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Messages By: u092407

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July 23, 2005, 6:32 am CDT

1-2-3?

I have found an effective way of discplining my children, they are ages 6, 2 and 6 months. I reallize a child likes to have an impact on the world, whether it be throwing a rock into the creek, or throwing cheerios on the floor, or even getting on your last nerve with endless questions and demands!!! I have started applying aprogram called 1-2-3 magic and it has been a lifesaver. When a child is getting into things like my 2 year old loves to do, I just simply say, "That's 1", and if they continue I say, "That's 2" and if they make it to 3 then I say "take five", and then I send them to their room for 5 minutes. I don't say anything at all just start counting. The key is consistency, and showing no emotion. The program states that parents talk to children too much and to emotionally, they can't comprehend on an adult level, so why talk to them the way you would an adult? It has worked for me, and my 6 yr old now looks at me and rolls her eyes by the time I say "That's 1", You have to make sure you explain to your child that things are changing around your household, and be honest and tell them how you are going to handle things now (by counting). Another thing, when they come out of their room after 5 minutes, don't bring up what happened, it's over, they have a clean slate!!! It works for me, and my stress level has decreased tremendously!!! If you want a copy of the program, I can send it to you via e-mail: heathergatlin@hotmail.com
...Could work in some cases, I agree. When the child really tries to get on your nerves and insists on doing something over and over again. In other cases, i do not agree. My mother always tried to explain things, although she always did it in a way we could understand. And enough was enough. Boundaries were VERY clear and were meant not to be crossed. If they were, a penalty ensued IMMEDIATELY, no discussion. That is the parenting I grew up with, and it seems to have worked quite well. I got through childhood and puberty without major problems and still respect my parents and value their opinions. My daughter is 16 months and I plan to (try) raising her the same way... Adapting it to her personality. Hope it works and that she will have the same great bond with her parents as I still enjoy. Wish me luck?
 
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July 25, 2005, 3:27 pm CDT

Tips? Hold on to your socks...

Quote From: nelle2

I'm a new poster. Looking forward to sharing tips on weight loss.

Hi!

I lost weight years ago and am happy to share, because it STAYS OFF....

I'm a great believer in soups. Easy to prepare (just chuck in whatever is allowed, add water, simmer...done! They fill up pretty well too. If you want to feel full faster, do not mix the soup, but leave it chunky. Seems to help.

Use strong herbs. They seem to help with the satisfaction too.

Don't like your veggies? Soup's the savior there too: Mix the soup, you won't even recognise what's in it. Add whatever flavorings you like, and if necessary close your eyes and drink ik out of a cup... Slowly. Then start on your 'real' meal, grilled meat, fish, whatever. With the trimmings that are 'allowed'. Your brain will have registered you started eating with the soup, but that will be mostly water with vegetables and maybe a smidgen of lean meat... Do count the calories, though.

 

Another good trick is for the infamous "munchies" ... Don't you hate those? They creep up on you at the most terrible times. Always make sure you have a stick of sugarfree gum with you. I used it to keep my mouth occupied and then concentrated on getting my mind occupied.

 

More tips will follow.

 
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July 25, 2005, 3:39 pm CDT

Yep! More tips!

Finding it difficult to take in enough fluids? I kept a small bottle of water by my side at all times. In the car, at work... you name it. Every time I saw it, I took a sip. As soon as it was empty, I re-filled it.

My weight problem has dissapeared years ago but I kept the habit. I drink a gallon of water(4,5 litres) a day. Great for the skin, too...

You know those times when you just HAVE to have some candy, or a greasy burger? I was lucky enough to start dieting with a couple of friends and a few times, when we just couldn't be good anymore, we'd get just one 'sinful' item and share it amongst us. That way, the amount was smaller, and afterwards we would all cheer eachother along to get on the wagon again... Okay, not a single bite of greasy burger is better than one bite, but only one bite is better than scoffing the whole thing, no? It felt wonderful to be 'bad' together and we managed to get some kind of peer pressure thing going afterwards: "okay, we've had our thing, now it's back to business"...

Sometimes, I'd wake up at night with the  munchies... Just couldn't sleep. Had to eat SOMETHING... I started eating frozen fruit.

Brushing your teeth often and chewing menthol (sugarfree) gum also helps: You'll find you do not want to lose that 'fresh' feeling. And: ever tried to drink orange juice just after you brushed your teeth or had a mint? Yech!

 
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July 29, 2005, 11:52 pm CDT

Prenups... sometimes controlling

Quote From: adanivea

101160, I was responding to happypurr's comment, not Helen's. I agree with Helen and you. Helen shouldn't second judge her excellent decision. She did do the right thing!
I think you're both right and wrong... Prenups CAN be controlling, but they certainly do not need to be. It just depends on the contents. They can include ridiculous terms such as how often you should gas up the car, or they can just say: this is mine, this is yours, once we're married, what we own before the marriage stays our own. Everything we acquire after the marriage becomes common property. There is a whole range in between. As soon as we have saved enough for a nice wedding, my boyfriend and I are going to get married. Fortunately, the law in Belgium states that if one member of the couple owns his own business, you HAVE to get a prenup. So the only question is what we'll decide to put into it. My sister solved the prenup dilemma very elegantly: she and her fiancee got ONE lawyer bethween the two of them, and worked out an agreement that was fair to both. Note: they made sure the lawyer was not a friend to either of them, to avoid bias. They have been happily married since '98 and have two wonderful children...
 
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July 30, 2005, 12:04 am CDT

Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater

Quote From: auntymeow

  Lady you should run as fast as you can if he won't sign that prenup.   I lost everything to my ex husband who came into my life and marriage without anything, did not put anything in the house but I ended up having to give him over $100,000.00 and almost lost my house that I bought in 1973 and did not get married to him until 1981.  He paid no rent nor did he buy anything for the house.   The judge who sign my divorce papers told me one good advise, "Don't get married to a man who has less than what you have, only marry someone who has equal or more than what you have."   You will be making the biggest mistake to marry a man who has no job, and once you are married there is no guarantee you won't divorce and lose everything.  Think of your children before you do it again.  I have been divorced for over 15 years and just go out with men but I will not get married until I find someone who had equal or more than I have.  Good luck...

Hi!

 

I don't fully agree with the judge that told you not to marry anyone who has sthe same or more than you. Some people have great potential: my own father came from nothing and only had a degree to his name. He did not have a job, but he did have a huge study loan. My mother came from a well-to-do family; they even had a live-in maid. My parents got married against the wishes of my mother's parents... in 1968. They still are married. Just before he retired, my father earned over 10'000 USD a month! He is a great husband to my mother, a great father to my sister and me, and a super grandfather to my nephew, my niece and my daughter.

 

And get this: HE asked for a prenup. Because he wanted to prove he is trustworthy...

 

It makes me sad that people sometimes just look at their assets or the assets of their partners, but I'm VERY happy such a thing as prenuptual agreements exist. I say: take a good, honest look at yourself, at your partner, and at your relationship. Work out a worst-case scenario and base your prenup on that. Work out the prenup together. Sign it and be happy.

 
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July 30, 2005, 12:14 am CDT

Careful!

Quote From: annbibler

My fiance and his family are very well off. We are getting married in May and a prenup has been brought up several times. You see he was married once before and see took him for almost three quarters of a million. So in the beginning of our relationship, his family was a little leary of me, mostly because I am 25 years younger than him. I do see their concern. So I was the one that brought up the prenup, my fiance doesn't want one, but I think that it would put a lot of minds to rest. I am by NO means after his money, only his heart. I have even concidered having his mother help me draw one up since I have no idea what one should include. So I guess i don't see the big deal about signing a prenptual agreement.    

I am not a lawyer, but here's my advice:

 

So happy you want to do the smart thing and get a prenup. But CAREFUL!!!!! Do NOT ask your future mother-in-law to help you draw one up, as she is biased. Remember: everything in that piece of paper is binding and almost impossible to overturn. Get yourself a lawyer and draw up a reasonable agreement. If you are confident you want nothing from him, ask that he provide for any children you might get and ask to keep anything he gives you during the marriage. I would personally add a small monthly amount for myself. Or maybe a milder clause: Should you by any chance be unable to go and provide for yourself (accident leading to a disability, child with a handicap needing extensive care...), then he should provide for you.

 

Most of all: be happy...

 
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July 30, 2005, 12:21 am CDT

Smart girl!!!

Quote From: lekilib

I am engaged and getting married in 4 months. I am on the other side of the fence. I have a lot of family money and he hasn't got as much. He makes more money though in his work. My father insisted on a prenup and I am glad he did. We are looking at it though as good for both of us. The prenup protects his income, and it also protects my family's money. Pre-nups are good. We are setting things up to include decisions about how the children's time will be split, how finiances will be divided, and many other issues about the business of married life. Yes we are using my lawyers and it is supposed to favor me, but instead of serving my fiance papers I am choosing to draw up and equal agreement while we are both in love and happy with each other. It is easier to make these decisions fairly while you are in love than make them when you are angry and vengeful. Hope all you brides the best. Do this together and it wont feel like a prenup, it will feel like an agreement between your soon to be spouse and you. I will insist my children do it as well. And infact, I am using this lawyer thing to my advantage and having our livig wills, wills, and etc... drawn up as well! Good luck to all!

Good on you!

 

Just do not forget that your family's money might be lost in a couple of years. My aunt married a man whose family was obscenely rich. 5 years into their marriage, the family-owned business went bancrupt and my uncle lost not only his money, but his job too. He was over 40 years old and has not found a job since. His knowledge is too specific and he is considered too old... Because of the prenup, if my aunt divorces him, she stands to lose everything she has built up over the years. Be sure to provide for yourself if the family money runs out, either by working or by adapting the terms of your prenup.

 
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July 30, 2005, 12:32 am CDT

So young...

Quote From: brittany

i am 16 and i have been single for 5months i was with this guy for almost 6 months he was like my best friend i new him for 2 years i want him back he wants to date me agian to but i dont know what i should do could any of yall help me i love him he is 18 and his name is matt do yall think i should date him

Girl, it just depends on the reason of the breakup. Was he unfaithful? Did he beat you? Did he take money from you?

Consider: Did he finish high school? Is he going to college? If not, does he have a job? Love is beautiful, but if this guy is not trustworthy (cheating, stealing, lying...) or if he is not willing to work at a good future (either by studying or by working), BE VERY CAREFUL.

 

I wasted a good future on a bad guy. I could have had a university degree and the nicer salary that comes with it. I was stupid and in love... for 6 years. I found out he was ceating because he gave me an STD... (Fortunately, I got treated and now I am healty). We broke up. When he asked me to take him back, I told him no. I still loved him but I chose for a better future, even if it meant crying myself to sleep for months.

 

Guess what? I met someone else and he is wonderful. We live in a nice house with a beautiful garden, I have the most beautiful baby daughter in the world, we have no worries about money and I am SO happy I dumped the creep.

 
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July 30, 2005, 12:45 am CDT

Prenups are good

In general, I think prenups are good. Okay, marriage is supposed to be forever, etc. etc. Unfortunately, a lot can happen. Marriage might be forever for YOU but it might not be for your partner.

Also: if YOU are the one with the money, how do you know your sweetheart marries you for you, not your assets. If you are the 'poor' one, how can you show your partner you're not a gold-digger?

 

You might also want to consider this: In a couple of years, the roles might be totally reversed. The 'poor' one might win the lottery or inherit millions from a long-lost aunt, the 'rich' one might go bancrupt through no fault of his/her own...

 

It is best to get at least the money issues out of the way. That way, you can concentrate on eachother and forget about those bank accounts. After all, that's what the marriage is about: the two people in it.

 

Just don't exaggerate. Prenups can be terribly one-sided, so NEVER sign anything that is. A prenup should be fair to BOTH parties and should not be over-controlling. It is not a rule-book for the day-to-day routine of life. I heard about prenups that state the minimum amount of times a couple should have sex, who should gas up the car, etc. That is ridiculous.

 

I think the overall thing is: reason and fairness. Draw up something that is fair and that you both can agree to. Sign it and then try your very, very best becoming a happy couple.

 

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