Messages By: danajo

Quote From: truluv2

I was real excited about seeing the show today and hoping to get some tips or advice but like usual, my circumstances are quite different than most that I have found and the show didnt help much. My husband has a 9 yr old daughter whom he gets visitation with every other weekend and now that she moved, every 3 weekends. In the beginning (she was 3 then), everything was great, we got along and I was building a relationship with the lil girl. When we got engaged and moved in together EVERYTHING seemed to change. Andy, my husband, would COMPLETELY ignore me when she was at our place for the weekend. I worked weekends then so I wasn't even there most of the time. The girl would roll her eyes and disrespect me and my personal belongings and Andy would say, "I didn't see her" or stuff like, "It's just a piece of furniture (or whatever it was that she destroyed)" At night I would get kicked out of my own bed and Andy refused to take her back to bed. He thought I was a "bitch" for not wanting her to sleep in our bed or hang out in the privacy of our own bedroom. The girl had no rules, no bedtime, nothing. Andy and I went to counseling over this issue. The counselor suggested we both make a list of rules, combine and agree on them and proper punishment. After making a list of my own, andy said that I covered them all and they were fine. When it came to enforce these rules, he said I was a dictator, they are my rules and to enforece them myself. Needless to say, she goes to daddy every time still to this day. I can't even tell her to please knock before entering our room without getting yelled at. There are hundreds of stories like this. THEN we got married and pregnant. Andy had nothing to do with my pregnancy but would brag and tell stories about him and the girl's mom (whom he never married) and how it was such an emotional moment and blah blah blah. I couldn't get him to help name our son. His excuse was, "I got to name "her" so you can name the baby" In Lamaze class he took magazines and work to do because lamaze class was "boring. I've already been through this before."  My heart was broken and my soul crushed because of it. Andy's mother was the same way. She told me when I was 7 months pregnant that Andy should've married his daughter's mother. It is now clearly evident that she shows favortism between her only two grandchildren, Andy's daughter and our son. Andy said that he doesn't want any more children because he already has two and so do I. I argued that I only have one child and he says he didn't even want our son to begin with...another stab in the heart. I'm always compared to his ex, by him and his mother. Andy ALWAYS does what his ex says. When, where, how, whatever the case. I'm always put on the back burner and have to change plans or wait around until the last minute until the ex decides what suits her best. She is really vindictive after 8 and a half years. She is married with 2 children of her own and lives in a nice house and always driving a brand new car. She continually tries to drain more and more money out of us. I used to not have a problem with her until my husband started treating me like I was "their" child and treats her like she's a queen and i'm, well, a nothing. To try and make this shorter.....Now it has been almost 6 years. NOTHING has changed but the fact that now I have resentment and anger towards the whole situation. Considering that I have no say so in the situation, I stay in my room the whole time that the lil girl is here. I make Andy watch our 3 yr old the whole time due to the fact that he was also getting ignored on visitation weekends also. My son and I hardly ever get to spend time with Andy due to him working and going to school all the time so when he drops everything on the weekends for the girl and totally ignores our son and I, I get really angry and hurt and more resentment builds. I've tried VERY hard to make Andy understand where I am coming from but his response is and always has been, "she's blood and you're not and if you don't like it, get your stuff and get the f*** out" That statement hurt so bad that when I see the little girl, it makes me cringe. My 3 yr old does notice a difference being made. He lashes out by acting completely different when she's here. He hits, screams, and acts as silly as he can to get his daddy's attention. It's all I can do to keep from bawling. Bawling is usually what I do, in my room, every visitation weekend. Andy does his best to try and make me think that my thoughts and feelings are abnormal about being a "stepmother." He's bought me books to read and has done a good job at making me feel like a horrible person. I have read plenty of books, went to counseling, and have done research on the subject. I have found that yes, I am perfectly normal for feeling this way in such a situation. There are things that I could do more of that would make the situation better. The thing is, I have done everything asked of me and more and I dont' get anything in return for it. At this moment in time, Andy says that this coming up weekend things have to change and I have to love his daughter or we are getting divorced. I have tried to explain to him that we have to build a relationship and grow into love with full support and understanding. Andy tells me the situation is my problem and I have to deal with it myself. It is SOOOOO frustrating. With that ultimatum, I don't know what to do or say. It's something that can't happen overnight. It's taken me 6 years almost to get to this point of resenment and I can almost say hatred.  I feel like that he's telling me that instead of being a supportive father and husband that he would rather divorce me, sacrifice not giving his son his mommy AND daddy's full time support and love just so he doesn't have to deal with this issue less than 48 hours a month. I don't know what to do. There are sooo much more heartbreaking  moments that I couldn't even begin to tell it all here and now. I don't want to get divorced and I don't want to spend any days away from my son. If Dr. Phil reads this, PLEASE give me some advice.

Quote From: ontarian

 i just watched todays show on blended families.  i have some questions which relate to my best friend and her new relationship.  any input would be gratefully accepted for this unique family about to be "blended."  she is not only marrying someone with two children, she has 2 of her own and one foster child.  they are also blending different cultures and religions.  i would love to hear from anyone that may be in the same situation.

Quote From: loomisdee

I sat on my sofa watching this segment with a box of tissues!!  Those relatives should be ashamed of themselves.  This  84 year old grandmother should be treated with so much TLC and love in her remaining days than to hear those hateful words!!  Being a healthcare professional I found this very  disturbing.  Day after day I try to make each and every one of my patients last moments with smiles and devotions of love.  Those relatives are verbally abusive.  A person only has one mother and God help the daughter with coming to realization that once she is gone there is no more apologies. I hope that the grandmother will enjoy every last dime of her wealth and leave the land for donation that would help several people out in this world.  After all,  the donation will be greatly appreciated by several!

Quote From: labelfree

Point blank....Dr. Phil saved my life with his words after reading his book's however after the first show of the first WIVE's it was Robin's face and Robin's words from that show that popped in my head when I was in DANGER in NOVEMBER 15th 05  I pulled on her as a coping stragie.... 

  

So Please Put her on more show's....and something else I have noticed....I now like you very much Dr. phil but really what are you like 30 years older than your beautiful wife or what!  No wonder why her parents were miffed at you....Oh boy!  No wonder....Thank you Robin ...Keep telling it like it is....People really really respond to it and the camera likes you cutie   xoxo 

Quote From: elvislives

 Okay, let me state it really clear here:  A THREE-YEAR-OLD has NO business being around the Dr. Phil show, folks. Let alone a sobbing mother because of the show. Come on -- has everyone lost their common sense these days? These shows are NOT designed for children. For goodness sakes -- record them and watch them later when the kids are asleep. Don't have recording abilities? Then GO WITHOUT!!!  Let's try putting our KIDS FIRST....

Quote From: leegraaleb3

I'm new to the message board never wrote in one before but this topic struck a nerve with me. I guess you can say I need a little feedback in knowing if I'm making the write choices for my family. I'll start by saying that until the beginning of this year (2006) I've had a great relationship with my in laws. In two years time my husband and I have had 2 children and we also have an 8 year old. My problem started last January with my mother in law. She had been babysitting our children for a few years and I appreciated her for that. However she crossed the lines when she didn't want to follow our rules for our children. I caught her numerous times driving around without my babies in their car seats. She would allow the older child and his cousins to completely walk all over her and disrespect her. I corrected my child but the other childrens parents seem to not care. She really crossed the line in January when she stopped at my house and wanted my oldest child to go shopping with her. I told her and my son no. There were 2 reasons for that 1) She had been drinking. Shes an alcoholic and 2) my child was told he could not go shopping with her until he knew how to respect other people especially in public places. He had been really disrespectful shopping a few weeks earlier with grandma. My son got mad and walked out of the house. I told him that when he was finished cooling off he could sit on our front steps and wait for his dad to get home. He was do home anytime. She ( the grandma) left my house and drove down the rode and picked him up. She took him shopping with her. I was TICKED because she completely just ignored me. Well things got patched up by mid march and I allowed her to start seeing the children again. But I had very clearly let her know that she had to respect the way we were choosing to raise our children. She knew our rules and she abided by them for awhile but things just got worse. One of our rules was that she had to make an honest effort to seek help for her drinking. We understood that there would be set backs I made our home open to her as long as she was not drinking day or night she was welcome. She was also told that she was not able to travel with our children.  Not only does she have an alcohol problem but she also has had many health problems and is on numerous medications that counteract with the alcohol.  In late june one of our cars broke down and my husband and I wanted to have it towed so we asked her if she would take our oldest to his baseball game and we would meet her there. When we got there  it was apparent to us she had been drinking. So she drove with our son knowing we'd find out. You could smell it on her. We got that worked out and not soon after that she screwd up BIG TIME. At the end of July she came to my house I was not home but my children and husband were. I walked into my house and walked into the room that my husband and her were in and walked straight out because I knew all ready by the smell she was drunk. My husband told her to leave. She left but called later to see if we would pick her up to go to a local festival since we had already had plans to do that. We went to her house to pick her up and she said she couldn't find her purse so after waiting for about 5 minutes my husband said lets just go without her. I left having a relief feeling thinking she was way to drunk to drive herself up there so we would have a relaxing night. Boy was I wrong she showed up . I really don't know how she got there without killing herself or an innocent person but she did. That is the night that she broke the camels back. She went up to get some beer ( it was a polka fest with German Food and Beer) By the time she got back I had moved myself and children right along the dance floor so she would hopefully get the drift. I had already told my husband to tell her to leave but he didn't. So as she came back she was standing right beside me so I got up and looked her directly in the eye and told her to not bother with calling my house no more or contacting my children. By this time my husband has stood up and is wondering whats going on. She asked me why it was ok for me to drink but not her. I told her i was not having that discussion there but she kept yelling that question out so I yelled at her back that I was not the alcoholic she was. She didn't like that so she smacked me and tried to throw more hits but my husband stepped in and grabbed her by the neck. She did this with her grandchildren right there. So at this point alot more has gone on to much to mention but I have cut all access to my children to there grandma, I do not speak with her I have changed all of our email addresses so she has to go by the rules now. My husband very rarely talks to her and I'm sure she thinks its because of me but he knows I would never make him choose between me or his family. He is just respecting the fact that I don't want them on my property or calling my home or trying to sneak around to let her see our children. Lately shes been calling here so I told my husband that if she continues I will have our phone number changed and it will be unlisted. I feel bad for keeping my children from there grandma but she is not safe and totally does not grasp that her disease has effected us and I refuse to allow my children to see that side of a disease that there to young to understand. Am I doing the right thing?

Quote From: katmfb

God Bless you Justin. I grew up in a household like yours. I never knew if I was loved. You can overcome this if you realize what a sick family situation you are in and don't repeat the mistakes of your parents. Your dad seems like a caring guy.  You will need therapy to figure it all out, but it will be worth it. You have a good heart and my prayers are with you.

Quote From: tinachrist

I am 39 years old and I do not drink. I have never drank all all. I have also not ever gotten into a vehicle with a driver who has been drinking either. I think that this was an important issue that was missed in the Michael/Cliff segment today. I believe Michael needs to stay where he is because as Dr. Phil said, "He just isn't getting it" but I do not remember hearing anyone say that Cliff was bound and gagged and forced into the car the night of the accident. The point of Michaels wrongdoing was very well made. I just wish the point of Cliff's getting into a car with a drunk driver would have been made also, especially for any teens/young adults that were watching. Cliff's family must realize that he had some responsibility in the fact that he got into the car, whether he was sober or drunk.  And others out there need to understand that being a passenger in a car of a drunk driver is the same risk as drinking and driving yourself.

Quote From: totelltdatruth

I just got finished with watching the show, omg! First off, John needed to TAKE A SHOWER! Just the fact that he was "upset" that people were making fun of him, shows you he loves to be the center of the drama! If he really was upset that people in the house were "making fun" of him, he would stop making excuses and just shower!