Messages By: bettababy

 Hi, I'm Dawn, mother of 3 children.  The baggy pants drive me insane, and I find it just as disrespectful as any other fashion that exposes a private part of another person's body.  I don't think it should matter what color the person's skin is... exposing yourself to others is considered indecent exposure, and it is illegal.  I spent 5+ yrs as an exotic dancer and adult model, and there were limits to what was legal in a public place.   I never considered taking my work out into a public situation because I understood that it was not acceptable by all, that applies with many things in life.
I have found one effective way to look at the baggy pants situation.  I watch how often these kids walk down the street, pulling their pants up or holding them up if they need to walk fast or run.  I consider myself much safer walking the streets filled with kids wearing baggy pants because they would be unable to chase/catch me if they were up to no good.  I have heard concealed guns mentioned on the show today, but really... what would hold the gun in place?  If you watch movies, you'll see its the wasitband that holds the gun/weapon in place.  When that wasteband is so loose and hanging around your thighs, making pockets lower and harder to access, where would a weapon sit with easy access and still be unnoticed?
No, I don't wish to see anyone's back end in a public place, I think that should be saved for home, but you can't focus on the bad without remembering there is still some good there too!   

 I just had to add... where are all of our fashion designers during all of this controversy?  Why aren't they creating clothes that will help to satisfy everyone?  I have a great idea for it, but no money to invest in creating it... something that could make everyone happy!  Isn't that how we've resolved many of our fashion issues in the past?  We design more appropriate clothes to give the same visual effect.

 I have to say that the way you are treating this mother on your show today has me totally appalled!  Yes, maybe now we can all sit and offer answers, and yes I agree she has to come to terms with what happened and admit her responsibility, but the military is not what your show is making it out to be.  Do these things happen and get covered up?  Yes, and so much more.  My ex husband raped me for almost a full year while he was in the military.  I told everyone who would listen, but my pleas for help were ignored or the situation was blamed on me.  A chaplain told me that if I were a better wife my husband wouldn't have to hold me down, and an MP told me that we lived off the base so there was nothing they could do about it.  I called family members 2000 miles away and was told the same things, told I was exaggerating and should live with my choices.  I was 18 yrs old when this started, pregnant with my first child.  When I kicked my ex out of our apartment I was then given an eviction notice and told that without his income I could not live there because welfare didn't pay enough for their requirements.  I was given 30 days to find a new place to live, in a strange place with no transportation, no friends, no family to help.  When I attempted to find another apartment, I was told the same thing everywhere I went.  I had no choice but to let him back into my apartment and my life... I had nowhere to go, no way to survive.  The military does a lot of things that the general public isn't privy to.  There were no shelters in Barstow, CA back in 1987 to help me.  The nearest town was a 45 minute drive away across open desert... me being 7 months pregnant, I was stuck.  I tried to file for divorce, I was again told by the milirary that they couldn't help me, only he was allowed a military lawyer because it was my ex who was the enlisted.  This man later molested my son, repeatedly.  I eventually was able to get back home to WI where I filed for a divorce, but between the judges, lawyers, social workers, counselors, therapists, etc nobody was able to save my son from the abuse.  I was forced to allow my son to visit his father as the courts had ordered or face jail time, in which case he would have been given custody of not only my son, but my baby daughter, too.  These were the things told to me by the police, the judges, the lawyers.  My son is now 20 yrs old and I am still trying to help save him from his abusive father, and still to no avail.  I have written to you many times, Dr Phil, over the past few months, but have yet to get a response.  I asked for help for my son... for my family, and again, even with you, it fell on deaf ears.  You want to lay this one all on this mother sitting on your stage today... but it isn't all the mother... it's the system.  It's the people like you, with your head in the sand, claiming that all of these agencies will help if people try to use them and ask for it.  Dr Phil, wake up!!!  Our country is so corrupt and its never going to be dealt with if people keep sticking their heads in the sand and turning a blind eye on the situations happening in our country, claiming that none of these agencies or officials is responsible, that its all on the parent.  It isn't all on the parent, parents need help.  So tell us, please, what are we parents supposed to do when help is denied us year after year?  What are we to do when the laws tie our hands and leave us and our children victims of these kinds of terrible crimes?  What are we to do when we spend 15 yrs asking for help, begging for help, and still find only deaf ears?

A suggestion for the investigators...
If they would start looking for a "why" they may find the where and how.  If a mother did something like this, there had to be a reason, at least in her mind.  Find the reason why she would want her child to disappear... what benefit is it to her?  and then you find the thought process during the time of the disappearance, which can help lead to the child.

I will continue to include this child in my prayers every night!

Can we address the issues of the REAL people here please?  I have seen other messages here, people in the lower class who don't have all the nice things to lose in the first place, and we're still losing.  How are people who start with nothing supposed to survive now?
My husband and I just filed for bankruptcy.  What we're finding out is that our income no longer meets our needs.  Rob works full time and drives 1.5 hrs each way for work.  There are no buses or car pools, but his job is good, stable, secure even now at $40k/yr.  Because of medical problems and the cost of child care, I can only work part time.  The jobs for me just aren't anywhere around here.  My 20 yr old son just moved back home and has been working side jobs wherever he can find one.  We have cut everything, there is nothing "extra" for us.  Our family hasn't seen a vacation since my honeymoon 2.5 yrs ago (a wk long camping trip a few hours from home).  Groceries are at a minimum, I usually eat 1 meal/day and even the dog is on a strict diet.  We don't indulge in anything.  Family time is spent doing puzzles together, taking walks together, etc.  Our families have given us gifts of most material things we could need over the past year, but we don't have much.  We use blankets to cover our windows in the winter to save on heat.  We have limited shower times, laundry is worn twice if possible before it gets washed, and dishes are kept to a minimum and reused to save on soap and water.  We have cut every corner.  Our gas utility bill is $5.25 this month. 
Now, in spite of the cutting back everywhere and the Chapter 13 bankruptcy, our incomes still don't pay for the basics.  We are lucky enough to own a home, but mortgage and property taxes together are about the same as apartment rent so we see no point in trying to sell our house when the market is frozen.  We are current on our house payments, but that means less food for our family, and no extras of any kind.  With winter heating bills approaching, how is someone in our situation supposed to survive?