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Messages By: flthomcat

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August 19, 2005, 6:31 am CDT

Shame on you, Dr. Phil

Once again you dropped the ball (although I still love your usual no nonsense, get real advice). This time you let Lori (the older woman) off the hook. Who cares how young two consenting ADULTS are?! That's not the issue.  

  

The issue is this woman is jumping from bed-to-bed! She's not much different than someone who is paid to do so and that goes the same for men who sleep around! You slammed the "swingers" on your past shows, but you went "easy" (no pun intended) on Lori.  

  

Whether we like it or not in this secular society, God had a plan and we know it worked; when people stray from it we see all the dysfunction, disease, abortions, unwanted pregnancies, adultry, divorce and the like.  

  

Yes, Dr. Phil, it's OK to expect people to have great morals and values; it's what makes both people and society better. I pity Lori's son; he is more mature than she. My wish for her is that she sets her ego aside and starts loving herself enough to expect better of her own behavior...and she meets a wonderful, fun, committed man (regardless of his age).  

 
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August 24, 2005, 6:11 pm CDT

Bullies forget because they don't care

Bullying, sexual harrassment, boyfriends hitting girlfriends, etc were all allowed back when Susan (and I) were in our high schools. Time has definitely changed things, but unfortunately too late for kids like Susan.  


If a bully doesn't remember his or her victim, it's probably because s/he had so many. As a public high school teacher (currently a stay-at-home mother), I have had to deal with bullies. Sadly, the bullies are so preoccupied with their insecure selves that they don't CARE who they bully (which is why they don't even take the time to carve their victims' names into their memories). Their victims don't have names or faces. 

  

If EJ had been a caring, mature teen, she would remember when she hurt someone's feelings. How many of us (who were raised to be kind) actually forget when we are mean to someone? 

  

EJ is a typical bully; she didn't care then and she's making a half-hearted attempted to care now. But Susan is an adult and it's time to move forward. She can choose to live in the past (and carry all the anger and sadness) or she can wipe the slate clean and take her power back.  

  

May both women grow from their experiences on the show. If they learn anything, it was time well worth spent. -Nancy, Gainesville, FL 

 
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October 9, 2005, 10:00 pm CDT

Breastfeeding and Teen Sex

I never breastfed in public, but I have seen quiet a few women do so. Only once did a woman expose her breast for all to see (it appered to me that she WANTED us all to see it). The other women did it so no flesh was showing and the children were fed. I have no problem with the latter. Breastfeeding is a healthy and normal activity which can be carried out in a way that keeps it private enough; that way nobody is made to feel uncomfortable. 

  

As for the wacky lady who feels condoms should be in vending machines, she is irresponsible. As a mother and as a public high school teacher, I can tell you that teens are NOT mature enough to handle a sexual relationship. Oh, they think they are, but they are simply not. We should be doing our best to keep them away from ALL activities that are not healthy for them (sex is one of those). We are the adults and it's up to us to think for our children.  

  

I have no problem with sex education providing it tells kids that sex should be between MARRIED, ADULT people who love and honor eachother. That doesn't mean the teens will listen about the "married, adult" part, but at least they will get the correct message from us mature, caring grown-ups.  

  

We really do a disservice to them when we don't set standards high for them. When we lower the standards, we are throwing up our arms and sending the message that being sexually active at such a young age is A-OK with us. And it shouldn't be! We would be "killing" our children with kindness with that kindness often leading to alienation, disease, pregnancy, abortion, sexism, truancy, drop out rates, illiteracy, poverty, etc.  

 
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October 10, 2005, 7:14 am CDT

The guests

First, I don't think Grant is a bad guy. I just don't think he GOT it, but now he does. Let's hope so because his wife appears very beaten down. Humans aren't perfect and now Grant can see the pain in his wife's face. I bet he changes and the couple goes on to have a beautiful partnership! 

  

The stay-at-home-mother was cool; she made her choice and she loves it! I was worried how she would come off, but she did agree that Grant was wrong to treat his wife the way he did. I just wish Dr. Phil would have applauded her when she said that she should treat her husband with respect, he should treat her (his wife) with respect and that's what marriage is all about. It's give and take. I worked full-time and tried to raise our first child. I was sick all the time and passed the sickneses on to her. She was stuck in daycare from 7 a.m. to 6 p.m. and then it was rush, rush, rush. I was inpatient and nothing was done very well...there simply was not enough hours in the day. We women CAN'T have it all unless we want to do some things just plain crappy. Perhaps some of what is contributing to the 57% divorce rate is the fact that everybody (men and women) are stressed, sick, tired and feeling guilty. Kids come first. If we can afford it, why not give them 100% of us until they enter school (when we can work parttime) instead of allowing strangers to raise them. If we can't afford it, let's simply try our best to put their wants and needs before ours (and part of that is having a healthy marriage so they have a great mom and dad in their home). 

  

As for the single lady, more power to you! You obviously want to keep YOU first. That's your choice. You are smart not to get married. However, I have a wonderful partnership and I am very independent....own savings (along with joint savings), own thoughts, own opinions, own fun nights out with the girls, etc. But what is the best part is the support, love and affection I get from my husband DAILY. We are a team that will last until death. And we have 2 great children who benefit from our partnership. I'll check back with you in 20 years to see how you are faring alone. If you're doing well, great. If you're not, perhaps you shouldn't have viewed marriage as all give or all take. It doesn't have to be that way. My marriage is super and it's great to wake up next to a warm, soft body each morning! It's also the way our wonderful God intended:) 

 
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October 13, 2005, 2:59 am CDT

Marriage is a Partnership

From someone who has been married 16 years, I have earned the right to say that many marriages dissolve because people are SELFISH. They think that being independent means viewing the spouse as an adversary. They put themselves before others (not exactly a Christian ideal). They put themselves before the needs of their children. They don't take the time to work together as a team, a partnership. Marriage has its ups and downs, its good days and its not-so-good days. That's called LIFE. I wake up every morning beside a wonderful, supportive and family-oriented man. Together we work to make our family of four strong and healthy. We don't sweat the small stuff (yes, I clean the toilets more than he does....big deal.....he also hears more nagging than I do....big deal again). My husband's advice to all male friends and family members about to be married....."If she's happy, you'll be happy." And that is the same advise I would give women. WORK AS A TEAM AND DON'T BE SELFISH. If you do, you won't be one of the 57% of marriages ending in divorce. Marriage is NOT a competition. It's a partnership God created and wants honored. For the woman who complained about Adam's Rib. I am PROUD to have been created that way. Ever see a man in no pain as he wanted around without ribs???? 

 
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October 14, 2005, 2:10 am CDT

Worst show so far

I believe I have watched every Dr. Phil show that exists. This is the first time I can honestly say that I didn't care for the show. The guests were out of control (even if it was understandable considering the high emotions) and what good came from this show? NONE! No opinions were changed (which is usually the goal) and the guests are still as divided. The girl takes little to no responsibility for her actions and the boy is still dead. Both families are devastated and bitter. No prosecutor wants to see a good little girl (as this girl was) go to prison unless he believes she is guility. No family wants their daughter to accept a plea deal unless they feel she is guilty of something. Prosecutors LOVE when a defendant wants to take a lie detector test and in this case there was no test (can you imagine why?).  

  

Justice was served, even though it is very sad on all fronts. Emotions got carried away that night and this girl committed murder, even though it was not planned. Twelve years for non-premediated murder is a fair sentence. It's a sad, sad case all around and the show seemed to be a waste of time since no one is better for it. May both families come to terms with WHAT IS and move forward the best they can...at least for the sake of the innocent people who have been devastated by this crime (ie. the brother). 

 
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October 19, 2005, 6:54 am CDT

98% correct, Dr. Phil.

Dr. Phil, you are a very bright, connected man (I can say that because I agree with you 98% of the time:). Today I worried that you would take the typical Hollywood stand that "Everything Goes" and Christianity is all wrong. However, you got to the bottom of the REAL issue (typical, normal sibling rivalry and children wanting their parents' approval on everything) and handled the discussion well. The Christian women were right on the mark; you can't pick and choose which of God's teaching you'll follow. Life is not easy and it is especially not easy for homosexuals; it's the cross they bear. Love the sinner, hate the sin. God created homosexuals but condems their behavior if it involves acting out on their homosexual feelings. Yes, it's that simple. The young woman wants everyone to accept her actions (and her politics) and her mother and sister are correct for loving her but not accepting her actions. The family should be able to heal...with more help provided by you and your show.  

  

WHERE YOU AND I DIFFER, Dr. Phil, is when you referred to Hollywood and their pushing of the gay lifestyle as "cutting edge." There is nothing cutting edge about the secular and other anti-Christian people who believe that "everything goes." What they push on our society (premaritial sex is fine, teen sex is fine, abortion is fine, drinking is fine, drugs are fine, adultry is fine....etc) is NOT "Cutting Edge." Instead, it's irresponsible, harmful (especially to our impressionable youth) and just plain pathetic. There are few role models in Hollywood. It's a society that has worked hard to discredit anything religious and anything based on strong morals and values.  

 
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October 24, 2005, 9:24 am CDT

Mom & Daughter

I feel for the adult daughter whose mother is moving forward and apparently not aware that her daughter NEEDS her to assist with the grieving process. Moving forward for the mom is fine, but she seemed a little confused that her daughter has very great needs (for her mother and stability) at this time. We never stop being mothers, even when our children are grown. Hopefully this mother takes the time to stop and think that her daughter NEEDS her to help her thru the grieving process; losing Dad with Mom appearing to be clueless about her own daughter's true emotions is so sad. Please, Mom, don't go forward in your life at the expense of your child. Men and dating and the rest will always be there. Take it slow and make LOTS of time for your daughter at this time. God bless you all. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes.
 
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October 24, 2005, 9:26 am CDT

Name Calling

The couple don't have problems. They obviously like to have fun and nobody is getting hurt. I'm quite sure they would each be the first to jump to the other's defense if an outsider used those names on the other. However, they MAY have problems when their children start calling the teachers, the minister, the neighbor lady, the classmate, etc. names without evening realizing what they are saying! Dr. Phil handled this well. Keep the fun behind closed doors while the little ones are growing and looking to them as role models. It only makes sense.
 
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October 24, 2005, 4:59 pm CDT

PEOPLE, not just men, can be clueless

Quote From: irishmom

 I had a similar thing happen to me.  One time I told my husband that my stomach hurt, and he said "which one?"  When I was offended, he swears he didn't mean it the way it sounded.  How else can it be interpretted?  Also, right before we got married I was talking about going to the gym to lose weight.  My husband is quite a bit older than I, and when I said this, his reply was "when you go to the gym and loose all that weight and become attractive, are you going to leave me for a younger man?"  To me, that implied that he didn't think I was attractive!!  He swears that not only did he not mean that to sound the way it did, but that he meant it as a compliment!!!  Boy would I like to live in the mind of a guy for just one day!  (or would I??)
Men get a bad rap. They often don't deserve it. As Dr. Phil always says, we teach people how to treat us. I have been married for 16+ years. Over those years I have gained 110 lbs. My husband has NEVER told me anything about my looks to hurt my feelings. He still calls me beautiful, although I know he worries about my health. TRUE LOVE doesn't hurt. When you truly love your spouse, you don't want to hurt him or her. You want to protect and support him/her. Many people need to understand that what they have is NOT a loving relationship. However, the couple on the show truly love eachother, but they need to do their name-calling in private so their children don't start misbehaving in public! Dr. Phil was right on the money with that couple!
 

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