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Messages By: aspiemom1

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July 22, 2005, 8:04 pm CDT

Asperger & ADHD

My son will be 11 yrs in another month.  He has Aspergers & ADHD.  I homeschool him so I am with him all of the time and my husband is often away from home so I seldom get a break.

 

Lately my son has been having less emotional control and more anxiety and it is frustrating me because I can't seem to help him with this.  He is crying over every "little" thing, has mood swings, easily frustrated, and his stuttering has become much worse.  His fears seem worse right now and I lose my patience after a while.

 

Can anyone relate to what I'm going through?

Deb

 
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July 23, 2005, 5:54 am CDT

I know just what you mean about being overwhelmed

When they have the meltdowns seems to be not the time to try to "school" them.  I just try to get him through the meltdown and acknowledge his feelings (he sees a counselor every week & she told me that giving voice to his feelings is very important before addressing any issue).  Then at a time when he's calm I will talk through a scenario and ideas of what to do when that scenario appears.  It is exhausting when they have the meltdowns, isn't it?

 

He was tested and diagnosed in 1st grade when he was 7 yrs.  He went to public school and the teachers & school counselor kept saying "Something is WRONG with this child."

 

I know what you mean about the social issues, but that is exactly why I DO homeschool.  The social behavior he picked up at the public school was all of the bad behavior!  He sensed he was different and wanted to be accepted and popular and would emulate any behavior that would get him that attention and picked up some terrible stuff.  I try to get w/ other homeschooled kids in the area for soccer & field trips and play dates, etc. but it's a constant search for kids to play with.  Being an only child and very sociable child he get's very lonely.  He doesn't understand why kids react to him like they do and get's very depressed.

 

It's hard to not being able to help the hurt, isn't it?  The counselor has been trying to help me w/ that.  I feel helpless that I can't "make things better" for my son.

 

And you mentioned how people don't understand.  They don't!  That's why I thot I'd check this board for support.  So many people think he's just a bad kid & we're bad parents.  That's hard, too.  It isolates us.  (I'm also on a weight loss board.)

 

As far as the ADHD diagnosis, I have found that my son can not have artificial food colors such as red and yellow (blue, green & orange!).  It makes him SOOO hyper and not able to control his emotions.  I read Dr. Lawson's book on ADD.  I didn't know Dr. P talked about Aspergers - I must have missed that one.  I'd love to see a show on it so the country could get educated re it.

 

Thanks for listening - Deb

 
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September 13, 2005, 9:28 am CDT

Exactly

Quote From: mbbozz

 HI I DON'T WANT TO SOUND MEAN OR ANYTHING BUT I AM A FIREFIGHTER / PARAMEDIC AND LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT MY JOB,E ESPECIALLY HELPING OTHER PEOPLE BUT I HAVE TO SAY THAT AFTER SEEING ALL OF THIS AWFUL SITUATION IT REALLY MAKES ME THINK. I AM BY NO MEANS ONE TO TALK ABOUT THE LESS FORTUNATE PEOPLE AND I DO UNDERSTAND THAT THERE ARE DIFFERENT SITUATIONS IN ALL OF THEM BUT REALITY IS ,THIS IS A WELFARE CITY AND THE PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T LEAVE ARE MOSTLY WELFARE RECIPIENTS THEY ARE USED TO THE GOVERNMENT DOING EVERYTHING FOR THEM, THEY ARE NOW BLAMING THE GOVERNMENT FOR NOT HELPING THEM SOON ENOUGH. I FIGURE THE POOR BUSINESS OWNERS WHO STAYED TO TRY TO KEEP THERE LIVELY HOOD HAD EVERY REASON TO TRY TO STICK THIS STORM OUT, BUT THE OTHERS SIT AROUND AND WAIT FOR OTHERS TO DO FOR THEM, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE A COUNTRY OF SELF MOTIVATED PEOPLE AND WE HAVE LET SO MANY DEPEND ON OTHERS AND THEN PUT THE BLAME ON THE GOVERNMENT GET OUT AND DO SOMETHING FOR YOUR SELF FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. WE WILL ALL COME TO THERE NEEDS NOW BUT I SURE HOPE THEY TAKE SOMETHING AWAY FROM THIS WE ALL LOVE TO HELP OTHERS IT MAKES US FEEL GOOD BUT SOMETIMES I THINK WE CREATE OUR OWN MESS . BY THE WAY I HAVE DONATED TIME AND MONEY FOR THEM AND HELPED IN OUR OWN TOWN I STILL LOVE THESE PEOPLE THEY ARE AMERICANS AND JUST WANT PEOPLE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEM SELVES EVEN IF WE HAVE TO HELP LITTLE. PS GOD BLESS ALL OF THE EMERGENCY WORKER THERE AND THEIR FAMILY'S I LOVE YOU ALL.

This is exactly what I've been saying, but people seem to take it as prejudice or something.  There are people who are poor through no fault of there own and then there are people who are just plain lazy and want someone else to take care of them.  So many of these people don't know how to fend for themselves and they blame the government for not taking care of them BETTER!  I don't see it as the government's fault.  

  

I keep wondering why there wasn't a plan for this kind of disaster.  They knew the potential, they knew many of the people didn't have the car or money to leave the area in a hurry.  They should have had a plan, just like we do Fire Drills.  

 
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September 13, 2005, 9:44 am CDT

I don't agree

Quote From: myrnamau

I think Dr. Phil did a great job of showing how hard the rescue teams are working in New Orleans.  They are doing so at great personal sacrifice.  It would probably be much easier for them to bail and go to another city to find work.  But instead they choose to stay to help rescue those in need and to help restore order to the city.  They are truly angels. 

  

However I think it is a disgrace the way the citizens of New Orleans and the rescue workers and police were pretty much abandoned and left for dead during the first days after the hurricane.  I think the current administration added greatly to the tragedy by dragging its feet and doing nothing for days while people were dying waiting for water and food.  Now there seems to be an effort by the powers that be to put a positive spin on their response.  Bush can do a photo op and pray all he wants to, but what these people really need is action and relief.  Bush prays in public because the right wing conservatives eat that stuff up.  I do believe in prayer, but everything this man has done suggests to me that he could really care less about anything but the ultra rich.  If the current is so Pro Life, why didn't it care about the lives of the babies that were dying in the streets?  Actions speak louder than words. 

It's easy for people to sit back and expect others to take care of them.  Then if it doesn't happen, they have someone else to blame.  People should have evacuated the area when told to and the local government should have had a plan for those who were too poor to leave of their own accord.  The Mayor was shown telling each family to have a plan for such a disaster, but evidently the people didn't. 

 

I don't see this as the Presidents fault.  I think the problem that followed the days immediately after were due to the people themselves and the local government that should have had a plan and carried it out. 

 

ie.  We are told to wear seatbelts.  It's the law.  So when we're involved in an accident and someone thrown from the car and killed, is it the fault of the car that hit them, the fault of the car maker, the fault of the parent?  We're each responsible to a certain extent for ourselves and our family.  Stop blaming the President for everything! 

 
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September 17, 2005, 8:20 am CDT

Boobs and Jay

I can think of two things that I haven't heard anyone mention yet about this new focus this season (on what's inside is most important.) 

 

#1:  Jay also is very well-known and recognizable, so you don't know if people were so open to him (as himself) because of his appearance or because he is famous and probably rich.  I would think a rich & famous person who is ugly would get attention, also. 

 

#2:  One of the first shows Dr. Phil offered plastic surgery to 3 women who were unhappy with their bustline.  It seems the opposite message than this other one.  People are supposed to accept & respect people no matter how they look and we're to focus on our inside person...then why is he paying for 3 women to have their boobs enlarged?  I just don't get it! 

 
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October 14, 2005, 3:12 pm CDT

I don't agree

Quote From: calliegal

Hi, I've started a diary for Asperger's parents. It's under shared diaries. I'll be writing alot about my own experiences. Swing by if you like.

I am not so sure that homeschooling is the best alternative for either you or your son. Asperger's children need guided social interaction. The best possible resource would be a Therapeutic Day School, however, unless your school district is going to pay for this the tuitions are virtually impossible.

Your son wants very much to be 'normal.' He wants all the things that other kids have: friends, room to move, room to explore on his own. His interests and emotions are intense. He's bright, but his articulation appropriateness isn't on the mark. On top of this, he's impulsive. He can't see the other side because empathy (though he feels deep and genuine emotion) isn't easily the first thing accessed. All of this makes it hard, because his behavior makes it difficult in the presence of a typical classroom. And so you homeschool.

But you can't be the sun, the moon & the stars for your kid. And maybe you're frustrated too, and so the two of you become a toxic combination.

I'd urge to you seek the company of other parents who are going through a similar struggle. You have to know that you're not the only one going through this. They might have ideas of how to work with your public schools, how to get an accurate diagosis, finding a good social skills program, a good psychiatrist and a good psychologist just for you. (Yes, parents need to go through counseling too, because IT'S TOUGH).

An excellent resource for you is http://tonyattwood.com.au. This is Dr. Tony Attwood's site, and he's one of the top researchers in the world on Asperger's.

Yours, Calliegal

I think you need to work on your approach a little.  I am not new to this.  I am very educated about it.  (I am educated, period!)  I also know what is best for my child and home schooling is working great for us.  You can't say, across board, that Asperger children should not be homeschooled.  Each person needs to evaluate their situation, what is available and decide what is best for their child and family.  You are not very educated about homeschooling, by the way.  My child is not socially deficit.  Some people seem to think that formal schools are the only way for a social life.  If bullying my child, teaching him obsene things, forcing him to learn in ways that he does not learn so he is beside himself with frustration, we can do w/o that kind of socialization.  We belong to a homeschool group and he is with those kids when we meet as a group, he also has play dates we set up.  Maybe at the time I posted things were different - I know it was a while ago. 

 

 

There is a large group of people who homeschool their Aspie children.  I belong to a Yahoo Group that is full of them.    It is only for people who homeschool their Aspie kids and there are hundreds of members.  And they all seem happy with how it's working for them.  We can teach our children in a way that they are wired.  My son's doctors think it's great that I am homeschooling him, by the way, and they are specialists in Autistic Spectrum children. 

 

 

My son has seen a counselor once a week for the last few years.  She helps him act out different situations and ways that things can be addressed, plus he can talk to her about his feelings.  And I HAVE been seeing the counselor on my own about once a month for quite a while. 

 

 

My son is also taking glyco-nutritional products and I've seen a huge difference since taking these.  He used to be on anti-depression/anxiety medicine and was on Strattera.  He is now free of all pharmaceutical medicine, with his drs. blessing.  He is no longer hyper, rarely impulsive, he is no longer depressed, doesn't get frustrated very easily anymore.  He is no longer obsessive compulsive, he can handle changes, he can follow more than one direction at a time now - he's doing great. 

 

I think you meant to be helpful to me after reading an old post.  However, you came across as having all of the answers and I took offense to that.  I especially have a hard time with anyone telling me that I shouldn't be homeschooling my son.  We've homeschooled for 4 years now and it's the best answer for us. 

 
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October 14, 2005, 3:30 pm CDT

P.S. on homeschooling our special needs children

Not only are there homeschool groups to help our children not be isolated, but there are homeschool co-ops in many areas.  These are groups that meet for certain classes each week, i.e. Mondays, art, music, PE classes, lunch 

  

My son also plays soccer and basketball through a homeschool group. 

  

Asperger children usually have a special interest that they are near obsessive about.  We can use that interest and go as far as our child wants and expand on it. 

  

Deb 

 
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October 15, 2005, 10:04 am CDT

Bless your heart!

Quote From: tutumonstr

I recently gave birth to my third child.  My first one was healthy, but now has emotional problems. My second one was emergency c-section and almost died, but is now a healthy, vibrant child.  My third girl, seemed to be healthy at birth, no problems, but at eight hours old she developed blisters and scabs all over her face, hands, feet, ears and bottom.  The skin on her bottom fell off.  The staff at the hospital had no idea what was wrong.  Immediately following our discharge from the hospital, we were rushed to Children's Mercy Hospital, a local pediatric hospital in our state.  Izabellah's doctor diagnosed her with EB, a rare genetic skin disease, in which children has a shortened life expectancy, almost always ending in death.  They don't die from EB, they die from complications, infections, especially staph infections.  The doctor told us to count our days with her, that he believed she had one of the worst forms, where she would not live to see her second birthday.  He said she would need to have skin biopsies to determine her exact sub-type of EB.  In order to do so, she had to have a blister that was intact.  We came back two weeks later where we discovered she had no recurrences of blisters, the doctor was unable to biopsy.  That was four months ago, and I still don't know the fate of my child.  The doctor has then since said that he doesn't believe she has a fatal case, but it isn't definite.  My main purpose for writing is to get the word out about EB, which I believe is one of the silent epidemics.  There is a website you can go on to learn more, and it is www.debra.org  Thank you for reading and feel free to respond

You are right to educate all of us about EB.  I never heard of it.  I saw recently where some people have allergic reactions to antibiotics where they lose their skin, but didn't know of the genetic disease you are talking of.  That is so sad and I hope the doctors are able to give you encouragement soon.  You've been through a lot of heartache in your life.  Have you been able to meet parents of other children with EB? 

  

  

I try to get people educated about glyconutrition.  These nutrition supplements have been a God-send to our family and I'm so glad someone told me about them.  In turn, I try to risk being ridiculed and tell others about them when I hear of these diseases and illnesses.  Especially when people have little hope from the medical world.  (I have Adult CF, which is genetic, and my son as Aspergers/ADHD)   I know people come out of the wood-work with all kinds of remedies they are sure will help - we've gone through that.   The medical field is learning more and more about glyconutrition and the wonders it does in giving the body the tools it needs to repair itself.  If you would like more info you can check out www.glycoscience.com and you may always email me. 

  

With three children and two having difficulties (emotional and physical), you certainly have your hands full.  Come to the board whenever you can! 

Blessings, Deb 

 
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October 16, 2005, 12:13 pm CDT

Callielegal

My apologies that I came across so strongly.   You are right that we each have the right to our opinions and we've both stated ours now.  Mostly I was set off by the inference on the board that homeschooling is wrong for someone parenting an Aspergers child.  I don't want anyone reading that and writing it off because there are many pro's and we're very happy with our decision.  

 

 

My post that you were responding to was dated back in July, some 3 mos. ago.  Back then we were going through a rough time.  The adjustment in nutrition is what helped us back out of that hole.  I had another post later that month that you may not have read. 

 

I hope your diary will be helpful to many.  Best wishes. 

 
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October 16, 2005, 12:16 pm CDT

lucky child

Quote From: 101160

Hi i saw this and right away wanted to post here.my sister in law has to be the strongest woman live today.her and her husband have ten kids .they all have gone through school except for two.she has had it hard also .one of her kids almost dies from menigitis and wass left a little slower to progress .now she looks after everything at home her husband is no help whats soever but wants the glory of the way his kids are raised not his doing for dam sure.It was all her after she had her second last bably ,her dr. told her not to have anymore because she was at risk of dying or the child not being born without anyhandy cap.well what does she do gets pregnant and not her fault either he does not believe in birth control so they were just cautious ,huh !not cautious enough.well her last baby was born with downs first off.then when she was 8 months old had open heart surgury new this when she was born with a heart defect.then if that was not enough she (the baby)gets a bacteria ecoli poisoning not much older maybe a year or so now her husband takes her to hospital baby was airlifted to hospital out of province ,he takes her there waits for some of us to get there and he leaves and comes home.Now his child is fighting for her life and the docs said because she had downs thats what saved her they fight harder than any normal child would so she my SIL is there herself at hospital and hes home working .can leave when he wants has no excuse not to be there the other 9 kids at home were all well looked after and he stays home.anyhow she escaped that one by the skin  of her teeth.but thats not all than because she was so sick from ecoli she is now a diabetic inssulin 4times daily maybe a little less now that she is older.M y SIL has to learn how to give her needles and manage her diet and look after the house and other kids he comes home from work go to bedroom and watches tv.now this little walking miracle has just the fight to live ans she wasn't going out without a fight either.now she's in grade1 almost can talk quite a few words thaanks to my SIL goes to school knowing her ABC'S THANKS TO MY SIL, KNOWS NO#UP TO TWENTY THANKS TO GUESS WHO AND LOOKS AFTER ALL THE REST IN BETWEEN.BOY WOULD I EVER LOVE TO OWN HIM FOR A DAY HE'D LAY IN BED AND WATCH TV ALRIGHT.BUT YET IF THERE IS ANY FUSS MADE TOWARDS THEIR LITTLE MIRACLE HE IS RIGHT THERE TO GRAB THE GLORY.NOW THATS A MOTHER.  

It sounds like your niece is very fortunate to have your SIL for a mother.  She sounds like a mother that has a lot on her plate and yet she will do whatever needs to be done.  It is very unfortunate that her husband is not a participating member of the family.  Sounds like a situation for a Dr. P show!!!
 

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