Messages By: sunshyn

Hi there,

I just now saw your post and I am very sorry for not replying to you sooner!!!!! I would love to chat with you!! I wanted to send you a private e-mail, or send you regular e-mail, but I didn't see any way of doing it, so I figured I would do it this way.

I am in the same situation that you are when it comes to being overweight and depressed!! I just went to my Dr and I weight 294 pounds. So I also have a lot to lose as well!! I am also on mediciation for depression. I was told that I have severe Depression, or either Major depression..which ever is worse thats the one I have! I think they both sound about the same, but could be wrong.

I also do not feel worthy and that's not good for either one of us!  So I know what you are going through!

I also lost my grandparents last yr and this yr. They raised me. Daddy (Grandpa) died in March of this yr, and Grandma died last yr.

CONGRATS for being married for so long to the same man!!!!!! :) My husband and I have been married now for 20 yrs. I also grew up and believe that the "man is the head of the house, and that the woman is to submit herself unto her own husband" It is also in the bible. This is the way that I still believe, but my husband is not very controlling! He pays the bills, we talk about many things, but the final decision is his to make...but I always let him know how I feel, and he takes my feelings into consideration!  He is not a Missionary, and even though we do not attend church on a regular basis, we still still believe this way, because this is the way we were both raised.

Have you ever thought of going with your husband? Or will he not let you? Just curious! :)

I am getting ready to turn 38, and I know what you mean! I do not want to die young either!!!! How about you and I getting together and writing each other? Feel up to it? Because personally, I feel like everyone needs a friend to talk to, or to just laugh with, or even to cry on their shoulder! That's what friends are for, and hey..I know I could use some friends and would love to be your friend!! :)

Don't worry, I have low self esteem also. I have had it all my life, and still do! Maybe we can work on this together and help each other out...maybe we can even help each other with losing this weight we have on us! :) Hey, I'm willing if you are!!! :)

You know, about our husband's. I also feel unworthy when it comes to mine as well, but hey, there must be something about you that he loves, or he wouldn't have married you!! :)

Audry@ec.rr.com send me an e-mail, and let's become friends with each other! I know that we can do this together!! :)

Love & Hugs,

Audry

My name is Audry and I am getting ready to turn 38 on the 29th of this month.

I weigh 294 pounds, or, as of Tuesday I did. The time before that when I went to tthe Dr. I weighed 299.

I have very low self esteem, always have. And like all of you, I don't want to die an early death. I feel like I am going to if nothing is done about it!

I am on all kinds of meds, blood pressure is one of them.

My son is afraid to be seen out in public with me, because he is afraid that someone he knows will see me with him and start making fun of him and calling me names behind my back. He should not have to go through that. I asked him if I were smaller and had all this weight off of me if he would still be afraid to be seen with me, and he said no. But he also said that he loved me just the way I am.

Honestly, I don't see how any one can love me the way I am! I don't even like myself, and I don't see what other people see in me!! Like some of you, I look in the mirror and I get disgusted with myself!! I feel like a good yr blimp!!!!! Or better yet, a cow, or elephant!!

I had to meet one of my son's friends from school not long ago. We were all meeting at the bowling ally. I was afriad to meet the kids, because of the little talk that our son and I had a while back. I walked in the bowling ally and wanted to turn around and walk right back out again! Or, get behind my husband so they couldn't see me. Before the evening was over with, I started crying. Kym asked me what was wrong and I looked at her and I said "Look at me! I am so ashamed for you all to see me like I am" She then told me that I shouldn't worry about that, and that she wasn't raising her children like that and that it didn't matter how big, or small, or tall or short, or even what color I was, because I was still a human being and I still had feelings just like the next person did!

I'm ok now, but I still think back to that day, and I do not want to meet any more of his friends the way I am. I am to afraid to do that! I talked to our son just the other day, and he still feels the same way he did a while back, but he also keeps telling me that he loves me just the way I am....but, I don't. I have actually in my own head, seen myself laying in my own casket, and yes, at the size I am now! I don't want that to happen to me, or to my family!!

Food to me is like a drug! I feel like I need it all the time, even if I am not hungry!! Some people have said to me, "You can't become addicted to food" I say "That's a lie! You can become addicted to food, and I am living proof!"  I have always found that instead of me eating to live, I am living to eat! I am ALWAYS looking forward to my next meal and can't wait till it's time to eat again!! I guess eating is like a high to me. It's like doing a drug...as you are doing it, it feels good, but that feeling doesn't last long, because that feeling goes away.

I am not an emotional eater. I am a compulsive eater. No matter what my mood is, I always eat through out the day. Even if I find that I really do not want it, I still find myself eating it!

Ok, well, I will shut my mouth! I am sorry that this is so long, but I had a lot that I had to get out...I may even have more, I don't know..but this is all that comes to mind right now!

Thanks for listening,

Audry

I replied to this msg..but it is not showing up! When I get done and post it ..it goes to the page where I need to type in my password and I had already done that! audry@ec.rr.com This is making me feel like I can't even get my msgs through to anyone. 

Audry 

 Well, since I have posted last, I have started going to the gym. I go 3 times a week. Tuesdays, Thursdays & Saturdays. I try to give my body a break in between before I go back again. I find that I really need it too! I am getting a little better, but it is going slow...which is good! 

For those of you who do not remember me, I am 38 yrs old and my name is Sunshyn. My husband and I have been married for 20 yrs..but have been together for a total of 22 yrs in all. We have a son whom is getting ready to turn 13 in Dec!  

Back in June of this yr I weighed 299 lbs. In August I weighed 294 lbs and the last time I weighed which was the 2nd of this month, I am now down to 281 lbs. So it is coming off of me slowly...but that is fine with me. I'd rather it come off slowly and keep it off, than for it to come off fast and gain it all back plus some! (Which has been known to happen more than once) 

I am losing this weight for more than 1 reason. 1. I want to live longer. 2. I want to be healthy again. 3. I want to feel good about myself again. 4. I want to like myself again. 5. I want to be able to go out in public with my son and not have him be afraid other people his age seeing him with me...and knowing that I am his mother. 6. So I wont regret the rest of the yrs I have left not being able to do things with my family. 7. So my back will NOT hurt me any more. 8. So I can buy normal sized clothing in wal-mart instead of having to order them online. 9. So my husband will love me more (Not that he doesn't love me for who I am...but I do not see what he see's in me...or any one else for that matter!) 

I could probably go on and on, but I wont. To sum it all up though, I am doing it for me! No one else! Because I want to live!   

Love & Hugs, 

Sunshyn 

sw : 299 - cw : 281 - gw : 276 

P.S. Could someone please fix this so I can type and it be centered? This is driving me nuts! haha