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December 12, 2005, 4:23 am PST

I don't know if I should mention this or not...

Quote From: jevon34

First off, I know exactly how you feel after your HSG. You are very fortunate that it didn't hurt for you. Mine was near unbearable. I nearly shot off the table. I have had uterine biopsies that hurt less than that darn Hsg. They said it was only bad cause they had to push through a block in my cervix. I really had hoped that that was the problem but that was done about 6 months ago. My sil had one and concieved the very next month. We just celebrated his 1st birthday. I am praying for the same results for you.

You said "Are you taking an HCG trigger shot? That's something you can be taught to do at home." This would be very easy for me since I have Immetrex shots I have to do on myself anyway. Military Dr. never suggested it. Do you have to go through a Dr. for this?

Lora

After I got my one HCG trigger, I got sick. It wasn't right off. That night or the next day, I forget which, I got very dizzy and disoriented, started vomiting, vertigo is the right term I think. Anyways, I ended up in the ER where they said it was my ears or I was dehydrated, both were given as reasons. They said it had nothing to do with the HCG shot. I haven't experienced anything like that since or before and it was very distressing. The timing of it's occurence made me believe it had something to do with the shot. It's not something I have ever heard anyone say anything about, but I did think I should mention it. Funny thing is, I would do the shot again in a heartbeat and plan on asking for it again. Even though my mind associates that night with the shot, getting the best chance is important enough to endure anything. I say that now, LOL. My husband was honestly probably more sressed out by the event. He got scared and insisted I go to the hospital. It was pretty horrible for him. He said I passed out several times and I know he got the result of the world spinning all over him a few times. I give my thanks for having such a truly understanding and devoted husband. It's so wonderful to have someone so there for you and by your side when you know it's not pretty.

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kimbrem

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December 29, 2005, 8:00 pm PST

Lora,

Quote From: jevon34

And my wonderful Christmas gift is the same as for Thankgiving...my period. I only have one cycle left of clomid and then we are done. It is hard enough living with my husband's family and having all our belongings in storage for the past 6 months, living basically in seclusion, and near complete misery. Now I get the joy of knowing, yet again, there will be no more blessings and happiness from more children in our home. My pain is indescribable. I am thankful that this holiday is not about me, I will do everything in my power to focus on Christ my Savior while celebrating with a non-Christ centered family. I am lighting my makeshift Advent candles in my room, hopefully with the reflection of Hope, Love, Peace, Joy, and Christ I will make it through this cycle. I will pray for those of you in a similar situation.

Lora

I know this is awful, I got the same gift for Christmas this year..... Definitely not the brightly colored package I was hoping for.

One more cycle is one more chance. We are on the fence right now at a point where we're not really sure what to do. So many things happening at once. We have actually started talking about adoption as a real alternative. It's a rollercoaster journey.

I know it's very painful. I can't be in your shoes and know your pain, but I am in a twin pair and know just how long that road seems. I don't know if I will ever experience motherhood. I know the experience of infertility has dampened my spirits and put me in very low places emotionally. Sometimes it amazes me that some people know so little about true emotional hardship that they believe the people experiencing it aren't in touch with their faith when those of us who have know so well just how close to ourselves it brings us. It's odd how well you get to know what's in your heart, no matter the pain it brings. Keep up your chin Lora, and just know that your family is so important. The gift of family is such a precious thing, even when that family is as mine just two. Try to celebrate life, every day and make all those special occasions special. It's hard, I know. Just don't let the pain of what you are going through cause you more pain than it already does.

Happy New Years.....

Kim

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kimbrem

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January 4, 2006, 9:52 pm PST

Hi Lora!

Since it seems like we are the only ones here for now......

I have been spending the time thinking about adoption more and more. Hubby and I have decided to give it a little time to let that option set in and research just how to go about it.

I've been spending the time lately trying to "convince" myself that I really don't want to go through labor anyways LOL! It's not true.... but I can try to make lemonade, right?

We aren't really sure if that will be the option for us or not. We definitely don't have 50 grand to spend on that and won't, but we have decided to research alternative adoptions. My husband is so wonderful. He is firm that a child of ours will be a child of ours whether by birth or choice. That helps tremendously. I know his heart so well and know it will make no difference in his eyes how that child comes to us. I feel in my heart that adoption may be our choice. I know the way I feel about children and that I will miss a whole part of motherhood, but I don't feel like missing pregnancy is going to dampen how I feel about the other parts of being a mother. I am actually feeling quite excited lately about this possibility. Believe it or not, I think that I am feeling alot better mentally about the whole journey of infertility just because this whole other avenue looks like a wonderful alternative.

I can't help but remember the show Dr Phil had about the couple who had bad adoption experiences.... I really don't want to go on another nightmare journey. Infertility itself was bad enough for several lifetimes. I really don't want to consider it in a very guarded fashion either though.... I think that would dampen the whole experience for us.

It's very nice to know that if we become parents by birth or by choice that I am feeling that either will fulfill that part of us wonderfully. I think I have reached a comfort zone for now.

Gosh it's good to have an upswing! As for the infertility journey... it still continues. We aren't saying no more, just that the other options seem really nice too!

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kimbrem

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January 5, 2006, 4:05 pm PST

I agree completely with what Lora said

Quote From: kcoldiron

I am 25 years old. My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. I want children very badly! I am one of the ones that get sad when I see mothers with New born babies. When I hear that someone that I know and that I am close to has become pregnant, it tears me up inside. My husband, however, is not ready for childern and sometimes I dont think that he will ever be. He keeps telling me that he scared to become a dad, because he is not sure that he is not going to be able to disapline is children in the correct manner. I know that he is scared, so how do I help him not become scared. Thanks so much for the advice, K

You and your future children deserve the best family. I come from a family where Mom did, on the sly, what Dad wasn't ready for . Trust me, the consequences of that live on way into the future and a child doesn't make the relationship what it wasn't. It just brings about resentment, guilt and another hurdle that's hard to overcome.

We all sympathize with what you are feeling. It is difficult to feel that maternal urge and not be able to fultill it. As for the being scared part, I totally agree with Lora again. Being scared is a normal part of the process of deciding about parenthood. It's definitely not a state where you want to send him into shellshock by presenting him with two lines. You will both know when the time is right. You need to ease into the decision so that you both feel comfortable. A baby shouldn't be a "impulse"purchase. We've both been turning over adoption in our minds for several years now. It's just recently that we have reached a comfort zone with it.

I know that men are harder to communicate with than women. It is so hard sometimes to bridge that communication gap, but it does come with time and patience. Maybe since his biggest fear is discipline, you guys should discuss that and read from experts like Dr Phil. That might help him feel more comfortable with the idea that he will be capable of making the decisions or at least capable of finding information to help him make those decisions. I know I read alot of the children and family topics here and elsewhere just to try to feel like I might have the tools later on when children do come. I don't think any parent gets home with their bundle and feels completely comfortable with that huge responsibility of ending up with a whole, happy, productive individual who has the tools ready to conquer any fear and complete any task. I don't have the personal experience of motherhood, but I am fairly certain the first thought that comes to mind is more along the lines of " Oh, Dear God, Can I do this? Please let me do the right thing, and don't let me permanently injure them from simply holding them the wrong way.".

I am absolutely sure when I bring home a new bundle I will have tears of joy, but I'm equally sure I will be suddenly completely unsure of whether or not I can boil water "correctly".

I am sure that you guys will be on the same page with a little time and conversation. Then you can start planning and worrying about a new bundle.

Kim

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kimbrem

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January 5, 2006, 4:25 pm PST

I can relate to what you are feeling

Quote From: smorga

I have been struggling with infertility for almost 5 years now. In January of 2005, I became pregnant with twins through IUI, finally! But then I delivered prematurely at 18 weeks and I have been absolutely devastated. It was so long in coming and it took so much money and emotional stress. I have been critical about support groups as therapy for my infertility and my loss, but have recently reached such a low, that I am willing to try anything. I have been very encouraged by reading your posts and I hink it will be very theraputic to talk with other women who are experiencing the same things. I get so tired of trying to relate to "normal" women and having them be "sympathetic". It will be very healing to talk with women who are truly empathetic. I'm recently looking to more natural alternatives to try and concieve again. If anyone has any insight or advice, I'm open. Also, to those of you who are considering adotion, I adopted very early on, it was kindof a fluke, we weren't planning or ready, but he is a blessing and is every bit our child. Most people are shocked to find out he is not our biological child. It is a good option and heaven knows there are tons of children waiting to be loved. My only concern or question, and maybe someone else who has adopted can help me here, is that, because I wasn't ready when we adopted and the circumstances are weird, I fear sometimes that I hold back on loveing my son as much as I would my own child. We have recently been considering adopting again, I think I'm more ready this time, but I'm afraid there will always be a void in my capacity to love adopted children the way I could love a child I created.

So, if anyone has some advice or has felt similar fears, it would be great to know I'm not the only who feels like I might be holding back.

That was one of the questions I had to really ask myself before I got on a comfort level with adoption. It literally came out of my mouth one day when I asked my husband if I would be able to bond with an adopted child the same as a birth child.

The conversation went like so...
Me- When you give birth, you have 9 months to get used to this little person inside of you. (I was fortunate to be at the birth of my very favorite niece and she looked so strange when she first came out, all red and angry with that misshapen head and that really squinched face. She was so adorable, but looked so odd at first)

My husband- Well, yeah

Me- Then they hand you that little alien, but you have had time to get used to them and the idea of them....

My husband_ Broad Grin, threatening to laugh

Me-almost tearful- But when you adopt, you just get handed the little bundle and they don't know you and you don't know them.

Husband- sweet smile-

Me-Will I just be able to bond to them? I won't have time to prepare with them. Will I be able to love them and bond the same?

Husband- oh, baby, of course. When you hold them and they feel you and feel loved and you look at them, you will love them.

Me-tears of joy and a sudden realization that he is right and my fears were a little silly.

I think the only reason that I have reached a comfort zone is that I was finally able to realize that my fears were completely irrational and the only way they would be a reality is if I still had those fears. I think it is something like a self-fulfilling prophesy. I "know" now that I will be so in love and utterly in awe even if I don't have 9 months of prior bonding that nothing will really matter in the world but that baby. So, I'm not afraid anymore, not of that. I am a little afraid that I will still want to experience those parts of motherhood that I will miss, but that has absolutely no relation to how I will feel about and love a little one by choice. I do think that somewhere in my mind those two things had somehow been confused before. Now it seems so crystal clear, and all I really needed was my husband telling me how silly I was. Funny how those things seem to go.

Kim

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kimbrem

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January 5, 2006, 4:45 pm PST

I certainly have!

Quote From: smorga

Has anyone ever written to Dr. Phil and asked him to do more shows on Fertility Issues?

Well, to be completely honest, I asked for help. This thing took such a toll on me for so long that there was a time that I felt like I just couldn't cope anymore.

Even now, I feel so completely lost about whether or not I have the abilities to manage our life to make this dream come true. I so wish someone would take the reins and work out the tecnical difficulties for me, give me an instruction book or list on what to do next. There are so many avenues and things you've got to find out about, so many options and so little time. Sometimes it's just so overwhelming. It seems like there must be a person who knows the right thing to do, the right turn to take to get to the destination. Seems like infertility should come with a roadmap to me.

Unfortunately, it doesn't.

If he could do a show about it and how to deal with it, what to do, what not, It would be fabulous. Just give us a good hint about what to do here. Am I the only one who feels completely incompetent to handle this?

Kim

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kimbrem

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January 9, 2006, 3:31 am PST

Just a little humor....

You might be infertile if...

BD isn't a medical brand, but an affectionate term for shagging

You have tried more positions than the Kama Sutra and it wasn't for fun

You know more about embryology than most OB residents.

the term monitoring brings about the potty dance quicker than Niagra.

You have a pregnancy test in your bathroom, "just in case"

Your first thought about winning the lottery would be IVF

And..... Drum rolll please.....

You avoid nurseries because you've watched too much Lifetime and don't want to be the first suspect

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kimbrem

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January 9, 2006, 5:00 am PST

Raise your hand if

The question about "When you guys are gonna start a family" brings about

A complex mental calculation of bank statements, savings, projected future earnings, 401k vestment, credit score rating, interest rates, home equity, lottery odds, IRS tax laws, morale and ethical concerns and a petri dish.

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kimbrem

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January 12, 2006, 8:07 pm PST

Lisa,

Quote From: imsireland

My dream is to be able to dream, again. March 16th, 2005, I realized my dreams.The birth of Ireland Leigh Ann.My hopes,my life,my world, my daughter,my dreams. I dreampt of what life would be like.not just as her mother, not just of her life, but of everyone's life who she would touch. A sister, a niece, and a grand-daughter.She was adored by all. Mostly my dreams were of what she would become. How she would fit into our family,her brothers would become protective,her dad would become her hero, and she would become the steps I would no longer take after I was gone.Three weeks into Ireland's life. Just three weeks is all I held her for. Meningitis stopped my little girl's heart on April 6th, 2005. When her heart stopped my dreams disappeared. There was no more wondering when she would take her first step, or enjoy her first kiss, no more dreaming of what she would become,no more hope.I still get up each day and hold my boys. I still wonder what they will become. I still share their excitements, and their pain. A daughter is so much different, and had I not had three weeks with her, I would not have ever known. My pain is complicated, and I can't begin to think you would understand. I am grieving as a mother who lost a child, but the pain I feel is is for the loss of a generation. A daughter I miss holding, a little girl that I can no longer stare at to find my qualities.I want the chance to dream again. I had my tubes tied when Ireland was born. Our family was complete. What I have been looking into is In Vitro Fertilization. I have the option to choose the sex, and the success rate is high. The problem is that we can not afford it.It's just a little surgery that I am asking for. But to me, it is so much more. It is my dreams,my future, my hope, my wish. Please consider blessing our family with another heartbeat. We do not want to replace Ireland. We simply want to fill the void.The emptiness a mother feels, a future she can no longer see, and the dreams that have just disappeared.Thank You
Lisa Hendrickson and family.

I really think you need to seek grief counseling. I don't think that it would even be wise to seek another pregnancy right now if what you say reflects how you feel.

I hope you can find a little peace.

Kim

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kimbrem

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January 12, 2006, 8:19 pm PST

That's wonderful

Quote From: lucidmom

My husband and I tried to get pregnant after our 1 year anniversary, finally after 10 months we did. Tragically it ended in a miscarriage. We waited a year and got pregnant again. Again we lost it. We decided to wait longer. Again we got pregnant and lost it. Finally saw a specialist who said that I have lupis like anti-coagulant. All pregnancies would end in miscarriages. It is a blood disorder that causes the body to treat a pregnancy like a virus and attack and kill it. The only thing was to take a blood thinner to thin my blood. All it took was one baby asprine a day until I got pregnant and then take it thru my 36th week. That was 6 years ago, now we have 3 beautiful children, 5, 2 1/2, and 8 months.

I'm so glad you were able to diagnose and overcome your infertility. It's great to see those who have. Immunology is one of the areas of infertility that is often undiagnosed unless it accompanies recurrent miscarriage. Women should know that some of the same things that cause recurrent miscarriage can also cause implantation failure. Unfortunately, the testing required to diagnose these types of conditions aren't usually ordered without recurrent miscarriage. They are also not routine tests done in most laboratories. They are specialized and expensive tests that are rarely ordered without a specific requisite.

Most women don't know about the many types of immune issues that can affect both ovulation, implantation and pregnancy failure and most doctors are so consumed with their usual course of treatment that I suspect most of these women end up going through lots of treatment without success simply because these things are so overlooked. It would be nice if Laboratories like LabCorp, Labone and others who offer testing throughout the country would step up to the plate and add these tests to their own agenda. It would be great if government would step up and find a way to minimize the costs associated with these tests. What is somewhat unclear is if the high cost is simply a "because they can" issue or because of the cost of equipment and/or reagent. Either way, something could be done.

Congratulations on your wonderful success!

Kim

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Messages By: kimbrem

I don't know if I should mention this or not...

Lora,

Hi Lora!

I agree completely with what Lora said

I can relate to what you are feeling

I certainly have!

Just a little humor....

Raise your hand if

Lisa,

That's wonderful