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Messages By: handmaiden

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Worried

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July 23, 2005, 7:49 pm CDT

Fat and MISERABLE

I'm 41 year old, Married I have 1 child a 6 year old daughter, I weigh over 300 lbs. And my daughter weighs over 100 lbs. I used to have an night mares when she was a infant that she would be crying wanting a Hershey bar I had in my hand and I would say no, no, no, baby I cant give it to you I don't want you to be fat like mommy, I would not give her cakes, cookies, nothing sweet or fattening then she went in for her 2 yr check up the Dr told me she was under weight I thought to my self "OH MY GOSH I AM DEPRIVING MY DAUGHTER BE CAUSE OF MY FEARS" I had mixed emotions so I started letting her have the cookies and cakes then she started sneaking in the refrigerator and I caught her sticking her hand in the butter and eating it plain, then the mayo, and peanut butter she had learned how to disable the alarm on the refrigerator I'm so worried about her I don't know if she is still sneaking in the refrigerator but I do know she claims she is hungry all the time I wish there was a way I could get her to understand but how can I do that when I don't understand and I do the same thing well, I don't stick my hand in the butter ha but I do over eat, I thought I did not have a problem till now. I have tried and it is just to hard I try walking my feet hurt so bad I cant stand it  I know some of it is the heal spur I am getting so stressed there are other things in my life and with it all it makes me crazy my mind don't work rite no more it has got to the point I am wondering if I am getting Alzheimer  I just cant function I know I should go to the DR but I cant afford it when I wake up in the morning I cant hardly move my bones and muscles hurt so bad I am the biggest I have ever been I have known energy I cant even clean my house I am in pain all the time I don't want my daughter to go threw this I am so scared and afraid it is to late for me but how can I help my daughter? Well, that is were I am now.
 

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