Messages By: samm1431

My mother passed away almost 5 years ago.  Some days are ok, some days I just need to talk with her and get her motherly reassurance that everything is going to be alright.  At times, it seems like it just happened.  I can't believe that she has been gone for so long.  Other times it seems as if it has been an eternity.  I feel like I am still grieving her loss and I think that I always will.  The days will start to pass easier but for me she is always in my thoughts.  My children are doing so many things that I wish I could share with her.  My oldest son will graduate in May '07 and it pains me that she won't be in the stands.  I know that she will be there in spirit but this is a day we both wanted to celebrate and she isn't here.  My youngest son is playing baseball again, she enjoyed watching him play so much.  After her death he stopped playing for 3 1/2 years.  I am sure that she would be happy that he is enjoying his favorite sport again, he is such a natural at it.  The first year was the absolute hardest for me but eventually you have to start living again.  You said that you wanted to give her a hug, this may sound lame but if you have a favorite shirt, dress, sweater or even throw that she wore or used often, wear it or wrap yourself in it, it's as if she is giving you the hug that you need.  I hope it helps to know that others understand your pain.

Does anyone ever stop to consider what the children in these situations want?  Who gives a damn that the parent and grandparents don't get along, maybe they never will, but children still need the unconditional love of their grandparents.  Whether their mother likes grandma and grandpa should not be the focal point.  I am very upset about the subject of grandparent rights.  In the state of Georgia, where I am from, grandparents do not have any rights to their grandchildren.  I think at the very least they should get supervised visitation, if not one weekend a month. 

My nephew ended his life in March because his wife left him for another nephew of mine.  Now my brother is not allowed to see his grandchildren.  They are the only link to a son that he lost because of this woman.  She holds them over our heads, uses them as pawns, dangles them like a carrot, and toys with our emotions by keeping them away from a very loving family that wants to spend time with them and show them that they are precious and loved.  I do not understand the logic that women use in cases like this and it makes me sick that they care so little for their children that they would use them as a source of vindictive pleasure.

As long as the grandparents are loving to the grandchildren, the parent should put aside their personal feelings toward the ex in-laws.  They probably didn't get along while they were "in" the family anyway.  Put the kids first !!!  Isn't that what being a parent is about !!!

Good luck to the grandparents and their grandchildren, you are missing out on a great relationship.

I can relate all to well to this scenerio.  My "mate" and I have been together for almost 16 years.  In November of 2006, without notice of ANY kind, I was served at work, with papers that he wanted custody of our then 12 year old son and he had sold my vehicle which was in his name.  With the help of some of his co-workers, who trade frequently at the dealership, he was able to trade my car without taking it in to be appraised for proper value.  The deal was complete and I was told that he needed to take my car in to have work done on it for a "recall."  The police got involved and I was advised to contact the DA's office for a restraining order, that was signed and he had to get out of the house.  This escalated everything.  He went to live with his oldest daughter, while my son and I tried to regroup and figure out where we would go.  I found out, after he left, that he had refinanced the house AGAIN.  Of course, EVERYTHING of value was in his name, thus giving him complete control over it.  Lawyers were hired and the next several weeks were filled with peace and quiet as well as anxiety and fear.  He did everything he could to prove to me that he would "win" this battle.

In December of 2006, for unknown reasons, he decided that this was not what he wanted.  He wanted me back.  He wanted to move back in and no was not an option!  He played it nice, put on a good show for everyone.  I ask him not to move back until we had some counselling and I had time to give it major consideration.  He said that he would give me space and time, but then he started showing up at my job and just hanging out for hours at a time.  In one months time, I got four dozens flowers, and various other arrangements as well.  He moved back into the house against my wishes.  

The very month that he moved back in, my son started having panic attacks and major anxiety, to the point that he had to be taken out of school for the remainder of the year.  I lost my job and we have lived in what I feel like is HELL ON EARTH for the past year.  I am at a breaking point.  I constantly have to try to keep my sanity to keep from doing something drastic, and I don't even know what it would be... I just feel like I am on the edge of breaking.  To this day, I have to attend school with my son EVERY day to get him to stay there.  It has been like this for the past twelve long months.  He is on meds for the anxiety and his father says that it's my problem because I created it.  He won't even pay for him to see his counselor anymore because he doesn't like her.  She suggested that he may have issues and that's about the time he stopped paying for the therapy that my son desperately needs.

We exist under the same roof.  We hardly breathe a word to each other.  If we do speak, it is usually bitter and hateful.  It's been this way for so long...  Every time that I try to leave something happens and I am unable to break away.  I am losing my mind, my son is losing his childhood.   If anyone has hope for me, please share it, I need something to hold onto......