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Messages By: vickicouch

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May 29, 2007, 4:21 am CDT

Empathy for Melissa

I'm sure there are a lot of people out there, that were flabbergasted by Melissa's remark about her autistic son.  I would ask that anyone that's about to jump down Melissa's throat, to stop and consider how you would react if you child were kidnapped.  I know how she feels, I have an autistic 4 year old daughter.  I can tell you that she loves her son, she is just very isolated, overwhelmed and depressed.  It seems to me that she does NOT have a very good support system.  If she is anything like me, she questions herself every single day.  What did I do wrong when I was pregnant?  Maybe it was the hotdog from 7-11, or the medication I was taking before I knew I was pregnant?  What kind of life is my child going to have?  Why didn't this happen to someone else? 

Though I do not have a weight problem, I too feel paralyzed by the fear of what could happen next.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE Melissa, don't give up on your Ryan!  My Cree is such a wonderful little girl that loves everyone.  She is my hero.  I really believe we will find a cure.  If you're having a hard time, and need someone to talk to, I registered my phone number, please call me.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  Trust me, no one truly understands until it happens to them.

Good luck and God Bless you!

 
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May 30, 2007, 1:36 am CDT

You are not alone

Quote From: gracey1966

Melissa, no one knows unless they've been there. Just like you, I live it every day. My child was also born with a disability, so I know what that does to your life.  Its not about accepting the diagnosis or being in denial.  People around you feel that you need to get over it and move forward. You and I both know that it does not work that way.  Its ongoing, every single day of your life. Its overwhelming and it makes other people uncomfortable. Its very isolating and lonely. You said yourself how helpless you feel. I understand that, because we can't fix our babies. Its a devastating feeling, a kind of grieving that only one of us could understand.

I,too, gained and gained, and lost myself in the process. How could I not be a different person after this?  I shoved my feelings down with food. Sometimes I was afraid I might start screaming and never stop. Even my husband has never understood. I feel as if I had no support system at all. I would like to say that I got a handle on things, but not quite.......My child is doing great at age 14 (still disabled) but I am the aftermath, 100lbs. overweight, my totally gray hair falling out, diabetes and high blood pressure, all at age 41.  I can pass as a senior citizen !

Melissa, you are so young to be dealing with this....I wish I could be there for you. I've got a feeling that your mom just does not know how when it comes to your son. I hope the two of you will become closer.  You are probably an excellent mother to your son, but you are moving around on auto-pilot for yourself. For myself, it was like coming out of a fog after 7 years, asking myself what the hell happened to me. I still don't know how to turn it around. 

You could probably take Randy and your family out of this equation, and find that you are still facing these same problems. I saw your beautiful "before" pics. Melissa, you are still beautiful. But you have turned on yourself, and I think it has more to do with your feelings and emotions regarding your son.  Despite all the love you have for him, I know how much it hurts sometimes.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

What wonderful words you have for Melissa!  I swear I don't think it's possible for anyone to understand what it does to you when your child gets diagnosed with something that  hard to swallow.  I never realize what a judgemental nation we are, until my daughter was diagnosed with autism.  People either pity you, or they are indifferent, neither of which is helpful.  It's nice to see that the mother's of diabled children seem to be standing up for Melissa.
 

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