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Messages By: buckeyegal

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confused
July 23, 2005, 7:00 pm CDT

Keep photos of past relationships in albums?

What to do with photos of prior relationship

My daughter was married at 22 and had a baby.  The wedding party included many of her younger and distant cousins who loved being in the wedding and getting dressed up in their cute little dresses.  Within a couple years, she had an affair with a man who was also married.  They both split from their spouses and began cohabitating, and produced a child as well.  She is now divorced, but he is not.

 

We have a family website on a commercial server  that is private.  All the members of the website are just those on our (and her) side of the family.  We use it's message board, upload photos, recipes, etc.  It's a great place for the grandparents, too, to keep in touch with all of their children and grandchildren.

 

When she was first married, I uploaded photos of the wedding to the website, especially since every single person on the website was at the wedding, and someone from each of the families was actually IN the wedding.  There's one or two photos of her ex-husband and her with their child.

 

With her new relationship, we have also uploaded 'family' photos of her with her new boyfriend and their baby.

 

My problem is, she doesn't want her current boyfriend to see the wedding photos or any picture on the site that includes her ex-husband.  She asked me to delete them all.  I mulled it over for quite awhile, and had she had no children by her husband, I probably would've obliged.  However, her ex-husband is always going to be a part of her life, and ours, because they have a child together.  I don't think it's fair to their child -- our grandchild -- to delete or remove any photo just because her ex-husband is in it.  I told her I would never display photos of her ex-husband on our walls (and I certainly wouldn't expect her to!), or carry them in our wallets, but to delete them out of our online website (and they are 'buried' way down because there's been 100 or so posted since then)  or remove them from our personal photo albums at home seems wrong.  Their relationship... from when they met, then married, then her affair... lasted about 4 years.

 

I explained to her that unless we married our childhood sweetheart, whatever further romantic relationship we have is always going to come with a bit of our past relationships, and sometimes a bit of baggage as well.  "It was a part of your life.  You loved him at one time and have a beautiful child together".  She openly admits she's a very jealous individual, and says she hates seeing photos of her boyfriends wife, and says her boyfriend (in his mid-30s) would feel jealous, too, if he saw that we kept those photos on our family website, and that he would think we don't want him as part of the family.  (I disagree ... in fact, he even gets along with her ex-husband and sees him frequently when they switch custody of her child)  I also explained to her that I had several boyfriends before I met and married her dad, and they're still in my old photo albums.  My husband's seen them many times and sees nothing wrong with it. 

 

What does anyone out there think?

 
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July 25, 2005, 10:46 pm CDT

Competitive Family Relationships

Quote From: jb7ctx

I would keep the photos where they are on the website. It is a memory for their child that they share together. I have a daughter from a previous marriage and I am remarried again. I still have my wedding photos from my first marriage in a photo book and that book goes to my daughter when she gets old enough so that she can see that her mom and dad were happy together at one time and plus it is the only photos that she will ever see of her mom and dad together. I really wouldnt worry about what the new boyfriend thinks since after all he is still married. He should be more concerned about divorcing his wife instead of worrying about your daughters ex husbands pictures. Just my thought.
Thanks for your thoughts.  I'm still in a quandry about this.
 

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