Messages By: unicorn5

I cant really say I have a "Blended family" we are more like two families living in the same house. My husband and I have been together for 4 years and were married in June of 2003. I have a 18 year old son, a 16 year old son and a 13 year old son my husband has a 5 year old daughter and we have a 7 week old daughter together. My 18 year old and and 16 year old do not live with us my oldest son and my husband do not get along at all. they did in the beginning my 18 year old has alot of problems he is adhd, bipolar, odd and has learning problems. I was not looking for a relationship at all when I met my husband I had been apart from my ex for 3 years and was happy being a single parent( not that it was easy) However my kids actually talked me into dating my husband and wanted us to get married His daughter was 1 1/2 when we got together and I always treated her like my own my sons adored her however in the last 4 years things have changed my two oldest sons no longer live with me mostly in part to my husband he is very unforgiving and when my sons would do something wrong he couldnt focus on what it was he would bring up everything they had ever done wrong  in the past I would tell him that is over and done with but he cant leave it alone he does the same thing with me brings up every fight we have ever had and anything I have ever said he uses my past against me as well as my sons however his daughter is perfect and when she is  here which used to be every  weekend but now it is every other. The reason her mom changed the visitation was because of me when we have his daughter we supply everything for her clothes toys, etc she comes with the clothes on her back and we had her more than 50% of the time I would take her when her mom had to work and didnt have a babysitter on holidays etc but she still wanted more child support not that I dont think my husband should pay but it should be fair he pays her 300.00 a month plus we have to still supply all of her clothes and it was getting to be too much so his ex changed the visitation to every other weekend saying that now she wants more child support. we are always fighting over money and now that we have a daughter together I said he should try to get the child support lowered he wants me to stay at home with " our" daughter at least for the first year however we cant afford for me to stay at home with his child support so high So I have to get a job and work at least 60-80 hours aweek to pay for daycare and pay the bills while he is only working 40 When his daughter is here he cooks for him and for her ONLY I have to do the cooking, cleaning for everyone however my husband will do ONLY his laundry and hers. HE cant even take a load of laundry out of the washer and put it in the dryer if it isnt his he will yell that I have to come and do it cuz it isnt his. However he expects my son to shovel, mow the lawn, take out the garbage, do the dishes Why should my son have to take care of all of this when my husband doesnt do anything for him? My husband cant ask my son to do something He orders rather than say Can you please  mow the lawn? he says "The lawn better be mowed by the time I get home and you can take out the garbage out" My husband also will leave me notes in the morning as to what needs t o be done around the house while he does nothing. My husband had this house before we were married sop it is HIS house why should I do anything in his house? His daughter runs the house when she is here I feel like an outsider she tells me what to do. I do not even pay attention to her anymore when she is here because it doesnt matter what I say her father lets her do what ever she wants and always uses the excuse "well she is  only 5 she doesnt know better" yes she does she sneaks in our room at night and sleeps in our bed Now that we have a 7 week old baby when I would get up with our daughter his daughter would get up and go crawl in our bed on my side of the bed with MY pillow so I would end up sleeping on the couch and she would look at me and laugh. My husband doesnt see anything wrong with this at all. we are not a blended a family at all there is me and my children and him and his daughter and then our daughter we dont do anything together unless it is a holiday and then of course we have to go to his family he doesnt do anything with my family at all but I am expected to spend holidays, birthdays, family get togethers with his family and when I go to my family I go alone with my children. I have no say so with his daughter however he thinks he has all the say so with my son as far as rules etc It doesnt matter what I say to my son he changes it or end up fighting and he brings up everything I have done wrong or my son has done wrong but I can never bring up what he has done or his daughter cuz they are perfect and he Is ALWAYS right. Two weeks ago I told him I wanted a divorce that I couldnt take it anymore I was tired of the yelling, fighting,the name calling and the blame always on me and my son. He thinks I was kidding and after 3 days of Punishing me by going to work and coming home and going right to bed ( he didnt even say Hi to "our Daughter during that time) he said cuz I was there and he didnt want to be around me YEah real mature. so "our daughter suffered the he acted like nothing happened and I am just supposed to be happy and forget everything that he said to me I am depressed and crying all the time Partioally due to the fact I did just have a baby and I think post partum depression is sinking in and part because of him he will not change at all I dont see things getting any better.  He doesnt think his daughter does anything wrong cuz she is only 5 so he doesnt see how she manipulates him and he allows it My son mostly spends his time in the back room playing his playstation and on the weekends that his daughter is here my son is either playing his playstation or sleeping or in his room. I feel like an outsider and on the weekends his daughter is here I dont have any say with our daughter. He treats more like a kid than his wife I am supposed to cook ,clean, pay the bills, take care of him but he doest treat me like a partner his mom knows more about his life than I do  he feels he works 40 hours a week so he doesnt have to do anything else. I rambled on for to long. I just dont know what to do anymore I am depressed and stressed all the time I am walking on egg shells I never know what is going to set him off. I want our marriage to work but I cant do it on my own and he expects me and my son to change but my husband isnt willing to change at all or see that he and his daughter are part of the problem also He thinks everything would be fine if me and my son would change everything would be fine. He doest take any responsilblity at all when he gets mad and name calls or puts me or my son down it is our fault we caused him to get mad and if we would just do what he wants everything would be ok. We would be a perfect family for Dr phil I would love to see Dr phil take on my husband cuz my Husband is always right and I would love to see what Dr Phil would say to him I dont know maybe it would help I know we need help I just dont know where to turn. I am not ready to totally give up on my marriage but I honestly dont know how much longer I can go on this way.

I watched the show today and I was so angry at the father for telling his daughter to get a gun... that was horrible my 15 year old sister had gotten a gun and committed suicide on March 24,2004 in her bedroom and her father came home from work and found her. How would that father have felt to come home and find  his daughter I hope that suicide never touches his family it is horrible. I can not believe a father would tell his child that no matter how mad he gets there is no excuse for that.  He doesnt realized the effect his words have on his family. teenagers have enough stress and pressure in this world home is supposed to be safe where they have unconditional love.  Although we will never know the Reason why my sister committed suicide we can only guess my mom was dignosed with cancer 4 months before and was in the hospital and it was spreading fast and my mom died June 10,2004 I do know that some of her "friends" knew what she was intending she had told them what she was going to do and how but none of t hem believed her. Her boyfriend was at the house that night and she had showed him the gun and he left her there at 11:50 pm Why because my stepdad was going to be coming home around midnight from work and he thought he would get into trouble for being there my stepdad came home at 12:14 am and found my sister now he has to live with the sight of his daughter that way. My sister never said anything to us in the family because we were all focused on my mom and didnt think about her and that is something we will all regret. I just hope this father gets help for his anger words hurt and they do strip away at you you begin to believe it after awhile. When it comes froma  parent it hurts worse. I hope he wakes up and soon he should be begging for forgiveness not that saying I'm sorry will take away all the hurt he has already caused but it is a start and he needs to think before he rages there is no excuse whatso ever for the things he has said. I hope the kids and the wife can start healing and the husband stops making excuses for his behavior who cares if his wife shops that is no reason to treat her the way he does he is responsible for his actions and words. Not that I agree with the wife shopping but it isnt her fault the way the husband acts. I am just so angry that he told his daughter to get a gun if I could have jumped threw the tv I would have shaken him what the heck are youthinking I am still seeing red when I think of it. I would love to sit down with him and tell him about my sister and  the effect her suicide has had on our family he needs to wake up and fast.