Messages By: cthelite

I have written to Dr Phil 3 times concerning my daughter's involvement in a one-on-one cult relationship but never received any kind of response. I know he is a very busy man as I am sure all of the staff is.  My daughter is 28 and has been under this man's (age 40) spell for 10 years. In the beginning we thought she was going thru a phase and it would pass. She was 18 at the time, just out of HS and had some college.  As the years went on, she began to withdraw more and more.  Her behavior has escalated to a level that frightens us but we understand she doesn't really understand her abnormal behavior. We have been fortunate to see her once or twice a year in the past but that has stopped. We KNOW this guy controls her every move and feel strongly she has been supporting him financially.  After doing some research we found a name to associate with what my daughter was into..New Age, Eastern Religion, UFOs, Buddhism, fairies, anti-government, anti-religion, reincarnation, chanting, auras and the list goes on.  When she lived in Ashland OR, she took me to one of her "meditation/yoga groups" to meet Mafu (aka Penny Torres-Rubine) who supposedly was the 35,000 yr old Channeler.  Currently, our daughter lives in a National Forest off a dirt road, which is off another dirt road that is off a main road. We have no communication with her at all.  The most recent was May 2006 at which time she showed us just how far gone she was!  I prefer not to get into all of it but we shared this with the "cult experts" and they felt like there may be some sexual abuse going on.  We have contacted Private Investigators, 2 to be exact, so called "cult experts" but no help. I feel like my daughter died years about 9 years ago and I am still grieving her loss.  I can relate to those parents who have lost their children but their bodies have not been found.  There's no closure.  The person we saw in May was not our daughter!!  She was exhibiting strange behavior that raised a lot of red flags but because she was of legla age, we felt like she knew what she was doing, we didn't want to interfere because she was an adult. My husband and I are in our mid 50's and thought our lives would mellow out by now.  Where we  live now most people know zero about cults and their activities.  I called around trying to find a psychologist, psychiatrist..anyone who might be of some help to us who could explain to us what was happening.  Nothing. From reading what we could, we learned the term "brainwashed" is no longer used...it's now "thought reformed" and rescues aren't made in the middle of the night anymore...  If ANYONE has any info as to how we can bring our only daughter back to us...her family PLEASE tell me.  We don't have the $3000-$5000 that it would take to hire a Private Investigator to take pictures and watch her.  They charge about $150 an hour which doesn't even include expenses, mileage or anything.  Last known address we had for her was Boulder, CO in Roosevelt National Forest. A couple of weeks ago she contacted her grandmother and said she had moved to Las Vegas because she wasn't making enough money at the restaurant where she just started working in May 2006.  We feel HE had her make that call. According to HIS adopted parents, he has not worked in years and NEVER paid taxes and they even hired a detective to find him without any success.  My daughter lives HIS life not her own.  We've been told HE probably has a narcissitic personality.  My daughter did not even go to her grandfather's funeral when he died a few years ago. The "experts" say she probably did not have permission to go.  We have also been told by the "experts" that what cult leaders normally do is erase childhood memories and make parents out to be the villains. which we found out later was the reason why our daughter kept making reference to her childhood and it being bad!!  We are many miles away from where our daughter lives and yes we could drive there but then what? The "experts" say cult intervention is very costly and we don't know, at this point, what to do, who to turn to, where to go? I am told I need to read this book and that book to educate myself, which I have but that's not bringing our only daughter home. She is missing the opportunity to know who her brothers are and vice versa.  Our family is so incomplete without her in it.  I wake up at all hours of the night with her on my mind.  I feel helpless to do anything more because I don't know WHAT to do?  Can ANYONE help by providing contacts with people who are familiar with this? This happens to other people.......we can't believe WE are the "other" people!! Please help if you can! Thanks so much for any guidance you can share.

Thank you Elffie for your concerns. I said New Age because going down the list of criteria my daughter was associated with each and every sign. I think a lot of cults want to intertwine what's in the Bible with their way of teaching.  It sounds more legit that way. Yes, she told me about her paths to God.  I do believe everybody's God may be different but for me I only know One and He died on the cross.  My daughter's God was different.  It can be very confusing and there's a lot I don't understand and would lose if in a debate.  When this guy spoke of religion, it was in  a different way. I'm not against anyone's religious preference but when it comes to ONE person dictating to another how to dress, what you eat, when to sleep, where to go, where to live, who to speak with and this One person erases your past life with family and friends..that's a cult to me and that's what happened to our daughter.  She became bulmic to purify herself and make herself holy, she dressed like a transient, commented she was not materialistic, studied under Yogis and Channelers, gave her possessions away.  The guy she is living with will keep her close at hand because SHE works 2 and 3 jobs (or did), SHE has the only transportation, SHE has the money.  This guy has nothing.  This is not a romantic relationship and yes everyone has the right to choose what kind of life they want to live for themselves IF they are capable of thinking for themselves. My daughter does what she is told. She says she is happy..she is happy because HE tells her she is happy.  HE can control her no matter where he is.  I am so at a loss.  I have visited Rick Ross's website and he sent me an email to order and read one of his books on battered women.  Anyway, there's got to be somebody who can help.  I can't give up on her and I won't, I don't care how old she is.  Thank you again for your concern.  To my knowledge, she has no friends, she sees no one other than where she works.  He has isolated her and does not allow her to contact us. We have no proof but a mom knows things and this is one of those things.

The book, "Take Back Your Life....Recovering from Cults and Abusive Relationships" by Janja Lalich and Madeleine Tobias, will answer most of the questions you mentioned in your post.

 

My daughter started out studying and practicing New Age Religion....to me, that's a cult, as least for her it was.  These people paint a religious "picture" but it's just a front. Once involved, the mind control starts.  There's nothing wrong with meditation (God meditated in the Garden), nothing wrong with Yoga or chanting but when it's done in a way that alters a persons identity, that's dangerous!  Read the book..you'll understand a little better on where I'm coming from.

 

By the way, do you have any association or loved ones involved in a cult?  I would be interested in understanding your interpretation of New Age Religion.  I might add at the time my daughter was into it, she was going to meditation group at the top of a mountain in a so called temple (which was nothing more than a decorated Moose lodge)  under the leadership of Mafu.  How do I know...I went with her because I felt I needed to get better "acquainted" with her so-called friends.  I don't know if I was lucky or not to have experienced it....strangest event I have ever seen and it lasted all night into the early morning.  There was no religious teaching going on or meditation.

Thank you for the info and kind words.  I am aware of Rick Ross and his website.  Lord knows I searched all night for several nights trying to find someone who could explain some of this stuff.  This kind of stuff we see on TV and read about in the paper.  I can't believe I have become one of "those" people because I never thought in a million years this would ever happen. I try to ask myself if there's a lesson here.  My husband and I have beat ourselves up asking ourselves are we to blame. One would think this guy would be satisfied to manipulate just our daughter's life but he is trying to manipulate us emotionally and that really angers me.  He plays mind games..almost like he knows what our reaction will be and he uses our daughter to do that.  I don't expect to hear from Dr. Phil but I am considering contacting  the Private Investigator that was on his show.  The cult "experts" we have spoken with suggested we try and stay in contact but it takes 2 people to keep a communication going. I do send letters, phone calls etc as though nothing is out of the ordinary hoping I will get the chance to speak with her.  We can sense that at times it seemed like she was told what to say or that someone was near and she could not speak freely.  When we saw her in May '06, her behaviour was so extreme..so extreme that we felt her only purpose for coming to our home was to shock and repulse me so I would never speak to her again.  Yet, when I tried to talk with her tears were rolling down her face she but refused to say anything.  The "experts" explained that behavior to mean she was "struggling"..torn between doing what she was told to do and not wanting to do it. There are so many stories!!! I don't doubt for a second she is in a cult relationship with this guy.  She may have been infatuated with him in the beginning but somewhere it changed.  Thanks for your response to my post.  I don't understand why or how one person can have that much power over another.  My daughter was very independent, strong-willed and adventurous.  Now, she's just a shell.

I read your post and was wondering what steps you took or have been taking to get your son back?  I am hoping for some guidance, informations, support..anything!!  How are you coping emotinally? How old is your son?  I know my daughter is being controlled by this one man but I can't find anyone who can explain to me how I can reach her.  How does a parent cope with something like this?  I know she is an adult but that doesn't change my need to protect her from harm.  It almost feels like a hopeless situation.  Sometimes the only way I think I can possibly accept what has happened to her is to collect all of her belongings and bury them so the pain of not having her in my life will go away.