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Messages By: wintterose

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June 3, 2006, 4:24 pm CDT

What is Smart Loving?

I was having a long distance relatioship for 2 years.  He phoned every night and several times on the weekend.  He came to balto twice and I went to his home town once.  Asked if we were going anywhere/ He said yes.  I planned to fly to see him again to work on our relationship, he told me he was busy at that time and didn't offer an alternative time, said he needed time with his friends.  No explanation.  I told him not to call anymore.   Was I smart or dumb?  After two years I thought we should want to spend every minute together we could especailly at our age and the distance there is between us.  Was that smart or dumb?
 
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July 8, 2006, 4:16 pm CDT

On Line Men

I've paid several times on different sites and I agree with other comments.  The men are the same ones over and over again.  Their photos aren't always up-to-date, they are in relationships looking for another before they lose what they have or who they live with.  I am 57 divorced and maybe not gorgeous but  I think i am attractive for my age.  These guys are looking for their fantasy woman.  sleek, slender petite, have their own money and who are available when ever the man wants attention.  The guys are very one sided and  maybe that is why they are still single and and looking.  At this age we don't have that firm flawless skintone and guys lose their hair and woman lose the waistline but that should be expected.  I am just looking for a man I can click with and he with me.  I want to find someone who I can share my golden years with,  together.  Isn't that the most important part of life?  I have taken myself off match.com because they are the same guys over and over again.  I am staying positive and hopefull but I think I'd have better luck at the lottery than finding a good man..LOL
 
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July 10, 2006, 6:39 am CDT

Me Again

I have been talking to a fellow from Florida for the past two years also.  We have seen each other 3 times since we started talking.  I like him but something just seems funny at times.  After two years you would think we would want to see each other more to work on a relationship but he tells me he can' t take time from work or some other excuse.  He wants me to meet him in other places which sounds great but I don't always have the finances to do that.  I want a relationship and would relocate to Florida next year when I can retire but when I ask him about that he just simply doesn't answer me.  I do wonder if he is doing the same with other woman and going to different states to meet them and just playing mums the word?  I hate sounding suspicious but I am really looking for a relationship and marriage, I'm 57 and I want a man who wants the same.  I'd like to enjoy my golden years not just keep chasing the illusion of love, I'd like to find it. 
 
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July 11, 2006, 6:32 am CDT

You can say that again

Quote From: blueyesak

I have tried eharmoney.com and nothing, I tried true.com and lots of lookers were looking at my page but nothing to write home about.. I tried BBW Personals.com, well I can only say most men were either old enough to be my dad or young enough to be my younger brother or even son.  

I have met online thru BBWPersonalPlus.com a couple of men, but ladies let me fore warn you, there are some snakes. One man claimed he was from Florida and he was opening a art gallery, his picture was great he had a beautiful house, boat  and was willing to come to my home state and visit, only catch was he went to England and then Nigeria for art work to buy (didn't tell me this till he was in England), oh but it gets better he the went to Nigeria and wouldn't you know it, he ran out of money and only had money orders which no bank over there would cash and he needed money to ship his artwork home or lose it.. Couldn't I help??  

The other man I met was thru True.com,  he too claimed to live in the U.S in fact in Virginia and he was originally from the U.K and in fact still held his British Passport and was over here on a work Visa I presume.  Well he went to Nigeria to do stocks and something else, well he too needed a little financial help, it would seem he had a bit of a fender bender and he just didn't have any money in which to pay for the repairs except he had money orders and supposedly a few American Express Travelers Cheques.. and yes you guessed it, no body in Nigeria would cash the Traveler's Cheques or the money orders couldn't I please help him.  Told him to go to the British Consulet.    

So it would seem I attrack those looking for a weak person to prey on..  So ladies and Gentleman who are surfing thru those personal ad websites, please be careful for you never know what you might catch.  

I tried BBW and I m 57 but the men on there aren't much from what I've seen.  I am a little overweight and men seem to think we are weak or desperate for a man and will do whatever it takes to keep one.  They are Mr. Wrong!  Maybe we don't have a good metabolism but we aren't desperate.  The BBW's in this world want love and respect just like our counter parts, petite miss..we have respect for ourselves and want respect in a relationship.  As far as the guys looking for financial help I hope you reported them to the site management.  They can be removed and even possibly the authorities.    Good Luck in your search..Don't give up, I'm not going to...
 
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July 14, 2006, 6:58 am CDT

His name is not Bob

Quote From: loveboats

If his name is Bob, I could fill you in on quite a bit. If not, ignore the email. I ended a relationship Iast year with someone I met on the internet. I stayed with him for years. We moved to Florida. I know he is into dating on the internet. It was the relationship from hell. I would never want anyone to go through what I went through if it is the same guy.
I did get an icebreaker from a Bob on Love Happens  who lives in Florida real cute smile..LOL  It would be nice if were could network to talk about the men we meet and find out who to stay away from..and guys yes there are some really bad women out there to..this is not male bashing..just facing up to the truth about men we have met and our judgemnt about them was bad. 
 
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July 14, 2006, 10:40 am CDT

Thanks for writing this

Quote From: groovy

I agree with all your points.  Classic case of "he's just not that into her."  I second your advice that she should move on.
I have a 2 years phone relationship with a fellow from FL and even though he calls every nigh and every weekend we have only seen each other 3 times.  I need more than that or at least plans for more than that.  I asked if he would ever want to get married because it is what I want, he said he didn't know if he would ever marry anyone again.  I guess I can take that as a NO.  Sorry to sound so stupid or foolish but I guess I was trying to be hopeful and trusting.  Maybe I should get a little less trusting and make them prove themselves.  I think he wants just cyber sex and is happy that way,  I know this comment wasn't for me but it sure opened my eyes.  We need more contacts so we can chat Aabout these experiences on-line.  I enjoyed reading them.  I am glad for all the success stories also.  Maybe there is still hope ..LOL  Have a great day...to all.
 
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July 17, 2006, 6:07 am CDT

On Line Dating Shows

Quote From: pt2053

  Sorry to hear things didn't go so great for you,  I even talked to one who wanted someone to ride naked on his golf cart,  go figure that fruit cake,  lol .  But I'm hear to tell you it does work for some of us. I met the greatest , most loving man  this way and he has made me the happiest woman for the past two years.
I think we need more show like this.  Being single lady for many years and on line dating is one of the options we have for meeting men besides bars..I think it is a great service Dr Phil does to let us talk about our experiences bad and good and to learn there are alot of singles out there of all ages.  Thanks Dr. Phil..I hope to see more shows like this.  I really didn't get to see the show just this site on the internet because I work during the day..
 
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July 21, 2006, 8:53 am CDT

LOL

Quote From: headturner

I agree with you, it is easier to find out about a person on-line and ask questions.  The only thing you don't really know what that person looks like.  I have been doing this for 6 years and found  

the same men are on different sites.  There is one man on American Singles who listed his address as Canada, then a few months later Newark, NJ, then Pa.   You really can't trust these people.  Ask questions, ask questions and then ask questions.  By the third or fourth question,  

I can tell if I want to talk to this person on the phone.  Once I get them on the phone I really can 

tell if there is an interest.   Last month I met a man who swore he was the age and height listed. 

He wasn't.  I don't get it .  My picture is one - three months old.  I try to keep them up to date. 

These men have profile pictures that are 10 years old.  Then their secondary pictures are more 

recent.  Don't they understand if you are interested -- you are going to meet them in person and 

see that they are lying!!!   Let's get honest here. 

As for you being an attorney.....forget it.  These men are looking for needy women.  Not independent, confident women.  You are fighting an uphill battle and you definitely will not meet someone on Match.com who is your equal. 

Yes the men on these sites do have imagination's..Most men I have met the first thing they want to know is about your sexual habits..is this because I am a blond or just female on this sites?LOL I think I have responded to an intelligent, attractive,responsible man and the first thing coming out is about sex?  Don't you think we should meet first??? I've answered!!  I am 57 OK for my age I hope but some of he men use photos from high school or 10 years ago etc or no photo at all.  I guess it is the nature of the beast.  One thing women want or most women is honesty, caring and confidence in a man.  And being confident doesn't mean arrogance.  We are all getting older ( in my age bracket) and we don't look like we used to or want to maybe but beauty is skin deep and ugly goes clear to the bone..LOL  This topic had been so enlightening and makes me feel not alone in the quest for that person we desire to meet.  Thanks Dr.Phil
 
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July 24, 2006, 8:55 am CDT

Wow Dr Phil needs a show on mature dating

Quote From: dweindel

I have no problem meeting someone online except they are not what they say they are.  I recently met someone only 10 min. from where I live.  He is a local h.s. teacher.  We hit it off.  He was the first person I dated was separated and not divorced.  The  future ex- moved out of state.  He told me it was his second divorce.  After 2 yrs. of dating I found out it was his 4th divorce and not his second.  He said he was going to tell me after his divorce.  Yeah right.  He said he was afraid I would think he was a risk.  I said great " now we have 2 problems 1. a risk and 2. deceitful. " I got him to move out and suggested he get some counseling .  He has told me since april on 4 times that he would.  But never has.  He continues to be helpful for me with handiman stuff but I can pay someone for that.  I am a widow for 12 yrs. and 56 yrs. old.  I am tired of being alone and almost at the point of just settling for what I can get.  Which I know is so wrong.  I am just tired of it all. 
I have read a couple of the comments and I too am so tired of meeting men at times. I love the beach and would love to retire there or live there now.  I have been single many years and I am not a prude and yes I enjoy intimacy with a man when in a relationship.  But that is the key word, relationship.  Building a relationship is a job that most men don't want to do. If they think you aren't going to "Give it up"  they don't want to take you out.  Even the term "Give it up" is distasteful but used by many men.  I think that is why many men go for younger women not taking anything away from their youth but being experienced is sometimes wiser.  I think that is where women's lib went in error, women thought they could be sexually free and that was only what men wanted and would not prove to be beneficial to our own gender.  I use in my profile I want to meet a man who likes the beach and meet them but I met one man and went to meet him and because I didn't sleep with him right off he says I was not interested.  That was so wrong but it showed he was not interested in a relationship.  Just another story..let me win the lottery and I can buy my own place on the beach..LOL
 
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July 24, 2006, 10:25 am CDT

Hi

Quote From: kimer_ly

Hi all, 

  

I just thought I would pop in to share my story. 

  

When I was 16 (October 2001), I was online on Yahoo.com in a Christian chat room.  I was young at the time so I didn't really care who I talked to and what information I shared, etc.  Well, I met a man whom I seamed to have a lot in common with and we hit it off talking.  It turned out we were both going to head out to the same Christian convention the following month.  So, of course we planned to meet up. 

  

He turned out to be a great guy when I met him in November of 2001 and we really hit it off and started long-distance dating.  We come from the same religious background and our families have a very similar belief system and heritage.  So it just kind of clicked.   

  

We didn't get to see eachother much though (maybe 1 week out of every 2 months) and I think because we had the internet as a filter for our words, we developed strong communication, but didn't really get a sence of who the other person trully was.  It's easy to let people see only what you want them to see when just using words.   

  

I ended up marrying this man in July 2003.  The wedding was beautiful and we had our families blessings...but I think we were both in for one of the biggest shocks of our life.  Out of the entire time we dated, we probably only were face to face for the equivalent of 3-4 months.  What was I thinking right?  And, to boot, when I married him I was only 18 and moved 20 hours away from home (by car).   

  

Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and he treats me really well.  But I went through culture shock the first year of marriage.  I fell into deep depression and had to be put on anxiety pills.  We fought all the time because each of us didn't quite turn out to be the person the other had "fallen in love with".  We are still together today, and have been married for 3 wonderful, but trying years.   

  

Let this be a caution to you all:  Online dating can be wonderful and you can indeed meet some wonderful people.  But, remember, everyone and everything sounds good (or better anyways) in writing.  Make sure you REALLY get to know someone before getting too seriously involved.   

  

Long distance dating can work if both of you are committed and willing to trust one another. 

  

K. 

  

  

I thought you had to be at least 18 to sign up for the singles ads...My daughter was 18 and she did meet a fellow and married him and they now have 2 children, she is now 22.  t was a happy ending but i was troubled with her being 18 on line.  Sixteen is way too Young because there are so many things that can go wrong.  What happened to meeting guys in high school etc.  I'm not scolding you but if I were your mom I would have advised you against it and maybe she did.  You should be meeting guys in your area not on the Internet.  Just make male friends, when you are older 30's 40's and 50's etc time is moving faster but at your young age you need to make friends not get tired down in a relationship so early.  Just my feelings as a mom. Good luck in the future.
 

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