Messages By: bbo301

Hi! I am new at this so i hope i get things right.

My husband and I have been married for 4 years and after him "hanging" out all night for the past two summers, I just don't know if I can handle it any more.  He used to stay out all night (even weeknights) last summer and the summer before ('03 & '04) Come to find out he was hanging out alright, with another woman!  Who is also married w/ kids and lived in CO. where her husband was stationed, but returned home (GA) with her kids, no husband, each summer.  An old "one nighter" to my husband.  Summer '03 I was pregnant and trapped at home because he had my vehicle and would take the key to his truck with him (gee wonder why?)  Night after night he would leave me alone no ride, no food in the house.  I did a little investigating and found out why and even found out that her birthday was the day before I had our son and he gave her a check for $150.  Now, I know that two wrongs don't make a right, I happened to run into an old friend of mine (so weird) and we exchanged numbers.  WE talked everyday day about everything and he saved me from doing something so drastic.  He is also married with kids.  When my husband found out, he nutted up of course.  He planned a trip with his "friend" to go to Cancun and my husband didn't cover his trail too well and I found out.  He didn't go, but the fact is that he still planned a trip with another woman. 

Last summer, he did the same crap to me -out all night, not calling, not answering his phone.  The difference is that I had my car, I ended up not cooking for him anymore and quit having sex with him too.  (He says I was wrong for that).  I ended up telling him that we need to get help or I was out.  He agreed to counseling and we went.  The counselor ultimately told me I need to leave him and force him to stand on his own and stop being his crutch.  My husband changed after she went back to CO.  her husband was eventuallly stationed in Guam and she hasn't returned to Ga. this summer.  This summer, he hasn't been out everynight, but there have been a few weekends when he would go out and not return home until the following morning. 

What has me upset now, is this: we both attend college at night and while I was in the school break room waiting for my class to start, he went on break with his class.  He didn't see me and I snuck up on him while he was on the phone. I could hear enough that it was a girl he was talking too.  He acted kind of "shady" towards me, and I angrily told him where I had parked the car and walked away.  The old me would argue later about it, but this time, I didn't say a word.  I acted as if it didn't bother me. I don't care if he talks to another woman on the phone, but why hide it? Is there another woman in his life?  He has been acting kind of weird lately, but I just don't care anymore. 

I know dr. phil says turn over every stone before divorce, but I am slowly running out of stones. 

We have two children together, and financially I can handle things on my own.  IT is just hard to up and leave when there is no where to go.  He isn't willing to leave and I am afraid that if I leave he will track me down and hurt me physically.  Plus my credit stinks, mostly because of stuff together and I wouldn't be able to get much on my own.

I too have dealt with drug abuse with him and that was part of his problem in the past. 

I have not gotten to the point to leave I guess. I am afraid and I need to get over that fear.  It is coming, I can feel it.  ANd I guess when I have had enough, I will have the strength to leave. 

I know what I have to do, but I am just afraid of doing it!!!

I need some serious help.  Wednesday of this week, I took a vacation day from work.  My husband left for work in his normal routine.  An old friend who has been in Iraq was in town and stopped by.  A little about this friend, he is married w/ children and has always been there for me through everything.  My husband, has unadmittedly had affairs and would (over the past 2 summers) stay out late at nights, or not come home at all.  I knew deep in my heart that he was cheating, but he would never admit to it, but I decided to stay with my husband and work through whatever it is that he was going through.  I was determined not to let this other woman ruin my family.   

Some how my friend had come back into my life during these troubling times with my husband and we began communicating with each other on a daily basis.  When he left for Iraq I missed him alot.  He was like my inspiration to get through the days.   

  

On Wednesday, my husbands truck broke down and someone he knew had rode by and decided to bring him home.  LIttle did I know that he was trying to break into our apartment through the kitchen window, because he didn't have the key to the door.  I heard him and went to look and saw it was him.  I went back to the room and told the other guy that he was breaking in the window.  Unfortunately for me, the guy kicked out the screen to the bedroom window which is right beside the kitchen window and my husband saw him.  Needless to say, my husband came in the kitchen and he went out the bedroom and I was left to get the beating.  I feel like such a fool because this friend said he would always be there for me no matter what and he left me in that moment to fend for myself.  My husband has hit me a few times in the past and my friend knew what the results were going to be for me and he left me.  I was able to call the police and my husband spent the day in jail.  I spent the day in turmoil.  Nothing had happened at the moment but this guy did have his shirt off and that really did make my husband wonder.   

Surprisingly to me, my husband wants to work things out.  He is staying with his mother right now, but he has realized that him allowing the other woman into the marriage, drove me to doing the same.  I guess I feel bad because I was the one who had gotten caught I ended up being the bad guy.   

I truly love my husband, I just made a stupid decision.  I know that two wrongs don't make a right, and I have realized that no one else can ever replace the love my husband and I have for each other.  We have only been married for 4 years and we are still growing with each other.  Everyone says I should take the opportunity and divorce him, but my heart won't let me do that.  If he is willing to forgive me and move on with our lives together, I feel that we can overcome any obstacle that stands in our way.  I am so confused right now and the good thing is that we don't have to make any decisions right now, and I told him that we don't need to make decisions while we are angry with each other.   

I think the biggest thing is that he had an eye opening experience that may change his actions.  I know this has definitely changed mine.   

I am currently in that situation myself.  If you read my post I just posted, I am still dealing with the other woman in his life.  That may change now, but who knows!  He does need to keep the other woman out of your marriage.  She is the reason it is in jeopardy now.  No one can tell you what to do, only you can make that decision.  I chose to stay in the marriage and try to do all I can to make my husband turn to me instead of her, until I couldn't do it anymore and went out and did the same thing to my husband and now I am paying the price.  Our marriage is surviving, but it hasn't been easy and it hasn't been happy.  Just turn to prayer and let God handle the situation.  Either he will quit talking to her or u will leave the marriage.  Do stand your ground and stay strong!  I feel your pain and know that it is hard.