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Messages By: moms2bones

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worried
September 9, 2005, 1:24 pm PDT

Just 3 days and 2 of them bullied

 I dont know where to start.   I am just sick to my stomach.
My daughter who is 10 has experienced some bullying on her way home from school, she is approached by a older girl and has been call B##ch.  The second day was today which is why I am writing for advice from someone who may have been in the same situation.(sorry if you have)
My daughter was told "oh you smell, you need a bath", and "you have head lice" your so disgusting.
Believe me my daughter does not.   I am so mad at this, and have reported it to school, giving only the girls first name, cause I dont know her last name.
My daughter says she is not bothered by this, however I am worried that it will get worse, for heavens sake its only the third day of school.
To add to this tension, the girl envolved is the cousin of my daughters best friend, and I dont want the actions that I take to interupt their relationship in anyway, however my daughters saftey is first and foremost.

Thank you,
christine
 
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sad
September 16, 2005, 12:59 pm PDT

Just too sad

 While watching the show today, I couldnt help but get mad at both the mothers.
How dare that mother treat her child as being beneath her, my lord this woman gave birth to her and treats her in that manner.  May God watch over that young precious child she will be n my prayers for a long time to come.  She is also not doing to well for the older child.  This woman in my opinion is abusing her children mentally and emotionally.
The other lady who wouldnt allow her child to play with other children who did not meet her expectations.  I often wonder what the world is coming to.
I unfortunately am one who is what they would call unattractive, and even my last picture taken was in the 7 grade, and no more after that.
I truely feel for
 
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worried
October 22, 2005, 7:15 am PDT

What would you do? Help PLEASE

 This may be a bit long, and a little vague.

I have a friend who is experiencing some serious problems, alcohol and drug abuse.
She is facing DUI charges here.

My main concern is that of her daughter, 4yrs old.  Someone looking from the outside might say "call family services" for the sake of the child.  At least with being able to watch the child when she goes off on her outings, I know she is safe, and with the "hoopla" of our child services its like taking her from one bad situation, to another.

She has had a boyfriend who she accused of domestic violence, and believe me I dont see that as being true, infact she dropped charges of a FRO, she did have a TRO against him.  This was all done against the advice of her attorney.

Recently she informed me that she went back to the "boyfriends" (can you spell TOXIC) house for the weekend into tuesday of this week, on wednesday she informed me it was all great and that they made ammends.   Well Friday she told me that it happened she was raped(?)
She goes from normal to physcotic(sp) in a matter of minutes, maybe even secounds.

My question is this what would you do, if you had a friend in crisis, like this?

I know the choice I am thinking of doing will cost a friendship, but possibly save a child.

I am always in tears thinking of this, and losing sleep because of the worries I have for the child.

Any advice would be great.

 
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chillin'
October 22, 2005, 7:17 am PDT

HI

Quote From: neko_yasha

If you do,I ask that you please contact me! Everytime I get an online friend,I'm always the one to have to contact them.I will not always be able to answer your emails right away (I'm usually here Mondays-Saturdays at noonish time) but I PROMISE I will respond. 

If you want to know more about me,just ask! :) I'll be more than happy to tell you what you want to know. 

 How are you, sure why not try and start a friendship via Dr. PHil site.

I am not on the puter too much, for I dont have the patience to wait (dial up)

BUt hey lets give it a try.

Have a nice day.
 
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blank
October 31, 2005, 7:09 am PST

Spolied neice

 I do know what it's like to look in from the outside. 

My 10 yr old neice, whom I love very much, is indeed spoiled.   My sister and her husband give her anything, I mean anything she wants.

She has every piece of musical equipment a person could need.(she doesnt even now how to play)
If you walk into one of her TWO bedrooms it like you are looking at a stage for a BAND.
These are high quality items too.

She has all the new and advance computer, games, and video equipment also.

Just the mear fact that she has TWO bedrooms is enought to make anyone believe she is SPOILED..

Anytime I say anything, its construde as me being jealous.  My daughter and I live in a small 1 bedroom apt.  We are sharing a bedroom, (although I always sleep on the couch)

I know my daughter will hold  values of things that are given to her.

She is appreciative of even the smallest things, and often looks at what her cousin gets as just things, because my neice show no appreciation of the things she gets.

I often wonder what will happen when the things she wants become even too expensive for her parents to buy.

Of course they say, " its only MONEY"
 
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sad
November 9, 2005, 12:15 pm PST

Oh yes definately

 I would love to have cosmetic denistry.  It seems I will have to wait for a miracle to occur, before that happens.   My teeth are what cause me be sad all the time, no job (but dont need one now), I have absolutely no confidence at ALL.

I feel bad for my child, because she has to be seen with me, and I am never smiling, thats probably why she doesnt smile, after all she always sees me not smiling, and they do learn from their moms.

It is my DREAM to have this done.  I would post a picture, but I dont know how, and thats probably good for the rest of you not to see.

As for the weight concerns, and all the rest.  I can deal with that, because I have lost weight before, and can do it again, but with no self confidence, its the only thing I feel I can control.
 
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November 9, 2005, 12:28 pm PST

Bullies

Quote From: misterv

I got a phone call last night from a concerned parent.  He filled me in about what went on at our local elementary school's bus ride home. A high school student had to stay after school for discipline reasons.  Well to get home they use the Elementary School Bus.  For whatever reason this boy attacked a 9 year old girl.  He was suspended for two days, and then went back to school and had to stay for disciplinary actions again.  He had to go home on the same Elementary school bus again.  This is bizarre to me.  This kid lives with his grandfather, so the grandfater is home all day long, so he should go get this kid.  I think charges should be brought up against this kid.  I can not believe they allowed him on the bus again.  I think there should be laws passed to prosecute bullies, and their parents maybe....  I know the family can press assault and battery charges. Laws that are bully specific.  This kid enjoyed his two day vacation, and the girl and others are now effected for the rest of their lives.  The schools need to have bully specific counselors, and internal mediation as well.  But again who will pay for it?  It is one thing for a school to have a fluff bully program by showing a movie or two, but they have to have penalties, and apply them. Kids have to learn there are consequences for their actions......   

  

 That's just so appauling to read.   I hope that kid gets some serious intervention.
My god I know that if it were my daughter, I would have been so very furious at the school for allowing "the perp" to continue on the bus with all the younger children.  I won't even get into what her father would do, lets face it he would be brought up on charges.

Make him walk, he think's he's tough.

Needless to say I strongly believe that most of these types do get it in the end, one way or another.
 
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worried
November 14, 2005, 12:44 pm PST

Children and anorexia

 I am asking a question in regards to my daughter.   She is 10 years old and very slim, not too thin.  However she views herself as being FAT, I have talked with her about this, and she indicates that she is afraid of getting fat, she sees all the other children in her school, and doesn't want to be heavy, because she say's they get picked on.

Now she does come to their defense, we have been given notes by the teacher and principal, praising her attitude in class, and her ability to try and stop what she can, and report what is wrong.

I don't want to cause her to stray away from being able to talk with me, and she talks to me about everything, and I like it.  However something of this nature seems to be out of my control and education level (I am in veterinary medicine) good education, but not the right one.

Any input would be great, thank you.
 
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January 27, 2006, 12:18 pm PST

01/25 Is This Normal?

Quote From: mvanbrugge

Having been involved in the animal welfare community since the age of 8, and being an experienced dog trainer, educator, consultant, and dog bite statistics expert, I have all sorts of reasons to be ashamed of many of the dog owners out there. 

  

Reading these posts, I'm more ashamed than ever. 

  

First, there was the idiotic, ignorant post about not understanding how behaviours are (or must be) learned.   

  

Try poking a minutes-old puppy.  Does it lash out and try to bite?  Of course not.  It merely recoils, away from the poke.  Try poking a week old puppy.  Does it lash out and try to bite?  Of course not.  Again, it recoils.  Only once a dog has more experience learning its abilities, and which things it can control with which behaviours/actions, does it come to learn that teeth can effectively manipulate those around it.  Puppies are not born knowing this.  They L-E-A-R-N it.  Sheesh.  It's not rocket science!  All dogs will learn to bite, as a means of manipulating their environments, IF PERMITTED.  But not all dogs learn to bite, and certainly very few learn to bite as a means of controlling the humans around them. 

  

(My own 7-year-old Great Dane, for example, has never bitten...and has never even growled.  She is the picture of socialization - no surprise there, I suppose, given that I teach responsible dog ownership.  But that means she uses all sorts of calming signals to diffuse tense situations; doesn't feel threatened in non-threatening situations; doesn't behave inappropriately with people; and knows how to communicate her intentions to other dogs.  In return, I protect her from having to face any truly dangerous situations, thereby allowing her to continue to see everyone as potential playmates, rather than threats.) 

  

In responsible homes, any kind of aggressive behaviour is redirected before it escalates to biting.  But...of course...many people actively reward menacing barking, growling, etc., because it makes them feel "protected".  Without accredited protection training, dogs who indiscriminately feel threatened by both the paper boy and a burglar are demonstrating precisely why dogs make very bad security devices. 

  

In any event, every single dog can be raised to be a good canine citizen.  All these stories of horrendously negligently-owned dogs makes me both sad and very, very angry. 

  

In a lifetime of dog ownership, not one of my own dogs has bitten an animal, human or otherwise.  In 30 years training dogs, and a decade specializing in re-training aggressive dogs, not one of the dogs I've trained has bitten during, or since, my training.  And if I need more proof that I know what I'm talking about, even though I specialize in re-training already aggressive, adult dogs; I, myself, have never been bitten by a dog.  Not once!  All these stories of biting dogs just prove the incompetence of their trainers. 

  

Dog owners bear the blame for the inappropriate behaviour they allow of their dogs, whether it's barking, digging, jumping up, or unwarranted aggression. 

  

One of my favourite sayings is, "You get the dog you deserve." 

  

This discussion proves the old saying is right on the money. 

 I can see you have a lot of experience in this topic.   I applaud you for what you know and agree with you.

I too am experienced in the behavior of dogs, and have had all sorts of dogs, ranging from the small breeds to large breeds.

The whole situation has been very upsetting.   I do believe that the dog was reacting, not attacking.   The dog was being a "dog".  Any dog is capable of biting, and I believe most are as a result of human error..  This particular family needed a dog behaviorist,  Cesar Milan.  The Dog whisperer.

In my experience, from what I have heard , it seems the dog reacted and did not attack, for that is such a strong word to use, I have owned and trained dogs for attack work and if it had been a true attack so to say, the child would have suffered far worse injuries.

Like you say they are pack animals and confining him to a pen and keeping them separated, would have disastrous results. 

I cant begin to say how I would have handled the situation, but I am fully aware of the socialization dogs need.

With the training I have given my dogs, being some of attack work, I so trusted them in our family environment, not because of their training but because of the socialization I always used.


I think alot of times people get dogs on impulse and don't realize the damage they are doing by not training and socializing these animals.   They are animals, and the ones in my house are considered family.  It is a life long commitment.

I have worked with clients, and observed the general public praise unwanted aggression in their animals, only to condemn them when that aggression turns to something society rules as wrong.
It is wrong, but heck the dogs learn this behavior from the owners whether or not its done intentionally or through neglect..

Too often people think its cute and protecting when a dog jumps or barks at the normal everyday events in our life.

My child is aware of the dangers dog can cause especially ones she does not know.  The dogs we have had are basically "bomb" proof so to say, but certain behaviors a child may do, we cant guarantee how a dog will react....

I hope it all works out for the family.  I do hope the dog gets the attention it needs, because confining it will only make the situation worse.  He needs companionship, thats what dogs need.

I also pray that the girl not experience any more stress related to the dog bite, but if the mother continues to harbor her from any dog, she will grow up with a fear she doesn't need in her life.
 
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frustrated
January 27, 2006, 8:03 pm PST

My thoughts on this..

Quote From: sherwood26

LIttle kids are pretty resilient.  I think if you read the messages here, there are several stories of kids that were bitten, and were relieved their families did not get rid of their dog and of ones whose families did and the kids suffered because of it. 

The husband never said he was not concerned about his daughter...he said all he wanted was a compromise. He never said he wanted the dogs back in the house. All he wanted was a compromise from the wife, who came off as a total nut in my mind.  The dog is not a vicious dog that ran up and attacked the child.  The mother let a toddler crawl on a sleeping, deaf dog. Common sense should tell you that you don't allow any child to crawl on any sleeping dog, impaired or not!! She has to have some ownership in that too.  She's saying she won't even allow her daughter to go to the mother in laws house, even if the dogs are outside, I mean come on, get a grip. It is a manageable situation.  If the dog had just out and out ran up and attacked the child, totally different situation. That is not what happened. 

I'm sure they do have problems in their marriage because of this, but frankly, so would I, because I will not be forced into getting rid of one of my kids and failing them. It's not right. 

I"m so sick of people that will not take responsibility for raising their kids.  If you have pets, you teach the child from the beginning how to treat them, don't blame the dog for doing what comes naturally when they are being provoked. It's a parents job to prevent bad things from happening. 

 Yes my thoughts exactly, the mother allowed her kid to approach a sleeping dog that had no way of hearing the toddler.   The dog reacted, and now the mother is acting out...with out taking any of the blame in the situation at all.   After all isn't she the smarter being, if not than maybe she should find another home.

I think the child will come out OK, and pray that she not suffer any more distress, however with her mother acting the way she is, the kid will be in far more trouble than the dog biting.

I wonder if euthanasia was not an option for all the people who say put to sleep than what would you do?  how many of you are pro life...?  just curious why so many people seem to be willing to dispose of pets like they are garbage..?


Here is a heart wrenching story of a little girl who was killed during play by her dog.  I ask where was the parental supervision during this time, and most certainly it was a tragic accident, but needless to say if PROPER SUPERVISION where present  it could have been avoided

http://www.wnbc.com/new/64318301/detail.html


 

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