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Messages By: carolacoz


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October 9, 2006, 5:18 pm PDT

Bravo Todd

Your children are healing because you took the step to make it happen, despite the fact that your wife would not.  You took the high road, and you and your children will benefit from it.
 

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November 24, 2006, 6:17 am PST

11/24 Great School Debate

Quote From: kschmittz

My husband and I are very "concerned" with our children's education, therefore, we moved to a higher end area with good public schools.  My oldest son is 8 and in 3rd grade.   He is almost a year younger than most of the other kids as their Moms kept them back a year.  He is doing above average work and not having any issues.  I think there is A LOT of mis-understanding about public schools.  First, in my son's class there are LESS kids than the average area's private schools.  Next, there are boudaries set by the district on w hat they can teach your child that do not exist in private school.  In private school (I found this out after we checked out private schools and from a teacher) they can teach whatever they see fit.  Also, it is up to the parent to be involved in their child's education.  If you see your child is struggling in any way, then go to the teacher and work something out.  Public school has a multitude of programs to assist you and with the "NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND" there's really no excuse (learning disability or whatever) to not have your child succeed.  We have what is called a 504 plan for my son.  Basically, it is a legal document that will follow him through High School.  I can dicatate (if need be) every move/action the teacher makes in regards to my son.  It is NOT that way now but the option exists.  This is available to all parents at any public school.  Last, I can claim all you do about my son's public school.  That is why we are "dishing out the money" to live in a nice area.  Therefore, the crime and bullying you speak of really isn't an issue where we live.   If it does happen, then my son will take care of it with help from his Dad and I.  I think a lot of people are very mis-guided about not only private school but homeschooling and unschooling as well.  Part of education is not just academics.  There is so much more.  In today's world, there is very little chance for self-sufficiency without a decent education.  Also, you need to have skills beyond that.  If you can't deal with people or situations that may come up in life (like bullying) you are not likely to have a lot of job offers.  In a public school setting, although not perfect, there is much more to learn on a social level.  You learn to wait your turn, respect others and that there are consequences for your actions that can affect your whole class.  Anyone who thinks the majority of private schools kids are perfect, think again.  When I was young, these were among the most wild of us all.  They just had the $$ to get out of most any trouble. 

 

All in all, a good education can come from a good public school.  I agree, not all are good.  There are some even in my district I would not send my kids to.  That is why my hubby and I are very careful if we decided to buy another house in this area.  We want to make sure we stay within school lines that we like.  Also, if a parent expects the school to teach everything to their child then they are in error.  I am in my son's class every week helping out.  No, I am not  Room Mom every year but I am there.  I have been on Field Trips and helped out with parties and such.  I consider myself lucky to be able to do this even though I work full time.  There is academic education which I believe needs to be done by people who are qualified- someone with teaching credentials. For what it's worth, I also believe anyone who homeschools/unschools should have these same credentials. Then there  is the other edcuation which is about life.  This is up to parents. 

 

Last, don't assume every kid in public school has parents who don't care.  Just as you assume this there are people who assume things about you and your choices.  You are not the only parent who is involved in your child's life the way you are.  I have many many friends who are teachers in public schools and I can tell you they are far more trained than anyone realizes.  They are concerned and they do teach every child no matter how big their class is.  Also, in public school in 1st and 2nd grade the class size has to be UNDER 20 kids...again lower than most private schools.  My friends also say their biggest battle is not teaching the kids but dealing with parents.  Food for thought. 

You indicated with No Child Left Behind and the programs instituted now at schools that there is "no excuse" for even "learning disabled" children not to succeed in a public school.  While these programs at the schools are wonderful, and my children have participated in them, the reason this is not an accurate statement is because some children have neurological problems that must be fixed before any program will cause a child to succeed in school--be it public or homeschool setting.  You cannot simply pour even more water into a pot with a hole in the bottom expecting the result to the different.

 

By way of example, if a child is left ear dominant and right eye dominant, no amount of continuous reading through reading clubs or other programs is going to fix that neurological confusion. Public schools are simply not required to resolve that, nor should they be responsible for doing so.  Your state has the 504, others have an IEP (individualized education plan).  Yes, a parent can request multiple services for their children using these documents/rights.  In my state, the school being asked to provide services has the right to refuse services a parent might think are necessary for their child to succeed on the basis that it is not a necessary service for the child's education.  For example, a parent may request at the IEP (as it is in my state) end of school year meeting that their child receive occupational therapy for a weak handgrip which results in poor, difficult, labored handwriting which will profoundly impact that child for the rest of his/her life, but most importantly demotivates a child to engage in writing at school.  The school can choose to deny those services on the grounds that the child can actually write.  Therefore, there are reasons for children not to succeed with the public school programs, and to suggest that a child with these problems is better off in public schools versus homeschooling is simply not accurate.

 

I am sure you are not trying to say that a child must endure bullying tactics at school to get a good job.  I am also sure you are not saying that only public schools can teach social skills or consequences for actions.  I think it is well-settled even herein that is not the case.

 

With regard to a family's decision to homeschool, a typical toddler takes in information at lightning speed, learns, digests that information within minutes, and moves on to the next conquest.  That doesn't change when they reach the age of 5 or 6.  However, at the age of 5 or 6, they enter public school and are then asked to sit quietly and spend 15 minutes learning about a frog.  This example is not an indictment of a public school.  Rather, it reveals a learning method which is one of the many reasons people may choose to homeschool their children.

 

I am glad you are finding wonderful success in public schools for your children.  I am finding great success for my children through homeschooling.

 

 

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November 24, 2006, 10:21 am PST

Best reason to homeschool

Quote From: sramsey3544

I am a teacher and wanted to comment of several things that you said.  First: FYI: teachers do a lot of research and incorporate learning styles into the classroom.  Your statement sounds like a false assumption.

 

The bottom line in parenting and growing up is that it takes a village.  Parents, no matter how well educated or well-intentioned, do not possess the ability to provide all of children's' needs.  Children need to have their own experiences with no parent there to fix the wrongs or take them out at an sign of adversity.  Children need to learn to try things that don't initially interest them and to finish things even if they don't want to. 

 

By having children raised so closely to parents, I believe these children to be stifled and crippled.  It may not seem evident now, but wait until college...the social gaps will be regrettably obvious then.  Most home school children either maintain some level of distance from the greater group or overindulge due to lack of exposure to issues like sex and alcohol.

 

Talk to you kids all you want.  Enroll them in a weekly soccer practice if it backs up your argument better.  If you really want to feel convincing, bring Science into the kitchen....no ones really buying it but it may make you feel better.   You can not recreate the atmosphere of school, the expertise of teachers or the rich experience for children.  Parents who enroll their kids in home schooling usually fit into one of the following categories:

 

Motivations

1) They themselves experienced social rejection

2)They themselves experienced academic failure

3)An irrational fear of "the world we live in today"

4) A selfish desire to experience everything that your child experiences so much to that you are willing to deny you child most if not all experiences that don't include you

5) An obsession with control

 

As I read through the pro homeschooling letters, I just enjoy attaching the motivation to their argument.  Notice...what is best for children didn't make the top five. 

Thank you.  Your argument and attitude toward the responsibility of parenting are the best reasons I've seen thus far to homeschool.

 

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sad
September 14, 2007, 4:45 pm PDT

Where's the son?

Why is he not on the scene?  His mother and wife are battling it out and he's visiting his dad?  Can we say spineless?  The DIL will never let that grandmother see her grandchildren, and the milk-toast dad is just going to let it happen.  Sorry MIL.
 

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February 22, 2008, 5:06 pm PST

02/22 Hell Weddings

Marvin, I hope you will run the other way.  I hope this show helped you see your Angela's intentions and true heart.  You will regret this decision.  A lot of women have put themselves through school as single mothers--that does not give someone a license for such utter selfishness.  She's got issues that you'll be saddled with all your life.  I'd at a minimum put this wedding off--but, on the other hand, as Angela said, she'd just get another groom.  Does that not show you something?
 

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June 24, 2008, 4:59 pm PDT

06/24 Banned from the Wedding, Part 2

This MIL is going to have to walk on egg shells all her life with this ungrateful son and horrible DIL.  I am surprised Dr. Phil did not do more to jack up the son and DIL, but particularly the son.  Clearly the MIL needed to be reigned in, but to not invite her to the wedding?  And to continue to beat their self-righteous chests about her past actions?  Absolutely ungrateful and mean spirited.  I feel sorry for their children having a mom like Michelle and a milk toast dad.

 

I would have done anything to have my mom at my wedding.  The DIL could have cared less--everything is all about her--but I am shocked the ungrateful son was okay with it. 

 

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