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January 5, 2006, 10:48 pm PST
Hi Amy
Quote From: amyjayne26Hello!
I just wanted to let you know about something I saw first thing this morning on one of the morning shows. Dr. Laura Schlessinger has a new book out called "Bad Childhood, Good Life." It just came out and I thought of it when I read your messages. I haven't been able to get a hold of this book yet, but I have read a few of her other books and she is usually right on when she talks. At least I think so, she's definitely like Dr. Phil and will tell you what she is thinking and doesn't hold back. Although *side note* on today's show I think he held back a lot more than I have seen before, about "spiritual" things. I think I may post more about that later...
But I just wanted to say that we all have bad childhoods in one sense. Something happens that makes us who we are and it is up to us to decide what kind of future we will have. I think that goes along with the topic discussed today. It is up to us to decide what we will do with our lives, how we choose to look at the world, and how to spend our precious moments that we have left to live. For me, all of those questions go hand in hand with my faith, as I am a Christian (I will never hide that), but what has helped me is to know that there is a lot more to life than myself. I definitely found that out when I had my son, but sometimes I think we get into the mentality of thinking about ourselves all the time and thinking about what happened in the past and not letting go of our past hurts. Myself when I was young, it was mostly attacks on myself and not from someone like your mother, but I can speak about forgiveness as I had to forgive myself. Forgiving can do a lot for a person. I think maybe you probably have a lot of soul searching to do before you can get to this point, but it helped me tremendously. And forgiveness is not about just forgeting about it and starting new with a person as I have no belief that you should even be around your mother now. It is a personal thing and not about what the other person can do or what you could do to make things right.
Another part of that change in me is my acceptance of Christ into my life, I think it would be hard to tell you what helped me without saying that Him dying for my sins allowed me to see that I had to let go of my past and live in the present, since He has forgiven me. Now I don't know what faith you are or anything about you, I am just letting you know what helped me. And just so you know that I am appalled by how those church members shunded you like that. I know from my past that not every church is the same, as I am now a different denomination from what I grew up in and a leader of my previous church betrayed my trust (although not in such a horrible way as you) but I would suggest trying to go back. You may have to try a few different places until you feel comfortable. But I believe a church home can offer a lot in the way of internal healing. It is nice to be around people that love you and will be there when you need them. Believe me it is possible.
I don't know if Dr. Laura's book would help or not, but what's to lose. You may have a lot to gain, you never know! :)
Hope all goes well in your journey!
Amy :)
I'm really surprised to all of the feed back I am receiving and so quickly. This thread is so ambushed with so many people's thoughts and emotions, I never imagined my post would be noted and touch some people enough to reply. Thank you.
I am a born again Christian. I'm sure more than just yourself is wondering about that. I have a very sincere relationship with the Lord and am not ashamed of it. I do know how to pray and am extremely aware of spiritual warfare and the false seduction of it.
I grew up in an overly religious home that borderlined cultish activities. The church that we were attending as a family when I was young and was raped, was a church that was full of manipulations of scripture and a church that had leaders who wanted to press on any accountability. Very disturbing.
I have been to many churches since, but never on a regular basis since. Your senses on me were right about it being a challenge for me to be vulnerable to another body of christ. I spend most of my faith by keeping it fairly personal. My own studies, songs of praise and worship, and private prayer. I have not forsaken my Father throughout my let downs. I am fully aware that people come with flaws (sin) and in no way was it God's wish for any of those things to take place in his church.
Churches were hard to stick with my whole life. My mother (errr.... mother spirit of Jezebel) has had her hand in every church and our family moved from one to the next. My mom always got in cahoots with the pastor and his family, then the elders, then got herself onto the board or on some prestigeous level in her head, then she would tear them down from the inside. The churches would suffer by what my mother would stir up and what curruption she would reveal to the congragation and move onto the next church. Interesting way to find Jesus, but I did. I just don't know how to trust other people in my beliefs. I feel very secure when it is just God and I.
I will keep a heads up for Dr. Laura's book. She's a funny cookie, I like! Thank you for your input.
As for moving onward into the future, I think this is where some of the readers are misunderstanding out of normal ignorance. Narcissim is very hard to escape. Think of it like a person who is a conartist, lier, stalker that follows your life, will even bring in the court system to get what they want (like grandparent rights to my children), etc, etc. It is an ongoing battle to move forward. Forward usually means, just another day battling the influences of Jezebel. It is way too hard to explain in a single post.
check out the sight I gave to bible guy.... forget his handle, lol.
Char
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