Messages By: lostmind83

I hear constantly about parents having to be consistant in discipline for their children.

Thats well and good.  But try it when you have ADD.  The kids learn very quickly that they can wait you out.  In a hour you won't remember what you said and you probably won't remember why you said it.

My kids turned out great, thanks mostly to the fact that they have good souls and didn't take total advantage of their mom.  It could have been much worse.  I had great plans for being a great mother, it just didn't turn out that way. 

Now that I am past menopause, a few things seem easier (or I just don't care), but the things that are important, still, sometimes don't get done.

I have 2 parttime jobs because when I get bored I quit and this way the jobs stay interesting enough that I stay with them (keeping my fingers crossed).

So when you hear of a mother who misses meeting and isn't the perfect housewife, and doesn't seem to have it all together, it might be me>

lostmind83

does anyone see a pattern here?  These women are all passive, does this mean that all passive women have ADD???  Maybe.  Some of the signs of ADD, are inability to stick to a set pattern of behavior,  inability to focus for long periods of time and I mean for the long haul of raising kids.    

Anything these women try, will work only as long as there is pressure from a non ADD spouse and or professional counselor.   If the women could get themselves under control and focused, they would have a better chance of getting the children under control.   

I have ADD and I was not a consistance parent.  My son would just keep at me and keep at me until I gave up.  or he would out wait me, because he knew that, shortly, I would forget and not continue to follow thru.  That worked with the money he owed me, too.  His theory was if I couldn't remember why he owed me money, then he didn't really owe it to me. 

I been reading some of these notes and a lot of them sound like my situation, but I have been here longer than most of you.   I have been married 30 some odd years and have been rejected by my husband for most of them.   I started out skinny, and now I'm fat.  He has refused to make love 3/4 of our life.  I should have left when he pushed me away on our honeymoon.  Within a few months we were down to sex once a month.  I have forced him into counseling 3 or 4 times.  He goes and participates just long enough to shut me up.  Then sex is great for several months then it is right back to nothing.   I know that this is a control issue with him.  Every time I would start to orgasm he would deliberately move and interrupt.  Early this summer I finally came to the decision, I'm leaving.  I feel an ethical obligation to work and get us out of debt.  But I have no feeling.  I don't want to save this farce of marriage, I don't want to stay.   

This is to the lady on Friday 12/9/2005 show.   "Leave now,  he is trying to control you.  It won't stop.  He will never ever give you the emotional or intimate commitment you want and need"  What he is doing and has been doing is abuse.  You can't see the scars, but they are piling up.  Each time he rejects you, is like a slap in the face.  Each time he pushes you away , its as if he is verbally and mentally bashing you,  your ego, and your selfworth into the ground.  Even Dr. Phil didn't really take it seriously. This kind of abuse is insidious.  You don't tell others because they'll will think you're crazy (look at the women that are really hit), you'll end up like me.  Old, bitter, and alone in a crowd of people.      

Please get out now.    He won't change.. 

lostmind83