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Messages By: brandyfra

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frustrated
July 22, 2005, 4:24 pm CDT

My family after a new addition

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year and the topic of divorce has come up several times especially since our son has arrived. Since he has been here my husband and I have been at each others throats. I am with our children all day every day. I dont even go to the store without one of the kids. I understand my husband has a hard job being in the Army and all but I didnt have the kids by myself so I feel he should help out with them rather than letting me do everything for them and with them. When it comes to taking the kids to the doctor I have to do, when it comes to baths I have to do it, when it comes to feedings, changings, clothing, and all that kind of stuff I have to do it. My husband asked mewhy i sound like I am stressed and I told him its because I am stressed. I dont know what a day without kids is like, not even a day but not even a few hours. My husband tells me if I want sometime away from the kids I need to get a job. He says that taking care of the kids is not a job and is easy to do no matter how many kids you have.  Anyone have any tips, advice or suggestions to get my husband to help me out with the kids and the household chores?
 
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July 25, 2005, 1:38 pm CDT

Re:Married 3 kids

Hi. I know all to well what you are going through with your husband because mine is the same way. I really dont know what to tell you what to do because I dont know what to do about my own situation.  I have actually left my husband once because of the way he treats me and my daughter. He tried to take my son because he said I couldnt take care of him. I told him there was no way he was taking my son from me because I am his primary caregiver. My husband at the time had to be made to change a diaper, fix a bottle, etc... My son is 7 months old and my husband has only given him ONE bath his entire 7 months here on earth. The rest of the times he has had baths I have given them.   Needless to say i didnt stay gone but 1 day which I think is the problem. He thinks if I leave I wont be gone long, he knows exactly what to say and do to get me to come back to him. I hope everything works out well with you and your husband. My prayers are with you.
 
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angry
July 26, 2005, 7:21 pm CDT

I think I am going to lose it....

My husband and I have been arguing all day. It first started when I woke up to see that our 7month old son had no formula and my husband took ALL the money to work with him except what he had in our safety deposit box at home. I got in it and got some money out to get our son some formula because I could not get intouch with my husband. When my husband finally called I had already left the house so I told him what I did and he got very mad at me for taking the money(even though it was to get our son formula). When he got mad and started yelling at me over the phone I told him that I have had it with his attitude and told him I was going to leave so we (me and our kids) wouldnt be such an incovience to him anymore. When I got home to get some stuff together he wasnt here so I had some time to cool off and think about things before I left. I found out he had taken ALL the money in the safety box to work with him well he took the whole box.  On top of him not helping me with the kids and the household chores he wants to be an ass about the money and stuff. I am so stressed out all the time i find myself crying. I wrote my husband an email to tell him we needed to sit down and talk about our problems. When he got home he read it and I basically wasted my time and made my carpal tunnel flare up by typing it. He didnt want to talk about anything he just wanted to sit infront of the computer and let people tell him how to spend his money(money that we dont really have). I asked him to get up and pick his military gear up and put all of it in one spot...That doesnt get done he is sleeping in the recliner right now like I never asked him to do anything. I am at my wits end. I dont know what to do. He doesnt want to talk about our problems he never wants to spend anytime together. He would rather sleep than spend time with his family.  I need some help....Do I leave and make him realize he has a great family? or do I wait and see if things will get better. I have left before but he told me he was going to kill himself so all of our money problems will go away and our kids will never have to want for anything because if he dies I get 250,000 $. That just broke my heart because I LOVE HIM SO MUCH. HELP ME PLEASE!!!
 
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July 27, 2005, 12:45 pm CDT

Marriage Counseling

Quote From: jettav

this guy is manipulating you to stay and be treated like crap. he is very self centered and has no respect for you and your family, you need to step up to the plate and quit letting him treat you like this. Now, I believe in marriage 100% and believe that it takes two to make it strong and healthy but I also believe that it only takes one to get the ball rolling and I agree with what Dr. Phil says, that one should earn their way out of the marriage, meaning that you need to do everything possible, in your power to make things work. Go to counseling whether he agrees to go or not, let him know on a regular basis how you feel about him and the situation and what you are doing to help your marriage. Maybe get Dr. Phils relationship rescue book and read it whether he reads it with you or not. Actions speak louder then words and mabe if he sees you making some effort, maybe he will change. And if need to leave him, I am not saying divorce, as I believe that is a cop out for most people.I think if you threaten to leave then you need to do it, it could be a big eye opener to him, don't let him manipulate you by telling you things he is gonna do or whatever, that is nothing but a cop out. Marriage is about love and respect and honor and it it isn't there, then the marriage will fail but I have seen many failed marriages actually work out, it is possible but takes a lot of work, do your part but yet, don't let him manipulate you, make him own up to his choices and his part of the marriage, then in the end no matter what happens, you will be able to stand tall and know that you did everything possible to save your marriage. It can be hard at times, pray and follow your heart and do your part.
I have took it up on myself to set up marriage counseling for my husband and me. He has agreed to go and work out our problems. I dont want to throw everyhting we have away like that so I and determined to make it work. After last night I see he is too. We got into a big argument last night and he told me to leave. When I went and got our son up out of the bed and put him in his car seat he realized that I was going to leave and he apologized and asked me to stay. I told him I would stay if we got marriage counseling.  I am praying it works for us because I really love him very much. Thanks for all the advice. I will let you guys know how it goes. THanks again
 
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July 28, 2005, 9:25 pm CDT

Balancing Marriage and Family

My husband and I were supposed to go to my moms this weekend and pick our daughter up so we can get her ready to start school. He tells me today he has "more important"things to do than go with me to get our daughter so I have to take my son and go by myself. He asked me to leave my son with him but I didnt want to risk leaving him with my husband and get a phone call my son got hurt because my husband fell asleep and left him unattended. My husband has 24 hour duty at work tomorrow and wont have any sleep til saturday and thats why I dont want to leave my son with him. When I had a job I worked nights and I come home one night and my husband was asleep and left my son and daughter up alone. I was so mad I ended up quiting my job so I could stay at home with my children.  My husband is great with the kids when he does spend time with them but its not that often. We have a marriage counseling appointment next week maybe that will do us some good. I am praying it will because I love my husband with all my heart and dont want to lose him. I just wish he would start spending more time with us while he is here before he goes back to Iraq at the end of the year. He will be gone for 1 year or more so you would think he would want to spend time with us but thats not the case with him. What can I do to get him to spend more time with us? Someone please help!!
 
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August 2, 2005, 4:07 pm CDT

Balancing Marriage and Family

Quote From: kiwi_mummy

Hi there, we're half a world apart sweetie and yet we're having similar situations.. Maybe your hubby is doin' that thing you do with a stray kitten? He could quite possibly be scared that hes gonna loose you, And not realising hes it even hurting you (even though hes doin it daily) By being "cold" to you and the wee ones. Have you ever wondered if Maybe hes scared of returnin to iraq, so just like that wee kitten that wont stop following you for its own good, Instead of throwing stones like a child, it seems hes almost driving you away so you wont have to go through the pain of potentionally loosing him?? I dunno how he feels about returning to iraq, maybe it could do you both good to sit down "calmly" maybe even sit down beside him in the chair and say, "i dont want to loose you, i would like us to be a loving couple befor you go back overseas".. Anyway chickee, Good Luck and God Bless :o)
I have never really thought about it like that.  I am sure my husband is scared abpout going back to Iraq especially since his first time over there he was almost killed when an RPG(rocket propelled gernade) hit his truck. He walked away without a scratch on the outside but was terrified on the inside. Everyone one called him "ghost" after that happened.  It scared him so badly that the 3 weeks he had quit smoking ended. I guess we are both scared about him going back over there but we just havent addressed the thought yet. I know if I asked him if he was scared he would probably tell me no he wasnt, but I would know he wsant telling me the truth. Maybe he will open up tomorrow(wednesday) at our marriage counceling session.  Since I have been home from my moms things have been going okay. We have been getting along better but he still isnt any better with the kids.  He still wont help me with them at all. I have to ask him 1000 times or more to get the baby a bottle or change a diaper, or put the baby to bed. Thanks for the advice. Wish me luck.
 
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August 2, 2005, 4:21 pm CDT

hi

Quote From: nuttymomof

I am new to the boards. But i need to talk.

I came from a family where my father is an alcoholic and his father was as well. He almost died this past December (from Pancreatitis) from the booze. Yet he is still drinking and i fear i am going to get the dreeded phone call from my mother or sister that dad has died. I rarely see my parents cause i do not need my kids to be witness to my drunkin father. I drink on some social events..my kids rarely see this. Am i doing the right thing by having my kids see less of Grampy cause he is killing himself?

Tanya

You just described my dad, only its not just him it my mom as well. They are both hard core alcoholics.  My mom is so afraid she is going to miss out on one beer so she takes some of what they have an hides it so when everyones beer is gone she has hers there. She gets really mean and vocal when she is drunk. My mom quit drinking for 10 years after her kids were born and then my dad opened up a bar 2 years after the opening of the bar my mom started drinking on a regular basis. My dad doesnt drink as bad as my mom but he still drinks alot.

   When I go visit my parents I do not allow them to hold my kids while they are drinking. My daughter is five and LOVES her nana and papa to death I fear the same thing you do about him drinking himself to death literally. That is the reason why I want her to see him as much as she can while he still has time on earth. Like i said my dad isnt as bad as my mom My daughter sees more of my dad sober than drunk but that is just here recently he has slowed down alot.  My moms dad died trying to stop drinking after drinking for so many years and I fear the same thing is going to happen to both of my parents.

Does your dad get violent when he is drinking or drunk? Have you tried talking to him and telling him what you fear?

Brandy

 
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frustrated
August 3, 2005, 5:39 pm CDT

Help with my 5 year old daughter

My daughter is 5 years old and she doesnt like discipline at all. When she is told she can't do something or told she has to do something she doesnt want to do she gets out of control. She gets madd starts crying and screaming at me. When I go to discipline her she starts fighting with me. I have tried the time out thing I have tried spanking I have tried taking away privelages and nothing is working. I think she is acting this way because my moms neighbor has a daughter that acts the same way when she doesnt get her way only they have diagnosed her with BiPolar. Recently when my daughter gets mad at me for making her do something or telling her she cant do something she tries to hurt her baby brother that is only 8 months old. Example....When we were shopping yesterday I made her sit down in the cart and she got mad started screaming at me and when her brother reached to the back of the cart to grab something she grabbed his arm as tight as she could and pushed it back to the front of the cart. I dont know if she is just acting out because she sees this older girl do it or if there is something wrong with her. Should I take her to the doctor to get the situation looked at or is it just a phase? Help Please!!!!
 
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worried
August 6, 2005, 12:37 am CDT

Help

My daughter is 5 years old and she doesnt like discipline at all. When she is told she can't do something or told she has to do something she doesnt want to do she gets out of control. She gets madd starts crying and screaming at me. When I go to discipline her she starts fighting with me. I have tried the time out thing I have tried spanking I have tried taking away privelages and nothing is working. I think she is acting this way because my moms neighbor has a daughter that acts the same way when she doesnt get her way only they have diagnosed her with BiPolar. Recently when my daughter gets mad at me for making her do something or telling her she cant do something she tries to hurt her baby brother that is only 8 months old. Example....When we were shopping yesterday I made her sit down in the cart and she got mad started screaming at me and when her brother reached to the back of the cart to grab something she grabbed his arm as tight as she could and pushed it back to the front of the cart. I dont know if she is just acting out because she sees this older girl do it or if there is something wrong with her. Should I take her to the doctor to get the situation looked at or is it just a phase? Help Please!!!!
 

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