle the boxes and milk crates...  

With Light and Love

Cheers!

  Mini

PS I am about 2.5 hours from Toronto on the shores of bee-u-tiful Lake Huron. Why not visit "rural Ontario" for a change of scenery! Escape the city and the heat! Come on....Dr Phil work with me here..No really - I'm beggin' ya' - "work" with me "here" in Port Elgin!

Bobby,  

As someone who is a professional in marketing and PR(20+ yrs) and HUGE country fan I am surprised in reading your "BIo" and seeing who your heroes are that you hang your hat ...err cowboy hat on a wedding band to attract fans!  

To have longevity in the music business - not just country music business -  it depends more on than if you are perceived as single.....Merle, Hank Williams Johnny Cash - and dare I say it - Tim McGraw, Garth Brooks, Brooks and Dunn etc. all are or were married. All never hid the fact that they were married - in fact it's part of their image - their true image.  

Give your head a shake - put on that wedding band and be proud to say you are married. You don't want to rest on your perceived "singledom" to be a hit do you??????? If you do you won't last long....  

Girls love to dream about men who make women happy as wives and as lovers and partners! It's what we all dream about and love about men!  Walk Tall -  Walk Proud and tell your wife to stand right up next to you.....who better to show your fans your real life - the real you - the real deal!!!!  

Don't short change country fans by believing the hype about we women all want to marry country stars and take off our shirts at concerts...golly are you naive.  Ask a record executive who buys CD's when it comes to sales - demographics......were are not all vapid 20 somethings with perky breasts and no bras and g-strings(okay we wish we were - but aren't). Let's get real.....  

I think you will enjoy your success much more if you  live it as the real you - and that includes all your hats - including "husband, lover and true partner". I know it would make your wife feel better and more secure!  If Johnny Cash and June can do - so can you two!  

Why not trust your fans and give them credit in liking you for your music and not just your looks and potential as a new boyfriend? You and they are smarter than that....and you know it! Won't it be great to walk out on stage - as yourself!!!!!  

Much success and hope your record makes it to Ontario, Canada.........BTW I have gone to Jamboree in The Hills 8 times (9 hour drive from Ontario to Ohio - so yes I am a true fan of country music..) my fav was and is Chris Ledoux - so Mr and Mrs Chitwood - just "Ledouxit".  

Cheers!  

From Canada........  

Mini Jacques 

Zowza.....

All of us have some hidden agenda towards a certain type of person or lifestyle to some extent - whether we want to admit it or not.

This should open everyone's eyes to just how it sounds and better yet effects people.

Bravo for Dr. Phil for taking it out of the closet. Many people live with this type of behaviour in their face( or worse behind their back) at some time or another.

As someone who is on government assistance and actively seeking a job - I get frustrated when I am told that people who "collect' or on the government payroll are just plain lazy and working the system.

I want a job where I can make ends meet and have some savings - so I don't have to go on the system again! i want what everyone else wants - security, savings, pride in a job well done and recognition for my skills and expertise - Not a hand -out!

I am disabled (legally blind - low vision) and know I have not gotten a job because of my disability and someone's perception and view of "who I am".....and what I was capable of.

Oops I will get off my soap box...discrimination of any kind shouldn't be tolerated.

GO Dr. Phil - GO!  Bravo!

Cheers!

Mini