Messages By: flthomcat

I wish ALL the guests well, but I simply cannot watch another show on battered women.

The only person who can change a person's circumstance in life is that person. They have to make the decision to leave and to leave for good. That means getting over the fear of starting over, of perhaps being alone, of having to raise children alone and even having to go without a certain lifestyle (at least temporarily). I know it is NOT easy, having worked with battered women and children at an underground women's shelter in Iowa during the mid 80's.

Most of the women caught up in domestic abuse have seen weak women and/or abusive men in their lives as they were growing up. Often their own mothers were abused. That doesn't mean they can't change their circumstances. If they have children, they MUST change their circumstances. They MUST put the welfare of their children before ALL else, including their fears. Think of the baggage the children take into their adult relationships if they've seen domestic abuse. The odds are against them when it comes t have healthy, long-lasting relationships.

Sometimes addicitions to drugs/alcohol keep women in abusive relationships, but often it's simply the lack of understanding what LOVE is (and is NOT) and the desire not to be alone. I have seen so many women tolerate SO much because they were fearful of being alone. If that's not low self-esteem, nothing is!

And, yes, abused women come in all races, sizes, income brackets and levels of education. Often, though, certain groups of women will not make their abuse public by seeking help at a domestic violence shelte (i.e. Asian women, wives of professionals such as doctors/lawywers, etc).

LOVE NEVER HURTS. Take this from someone married 18 years (happily). My husband is handsome, bright, successful, rugged and a wonderful husband and father; he has NEVER EVER called me a mean name or tore me down in ANY way. He's my main line of emotional support and we're the best of friends, along with being the best of lovers, of course.

If the person your with is mean to you (even verbally), than he doesn't know the meaning of "love." And if you choose to stay with someone like that, than YOU don't like yourself very much. Value youself more! Good luck and God bless...

If you give up, you'll continue being a victim and he'll continue controlling you. If you have children, you owe it to them to break this cycle.

If I were you, I would make calls to my husband's boss, but I would not bother to speaking to anyone else in his department again. I would tell him that I had had enough and would be in contact with the state atty. Then I would IMMEDIATELY call the state atty (the office may be called the distict atty in your area). I would ask to meet with him and find out what you CAN do. The state atty will also help you file the paperwork for your restraining order. Do NOT wait. Stress how fearful you are. Why are you allowing them to stop you from filling out any report???? You are giving all your power away.

I would also make calls to the state police; ask them what you can do. There are also federal law enforcement agencies. The more calls you make, the more liklihood of someone giiving you the advice you need. And the more people who know your husband's name and reputation, the more likely the are going to get tired of him and stop supporting him.

I'd also call Legal Aide. They work with people who don't have the money to hire their own lawyer. I bet they could give you some great advice. Attendng some domestic violence "survivor" meetings might also help you connect with women who were once in your shoes; they may know what you can/should do.

You CAN survive this. You MUST tell yourself that over and over again until you believe it. You ARE worth it!  Imagine your life a year from now with no abuse or fear. Imagine being happy and having fresh start. You deserve that! God bless you. I have faith you WILL make it.

Absolutely WONDEFUL post.  You go, Girl!

You're a strong and compassionate woman.

God bless you and thank you for your words of wisdom. 

There is a difference between violence such as fighting (like we see girls and women do over boys and rumors, etc) and domestic battery. Domestic battery runs deeper than just physical assault. It involves mind control and a systematic approach at isolation and manipulation.

Yes, women cause MANY problems with their big mouths and their agressive behavior. But men STILL dominate the clear definition of "domestic abuse."

There are SOME cases of women being abusers....isolating men from their families and friends, beating them (one in our shelter used to get him with a frying pan whenever he upset his violent wife) and controlling their every thought, action and financial decision, but they are STILL in the minority.

Read up on the topic and you will see the differences between the sexes and the crimes. I am a former feminist (former active N.O.W. member for over a decade) who hates men getting the bad raps for just about everything in this country, but I also know that you are speaking about something other than the true definition of "domestic violence."

The reality is that this young woman will eventually lose the weight but NEVER forget all the mean things her husband has said to her. She will always feel the hurt and pain of his words every time she looks at him and every time she looks in the mirror.

Also, this man is abusing his children by speaking of their mother so horribly. If they are girls, they'll be so self-contious about their bodies & weight. And if they don't look perfect, they'll think their father doesn't love them or like them. If they are boys, they'll grow up to have lousy marriages because they'll treat their own wives the lousy way they saw their father treat their mother. This man has NO RIGHT to do this to his kids!

I have been happily married almost 19 years to a rugged, handsome, sweet, bright, successful, federal officer. He's a SUPER husband/friend/lover and a great father to our two kids. I gained 100 lbs since we met and he has NEVER EVER said one mean thing about me. He still calls me beautiful, tells me he loves me and WANTS sex as often as ever. In 3 months, I have lost 35 lbs while on a medical diet. I feel great and he's supportive because he wants me HEALTHY. He woud love me fat or skinny, it makes no matter. THAT is what real love is all about. Real love doesn't hurt. It's not mean or cruel.

Hopefully the young woman's husband will GROW UP, become a REAL husband, learn how to LOVE and be SUPPORTIVE and also do right by his children before it's too late. I wish them well. There are too many divorces in this country, too many broken homes and God has been very sad...

I've watched this show 2x. Everything is fishy. BOTH student and teacher are lying, I believe.

I have taught secondary school for 9 years. Although teachers do hire students to move things, they DON'T send coded notes.  And boys DO NOT forget when/if they had sex with a teacher, especially when it was (supposedly) just their second sexual partner!  I'm 45 and I can recall my 2nd sexual encounter down to the words we said, the clothing we were wearing, where we had been before that moment, etc...

The fact that the teacher spends more time trying to poke holes in the boys story and hardly no time denying what occurred is odd. She appears like a guilty person trying to take attention way from the alleged crime and find a way to discredit the accuser.

If I were a teen who had lied about my teacher 6 years ago, what would be the benefit of going on national televsion? I DO believe SOMETHING inappropriate occurred between the two, but perhaps not as much as the boy is saying. Regardless, this teacher showed POOR JUDGEMENT and should not be teaching ever again. Err on the side of public school children....

Although I believe both the boy and the woman are lying in different ways, let me say that as a 9th year teacher I have had boys/girls come to my home. However, I was never alone w/ them (on purpose).

In fact, I hired them to film my wedding and reception. My father-in-law, a dedicated and respected ROTC teacher (and former military LTC) used to hire his POOR students to do yardwork, paint and any other thing he could do to make their lives easier (most of those students STILL keep in touch with him even though they have families of their own and have left the state). This helped his students buy the things their parents (usually one actually) could not afford.

I used to buy clothing for the students who were my teacher assistants. They were usually poor students and I knew they would like to have some name-brand popular clothing. I really didn't care if I raised eyebrows on the part of those who didn't get close to their students. I loved my kids (as my father-in-law did) and I tried to find ways to help them. But, I NEVER EVER CROSSED THE LINE.

Please be careful when saying that just because your husband didn't get close to his students in this way means teachers who do are bad or dangerous and anything other than caring and dedicated to students. You made a HUGE jump and it was not the case in my case and my father-in-laws (and probably MANY other dedicated teachers).

Wow! This is not a re-run for me. I can't believe what I am seeing. My heart goes out to the innocent children of this sick man. And my prayers are especially with the kind couple who thought they were helping a dying, honest man. I hope they now have helped him by getting him professional help AND having him leave to find his own dwelling. May they not get so digusted that they never again help someone in need; their kindness could be used on others, perhaps even the WIFE of this socially ill man who should not have custody of his children.

http://www.polygraph.org/validity-research

Your accuracy statistics are not correct. Not only is the accuracy rate MUCH higher than 63%, the accuracy is much higher when the test is administered by a highly qualified expert (such as the one Dr. Phil used). Additonally, an inconclusive reading does not count as a lie AND polygraphs can be taken more than once by a person. Should that person fail the test both times, the likelihood of false readings is not worth mentioning.

The lie detector test is a GREAT TOOL in investigations, but it is simply ONE TEST. It should never be used alone to determine guilt or innocence.

My own cousin, a compulsive liar, took a polygraph test and the resuls were "inconclusive," even though he lied his butt off. Any sociopath who does not believe he has done anything wrong could very possibly pass the polygraph, especally if it were administered by a less-than-qualifed examiner.