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Messages By: normalita

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frustrated
July 23, 2005, 4:26 pm CDT

bullies everywhere

I am glad to see the message boards back up and running.  What I find most disgusting, is the amount of adults that are bullies.  I run into a lot of them through my business.  People are just nasty these days.  They want thier work done ASAP, but then they don't want to pay for it.  People in traffice are in such a hurry that they have to tail gate and zoom in front ofyou, because that extra half a second they would have to wait for a light to change or for traffice to start moving is going to take 10 years off thier life.  When I am shopping I try to at least smile or say hello to people I meet in the isles.  Rarely do I get any eye contact.  I have had people run into the back of me with thier shopping carts, because they are so focused on themselves, that they are unaware that there are other people around and they literally crawl up your back, then can't be bothered to say excuse me.  Very rarely do I find people that are kind, friendly and considerate.  I am having a hard time living in a society that acts this way.  I have given alot of thought to just dropping out of society and going somewhere, like to a big city, where you can get lost in the system and no one is going to care what you do.  In my work at the fire house, I recently went through a situation where some other people at the fire house are so insecure and have so little self esteem, that they thought it best to come after the officers of the department.  They made life intalerable for those of us in the upper positions.  So much so that we finally walked away from it.  In one night our local department lost almost 100 years worth of experience, all thier EMT's,  They lost the chief, asst. chief, the ems director, the secretary, the fire prevention officer and the cadet leader.  They lost thier key people and now they are struggling.  I moved on to another department, but because of all of this, I am a member only.  I refuse to get that involved again.
 
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chillin'
July 23, 2005, 4:49 pm CDT

ll=losing someone

Buffy.

 

I can relate a little to you.  It has been almost 27 years now.  But I only knew my father in law for 3 years before he died.  He died very suddenly of a heart attack and was gone.  There was no chance to say good bye and in my case, I really didn't get a chance to know him very well.  What I did know of him, i missto this day.

He was always kind to me, he was always thinking of others and doing what he could to help.  He would give you the shirt off his back, even if he didn't have it to give.  Our daughter was only 6 months old when he died.  So he knew he was a grandpa, but he never got to know our children.  Again, when ever we would leave our daughter with the inlaws, he would meet me at the door and take my daughter from me and say, my baby, and run off with her.  When we would return, both she and him would be in the easy chair sound asleep.  It was all very sweet. 

My mother in law on the other hand, is nasty, manipulating, self centered and an alcholic.  She is still here with us.  Because she was so busy trying to make our lives a living hell, she missed the kids growing up, we moved away from her, my husband will not speak to her and we basically have no contact with her.  Because of my fil dying so many years ago, she came into some money.  She tries to send checks to my kids, trying to buy their affection.  My kids know who she is, but they don't really know her.  So they don't really have any contact with her either.

The one thing that did come out of all of this, is my husband is alot like his dad.  His temperment is very much the same.  So in a small way, my father in law is still near.  I only wish his physical presents was still here with us.  He is gone, but not forgotten.

 
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July 24, 2005, 7:33 am CDT

I don't get it

I have been surfing around the new boards.  I read a few of the posts here.  I have got major stress in my life.  What I have found is if I don't live it every day.  Things are really bad then.  For example.  Seems like everytime I do something I like to do or go somewhere and have fun, then I have to have something bad happen.  I will pay for having fun or being happy.  If I stay all stressed out all the time, then things are fine.  Crazy I know.  But I have been paying attention to this and it happens every time.  I have a day where I feel good and I am in a good mood.  Boom, I will get a letter from the IRS that they are going to audit me.  I take a day and play with my grandson, again, I get a phone call someone in my family has been hurt or injured.  So, I have just given up enjoying my self.  As long as I am in constant worry over something then things seem to stay on an even level.  When I do have time to think about myself, I sit and cry.  I can cry for and entire afternoon, because I am so heartbroken.  Another thing that has been happening to me is post traumatic stuff.  When my husband and I were first married and having children, life was less than perfect.  We had a lot of struggles and had some really bad times. We came so close to being homeless a coulple of times, it wasn't funny.  Bad part was we had family members going around in the background doing this to us.  We had absolutely no support or help.   We are fine now and the kids are all grown and gone, but I keep having flash backs.  Back to that time and it is almost like being shot with a gun.  It just stops me in my tracks.  I get very upset all over again and it doesn't even matter any more.  I just don't feel having a happy life is possible.

 

 

 
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July 26, 2005, 7:24 am CDT

watching Dr. Phil

Thanks for the kind words.  You may be right.  I am sure that I have distructive thoughts and I am always looking for the bad stuff.  But, I can't ignore actuality.  This stuff actually happens.  There is no connection with playing with my grandson and the IRS.  But this is the type of thing that happens.  I have a good day and have fun, the next day I get something in the mail, or a phone call and everything I enjoyed is slammed to the ground.  I am not supposed to be happy.  I can go around and think good thoughts and talk to myself and say I am not going to be sad today.  But it never fails.  I could sit and meditate and try to calm my mind, only to be jerked out of tranquility by the phone ringing.

I wish I had an outlet where I could just post a message and tell all this fowl people that think they need to jerk me around, to stop.

I also wish I knew how to handle people better.  I have drawn so many lines in the sand and set so many boundries that I don't even remember them all.

I am doing some better, because I have managed to get away from alot of the negative stuff in my life and move on and the way I am feeling now, may only be some residual feelings left over.  UP until now I have lead a very negative life where alot of people thought they needed to run me or tell me what to do all the time.  I have spent an insane amount of time, trying to get away from them and I have, but I still have work to do and I guess I am just tired of itl.

 

I am so confused.  I watch Dr. Phil just about everyday.  I love him.  In my mind he makes alot of sence and even if he is not talking about a subject that relates to something I am dealing with I always seem to come away with a little pearl of wisdom that I can apply to my own life.  I have been at this struggle for 30 years and it is not an easy task to just leave behind.

 

Thanks again for writing.

 

 

 
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sad
July 26, 2005, 5:07 pm CDT

I'm done

Well, it happened today.  This was a very bad day for me.  It didn't happen because I don't read Dr. Phil books, or watch his show.  It's not all in my mind either.

 

I just want to apologise for coming to these message boards, looking for someone to talk to.  Looking for a little support.  I was obviously very wrong to do that.  I am so sorry to have bothered anyone with my problems.  I hope my presents here didn't offend anyone.

 

I can't say it enough about how sorry I am.  I will no longer be coming here looking for support.

 

I am sooooo Sorry!!!!!!

 

 
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quiet
July 29, 2005, 7:05 am CDT

Thanks Marcia

Quote From: ritehere

Normalita, why are you apologising? If you are going to use this kind of logic, shouldn't I apologise to you for answering you and bringing on the "bad luck"? Life happens. It's a good practice to guard against bad things by living right, but sometimes tornadoes come anyway. If you constantly look for bad things on the heels of every good moment you have, guess what? they will come.  Balance is enjoying the good times, and realizing that life is ups and downs, so sooner or later you will have to manage stress. Health and authenticity helps us to realize that life's down times will not destroy who we are, and what we think about ourselves inside. Have you considered that you may be addicted to stress, and over-react to situations in order to make them more stressfull than they need to be?

Thanks marcia for writing to me.  I knew I was not alone in this.  This is not ALL in my head. As it is true that past experiences have shaped the way I do things today.  And I am sure there is room for improvement in that area.  But there are times when reality can not be sugar coated.  You have to grab on to it and solve it.  No questions, no waffling, just do it.

 

I have problems this way, because I am a little too black and white for my own good.  There are no grey areas as far as I am concerned.  I do not tolerate people who live in these grey areas.  It is very hard to live in a society where about 80% of the people are grey.

 

I have Dr. PHils book self matters, but I have a hard time getting through the first half.  Not that I think Dr. Phil is wrong, it;s just when I get to thinking about all the bull that has gone on in my life and the things I would like to do to fix it, but for one reason or another I can not, I get so angry.  So, I have to put the book away.  I may have to get it back out and try again, because I think that I am at a point now, that I want all my past stuff gone.  I have worked my self away from all the negative people in my life and I think this is the last step.  I get angry, because I am done with all of it and anytime it comes near, I get upset.

 

I work on an ambulance, emergency medicine.  I give to people everyday.  People that are having the worst day of thier lives and I can make it better in some small way.  I want some of that coming back to me.  Some will say I am addicted to stress, well, they might be right.  Because of my job, it's the stress that keeps things going.  But over reacting, no....There is no time to over react.  Everything has to right and right now.

 

Thanks again for writing, I look forward to talking with you again......Norma

 

 

 

 

 

 
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August 2, 2005, 1:17 pm CDT

amen

Quote From: qqqhhh

Excellent topic!

 

Well, besides being passionate about my hubby, my family and my GARDEN...

 

the things I am most passionate about are stopping abuse and the victimization of others, helping others figure out how to do that for themselves, and making a real difference in their OWN lives and the lives of their children.

 

Separate finances, cell phones, prenups, sexual education and probably even litter come after learning how to treat ourselves and others with dignity and respect.  And I'm not saying that any of those things is any less important -- how we treat the planet we live on is certainly a reflection of how little we can care.

 

My two cents... Q

I am so tired of society as a whole.  People are so rude these days.  No one will make eye contact anymore.  You smile or say hello as you pass and they act like they didn't hear or see you.

 

People are so wrapped up in thier own wants and needs, they have no idea that there are other people in the world with them.

 

I also don't like that people have already made up thier minds about you before they even speak to you.  They just assume, before getting all the facts.  Then, if the facts are something they don't want to hear, then no amount of explaining will help either.

 

I guess I am old school.  It used to be neighbor helping neighbor, lending a hand when someone needed it with out expecting anything in return.  Making friends with the people next door.  Call and talk to a friend for no reason.  Say your sorry.........where did all of this go?

 
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August 18, 2005, 6:47 am CDT

IRS

Hi all.  Hope everyone is having a good day.  

   

I had to post a message somewhere about what happened a couple of days ago.  I am trying to find the right place to file a compliant.  So far it has been very difficult to find the right place.  

I run the office for my husbands construction company.  We are pretty small we only have between 3 and 4 employees.  So I do all the bookkeepping.  A few months back I got a notice from the IRS that stated that I had not sent in my 941 for December of 2004.  I thought nothing of it, thinking it might have gotten lost in the mail, so I sent off another copy and gave it no more thought.  A couple of days ago I got another letter that said they still did not have it and I needed to call the IRS immediately.  So I did.  I got some smug lady that did not like my attitude at all.  I was mad, because I know I sent the form on their forms and in thier envelope and to the address provided by the IRS.  She was so sure I was trying to excape my responsibilities, that anything I said, she just poo poo'd.  I told her I wanted this matter settled today, not 3 months from now like they usually do.  I also told her I wanted a confirmation back that the papers were received and that this matter is over today.  She gave me the fax number but then hung up on me.  I was livid now.  So, I called my local IRS office to get some help. They told me to write letters and wait 2 weeks to see what happens.  I told them no way.  So, then I got a number for an IRS advocate.  I called them, after I gave the lady all my information she put me on hold to look at my account.  when she came back on.......get this........she said my papers were there.  She said every deposit, every piece of paper, every transaction that had ever gone on with my business was there........it just wasn't processed yet.  I yelled at her.  I wasn't yelling at her so much as I was yelling at the situation.  The IRS is sending me nasty letters and trying to catch me not doing the right things and they haven't done thier part.  I was sitting in a park and ride on my way to the office on my cell phone making all these phone calls.  So I continued on to work, I was so mad by now I was in tears.  I got to the office and there was a message on my phone from the first lady at the IRS.  She did not identify herself, she just said she was calling from the IRS, she said there was a note on my account that my papers had arrived almost 3 weeks ago and that I did not need to fax another copy to them and she hung up.  Funny how, now this is thier fault and they don't want to talk about it any more.  But, I faxed the papers anyway.  I thought if they have a ton of copies floating around, they just might get a clue.  I am still mad about this.  I have done all that is expected of me and they can't do thier part.  So I am looking for a web sight or an address or something where I can file a complaint.  I don't need to be put through this garbage.  This was totally thier fault and the IRS ifs very strong in thier collection efforts when us common folk don't do the right thing, so they should have to answer to thier mistakes too.  IF ANYONE has any iformation that will help me.  Please either post it here or email me at mybzns2@hotmail.com  

THanks for your time.  

 
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hopeful
August 18, 2005, 11:12 am CDT

Family business

Quote From: wishinthin

I'm 40 yrs old and work for my father at his real estate office. It is a small business with about 20 employees. For 12 years I worked as his assistant, he is the broker, and everything was good. Then I discovered that the bookkeeper he employed was embezzling money and had been for years. She was paying all her bills, her housepayment, every thing and getting cash plus her weekly paychecks. My father never checked the check register or bank statements. Now I tried to tell him and he would put me off, until very bluntly I showed him copies of checks she forged, and copies of the check register that changed every week after she would correct them. So she was fired immediately and my father made me take over everything. Now the problem is I do all the bookkeeping, all the property management, all the office support and I was never formerly trained for accounting, I do everything from the taxes, payroll taxes, distribution of rental income, etc.  I can't keep up, I'm getting more behind everyday, the help he hires me is pathetic, I work overtime don't get no overtime, no benefits, no insurance, no nothing no raises and he tells me how bad I'm doing everyday cuz I'm not keeping up with everything. I want to quit but this is my kids future this business and I want to get them interested to help me. what do i do?

 

I wanted to write back to you, because I am also in a family business.  Ours is a little different.  My husband and I co-own a construction business.  He does the work and I do the bookkeeping. We also have 3-4 employees.   It is very stressful at times and rewarding on the other hand.  We have been doing it so long now, I don't know what else we would do.  

   

But, to address your problem.  You need a pat on the back for standing up for what is right.  If the old secretary was embezzling money, it needed to come out.  It is just my opinion, but since your father has put all the bookkeeping in your hands.  Don't let him make you feel bad, because now you can't keep up.  If I were you, I would take matters into my own hands.  Hire your own people as helpers.  If what he is sending you, doesn't work, then hire them yourself.  You can decide what qualifications they need, you could interview them and make sure you get the ones you want.  You don't need to walk away from the business, take charge of it.  If you have to run all your decisions through your dad, then you maybe need to sit down and have a talk with him and tell him this is what you want to do.  Tell him you have a plan to get it all back together.  Then go for it.  

As for the overtime.  There is no need to go to the labor board either.  This is just part of owning abusiness.   You work you butt off sometimes with out compensation.    There is a saying that goes, If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it,   It's the hard that makes it great.  Take charge, make a difference.  Everyone will benefit from it.  Good Luck!!  

 
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happy
August 27, 2005, 8:03 am CDT

changing jobs

Quote From: hercules12

  

     I am really sutck in a bad position. I have a job working 12 hour shifts. I would definately like to change jobs. I saw a course at a near by college that I want to take to start a new career. Because of my crazy 12 hour shifts, my boss will not authorize my to take the time off to take this course. So I am stuck in this job because it is the only think I know how to do. It is all I have done sice I come out of high school. GRRRRRRRRRRR. So frustrating.  

HI,  

   

I don't know how good this advice is..........But quit!  If you can afford to go with out working for a while, quit and go back to school, or start saving up and then quit.  I would not let this job dictate how your life is going to go.  If you can see a way to better your self, then do it.  It may seem crazy right now, but in the long run you will be glad you did.  Good Luck!  

 

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