Messages By: mentalpause1

The whole saggin' issue is so much more than butts and everyone is going to have a different opinion - so I'll jump right in with mine.

For me, first and foremost is an issue of self-respect and respect for the sensibilities of others.  Yes, it's a fashion trend and it'll end just like all other fashion trends - I get that.  But in the meanwhile, I personally think it's vulgar and stupid to want to show your undergarments and have your butt hanging out of what is commonly accepted as outerwear.  I don't want to see male butts or female butts.  We used to make jokes about appliance repairmen and their butts cracks hanging out being gross - so why isn't it still gross today?

I get the fact, too, that young people are making a statement and enjoy the shock effect it has on people who aren't of their generation.  Get in line - each generation has had something they embraced as daring and rebellious - most of us just didn't show our backsides. My personal fashion guideline is less is more - a teasing peek is far more interesting than letting it all hang out.  And there's a time and place for various kinds of dress - or at least there once was.

One of the posters here asked who's right it was to decide what people wear ... well, it's the right of businesses of all kinds, schools, churchs - most kinds of institutions we must interact with on a daily basis - it's called a dress code, and it's perfectly legal and appropriate that if individuals don't have the common sense to know what one should wear in a given situation - those governing the venue, event or place of business do.

Sometimes it's a matter of being age-appropriate; sometimes it's a matter of safety; sometimes it's a matter of common sense and sometimes it's a matter of self-respect.  I'm not a prude, but even shake my head in disbelief at the lack of good judgement people use when selecting their wardrobe.  Simply put - there are few public venues where others want to see boobs and butts exposed.  Personally - when a woman shows too much, I know I'm alone in thinking she has no self-respect and is sending a signal that she's just an easy tart.  When males wear shirts open down to their navels or pants below their butt cheeks, particularly if their past the age of 21 - I wonder what shortcoming they're overcompensating for.

Personally - I think this "fashion trend" is just another sad indication of how little self-respect our young people have for themselves, and how little concern and respect they have for others - particularly young children and their elders. 

I like the solution my son's middle school resource officer had for saggers ... he carried a big roll of duct tape with him and when he saw a sagger - he taped their pants up - both around the waist and making suspenders out of the tape.  The child had to leave the tape in place for the school day and if they did not, they were suspended.

Sag if you must, but do it away from schools, churches and public places where you know others' will be offended.  And know that I'm not alone in thinking you're a flaggin idiot.

I wholeheartedly agree!  What a great point!!!

I suppose the next disability we taxpayers will end up shelling out for will be akin to carpal tunnel - we'll call it Saggin Pants Syndrome or something!  LOL 

Thanks for sharing the humor!

In a word, "NO."

Seriously though, hope for what?  That somehow he'll have an epiphany and do a 180-degree turnaround; quit lying, make amends for past wrongs and rekindle his heart!   My guess is there's about a 1% chance of that happening.  Not very good odds.

Amen!  Why is it that people who cheat with a cheater think they won't be the next in line to be cheated upon?  Dr. Maya Angelou has a great saying, "when someone shows you who they are, believe them."  How desperate does someone have to be to agree to be involved with someone who's unavailable in the first place? 

Yes - Read Caged Bird about 30 years ago when I was in college - it was pretty impactful to me even then. 

I love the saying I quoted - it's simple and easy to remember.  Most of all - it's true!!!  As Dr. Phil often says, "The best way to predict future behavior is past behavior."  Combine those two bits of wisdom and I believe you have a very clear roadmap of how to deal with people.

Put simply - if it quacks, has a bill and webbed feet - it's a duck!

OK - this couple are a pair of flaming idiots.  Dan won't shut up long enough to really listen.  I loved Dr. Phil's comment that working and being productive are two different things.  Dan doesn't get it because he's so dysfunctional and self-absorbed.  Unfortunately the world is full of Dans and most unfortunately - these boobs are reproducing. 

Those poor, poor children.  Dr. Phil is right - they don't get a vote or a choice and they're picking up the tab for their parent's selfishness and stupidity.  They may love their children - but love is an action verb and you don't relegate your children to living in Third-World poverty and hunger because you're unwilling to work for someone else.

Dan is a dreamer without a clue, his wife is a flaming idiot and his children are picking up the tab.  I hope the grandparents and/or Dr. Phil contact the local division of family services because even if the parents love their children - they're abusing and neglecting them.  The parents contend the children don't miss meals - well someone explain to me how one purchases groceries without income?  What are they feeding these kids - rainwater soup?

The conditions these children are forced to live in are unhealthy, unsanitary and plain abusive.  I hope someone steps in to rescue them.  Now THAT would be God-directed!

Karen absolutely does NOT need another man - not now, and maybe never.  What she needs is to heal and regain herself.  Abuse of the kind this narcissistic jerk doles out is incidious - it probably happened so gradually that by the time Karen realized it - she had no self confidence, no internal fortitude and no real sense of self.  Indeed, this kind of abuse is backbone breaking.  She needs time away from his poison and skewed sense of omnipotence.  She needs counseling and a good, positive support system to assure her the problem isn't hers - it's his.

NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) is one of the most difficult personality disorders to treat - even by professionals.  Why?  Because these people are so flawed they actually believe it's everyone else who has the problem - it couldn't possibly them.  They believe they're so much smarter than everyone else - including professionals - that they see no real reason to even entertain the idea they might have a problem, muchless acknowledge it or seek help for it.

In one sense, Rick is right - Karen needs much more help than he does.  She needs help to get healthy and dump him.  She needs to regain her strength and realize staying with him not only continues to damage her - but is going to destroy her children as well.  She needs to understand this is not about her - no one would be good enough for him.  They'll eventually divorce, he'll remarry quickly and continue the same kind of abuse with the next woman. 

Narcissists don't give a damn about anyone else.  They're great actors - but in the end, the motivation behind everything they do is to enhance themselves.  They're master manipulators without consciences.  And sadly - they leave in their wake a lot of very wounded people who blame themselves for the abuse they've suffered.  And they leave all that emotional carnage without a second thought.  It's not in them to feel remorse or guilt.

Sounds harsh, doesn't it?  Well, talk to any number of people who've been involved in relationships with Rick's type and you'll soon realize what I've said here isn't really harsh enough.  I personally know several people who've been nearly destroyed merely because they were duped into believing the person they fell in love with, loved them back.  One has spent years in therapy and still doesn't trust himself (yes, HIMSELF) to get romantically involved with anyone.

Do an Internet search for narcissistic personality disorder and read up on it.  You'll soon see Rick.  And then check out the support groups for people who've been involved with narcissists.  If you have any intelligence and compassion - you'll soon realize what masters of deception narcissists truly are - and how very loving, giving and intelligent people are taken in by these emotional assassins.

Karen does need help - she needs information and support to know she's not crazy and she's not alone.   She needs to rediscover herself - and THAT, not another relationship with a man - will rescue her.

Rita, Rita, Rita!

Back off sister - you're way out of line.  This shouldn't be about you.  You've got to be one of the most misguided, selfish people I've ever seen. 

Take a tape of Dr. Phil's show to court and show the judge - it'll give him a big clue as to how sick Rita is and perhaps give him the wisdom to reverse the order giving Rita visitation rights. 

It's unbelievable to me how incredibly sick and selfish people can be.

Tameka - you're a beautiful, intelligent woman with so much to offer.  Please take Dr. Phil's advice and take control of your life - you don't need to sit around and wait for Keith to hurt you again.  Clearly, he's just one of those men who wants to have his cake and eat it too.  If his MySpace pages were really just for business, he'd be completely transparent and let you have access to everything so you can feel assured his business isn't monkey business.

He is, as Dr. Phil says, completely addicted to the attention he gets from women and being an "entertainer" gives him a constant supply of that.  He is correct on one issue however, whether the Internet and MySpace existed or not - he'd still be cheating on you.  The fact he's not willing to give any of this up, he's not willing to take a polygraph and he's admitted he'd have cheated on you without MySpace tells any intelligent woman that he's not the marrying kind.  At least he's being honest about that - he doesn't want to be married because he doesn't really want to make a commitment to anyone or anything but his own ego gratification.  He probably never will.

So girlfriend, run, don't walk in any direction that takes you away from this noncommital serial cheater.  He won't change because there's no reason for him to change.  It has nothing to do with you - he'll continue to be a serial cheater because there's something in him that is so insecure it needs the constant reinforcement of attention from anyone and everyone. 

You don't need that kind of heartache - you're too good for that.  You deserve a man who will be honest, straightforward and transparent with you and who will treat you with respect.  I wish you all good things and the courage to do what you know in your heart you need to do.